Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

[Anonymous]

We live in a very large home (15,000sf). I have two much older kids and a new baby. I’m meeting some new moms and want to have them over but am afraid my house is too large.

When my older kids were younger, we lived in a smaller large house (8,000sf) and even then some people would comment on how large our house was.

I feel like one of the new mom friends I made dropped me after coming over. We used to chat about baby topics and trade advice. She stopped inviting me out and her texts have become really short. I know it could be a million other things but it happened right after she came over. Other moms joke about our different wings and servants. We don’t have servants, just a housekeeper. They will comment on how I don’t know what it is like since someone else cleans and does the laundry.

I have become so overly self conscious about this that I am afraid to host a play date in my home.

Am I totally overthinking this?
Would you not reciprocate if you went to a play date in a home that was too large?

[Anonymous]

You need to interact with other families hat have mansions.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are overthinking it at all. You are probably just in a different league.

Are you foreign by chance? I'd be more put off by the housekeepers, personally. Though I do agree that you need one with a house that size.

[Anonymous]

Hmm...

If I didn't know you at all and I went to your home and you had 5 people living in a 15,000 sf house and a full-time housekeeper, I would likely be taken aback and it would be a hurdle for me to imagine we had much in common. Although I think we could overcome that hurdle depending on how you handled the whole thing and your personality.

But yes, wildly disparate levels of wealth among friends can be awkward, so I don't think you are overthinking it. People are likely reacting to it.

I mean this nicely...aren't there are other rich people you can hang with where your lifestyle is more the norm?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it does make average people feel uncomfortable to be around the super-rich. Your only choice, truly, is to be-friend other ultra-rich folks or move into a normal-sized house around regular folks.

[Anonymous]

It’s very rude of these “friends” to poke fun at your lifestyle. It would be one thing if you were bragging but clearly you’re not.

I would look into private schools where you will find wealth. There will be others with large homes and many without but I don’t think you’ll be called out on it.

It’s a frustrating problem to have- though I’m sure many of us would trade places in a second!

[Anonymous]

I'd look for friends you have more in common with. For me, a 15k sq foot house would indicate that you are someone I don't have much in common with.

[Anonymous]

Where are you meeting these friends? It sounds like they may have more average incomes and are not comfortable with how differently wealthy you are. Try meeting people at parks or bounce places if you want to hang out with people who are in a different income range from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd look for friends you have more in common with. For me, a 15k sq foot house would indicate that you are someone I don't have much in common with.

+1

where are you meeting these families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very rude of these “friends” to poke fun at your lifestyle. It would be one thing if you were bragging but clearly you’re not.[b]

I would look into private schools where you will find wealth. There will be others with large homes and many without but I don’t think you’ll be called out on it.

It’s a frustrating problem to have- though I’m sure many of us would trade places in a second!

I think owning a 15,000 sf home is basically like bragging about your wealth, though. There's nothing subtle about it.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the realization that differences in lifestyle will affect your relationships. Duh.

Three chronological options:
1. Be even more friendly and open.
2. Find new friends.
3. Downsize your living space to the average 3000 sq ft house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very rude of these “friends” to poke fun at your lifestyle. It would be one thing if you were bragging but clearly you’re not.[b]

I would look into private schools where you will find wealth. There will be others with large homes and many without but I don’t think you’ll be called out on it.

It’s a frustrating problem to have- though I’m sure many of us would trade places in a second!

I think owning a 15,000 sf home is basically like bragging about your wealth, though. There's nothing subtle about it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you are overthinking it at all. You are probably just in a different league.

Are you foreign by chance? I'd be more put off by the housekeepers, personally. Though I do agree that you need one with a house that size.

I am not foreign. My parents were immigrants and I come from humble beginnings though.

We are relatively new to the area and I was a working mom when my older kids were younger. I’m a new SAHM. Most of my friends work and have older kids.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't reciprocate. I would feel totally self-conscious about my home, and think your child/children would be bored.

It's like chefs... they never get invited over for dinner parties.

Maybe consider meeting at a playgrounds or play spaces for a while?

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm so on the other end of this spectrum. I have a 1500 sq ft house that's not affluent or in an affluent area. I have a mom friend (meet her through DH) who lives in a real deal Mansion. Waterfront with a big boat, resort pool and guest house. The real estate is impressive at any level.

I never once thought that I couldn't/wouldn't be friends with her because of where she lives. She has a beautiful life but what's that got to do with me? If anything I love getting invites to her Super Bowl parties because they're frickin awesome and everyone has the best time. I wouldn't let me kids play over there only because I don't want them to impede on my girl time, but if she had young ones for a playdate that would be great too.