Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the women who are upset at the assertion that attractiveness diminishes with age, what's your take on it exactly? The first thing that attracts a man is a woman's physical appearance. An attractive woman literally melts a man's brains. Now this doesn't last but USA strong reason for a man to attach himself to a woman. Once women lose their looks, how do they hook men?
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-interacting-with-woman-leave-man-cognitively-impaired/

Money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I take issue with this post. Your 20s are for getting to know yourself, establish your career.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

You keep telling yourself this, while you cry yourself to sleep after another dateless weekend. At the same time, these "garbage" men are out banging attractive women in their late 20s and early 30s while you are busy posting on DCUM about how these guys are trash and obviously have something wrong with them.

No one has proposed to you for a reason.

Oh please, I recognize you from another thread. If you are so busy "banging attractive women in their late 20s and early 30s" then why do YOU have the time to post your misogynistic drivel here?

Because he is a lonely L-O-S-E-R

[Anonymous]

I proposed to my husband (I was 30 years old) after 3 months of dating...lol! I made it very clear I wanted to try to have a baby by 32. He was then 28...lol! He had huge student loans and hadn't really launched in his career. He told me he wasn't ready. I said okay. I'm moving to a different city for my career. I was not going to stay in DC if I had no commitment.

He agreed. He did not buy me an engagement ring, but he did buy the wedding bands. Even after marriage, he was very hesitant about trying to conceive. I googled sperm donor banks and showed the results to him. I said, "With or without you..."

We conceived within 1 month trying and had a beautiful daughter 1 month after I turned 32.

He is still finding his career, but have been a great hands on dad. If I had to complain, it would be that I bear the brunt of the financial burden. But I tell myself this was my choice, and my husband does his best with what he has. I do feel that pang of envy when I hear of beautiful proposals, see women with their gorgeous engagement rings, or the SAHMs who can shop at fancy stores and have trust funds for their kids. But I tell myself this was my choice. I joke to my husband he could be on the market for a 24 year old hottie. But I see his joy in our daughter also and he told me also that he was very thankful I came to his life when I did (or he could just be pulling my leg). So we both made our choices I suppose.

I do get scared because my mom tells me that he will leave me when I don't have money anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

Totally agree. I can't imagine speaking OP's words of advice to my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies: if you are interested in getting married, you need to be well aware of the fact that you are probably most attractive sometime in your mid- to late-twenties. This means that your mid- to late-twenties are the years in which you are most likely to attract the highest quality man you can get. And while maximizing your attractiveness is key, it all counts for nothing if you aren't single when the right guy comes along, or if you aren't putting yourself out there because you are involved with someone who is only half-committed to you. So in addition to looking your best, you need to make sure you aren't spending time in dead-end relationships.

Time and time again I see or hear about girls who allow a guy to date them for three or four years in their twenties without proposing. This blows my mind. I understand that these girls are holding out in the hope of eventually getting a proposal, but they don't give enough consideration to the possibility that they'll be strung along for another two or three years, only to have him decide that he wants someone else - or worse yet, someone younger. Combine this with a girl's reduced odds of finding someone (let alone someone better) once she begins to age and things begin to fall into perspective; it seems crazy to consider dating someone for more than a year without a very strong confidence about the direction in which the relationship is heading.

Ladies: don't give a guy your most eligible years with nothing to show for it. This is bullshit. If you ultimately want to get married and your current relationship isn't constantly growing stronger (i.e. approaching something permanent), then you need to start asking questions. And if you aren't getting satisfactory answers, it is time to look elsewhere. The clock is ticking.

Furthermore, your time is your responsibility - not his. For better or worse, men will not make commitments that aren't required of them. If he isn't taking things to the next level when you think it is appropriate, break up with him. You can do this nicely, and you should explain your reasoning clearly, but you should still break up with him. More easily said than done? Probably. But it is the best move nonetheless. If he really wants you, he will try to get you back; but if he doesn't, remember: during your most eligible years, you are better off being back on the market than tied up in a dead-end relationship.

this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

i am 42, married for a long time, and when i look around i think every single guy i ever had even a minor crush on is married with kids. there basically nobody left that i would have interest in if i had to look around. good stuff moves fast.

+100. Well said. There single or divorced for a reason ..

And so are the women...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies: if you are interested in getting married, you need to be well aware of the fact that you are probably most attractive sometime in your mid- to late-twenties. This means that your mid- to late-twenties are the years in which you are most likely to attract the highest quality man you can get. And while maximizing your attractiveness is key, it all counts for nothing if you aren't single when the right guy comes along, or if you aren't putting yourself out there because you are involved with someone who is only half-committed to you. So in addition to looking your best, you need to make sure you aren't spending time in dead-end relationships.

Time and time again I see or hear about girls who allow a guy to date them for three or four years in their twenties without proposing. This blows my mind. I understand that these girls are holding out in the hope of eventually getting a proposal, but they don't give enough consideration to the possibility that they'll be strung along for another two or three years, only to have him decide that he wants someone else - or worse yet, someone younger. Combine this with a girl's reduced odds of finding someone (let alone someone better) once she begins to age and things begin to fall into perspective; it seems crazy to consider dating someone for more than a year without a very strong confidence about the direction in which the relationship is heading.

Ladies: don't give a guy your most eligible years with nothing to show for it. This is bullshit. If you ultimately want to get married and your current relationship isn't constantly growing stronger (i.e. approaching something permanent), then you need to start asking questions. And if you aren't getting satisfactory answers, it is time to look elsewhere. The clock is ticking.

Furthermore, your time is your responsibility - not his. For better or worse, men will not make commitments that aren't required of them. If he isn't taking things to the next level when you think it is appropriate, break up with him. You can do this nicely, and you should explain your reasoning clearly, but you should still break up with him. More easily said than done? Probably. But it is the best move nonetheless. If he really wants you, he will try to get you back; but if he doesn't, remember: during your most eligible years, you are better off being back on the market than tied up in a dead-end relationship.

this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

i am 42, married for a long time, and when i look around i think every single guy i ever had even a minor crush on is married with kids. there basically nobody left that i would have interest in if i had to look around. good stuff moves fast.

Omg this is so true! There first wives tossed them out because they have issues. Younger women might date them or one night only f-them. But they'll "next" them for bigger and better. Hopefully they don't die old and lonely. We call them "table scraps."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

Totally agree. I can't imagine speaking OP's words of advice to my daughter.

Both of you are kind of missing the point.

1) This is only advice for women who want to get married and have children and know that that is what they want
2) That second bit is basically exactly what OP said, just encouraged them do do that quickly and with focus because dicking around with guys until you're 35 will make that #1 goal much more difficult to execute

I probably wouldn't word it like OP but I would say to her. "You should spend your teens and early 20s really thinking about whether marriage and children is an important life goal for you. If it is, aggressively pursue marriage in your 20s. This doens't mean 'catching' a man, but it means dating with purpose and communicating your relationship desires early and clearly. This is important because while you can always pursue a career or an academic achievement, there is a real and physical limit on your ability to reproduce in a safe and healthy (and cheap, if you don't have infertility issues) way." I would also tell her not to move in with someone because that is just a delay tactic and adds another year (at least) to your timeline (I moved in with DH upon engagement).

What the people who are bent out of shape about this are missing is that if marriage and procreation ISN'T important to you? Disregard and do whatever you want. Although people are right about the pool of attractive candidates shrinking pretty dramatically around 35. All of this is about encouraging women to examine their goals for the future early, because unfortunately (and unfairly but hey that's biology), women are working on a clock. Once you know what you want, go for that. The reality is that if you want marriage and biological children, you need to get on that early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

You keep telling yourself this, while you cry yourself to sleep after another dateless weekend. At the same time, these "garbage" men are out banging attractive women in their late 20s and early 30s while you are busy posting on DCUM about how these guys are trash and obviously have something wrong with them.

No one has proposed to you for a reason.

right. i married at 23 and have been married for 20 years now, thanks.

but i do have two close single friends in their forties who are both turning heads attractive (unlike me) and, through them, i know quite a bit about available men out there.

they are in fact garbage. the only objectively good guys are young guys who are simply too young for them - one of my friends is dating one such guy, who is almost 15 younger than her, but at least he is overall a good, capable guy, and attractive, too. more than anything, he is still capable of falling in love and their relationship is romantic. it's almost a normal relationship except that it's not going anywhere. this friend btw was married for 10+ years but is a widow.

the other one is trying to be more pragmatic and is settling aggressively - she has yet to show me a guy that i would consider dating. again, this is a person who is drop dead gorgeous but there is simply nobody left. why didn't she marry in time? that might have involved some less than prudent decision-making... but again, the point is that she is very attractive and attracts men - but basically all quality men her age and even several years younger are already taken.

to reiterate: there is very likely something terribly wrong with any guy who is single at 35 and, and at 40+ this is an absolute certainty. that they are relentlessly "banging attractive xyz" doesn't make them any less (possibly even more) of a trash.

[Anonymous]

My sister at 26 just broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years. I am so proud of her, and I think she did it with plenty of time left to find what she really wants. She's having a blast for the moment, but really does want to settle down. They had talked about marriage and kids, and have been living together for years, but he "just wasn't ready". I could not be prouder of her for pulling the trigger. Now, of course, he is ready to kill himself over losing the love of his life. Damn men (boys), grow up!

[Anonymous]

"Nope. If you were a professional man in the DC area, you would know many such women. I suspect you are neither."

I'm a professional man in another major city, and I know plenty of professional, attractive women in their 30's. Some of the women I know are good people who would rather "travel" and focus on "career". Others seem to be waiting for an investment banker who looks like Tom Brady to come knocking, i.e. delusional.

My city has a woman surplus but people tell me DC is more of a sausage fest, so your friends should be able to find age-appropriate, professional men. I suspect they shoot most down without considering. Maybe the guy's not tall enough, or he's balding, or he makes less than 200K.

Average age of marriage is man + 2 years, so there should actually be more single men in that age group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now, of course, he is ready to kill himself over losing the love of his life.

He'll get over that real quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now, of course, he is ready to kill himself over losing the love of his life.

He'll get over that real quick.

His penis will but the head will stay fucked up, as will his wallet.

[Anonymous]

Ladies: if you are interested in getting married, you need to be well aware of the fact that you are probably most attractive sometime in your mid- to late-twenties. This means that your mid- to late-twenties are the years in which you are most likely to attract the highest quality man you can get. And while maximizing your attractiveness is key, it all counts for nothing if you aren't single when the right guy comes along, or if you aren't putting yourself out there because you are involved with someone who is only half-committed to you. So in addition to looking your best, you need to make sure you aren't spending time in dead-end relationships.

Time and time again I see or hear about girls who allow a guy to date them for three or four years in their twenties without proposing. This blows my mind. I understand that these girls are holding out in the hope of eventually getting a proposal, but they don't give enough consideration to the possibility that they'll be strung along for another two or three years, only to have him decide that he wants someone else - or worse yet, someone younger. Combine this with a girl's reduced odds of finding someone (let alone someone better) once she begins to age and things begin to fall into perspective; it seems crazy to consider dating someone for more than a year without a very strong confidence about the direction in which the relationship is heading.

Ladies: don't give a guy your most eligible years with nothing to show for it. This is bullshit. If you ultimately want to get married and your current relationship isn't constantly growing stronger (i.e. approaching something permanent), then you need to start asking questions. And if you aren't getting satisfactory answers, it is time to look elsewhere. The clock is ticking.

Furthermore, your time is your responsibility - not his. For better or worse, men will not make commitments that aren't required of them. If he isn't taking things to the next level when you think it is appropriate, break up with him. You can do this nicely, and you should explain your reasoning clearly, but you should still break up with him. More easily said than done? Probably. But it is the best move nonetheless. If he really wants you, he will try to get you back; but if he doesn't, remember: during your most eligible years, you are better off being back on the market than tied up in a dead-end relationship.


this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

i am 42, married for a long time, and when i look around i think every single guy i ever had even a minor crush on is married with kids. there basically nobody left that i would have interest in if i had to look around. good stuff moves fast.


Omg this is so true! There first wives tossed them out because they have issues. Younger women might date them or one night only f-them. But they'll "next" them for bigger and better. Hopefully they don't die old and lonely. We call them "table scraps."
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The same can be said of women over 35. It is funny how people are so quick to call out losers when they are one themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

You keep telling yourself this, while you cry yourself to sleep after another dateless weekend. At the same time, these "garbage" men are out banging attractive women in their late 20s and early 30s while you are busy posting on DCUM about how these guys are trash and obviously have something wrong with them.

No one has proposed to you for a reason.

Oh please, I recognize you from another thread. If you are so busy "banging attractive women in their late 20s and early 30s" then why do YOU have the time to post your misogynistic drivel here?

Because he is a lonely L-O-S-E-R

x2. This dude is so bitter and it's just sad

But also kind of funny.

I dont know whether to laugh or cry, really....