Did a 180 and decided to redshirt my child- question for parents who decided to do the same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone know if redshirting is common in vienna? We just moved here and I find this whole conversation a bit shocking. DS turned 5 in April and I assumed he'd be smack dab in the middle of his class age-wise but maybe not. So odd.

for the most part I don't think its as common as those on dcum make it out to be. The months its most common are for birthdays in july/august.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No. My parents declined grade skipping. Many parents do; it messes with ability to socialize correctly. Look at those kid freaks who skipped multiple grades just to be able to say they started college 4 years early. They have no friends and are social outcasts. Most parents want their children to not only be challenged academically, but to gain important social skills. They also don't want their kid to be picked last for sports.

Your overgeneralization skills are excellent.

Grade skipper here. I'm a perfectly fine, well-socialized citizen.. Gainfully employed. Took a year off between college and grad school to volunteer abroad, so finished grad school in my original cohort. No issues here, despite your grim outlook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this. Hate this hate this.

I should be able to send my March bday 5yo to kindergarten the following fall without being worried that he'll be toward the bottom of the pack in size, self-control, concentration etc. Full day mandatory kindergarten is bad enough. K should be centers and free play and recess and alphabets. Not worksheets and reading groups. He's a bright kid and will do just fine, but it shouldn't even be on my RADAR as a concern.

Put your kid in school!

You sound pretty entitled.

No, parents who think they can game the system to make their children the smartest/tallest/most athletic/most mature are the entitled ones. PP just wants her child to be in kindergarten with other kindergarteners, not first and second graders.

Serious question- do people really redshirt because they want their child to be the tallest? I can understand smarter or more mature, but taller? Really?

I have a friend with a very tall and large 4 year old. He won't be 5 until shortly after the VA cut off, so it's another year of preschool for him. I can only imagine the tongues a-wagging next year when he shows up at probably 52" for kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this. Hate this hate this.

I should be able to send my March bday 5yo to kindergarten the following fall without being worried that he'll be toward the bottom of the pack in size, self-control, concentration etc. Full day mandatory kindergarten is bad enough. K should be centers and free play and recess and alphabets. Not worksheets and reading groups. He's a bright kid and will do just fine, but it shouldn't even be on my RADAR as a concern.

Put your kid in school!

You sound pretty entitled.

No, parents who think they can game the system to make their children the smartest/tallest/most athletic/most mature are the entitled ones. PP just wants her child to be in kindergarten with other kindergarteners, not first and second graders.

Serious question- do people really redshirt because they want their child to be the tallest? I can understand smarter or more mature, but taller? Really?

I have a friend with a very tall and large 4 year old. He won't be 5 until shortly after the VA cut off, so it's another year of preschool for him. I can only imagine the tongues a-wagging next year when he shows up at probably 52" for kindergarten.

Yes, of course people redshirt so that their child will not be the shortest. Whether or not it works, though...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate this. Hate this hate this.

I should be able to send my March bday 5yo to kindergarten the following fall without being worried that he'll be toward the bottom of the pack in size, self-control, concentration etc. Full day mandatory kindergarten is bad enough. K should be centers and free play and recess and alphabets. Not worksheets and reading groups. He's a bright kid and will do just fine, but it shouldn't even be on my RADAR as a concern.

Put your kid in school!

You sound pretty entitled.

No, parents who think they can game the system to make their children the smartest/tallest/most athletic/most mature are the entitled ones. PP just wants her child to be in kindergarten with other kindergarteners, not first and second graders.

Pretty typical DCUM response there--to call the mom who says "maybe everyone should just try and follow the rules" entitled. Some people are so entitled they don't even know what it means anymore.

If schools chose to allow redshirting, it isn't "against the rules" to redshirt. PP is getting a hard time because she doesn't want others to redshirt so that their kids and not hers are the youngest in the class.

If you don't want to people to redshirt, take it up with the school board. But the reason most schools allow it is that it leads to higher test scores and better behaved kids, particularly in the younger grades. If there were no advantages to the school, the practice would not be allowed to continue.

[Anonymous]

I didn't go to school here, so I am genuinely puzzled by all the animosity towards the issue. Why is it so wrong go hold back a year? What's the rush?

I was born in November, while school started in September. So yes, I turned 8 in the first grade. This has never even come into question. I sailed through school seemlessly, while many younger children struggled. I realize not all of it had to do with age alone, but being more mature certainly helped me.

So why is everybody harping on OP so much? I don't plan on pushing my kid to graduate at 15, so why wouldn't I choose to wait a year?

[Anonymous]

This thread is so interesting to me (newer mom just getting familiar with current practice).

I grew up in an area with a December 30th cut off and had a December birthday. I was sent to school on time and loved being among the youngest (not sure why, the kids who got to drive first were seen as the coolest) so kind of worried over my kids late October birthday. I figured they were born early so it might not be so bad but now realize others' want to have kids start later?

I realize the idea is that kids do better in the earlier grades due to maturity, etc. but are there lost advantages in the later high school grades? (I guess getting a PhD at 27 vs. 28 doesn't matter for much so maybe a dumb question)

[Anonymous]

PP, I can't think of any advantages a child would lose because of one year. I think the point is to help younger children. Once they become teenagers and older adults, one year is much less significant.

[Anonymous]

^young adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I can't think of any advantages a child would lose because of one year. I think the point is to help younger children. Once they become teenagers and older adults, one year is much less significant.

Once they become teenagers, the academic difference is less significant. But when they're teenagers, the social and physical differences will become much more pronounced on both sides of the spectrum. There is still stigma associated with being "held back." There are enough physical differences in a class where kids are all the same age +/- 11 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't go to school here, so I am genuinely puzzled by all the animosity towards the issue. Why is it so wrong go hold back a year? What's the rush?

I was born in November, while school started in September. So yes, I turned 8 in the first grade. This has never even come into question. I sailed through school seemlessly, while many younger children struggled. I realize not all of it had to do with age alone, but being more mature certainly helped me.

So why is everybody harping on OP so much? I don't plan on pushing my kid to graduate at 15, so why wouldn't I choose to wait a year?

So were you held back 1 year or 2? I'm also a November baby and turned 8 in the beginning of third grade

[Anonymous]

I struggled before deciding to have my June birthday DC repeat preschool at a charter in DC because I worry about the eventual stigma. But I decided to do it b/c he has significant developmental delays. It is really surprising to me that people would do this just b/c their kid who is doing a-OK in school doesn't like being one of the younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My kindergartener is already reading on a third grade level. He is so bored in school. It must be because he is gifted." No. He is the same age as a second grader but he is doing his second grade work in a kindergarten class. So mot gifted. Just 'big for his age' or old for his age. You pick.

My husband came back from a trip to the playground with our son and mentioned that my son had met a little boy there. The child volunteered the following info: "I'm in kindergarten, but I'm doing 1st grade math." (Um, yep...because you're supposed to be in first grade!)

In my other son's class, the kid who turned 7 in K was in the top reading group. His mom thought he was really advanced. I on the other hand thought (1) wait a minute...MY 7 yr old is in 2nd grade this year; and (2) my 5 yr old is in the same reading group as your 7 yr old. Doesn't that feel a tiny bit akward?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggled before deciding to have my June birthday DC repeat preschool at a charter in DC because I worry about the eventual stigma. But I decided to do it b/c he has significant developmental delays. It is really surprising to me that people would do this just b/c their kid who is doing a-OK in school doesn't like being one of the younger kids.

This is the thing that has always been striking to me about this debate. I think there are two things going on:

1. What schools expect behavior-wise for 3-, 4-, 5-year-olds isn't particularly developmentally appropriate. Our culture is pretty bifurcated vis-a-vis children's school and many parents' employment. I know that my child, who is 5 (mid-May birthday, no delays, going into K in August), would prefer a shorter school day, but the earliest I can pick her up is about 5pm. Her school is very play-based, so it's not like she's sitting quietly in chairs, but she's there from 8:30 until 5:30, which is a long time no matter what you're doing.

2. Most people expect that if your child needs to repeat a grade, it indicates a serious issue. Developmental delays, incredibly poor academic performance, etc. Their first thought is not going to be "Xander doesn't want to be the youngest kid."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My kindergartener is already reading on a third grade level. He is so bored in school. It must be because he is gifted." No. He is the same age as a second grader but he is doing his second grade work in a kindergarten class. So mot gifted. Just 'big for his age' or old for his age. You pick.

My husband came back from a trip to the playground with our son and mentioned that my son had met a little boy there. The child volunteered the following info: "I'm in kindergarten, but I'm doing 1st grade math." (Um, yep...because you're supposed to be in first grade!)

In my other son's class, the kid who turned 7 in K was in the top reading group. His mom thought he was really advanced. I on the other hand thought (1) wait a minute...MY 7 yr old is in 2nd grade this year; and (2) my 5 yr old is in the same reading group as your 7 yr old. Doesn't that feel a tiny bit akward?

In my experience, this is the biggest problem with holding kids back unnecessarily. Kids will be on the far right of the bellcurve when they're younger but they regress to the mean as they age. It can be academically or athletically. But suddenly Little Johnny isn't so special and parents look to blame everyone for their "underachieving".