Honestly interested in sending child away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school did a screen and said there were zero signs of ASD. I asked both the neuropsych doctor that did the neuropsych evaluation and the school and how they could actually test for these things if she wasn’t flaring up or being challenged, they didn’t have a good answer.

I’m not sure what I can do if both private and public sources are telling us she doesn’t have any psych or spectrum challenges.

Isn't it partly diagnosed through forms that you fill out? If you see signs of ASD then typically that shows up in the forms and the diagnosis.

The questionnaires aren't as accurate as an ADOS bt an experienced provider, especially for girls.

The mood swing behavior at home she's exhibiting is often seen in girls on the spectrum or severe ADHD. So even if she's not technically on the spectrum, I'd suggest going to the ivymount girls social skills class and corresponding parenting class. You have nothing left to lose.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get you. I hate what is happening to our family, too—it's so, so hard. There are no breaks. I think I have PTSD.

People talk about being the adult and stepping up and yes, of course, we do that as much as we can. But living with someone this angry and difficult is a misery that you really can't appreciate until you live it. You don't have time to regroup or catch your breath.

I know it's a few months off, but maybe a therapeutic summer camp would be worthwhile?

I second revisiting ASD.

Hugs to all of you. I hope to get to a point where I can enjoy my child, too. We're not there yet, and it's devastating.

[Anonymous]

Calling it ASD won’t change a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Calling it ASD won’t change a thing.

A good diagnosis, ASD or whatever else, will help OP understand what is going with her child. Right now, she is completely baffled. That lack of understanding is making the problem worse.

[Anonymous]

OP here...what kind of doctor tests for all these things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here...what kind of doctor tests for all these things?

Typically a neuropsychologist. Which is why some PPs are surprised your neuropsychologist didn't give you any good answers. Plus you have been to therapists and psychiatrists. They too should be able to tell you something. If they haven't been able to help you, you should try someone new. Previously, I recommended David Black http://caatonline.com/ , and I recommend him to you again. He specializes in ASD, but he also has a lot of experience with tweens and teens. Also Stixrud and Mindwell get recommended here a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:/quote]

How should OP have handled it? I read it thinking the friends are standing by the car and clearly can hear the kid screaming inside. What would you have done? Saying she's "having a moment" when they can hear her screaming is splitting hairs. What is the mom supposed to do to explain why the kid is inside the car screaming while she's waiting outside? I guess I don't see it as malicious. I'm really unsure how I myself would have explained it.

The second OP saw the friend, she should have very quickly stuck her head in the car and said quietly but urgently, "Anna and her mom are here." Even if the friend/mom did hear part of it, doing that would have shown DD that OP is on her side. OP threw her to the wolves and it does seem like she did it for revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How should OP have handled it? I read it thinking the friends are standing by the car and clearly can hear the kid screaming inside. What would you have done? Saying she's "having a moment" when they can hear her screaming is splitting hairs. What is the mom supposed to do to explain why the kid is inside the car screaming while she's waiting outside? I guess I don't see it as malicious. I'm really unsure how I myself would have explained it.

The second OP saw the friend, she should have very quickly stuck her head in the car and said quietly but urgently, "Anna and her mom are here." Even if the friend/mom did hear part of it, doing that would have shown DD that OP is on her side. OP threw her to the wolves and it does seem like she did it for revenge.

It's entirely possible that her daughter saw it that way, but OP admitted she didn't know how to handle it and is at the end of her rope. I think OP needs parenting classes and family therapy. Someone previously mentioned Parent Child Journey, which is a good start. Entire family needs to learn to accept each other without blame.

[Anonymous]

I have heard that David Black and his group are very good with complex girls. I would run, not walk, to beg him to take you on as a client - just to get his opinion as to best next steps. Also, Monica Adler Werner who supposedly started the MAP program at Ivymount before leaving recently is supposedly working with David now. A friend with a very high functioning ASD tween told me that Monica really gets this category of female tween. I am just trying to help. I feel for both you and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have heard that David Black and his group are very good with complex girls. I would run, not walk, to beg him to take you on as a client - just to get his opinion as to best next steps. Also, Monica Adler Werner who supposedly started the MAP program at Ivymount before leaving recently is supposedly working with David now. A friend with a very high functioning ASD tween told me that Monica really gets this category of female tween. I am just trying to help. I feel for both you and your daughter.

Monica Werner is still at Ivymount, but she is also teaching Unstuck and On Target in Black's office. Monica is difficult to get on the phone, but if you can talk to her, she is full of helpful ideas.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, so sorry to hear that your family is struggling so much. We're in our own hell with DD's OCD, although I'm hopeful that we're finally on the right course of treatment.

One thing that has helped me is writing down at least one good moment she's had each day. Her therapist recommended that I do this so as not to lose sight of her good qualities when most interactions are a fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might not be smart. My son has a low iq. Should we send all such children away? I’m not sure where you’re coming from but you need some serious help. She’s your child. Not a bad dog you’re disappointed in.

I hesitated to say something too because I think OP deserves help and not judgement but I'm glad this poster did say something. "She's not smart. She's not good at anything." Ouch. Geez, this is the SN board many of us have developmentally delayed children.

As a parent of a child with low IQ but no behavior problems, not being smart or "good at anything" is not likely the cause of the problem as OP goes on to describe.




OP, I sincerely hope your family gets the help you need. Could she possibly have fetal alcohol syndrome? What you describe could be a few different things but that might be a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the sugar addiction and the asking for ice cream integral to the situation. I think there’s a lot of self-loathing with this child and she self-medicates with sugar and food when she is with you.

Could sexual abuse be happening? Child is angry leading to outbursts? Child is depressed leading to no interests or motivations? Child is "obsessed" with sugar perhaps child wants to gain weight to be less attractive to her abuser or boys in general? She overeats because she "hates" herself? Is the child taking it out on OP because mom is the safest person to take your anger out on but mom isn't getting it? Or maybe mom is ignoring what is happening to her daughter?

[Anonymous]

She has autism and the meltdowns and irritability are coming from a combination of sensory issues causing discomfort, OCD/anxiety,poor social skills and puberty hormones making everything worse. Throw in the poor impulse control from ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has autism and the meltdowns and irritability are coming from a combination of sensory issues causing discomfort, OCD/anxiety,poor social skills and puberty hormones making everything worse. Throw in the poor impulse control from ADHD.

Did OP write this? Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think autism was mentioned by OP.