Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?

We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.

Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.

Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?

We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.

Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.

Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.

Do you have like 4 sets of parents living with you? Otherwise, weird and we won’t be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd look for friends you have more in common with. For me, a 15k sq foot house would indicate that you are someone I don't have much in common with.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?

We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.

Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.

Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.

Do you have like 4 sets of parents living with you? Otherwise, weird and we won’t be friends.

No one lives with us. It is just our family of five.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP, but I would think our lives are too different that we would not find that much in common to connect over.

For example, the explanation: "different areas for the different kids " jumps out at me because I purposefully have two kids sharing a small room in a bunkbed because I think it's great to share a bedroom with a sibling because it helps foster flexibility, a close relationship, etc. To purposefully design large spaces for each child goes against what is important to me.

Furthermore, the fact that you have your children in public school also jumps out at me, because just about the only thing I will spend "extra" $$ on is: education. I have both my kids in private schools and we scrimp and save to do so. Education is our highest priority so spending $$ on a large house and yet going with tax-subsidized "free" education seems like an anomaly to ME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?

We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.

Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.

Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.

Do you have like 4 sets of parents living with you? Otherwise, weird and we won’t be friends.

No one lives with us. It is just our family of five.

??????? You JUST said the space is for your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very rude of these “friends” to poke fun at your lifestyle. It would be one thing if you were bragging but clearly you’re not.

I would look into private schools where you will find wealth. There will be others with large homes and many without but I don’t think you’ll be called out on it.

It’s a frustrating problem to have- though I’m sure many of us would trade places in a second!

[b]I think owning a 15,000 sf home is basically like bragging about your wealth, though. There's nothing subtle about it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?

We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.

Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.

Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.

Do you have like 4 sets of parents living with you? Otherwise, weird and we won’t be friends.

No one lives with us. It is just our family of five.

??????? You JUST said the space is for your parents.

For when they visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me think of something in my own life that answers your question.

Long time friend of my husband comes to my home with her family. I think nothing of it. We host. I have met this woman many times but had never been to her home. She is great. We then are invited to her home (she has two kids and a DH). OMG!!!!!!! She is rich and her house was amazing and perfectly decorated and she had hired help to cater and serve for a very casual party. I was sincerely mortified that I had her to my house and never invited her over again. It was eye opening. We are in different leagues and no I'm not serving you my baked French toast from my semi-old dishware ever again.

So no, I wouldn't reciprocate.

I've had this happen to. We went to their house first. As soon as I walked in to their immaculate home I thought "welp, we can't be friends, that's too bad". Even attempting to entertain them would seem so super low-brow I can't fathom it. Like I'd be a college kid pretending my beat up apt was fine for a dinner party. I may do it once, just because I'm hoping to get to a place where I don't give a sh*t, but I'm not there yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?

We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.

Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.

Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.

Do you have like 4 sets of parents living with you? Otherwise, weird and we won’t be friends.

No one lives with us. It is just our family of five.

??????? You JUST said the space is for your parents.

For when they visit.

NP and this is why they are dropping you, OP. You're oblivious to how ridiculous your lifestyle and choices are compared to 99.999% of the population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP, but I would think our lives are too different that we would not find that much in common to connect over.

For example, the explanation: "different areas for the different kids " jumps out at me because I purposefully have two kids sharing a small room in a bunkbed because I think it's great to share a bedroom with a sibling because it helps foster flexibility, a close relationship, etc. To purposefully design large spaces for each child goes against what is important to me.

Furthermore, the fact that you have your children in public school also jumps out at me, because just about the only thing I will spend "extra" $$ on is: education. I have both my kids in private schools and we scrimp and save to do so. Education is our highest priority so spending $$ on a large house and yet going with tax-subsidized "free" education seems like an anomaly to ME.

I am not sure why you would think we don’t prioritize education. Our kids attend top public schools. We absolutely value education over anything else. DH and I come from humble beginnings and worked hard in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very rude of these “friends” to poke fun at your lifestyle. It would be one thing if you were bragging but clearly you’re not.[b]

I would look into private schools where you will find wealth. There will be others with large homes and many without but I don’t think you’ll be called out on it.

It’s a frustrating problem to have- though I’m sure many of us would trade places in a second!

I think owning a 15,000 sf home is basically like bragging about your wealth, though. There's nothing subtle about it.

+1

Same. Sorry, but if I saw that house + housekeeper, I would know we could not possibly be friends since we don't share the same general values.

Same. Same. It's not that I wouldn't necessarily like you or think you're a nice person, but I would definitely not feel like we could really be friends. I would never feel comfortable inviting your or your children to my average 2500 sq ft house where we have to do all the cleaning, yard work, etc. Your kids would probably be bored too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?

We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.

Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.

Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.

Do you have like 4 sets of parents living with you? Otherwise, weird and we won’t be friends.

No one lives with us. It is just our family of five.

??????? You JUST said the space is for your parents.

For when they visit.

Again, speaking for MYself, this would be another thing that would say to me, "I disagree with this. I don't have a common way of thinking with these people." To me, the thought of so much square footage sitting empty, using $ to heat it and cool it, is so wasteful, the resources to buy it, build it, furnish it -- I cannot even believe it. The waste of environmental energy, the waste, the sheer waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP, but I would think our lives are too different that we would not find that much in common to connect over.

For example, the explanation: "different areas for the different kids " jumps out at me because I purposefully have two kids sharing a small room in a bunkbed because I think it's great to share a bedroom with a sibling because it helps foster flexibility, a close relationship, etc. To purposefully design large spaces for each child goes against what is important to me.

Furthermore, the fact that you have your children in public school also jumps out at me, because just about the only thing I will spend "extra" $$ on is: education. I have both my kids in private schools and we scrimp and save to do so. Education is our highest priority so spending $$ on a large house and yet going with tax-subsidized "free" education seems like an anomaly to ME.

I am not sure why you would think we don’t prioritize education. Our kids attend top public schools. We absolutely value education over anything else. DH and I come from humble beginnings and worked hard in school.

I see your $$ going to a big house, not to your children's education. Shrug. Sorry, that's just how I see it.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I have friends who have a lot more money than we do, and they live in nicer houses, but nothing like 8,000 sf, let alone 15,000 sf. If I didn't know you well already, I'd take the fact that you live in a house that big as a sign that our values are really, really different and we don't have much in common.