An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

[Anonymous]

I think it is best to stop responding to this thread. It is not helping OP, who is clearly in a bad place. Arguing with her isn't going to help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP is too proud to admit she started the fight (and fanned the flames) on this thread.

Let the thread die.

If she's the educated professional that she claims to be, there's a chance that everything will sink in offline and that she'll change her attitude in real life.

But you won't get anything out of her here.

No, you won't, and no, I do not think that anything that would make anyone change their mind has been stated on here. Instead, there have been nonstop logical fallacies - "I will not let your child hit mine!" "Your child does not deserve special treatment!" "You have no idea how to parent or manage behavior!" "You are letting your child hurt others and just standing there!" again and again and again. Given that such a scenario is simply not in dispute - I literally never ever said I would do that, that all came from wild assumptions - what on earth would I change my opinion about there?

I do think many, many parents in this area particularly go about congratulating themselves for their childrens' behavior and think they are handling it so well that it has produced model citizens, and are thus extremely quick to judge children who do not behave in neurotypical ways. I do think you should all pause when you see a kid clearly struggling and wonder why, and gauge whether or not 1. it really impacts you or your child. If not, move along. 2. exercise some compassion. If a parent in trying to deal with it as best they can, and you have the ability to quickly help,even if it takes a couple minutes - maybe at some point you could do so. Also, I do think you should stop taking babies in preschool areas and stop taking all your best toys to the park, and I give zero f&cks if you disagree with me on those points. Those are basic good manners and would avoid thousands of the struggles many parents with kids with any type of behavior issue endure.

Now you just sound like you're backpedaling. Having a baby in the pool isn't taking a baby in a preschool area, so you're still wrong about that. And your kid grabbing a toy from someone might elicit a reaction whether or not it's the child's favorite toy. Good for you and your zero f&ks. It's obvious you don't care what anyone else thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is best to stop responding to this thread. It is not helping OP, who is clearly in a bad place. Arguing with her isn't going to help her.

Actually, OP is at her very nice job, had a lovely morning with her kids, they are happy at camp, she just got a manicure, she is meeting friends for lunch, and she is not arguing with any of you. 99% of you had an argument with a fictional person who lets her child hit their sensitive baby. Such is this site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP is too proud to admit she started the fight (and fanned the flames) on this thread.

Let the thread die.

If she's the educated professional that she claims to be, there's a chance that everything will sink in offline and that she'll change her attitude in real life.

But you won't get anything out of her here.

No, you won't, and no, I do not think that anything that would make anyone change their mind has been stated on here. Instead, there have been nonstop logical fallacies - "I will not let your child hit mine!" "Your child does not deserve special treatment!" "You have no idea how to parent or manage behavior!" "You are letting your child hurt others and just standing there!" again and again and again. Given that such a scenario is simply not in dispute - I literally never ever said I would do that, that all came from wild assumptions - what on earth would I change my opinion about there?

I do think many, many parents in this area particularly go about congratulating themselves for their childrens' behavior and think they are handling it so well that it has produced model citizens, and are thus extremely quick to judge children who do not behave in neurotypical ways. I do think you should all pause when you see a kid clearly struggling and wonder why, and gauge whether or not 1. it really impacts you or your child. If not, move along. 2. exercise some compassion. If a parent in trying to deal with it as best they can, and you have the ability to quickly help,even if it takes a couple minutes - maybe at some point you could do so. Also, I do think you should stop taking babies in preschool areas and stop taking all your best toys to the park, and I give zero f&cks if you disagree with me on those points. Those are basic good manners and would avoid thousands of the struggles many parents with kids with any type of behavior issue endure.

Now you just sound like you're backpedaling. Having a baby in the pool isn't taking a baby in a preschool area, so you're still wrong about that. And your kid grabbing a toy from someone might elicit a reaction whether or not it's the child's favorite toy. Good for you and your zero f&ks. It's obvious you don't care what anyone else thinks.

At my pool, in Fairfax, there is an area for pre-swimmers and a baby pool. Sure, babies can come in the pool when they are attended in a large floatie that takes up a significant chunk of space.

And no backpedaling. And both my children have toys grabbed from them every time we go to the pool so clearly I would be in good company if that were my stance but as I said numerous times. We do not let him grab toys.

[Anonymous]

I think it is best to stop responding to this thread. It is not helping OP, who is clearly in a bad place. Arguing with her isn't going to help her.


Actually, OP is at her very nice job, had a lovely morning with her kids, they are happy at camp, she just got a manicure, she is meeting friends for lunch, and she is not arguing with any of you.

If OP's job is paying her to spend this much time on the internet, maybe I should see if they're hiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think it is best to stop responding to this thread. It is not helping OP, who is clearly in a bad place. Arguing with her isn't going to help her.


Actually, OP is at her very nice job, had a lovely morning with her kids, they are happy at camp, she just got a manicure, she is meeting friends for lunch, and she is not arguing with any of you.

If OP's job is paying her to spend this much time on the internet, maybe I should see if they're hiring.

We are looking for some good bipolar on the internet diagnoses so those brilliant individuals should hmu

[Anonymous]

Having read through this entire thread in one go was entertaining and also extremely heartbreaking. I work with children with visible and invisible disabilities.
For those asking for specific examples of overaction:

1) At the pool, Child A said "we don't want to play with you anymore"- quote from a tv show as that is how A communicates. I moved away to give A space. Random parent starts talking loudly about disrespectful children and incompetent caregivers who don't 'nip that behavior in the bud"
2) At the playground, Child B is climbing up and down a structure. Other kids come over and hang out on various points preventing B from moving up or down. I politely ask them to give B a chance to get off as B is quickly becoming overwhelmed and near tears. Child moves, allowing me to remove B from the situation- parent of one of the kids yells at me for "letting B be a crybaby"
3) At the pool, Child C meltdowns while in the water. Lifeguards are aware of the children I work with and check with pre-arranged signals to see if I need assistance. I love Child C to a safe spot where C won't harm the self or others. Several parents remark "What is wrong with C?" "Kids like that shouldn't be at the pool"
4) In a restaurant, Child D is standing and stimming while eating a slice of pizza. Family specifically chose a table out of the way of others. Some kids laugh and point it out (nbd) and their parents say something to the effect of "yeah that's weird. I know you would never act so naughty".

I have also experienced times out with clients where I've been met with compassion and empathy by shop owners, parents, caregivers. But it is the instances of intolerance that sting because what looks like horrible behavior could be a child having a great day for them behavior wise--i.e. crying instead of lashing out and hitting , spinning instead of running. It is definitely not ok to just let kids do whatever, but I can certainly see where OP is coming from. Obviously everyone has their own challenges. The problem comes when the best thing for the child is to have a neutral or non-reaction and other people demand justice.
Child D spits on them self and on objects. At the park, D spat on the slide. Without assigning a value to it, D was instructed and assisted in cleaning and sanitizing the slide (wiping it with a Clorox wipe, drying it with a paper towel). Once it has been repaired, D is free to continue playing with an accommodation (a chew) and an acknowledgment that spit stays in their own mouth. That work is undone by a parent telling D "you're a disgusting little boy." "Spitting is wrong". I get that it's gross, but it done for the reaction and giving one because the plan doesn't fit your sense of correction, undoes a lot of work. I can understand OP's frustration if they are encountering that (undoing of hard earned progress) all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having read through this entire thread in one go was entertaining and also extremely heartbreaking. I work with children with visible and invisible disabilities.
For those asking for specific examples of overaction:

1) At the pool, Child A said "we don't want to play with you anymore"- quote from a tv show as that is how A communicates. I moved away to give A space. Random parent starts talking loudly about disrespectful children and incompetent caregivers who don't 'nip that behavior in the bud"
2) At the playground, Child B is climbing up and down a structure. Other kids come over and hang out on various points preventing B from moving up or down. I politely ask them to give B a chance to get off as B is quickly becoming overwhelmed and near tears. Child moves, allowing me to remove B from the situation- parent of one of the kids yells at me for "letting B be a crybaby"
3) At the pool, Child C meltdowns while in the water. Lifeguards are aware of the children I work with and check with pre-arranged signals to see if I need assistance. I love Child C to a safe spot where C won't harm the self or others. Several parents remark "What is wrong with C?" "Kids like that shouldn't be at the pool"
4) In a restaurant, Child D is standing and stimming while eating a slice of pizza. Family specifically chose a table out of the way of others. Some kids laugh and point it out (nbd) and their parents say something to the effect of "yeah that's weird. I know you would never act so naughty".

I have also experienced times out with clients where I've been met with compassion and empathy by shop owners, parents, caregivers. But it is the instances of intolerance that sting because what looks like horrible behavior could be a child having a great day for them behavior wise--i.e. crying instead of lashing out and hitting , spinning instead of running. It is definitely not ok to just let kids do whatever, but I can certainly see where OP is coming from. Obviously everyone has their own challenges. The problem comes when the best thing for the child is to have a neutral or non-reaction and other people demand justice.
Child D spits on them self and on objects. At the park, D spat on the slide. Without assigning a value to it, D was instructed and assisted in cleaning and sanitizing the slide (wiping it with a Clorox wipe, drying it with a paper towel). Once it has been repaired, D is free to continue playing with an accommodation (a chew) and an acknowledgment that spit stays in their own mouth. That work is undone by a parent telling D "you're a disgusting little boy." "Spitting is wrong". I get that it's gross, but it done for the reaction and giving one because the plan doesn't fit your sense of correction, undoes a lot of work. I can understand OP's frustration if they are encountering that (undoing of hard earned progress) all the time.

THANK YOU. This is exactly what we are dealing with. OP here. Yes, the horrific behavior I was referring to is often, really, just astounding rudeness and snark, that is true. It is hard for me, also, as a life long rule follower, a person of definite privilege, and a person who always did extremely well socially, at every stage, has many friends, had never before encountered rudeness, honestly - to experience it and have it be directed at my child. I want to snark back, and I have been known to say, "well, he has autism. why have you not yet learned how to behave?" but I do that very, very rarely.

And, despite the numerous posters who called me ridiculous, damaging to my son, abusive to others, stupid, ESL, selfish, etc., etc. - what is sad is that my child is incredibly, incredibly lucky. He has wealthy, well educated parents who love him, he has had access to excellent medical care and therapy, he goes to a supportive school for special needs, and, again, he is so loved. Life for other children with these issues without access to the same resources is so very hard.

[Anonymous]

Oh, look, OP got her ABA therapist to chime in. I wonder how either of them found time since they are both so vigilant watching OP's child, the horrible NT kids and evil adults' reactions at the park and pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, look, OP got her ABA therapist to chime in. I wonder how either of them found time since they are both so vigilant watching OP's child, the horrible NT kids and evil adults' reactions at the park and pool.

+1 Or a just a sock puppet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, look, OP got her ABA therapist to chime in. I wonder how either of them found time since they are both so vigilant watching OP's child, the horrible NT kids and evil adults' reactions at the park and pool.

You're an unkind bitch. Truly. Hope you feel taking the time to post that was worth releasing some of your hostility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, look, OP got her ABA therapist to chime in. I wonder how either of them found time since they are both so vigilant watching OP's child, the horrible NT kids and evil adults' reactions at the park and pool.

You're an unkind bitch. Truly. Hope you feel taking the time to post that was worth releasing some of your hostility.

Who in their right mind doesn't think that calling someone an unkind bitch makes them one, too? OP, you have the most one-sided view of the world of anyone on DCUM, and that's saying something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, look, OP got her ABA therapist to chime in. I wonder how either of them found time since they are both so vigilant watching OP's child, the horrible NT kids and evil adults' reactions at the park and pool.

+1 Or a just a sock puppet.

I don't think op could sock puppet s reasonable thoughtful response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, look, OP got her ABA therapist to chime in. I wonder how either of them found time since they are both so vigilant watching OP's child, the horrible NT kids and evil adults' reactions at the park and pool.

You're an unkind bitch. Truly. Hope you feel taking the time to post that was worth releasing some of your hostility.

Who in their right mind doesn't think that calling someone an unkind bitch makes them one, too? OP, you have the most one-sided view of the world of anyone on DCUM, and that's saying something.

That is a just asinine. Moreover, I have been called stupid, bipolar, angry, and thousands of other insults, most based on wild speculations that I simply never said. Does that make all of you those things? I suppose it does under your multi-sided world view.

[Anonymous]