Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies: if you are interested in getting married, you need to be well aware of the fact that you are probably most attractive sometime in your mid- to late-twenties. This means that your mid- to late-twenties are the years in which you are most likely to attract the highest quality man you can get. And while maximizing your attractiveness is key, it all counts for nothing if you aren't single when the right guy comes along, or if you aren't putting yourself out there because you are involved with someone who is only half-committed to you. So in addition to looking your best, you need to make sure you aren't spending time in dead-end relationships.

Time and time again I see or hear about girls who allow a guy to date them for three or four years in their twenties without proposing. This blows my mind. I understand that these girls are holding out in the hope of eventually getting a proposal, but they don't give enough consideration to the possibility that they'll be strung along for another two or three years, only to have him decide that he wants someone else - or worse yet, someone younger. Combine this with a girl's reduced odds of finding someone (let alone someone better) once she begins to age and things begin to fall into perspective; it seems crazy to consider dating someone for more than a year without a very strong confidence about the direction in which the relationship is heading.

Ladies: don't give a guy your most eligible years with nothing to show for it. This is bullshit. If you ultimately want to get married and your current relationship isn't constantly growing stronger (i.e. approaching something permanent), then you need to start asking questions. And if you aren't getting satisfactory answers, it is time to look elsewhere. The clock is ticking.

Furthermore, your time is your responsibility - not his. For better or worse, men will not make commitments that aren't required of them. If he isn't taking things to the next level when you think it is appropriate, break up with him. You can do this nicely, and you should explain your reasoning clearly, but you should still break up with him. More easily said than done? Probably. But it is the best move nonetheless. If he really wants you, he will try to get you back; but if he doesn't, remember: during your most eligible years, you are better off being back on the market than tied up in a dead-end relationship.

this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

i am 42, married for a long time, and when i look around i think every single guy i ever had even a minor crush on is married with kids. there basically nobody left that i would have interest in if i had to look around. good stuff moves fast.

+100. Well said. There single or divorced for a reason ..

[Anonymous]

Mother makes the biggest difference for women marrying earlier. Mother usually coaches the daughter to get married, and to emphasize marriage and kids over career.

However, the D.C. area has such a disparity of wealth, that there isn't much of a good life if a woman doesn't marry wealth. At the same time, would anyone woman honestly want to trade places with the wife of the former governor of Virginia? I bet her friends were so jealous of her, blonde, NFL cheerleader, married to THAT guy, kids, mansion. And look at how her life has played out. I would rather be a nobody from nowhere married or single than be her. And at one time, she had it all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies: if you are interested in getting married, you need to be well aware of the fact that you are probably most attractive sometime in your mid- to late-twenties. This means that your mid- to late-twenties are the years in which you are most likely to attract the highest quality man you can get. And while maximizing your attractiveness is key, it all counts for nothing if you aren't single when the right guy comes along, or if you aren't putting yourself out there because you are involved with someone who is only half-committed to you. So in addition to looking your best, you need to make sure you aren't spending time in dead-end relationships.

Time and time again I see or hear about girls who allow a guy to date them for three or four years in their twenties without proposing. This blows my mind. I understand that these girls are holding out in the hope of eventually getting a proposal, but they don't give enough consideration to the possibility that they'll be strung along for another two or three years, only to have him decide that he wants someone else - or worse yet, someone younger. Combine this with a girl's reduced odds of finding someone (let alone someone better) once she begins to age and things begin to fall into perspective; it seems crazy to consider dating someone for more than a year without a very strong confidence about the direction in which the relationship is heading.

Ladies: don't give a guy your most eligible years with nothing to show for it. This is bullshit. If you ultimately want to get married and your current relationship isn't constantly growing stronger (i.e. approaching something permanent), then you need to start asking questions. And if you aren't getting satisfactory answers, it is time to look elsewhere. The clock is ticking.

Furthermore, your time is your responsibility - not his. For better or worse, men will not make commitments that aren't required of them. If he isn't taking things to the next level when you think it is appropriate, break up with him. You can do this nicely, and you should explain your reasoning clearly, but you should still break up with him. More easily said than done? Probably. But it is the best move nonetheless. If he really wants you, he will try to get you back; but if he doesn't, remember: during your most eligible years, you are better off being back on the market than tied up in a dead-end relationship.

this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

i am 42, married for a long time, and when i look around i think every single guy i ever had even a minor crush on is married with kids. there basically nobody left that i would have interest in if i had to look around. good stuff moves fast.

+2. i appreciate women like yourself and lori gottlieb for ringing the warning bells. i'm definitely making marriage a priority now.

-early 30s single woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're a woman in her late twenties dating a guy who hasn't proposed what should you do? Dump him?

...you do realize you can propose to him, right?

My wife proposed to me. Same with a lot of my friends who are married. Then again, I'm from California, and we of the West Coast master race aren't saddled with a lot of the hilarious WASP bullshit you guys are, so that might account for the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're a woman in her late twenties dating a guy who hasn't proposed what should you do? Dump him?

...you do realize you can propose to him, right?

My wife proposed to me. Same with a lot of my friends who are married. Then again, I'm from California, and we of the West Coast master race aren't saddled with a lot of the hilarious WASP bullshit you guys are, so that might account for the difference.

Or for that matter, hopefully you realize you can openly discuss your thoughts and desires about marriage and life commitment without anyone needing to propose anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're a woman in her late twenties dating a guy who hasn't proposed what should you do? Dump him?

...you do realize you can propose to him, right?

My wife proposed to me. Same with a lot of my friends who are married. Then again, I'm from California, and we of the West Coast master race aren't saddled with a lot of the hilarious WASP bullshit you guys are, so that might account for the difference.

Oh stop it already. You do realize that women proposing marriage would strip them of their most vital resource: Victimhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mother makes the biggest difference for women marrying earlier. Mother usually coaches the daughter to get married, and to emphasize marriage and kids over career.

However, the D.C. area has such a disparity of wealth, that there isn't much of a good life if a woman doesn't marry wealth. At the same time, would anyone woman honestly want to trade places with the wife of the former governor of Virginia? I bet her friends were so jealous of her, blonde, NFL cheerleader, married to THAT guy, kids, mansion. And look at how her life has played out. I would rather be a nobody from nowhere married or single than be her. And at one time, she had it all!

Newsflash: Maureen McDonnell was a piece of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

You keep telling yourself this, while you cry yourself to sleep after another dateless weekend. At the same time, these "garbage" men are out banging attractive women in their late 20s and early 30s while you are busy posting on DCUM about how these guys are trash and obviously have something wrong with them.

No one has proposed to you for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed!

I have a 36 year old girlfriend down in the dumps because her (same aged) boyfriend "isn't sure" about marriage and children. She spent her twenties and thirties partying and now she has nothing to show for it.

I know you will probably get flamed (hard) for this, but I agree with you wholeheartedly.

I'm a guy about her age. Her boyfriend isn't sure "with her". He's looking around for someone younger and with less of a past, trust me. If he's unsuccessful he'll settle for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like an idiot. Sure, if you're not getting what you want out of a relationship, leave, but your misogynistic, shallow, infantile post betrays your desperation.

wow, OP really hit a chord with you. Enjoy those cats and wrinkles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

You keep telling yourself this, while you cry yourself to sleep after another dateless weekend. At the same time, these "garbage" men are out banging attractive women in their late 20s and early 30s while you are busy posting on DCUM about how these guys are trash and obviously have something wrong with them.

No one has proposed to you for a reason.

Oh please, I recognize you from another thread. If you are so busy "banging attractive women in their late 20s and early 30s" then why do YOU have the time to post your misogynistic drivel here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
By the way, there are tons of women who look prettier as they age. I.e., Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson to name a few.

Wrong and you are absolutely wrong with your three examples. They may look attractive for their ages, but they aren't "looking prettier as they age."

CR and I remember J-Lo in her 20's...dayum.......

And also using famous people as an example is never useful. She ain't J-Lo, and I ain't George Clooney. I'm not going to be 55 and have hot 30 year old women chasing me. I have to deal with that, and so do women who will not be as desirable for marriage at 35 than they are at 25. That's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I respectfully disagree with your logic OP.

Here's why:

You are implying that a woman's looks begin to go downhill somewhere in her late 20's. For some, this may be true but no women should ever feel like her chances for meeting a man get slimmer the more she ages. Women in their 20's are still trying to figure life out as well as form their own unique identities at this stage. No one should feel as if their best years are so temporary.

While in theory, I agree that a woman should date Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now. No one can argue this fact. But the 20's are not the time to start planning marriage and foreverness if you can help it.

The twenties are a time to enjoy one's youth. To live a care-free existence and get to know one's self. Most people do not see themselves getting hitched until their 30's anyway.

By the way, there are tons of women who look prettier as they age. I.e., Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson to name a few.

In theory, I agree with you, and ideally one could spend their 20s living carefree and getting to know oneself and then magically find a husband at age 31, baby one and two in mid 30s. But this isn't just about looks declining, it is about the availability of what women generally refer to as eligible men. In my 20s, I knew dozens of great, single men. In my mid-30s, I know none that are single of the never married type that your typical educated DC woman would be thrilled with (I know some great men that are divorced with kids, if you are ok with that).

I know quite a few women who are in their mid-30s who lament the fact they are single and probably will not have a natural family. They are beautiful, successful, smart, fun and total packages, but the simple reality is there really are no men out there of their equals who are still single. The universal "problem" these women had was wasting their 20s in a dead end relationship (not necessarily their "fault", one boyfriend was gay, another a serial cheater).

If you don't want to get married and have biological kids, then OPs advice isn't for you.

No, they're not. If they were, a worthy guy would have snatched them up. It's possible they have an overinflated expectation about themselves (common among urban professional women).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I respectfully disagree with your logic OP.

Here's why:

You are implying that a woman's looks begin to go downhill somewhere in her late 20's. For some, this may be true but no women should ever feel like her chances for meeting a man get slimmer the more she ages. Women in their 20's are still trying to figure life out as well as form their own unique identities at this stage. No one should feel as if their best years are so temporary.

While in theory, I agree that a woman should date Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now. No one can argue this fact. But the 20's are not the time to start planning marriage and foreverness if you can help it.

The twenties are a time to enjoy one's youth. To live a care-free existence and get to know one's self. Most people do not see themselves getting hitched until their 30's anyway.

By the way, there are tons of women who look prettier as they age. I.e., Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson to name a few.

In theory, I agree with you, and ideally one could spend their 20s living carefree and getting to know oneself and then magically find a husband at age 31, baby one and two in mid 30s. But this isn't just about looks declining, it is about the availability of what women generally refer to as eligible men. In my 20s, I knew dozens of great, single men. In my mid-30s, I know none that are single of the never married type that your typical educated DC woman would be thrilled with (I know some great men that are divorced with kids, if you are ok with that).

I know quite a few women who are in their mid-30s who lament the fact they are single and probably will not have a natural family. They are beautiful, successful, smart, fun and total packages, but the simple reality is there really are no men out there of their equals who are still single. The universal "problem" these women had was wasting their 20s in a dead end relationship (not necessarily their "fault", one boyfriend was gay, another a serial cheater).

If you don't want to get married and have biological kids, then OPs advice isn't for you.

No, they're not. If they were, a worthy guy would have snatched them up. It's possible they have an overinflated expectation about themselves (common among urban professional women).

Nope. If you were a professional man in the DC area, you would know many such women. I suspect you are neither.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most girls I know want to have "adventures" in their twenties, early thirties (by that I mean travel, partying, changing careers, dating lots of different guys, etc.). They don't even want to *think* about marriage until 32-33. Seems valid to me (a man).

Feminism is such a destructive, pernicious ideology. It needs to be hammered down and mocked at every turn. Good wife material does not want to travel and party and fuck different men at 32 years old. And 99% of men would agree.