Honestly interested in sending child away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the sugar addiction and the asking for ice cream integral to the situation. I think there’s a lot of self-loathing with this child and she self-medicates with sugar and food when she is with you.

Could sexual abuse be happening? Child is angry leading to outbursts? Child is depressed leading to no interests or motivations? Child is "obsessed" with sugar perhaps child wants to gain weight to be less attractive to her abuser or boys in general? She overeats because she "hates" herself? Is the child taking it out on OP because mom is the safest person to take your anger out on but mom isn't getting it? Or maybe mom is ignoring what is happening to her daughter?

OP is avoiding this question, saying child said no to these questions. Yet, my quote describes from pediatrics website describes her DD almost word for word. She is also not replying to how long this has been going on? If since birth, then I apologize for being wrong, if it started at a certain point, and Drs are right about diagnosis, then it is OP who is choosing to blame the kid rather than look honestly in case some abuse is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has autism and the meltdowns and irritability are coming from a combination of sensory issues causing discomfort, OCD/anxiety,poor social skills and puberty hormones making everything worse. Throw in the poor impulse control from ADHD.

Did OP write this? Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think autism was mentioned by OP.

It's not from OP. Some posters speculated it's autism and she should get further testing for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the sugar addiction and the asking for ice cream integral to the situation. I think there’s a lot of self-loathing with this child and she self-medicates with sugar and food when she is with you.

Could sexual abuse be happening? Child is angry leading to outbursts? Child is depressed leading to no interests or motivations? Child is "obsessed" with sugar perhaps child wants to gain weight to be less attractive to her abuser or boys in general? She overeats because she "hates" herself? Is the child taking it out on OP because mom is the safest person to take your anger out on but mom isn't getting it? Or maybe mom is ignoring what is happening to her daughter?

OP is avoiding this question, saying child said no to these questions. Yet, my quote describes from pediatrics website describes her DD almost word for word. She is also not replying to how long this has been going on? If since birth, then I apologize for being wrong, if it started at a certain point, and Drs are right about diagnosis, then it is OP who is choosing to blame the kid rather than look honestly in case some abuse is happening.

I like the fiction writers on this board.

OP, a good friend has a son with severe ADHD and anxiety. He sounds so much like your daughter at that age. No autism, no sexual abuse. But he was a misery to be around. Constant meltdowns, defiant behavior, cursing at his family, no real friends, failing school even though he was quite capable.

What ended up working for them was anti-anxiety medicine (they had to experiment to find the right mix), family counseling and just the right private high school that was VERY committed to working with the family as part of their religious calling.

I think that if they could have found a place to take him in middle school, though, they would have gladly sent him away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the sugar addiction and the asking for ice cream integral to the situation. I think there’s a lot of self-loathing with this child and she self-medicates with sugar and food when she is with you.

Could sexual abuse be happening? Child is angry leading to outbursts? Child is depressed leading to no interests or motivations? Child is "obsessed" with sugar perhaps child wants to gain weight to be less attractive to her abuser or boys in general? She overeats because she "hates" herself? Is the child taking it out on OP because mom is the safest person to take your anger out on but mom isn't getting it? Or maybe mom is ignoring what is happening to her daughter?

OP is avoiding this question, saying child said no to these questions. Yet, my quote describes from pediatrics website describes her DD almost word for word. She is also not replying to how long this has been going on? If since birth, then I apologize for being wrong, if it started at a certain point, and Drs are right about diagnosis, then it is OP who is choosing to blame the kid rather than look honestly in case some abuse is happening.

I like the fiction writers on this board.

OP, a good friend has a son with severe ADHD and anxiety. He sounds so much like your daughter at that age. No autism, no sexual abuse. But he was a misery to be around. Constant meltdowns, defiant behavior, cursing at his family, no real friends, failing school even though he was quite capable.

What ended up working for them was anti-anxiety medicine (they had to experiment to find the right mix), family counseling and just the right private high school that was VERY committed to working with the family as part of their religious calling.

I think that if they could have found a place to take him in middle school, though, they would have gladly sent him away.

Honestly, it could be so many different things, OP needs a firm professional diagnosis. If her current group of professionals is not helping her, she needs to find new ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find the sugar addiction and the asking for ice cream integral to the situation. I think there’s a lot of self-loathing with this child and she self-medicates with sugar and food when she is with you.

Could sexual abuse be happening? Child is angry leading to outbursts? Child is depressed leading to no interests or motivations? Child is "obsessed" with sugar perhaps child wants to gain weight to be less attractive to her abuser or boys in general? She overeats because she "hates" herself? Is the child taking it out on OP because mom is the safest person to take your anger out on but mom isn't getting it? Or maybe mom is ignoring what is happening to her daughter?

OP is avoiding this question, saying child said no to these questions. Yet, my quote describes from pediatrics website describes her DD almost word for word. She is also not replying to how long this has been going on? If since birth, then I apologize for being wrong, if it started at a certain point, and Drs are right about diagnosis, then it is OP who is choosing to blame the kid rather than look honestly in case some abuse is happening.

I like the fiction writers on this board.

OP, a good friend has a son with severe ADHD and anxiety. He sounds so much like your daughter at that age. No autism, no sexual abuse. But he was a misery to be around. Constant meltdowns, defiant behavior, cursing at his family, no real friends, failing school even though he was quite capable.

What ended up working for them was anti-anxiety medicine (they had to experiment to find the right mix), family counseling and just the right private high school that was VERY committed to working with the family as part of their religious calling.

I think that if they could have found a place to take him in middle school, though, they would have gladly sent him away.

Honestly, it could be so many different things, OP needs a firm professional diagnosis. If her current group of professionals is not helping her, she needs to find new ones.

Also we'd speculate less and provide more useful information if she gave us more details. She says she tried medication. But what specific medicines did she try? What happened she tried them? Why didn't they help? No effect, too small of an effect, or bad side effects? How long has this been going on? If she had symptoms since she was a toddler, that suggests a developmental disorder. If it's just been a sudden recent change, than that would be more consistent with a trauma, not necessarily abuse, but perhaps bullying at school. She hasn't given us nearly enough info, so our recommendations are all over the map.

[Anonymous]

Would you consider a short term diagnostic placement to get a definitive diagnosis and some respite for yourself? I have heard of Arrow services.
If you are afraid the situation is escalating to the point where someone may get hurt (either the child or yourself or another member of the family) please contact child welfare services. If you are in Maryland explore a voluntary placement agreement where she can get the help she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider a short term diagnostic placement to get a definitive diagnosis and some respite for yourself? I have heard of Arrow services.
If you are afraid the situation is escalating to the point where someone may get hurt (either the child or yourself or another member of the family) please contact child welfare services. If you are in Maryland explore a voluntary placement agreement where she can get the help she needs.

Can you explain more about this?

[Anonymous]

Autism is missed often in girls. The social struggles OP described where her daughter is basically mimicking the other children is textbook HFA for girls.

[Anonymous]

I agree about autism, and you should also have schizophrenia on your radar if there is a family history. It's important to treat promptly.

[Anonymous]

A voluntary placement agreement thru Maryland’s local child welfare services department can provide an out of home placement for children with disabilities whose needs exceed what their parents can provide. Reviewed every 6 months by a judge. Can apply to children with behavioral needs that require intensive behavioral supports.. contact CWS for more info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Autism is missed often in girls. The social struggles OP described where her daughter is basically mimicking the other children is textbook HFA for girls.

Inflexiblilty and disregulation can be signs of adhd too. It doesn’t matter if it’s autism or not. The op can benefit though from therapists who work with kids on the spectrum. Op, find a therapist who will come to your home. Try ivymount.

[Anonymous]

Okay none of what OP wrote sounds like a disability. From her original post, she has advised us that, in her opinion, her daughter 1.) is not good at anything, 2.) is not smart 3.) likes ice cream 4.) is not happy when she doesn’t get her way and is embarrassed in front of friends, and 5.) that OP wants the child out of her life.

ALL OF THIS POINTS TO OP BEING A CRAPPY UNSYMPATHETIC PARENT AND BEING THE MAIN CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A voluntary placement agreement thru Maryland’s local child welfare services department can provide an out of home placement for children with disabilities whose needs exceed what their parents can provide. Reviewed every 6 months by a judge. Can apply to children with behavioral needs that require intensive behavioral supports.. contact CWS for more info.

No, you are giving up your parental rights and will have little to no say in what treatment, where your child is and if they come home. If you have an issue with your other kids, it makes it much easier for child welfare to take those kids and place them for care. They also go after you with child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay none of what OP wrote sounds like a disability. From her original post, she has advised us that, in her opinion, her daughter 1.) is not good at anything, 2.) is not smart 3.) likes ice cream 4.) is not happy when she doesn’t get her way and is embarrassed in front of friends, and 5.) that OP wants the child out of her life.

ALL OF THIS POINTS TO OP BEING A CRAPPY UNSYMPATHETIC PARENT AND BEING THE MAIN CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM.

I think the part where she said her kid has ADHD sounds like a disability. It certainly also sounds like she could use some parent training. But do you really think shaming her parenting skills is going to make her a better parent?

[Anonymous]

Kid sounds like a brat. Try a spanking sometime.