Did a 180 and decided to redshirt my child- question for parents who decided to do the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this. Hate this hate this.

I should be able to send my March bday 5yo to kindergarten the following fall without being worried that he'll be toward the bottom of the pack in size, self-control, concentration etc. Full day mandatory kindergarten is bad enough. K should be centers and free play and recess and alphabets. Not worksheets and reading groups. He's a bright kid and will do just fine, but it shouldn't even be on my RADAR as a concern.

Put your kid in school!

You sound pretty entitled.

No, parents who think they can game the system to make their children the smartest/tallest/most athletic/most mature are the entitled ones. PP just wants her child to be in kindergarten with other kindergarteners, not first and second graders.

Serious question- do people really redshirt because they want their child to be the tallest? I can understand smarter or more mature, but taller? Really?

I have a friend with a very tall and large 4 year old. He won't be 5 until shortly after the VA cut off, so it's another year of preschool for him. I can only imagine the tongues a-wagging next year when he shows up at probably 52" for kindergarten.

Yes, of course people redshirt so that their child will not be the shortest. Whether or not it works, though...

No way! I think that is more internet urban legend. I mean no one would do that rationally, all 6 year olds aren't taller than all 5 year olds, so it doesn't even make sense. Not even close, shoot my 18 month old is already taller than some of his little pals that are almost 6-12 months older. No rational person would do it just for height right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this. Hate this hate this.

I should be able to send my March bday 5yo to kindergarten the following fall without being worried that he'll be toward the bottom of the pack in size, self-control, concentration etc. Full day mandatory kindergarten is bad enough. K should be centers and free play and recess and alphabets. Not worksheets and reading groups. He's a bright kid and will do just fine, but it shouldn't even be on my RADAR as a concern.

Put your kid in school!

You sound pretty entitled.

No, parents who think they can game the system to make their children the smartest/tallest/most athletic/most mature are the entitled ones. PP just wants her child to be in kindergarten with other kindergarteners, not first and second graders.

Serious question- do people really redshirt because they want their child to be the tallest? I can understand smarter or more mature, but taller? Really?

I have a friend with a very tall and large 4 year old. He won't be 5 until shortly after the VA cut off, so it's another year of preschool for him. I can only imagine the tongues a-wagging next year when he shows up at probably 52" for kindergarten.

Yes, of course people redshirt so that their child will not be the shortest. Whether or not it works, though...

No way! I think that is more internet urban legend. I mean no one would do that rationally, all 6 year olds aren't taller than all 5 year olds, so it doesn't even make sense. Not even close, shoot my 18 month old is already taller than some of his little pals that are almost 6-12 months older. No rational person would do it just for height right?

My late fall birthday boy will be shorter regardless of how young the other kids start, so they can at least feel good about that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggled before deciding to have my June birthday DC repeat preschool at a charter in DC because I worry about the eventual stigma. But I decided to do it b/c he has significant developmental delays. It is really surprising to me that people would do this just b/c their kid who is doing a-OK in school doesn't like being one of the younger kids.

This is the thing that has always been striking to me about this debate. I think there are two things going on:

1. What schools expect behavior-wise for 3-, 4-, 5-year-olds isn't particularly developmentally appropriate. Our culture is pretty bifurcated vis-a-vis children's school and many parents' employment. I know that my child, who is 5 (mid-May birthday, no delays, going into K in August), would prefer a shorter school day, but the earliest I can pick her up is about 5pm. Her school is very play-based, so it's not like she's sitting quietly in chairs, but she's there from 8:30 until 5:30, which is a long time no matter what you're doing.

2. Most people expect that if your child needs to repeat a grade, it indicates a serious issue. Developmental delays, incredibly poor academic performance, etc. Their first thought is not going to be "Xander doesn't want to be the youngest kid."

And this is unlikely to change anytime in the future. Kids absolutely notice and ask about this by 1st grade, and they call it "held back" not red shirting. Parents who chose this for their children should prepare them for how to handle it with other kids because although you may call it red shirting, their peers will call it held back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No way! I think that is more internet urban legend. I mean no one would do that rationally, all 6 year olds aren't taller than all 5 year olds, so it doesn't even make sense. Not even close, shoot my 18 month old is already taller than some of his little pals that are almost 6-12 months older. No rational person would do it just for height right?

Not every person is rational.

However, I have never heard anyone in real life say that they red-shirted for height. In fact my entire red-shirting experience in real life consists of:

1. One boy who repeated kindergarten (I don't know if that even counts?)
2. One girl who is a year older and I don't know why
3. One mother who was planning to redshirt her July-birthday boy, who was 2 at the time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember the days when parents wanted their kids to skip a grade so they weren't bored? Redshirting of spring birthdays, and even summer birthdays, just so they are perceived as more mature, intelligent, is really doing a disservice to the kids.

Sent my late August birthday kid to school on time, and yes, there were kids who recently turned 7 months before he turns 6. I'm of the opinion that age cutoffs should not be negotiable absent some serious issue. I'm so glad I sent my young kid on time, because he is challenged and NOT bored, and now gets to expand his horizons even more as other kids his age are just about to start K.

+1. I don't understand at all why OP would redshirt a May bday kid who is on track academically and socially. FWIW, I have an August bday boy in DCPS where cutoff is Septmeber 30th, so he's the second youngest in his class. Just finished 1st grade at age 6 and is reading and doing math at a 4th grade level. I think he'd be bored to death if I had held him back. Unless a kid has real social problems, I can't imagine holding back a kid who is doing well academically. Seems like it would be terrible for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggled before deciding to have my June birthday DC repeat preschool at a charter in DC because I worry about the eventual stigma. But I decided to do it b/c he has significant developmental delays. It is really surprising to me that people would do this just b/c their kid who is doing a-OK in school doesn't like being one of the younger kids.

This is the thing that has always been striking to me about this debate. I think there are two things going on:

1. What schools expect behavior-wise for 3-, 4-, 5-year-olds isn't particularly developmentally appropriate. Our culture is pretty bifurcated vis-a-vis children's school and many parents' employment. I know that my child, who is 5 (mid-May birthday, no delays, going into K in August), would prefer a shorter school day, but the earliest I can pick her up is about 5pm. Her school is very play-based, so it's not like she's sitting quietly in chairs, but she's there from 8:30 until 5:30, which is a long time no matter what you're doing.

2. Most people expect that if your child needs to repeat a grade, it indicates a serious issue. Developmental delays, incredibly poor academic performance, etc. Their first thought is not going to be "Xander doesn't want to be the youngest kid."

And this is unlikely to change anytime in the future. Kids absolutely notice and ask about this by 1st grade, and they call it "held back" not red shirting. Parents who chose this for their children should prepare them for how to handle it with other kids because although you may call it red shirting, their peers will call it held back.

If 'redshirting" is as common as everyone here on dcum thinks - then the kids won't think anything about it. it will be normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggled before deciding to have my June birthday DC repeat preschool at a charter in DC because I worry about the eventual stigma. But I decided to do it b/c he has significant developmental delays. It is really surprising to me that people would do this just b/c their kid who is doing a-OK in school doesn't like being one of the younger kids.

This is the thing that has always been striking to me about this debate. I think there are two things going on:

1. What schools expect behavior-wise for 3-, 4-, 5-year-olds isn't particularly developmentally appropriate. Our culture is pretty bifurcated vis-a-vis children's school and many parents' employment. I know that my child, who is 5 (mid-May birthday, no delays, going into K in August), would prefer a shorter school day, but the earliest I can pick her up is about 5pm. Her school is very play-based, so it's not like she's sitting quietly in chairs, but she's there from 8:30 until 5:30, which is a long time no matter what you're doing.

2. Most people expect that if your child needs to repeat a grade, it indicates a serious issue. Developmental delays, incredibly poor academic performance, etc. Their first thought is not going to be "Xander doesn't want to be the youngest kid."

And this is unlikely to change anytime in the future. Kids absolutely notice and ask about this by 1st grade, and they call it "held back" not red shirting. Parents who chose this for their children should prepare them for how to handle it with other kids because although you may call it red shirting, their peers will call it held back.

If 'redshirting" is as common as everyone here on dcum thinks - then the kids won't think anything about it. it will be normal

It may be common, but I do not think that that will happen any time soon, if only because children will continue to be held back for reasons other than "Xander doesn't want to be the youngest kid." People who hold their kids back for social maturity reasons need to get right with this and prepare their children for the questions that they will be asked by their peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I struggled before deciding to have my June birthday DC repeat preschool at a charter in DC because I worry about the eventual stigma. But I decided to do it b/c he has significant developmental delays. It is really surprising to me that people would do this just b/c their kid who is doing a-OK in school doesn't like being one of the younger kids.

This is the thing that has always been striking to me about this debate. I think there are two things going on:

1. What schools expect behavior-wise for 3-, 4-, 5-year-olds isn't particularly developmentally appropriate. Our culture is pretty bifurcated vis-a-vis children's school and many parents' employment. I know that my child, who is 5 (mid-May birthday, no delays, going into K in August), would prefer a shorter school day, but the earliest I can pick her up is about 5pm. Her school is very play-based, so it's not like she's sitting quietly in chairs, but she's there from 8:30 until 5:30, which is a long time no matter what you're doing.

2. Most people expect that if your child needs to repeat a grade, it indicates a serious issue. Developmental delays, incredibly poor academic performance, etc. Their first thought is not going to be "Xander doesn't want to be the youngest kid."

And this is unlikely to change anytime in the future. Kids absolutely notice and ask about this by 1st grade, and they call it "held back" not red shirting. Parents who chose this for their children should prepare them for how to handle it with other kids because although you may call it red shirting, their peers will call it held back.

If 'redshirting" is as common as everyone here on dcum thinks - then the kids won't think anything about it. it will be normal

It may be common, but I do not think that that will happen any time soon, if only because children will continue to be held back for reasons other than "Xander doesn't want to be the youngest kid." People who hold their kids back for social maturity reasons need to get right with this and prepare their children for the questions that they will be asked by their peers.

I was held back in the 70s and my peers never asked me any questions. But I suppose times are different and kids are hearing opinions about "redshirting" at home now that it is more common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this. Hate this hate this.

I should be able to send my March bday 5yo to kindergarten the following fall without being worried that he'll be toward the bottom of the pack in size, self-control, concentration etc. Full day mandatory kindergarten is bad enough. K should be centers and free play and recess and alphabets. Not worksheets and reading groups. He's a bright kid and will do just fine, but it shouldn't even be on my RADAR as a concern.

Put your kid in school!

You sound pretty entitled.

No, parents who think they can game the system to make their children the smartest/tallest/most athletic/most mature are the entitled ones. PP just wants her child to be in kindergarten with other kindergarteners, not first and second graders.

Serious question- do people really redshirt because they want their child to be the tallest? I can understand smarter or more mature, but taller? Really?

I have a friend with a very tall and large 4 year old. He won't be 5 until shortly after the VA cut off, so it's another year of preschool for him. I can only imagine the tongues a-wagging next year when he shows up at probably 52" for kindergarten.

Yes, of course people redshirt so that their child will not be the shortest. Whether or not it works, though...

No way! I think that is more internet urban legend. I mean no one would do that rationally, all 6 year olds aren't taller than all 5 year olds, so it doesn't even make sense. Not even close, shoot my 18 month old is already taller than some of his little pals that are almost 6-12 months older. No rational person would do it just for height right?

I know someone who did it because her son is short. She also loves to brag incessantly about how academically advanced he is. Well hello, he is supposed to be in the next grade.

[Anonymous]

We live in an area where redshirting is common. No one has ever asked me or my child about his age. He is a summer birthday and will be entering second grade. Kids simply don't care. He plays sports based on his birthdate, not his grade. Sometimes he is on the younger side and sometimes in the middle, he has always had friends from his same grade on his teams.

Only on DCUM would people simultaneously argue that all redshirted kids are stupid, immature, and "violent," and that redshirting is an advantage that shouldn't be allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM would people simultaneously argue that all redshirted kids are stupid, immature, and "violent," and that redshirting is an advantage that shouldn't be allowed.

I think it's different people making these contradictory points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, people will ask you. My oldest has always been the tallest kid in the class, and we always got asked in K/1/2: sometimes they would directly ask about redshirting, sometimes it would just be an out-of-the-blue query about his birthday. Not so much any more, now that he's older. The funny part is that he has an April birthday and because of people like the OP, he is one of the youngest boys in his class.

I don't assume that the redshirts have some kind of learning issue; I just assume they have mothers who either want to continue infantilizing their children or mothers who think being older is an advantage. OP, I found your introductory chapter particularly funny and clever, particularly the whole God/praying/church-going part. Because we all understand that redshirting would be totally wrong if you were raising an atheist. Give me abreak.

People will definitely ask. My daughter turned 6 in April of K. Was was tall and super smart, 3 mothers ASKED and assumed she had been red shirted. One mother literally told me, " Oh, we thought she was like so and so. He is normal now, but you should have seen him last year. But, poor thing he is going to be 19 when he graduates, how embarrassing. I would have never held him. He has already caught up and K is not over yet!"

[Anonymous]

How long do people even care about this issue? I mean, by the time the kids are in 3rd or 4th grade, does anyone talk or really care about the age difference?

My late-Oct. kid sadly won't be going to Kindergarten until she's six. (Actually, I think we're just going to repeat Kindergarten since her daycare has a kindergarten program so we'll probably just do that before heading into Fairfax County K program). I'd love to skip that extra year of daycare.

[Anonymous]

Redshirted late August girl. I just say was right for us.
Honestly wasn't even a close call. Who cares what others think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your kid will turn 7 in kindergarten? Yeah I wouldn't celebrate his 7th birthday with his kinder friends. My son who just finished 2nd grade is still 7.

I agree. That is insane. My child will celebrate their 5th birthday in kindergarten. The fact that your 7 year old may be in class with my 5 year old is ridiculous.

Just wait until he is a nineteen year old MAN in high school with the 13 & 14 year old girls who started school on time.

I think they need to look at this long term. If a child will be the age that it is a sex crime for them to date schoolmates that started at the age appropriate time, then red shirting should not be allowed.

High school state athletic boards could nip this issue in the bud by creating a rule thay if you turn 19 at any point during your senior year, you are ineliginletonparticipate in varsity or high school sports.

That would take care of 90% of the issues right there.

School districts are indeed turning to this.