Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.

Are you in the stock market? You try, very awkwardly, to make an association between relationships and economics. Age, hotness and marketability. Next you'll be comparing the divorce rate to a z-score.
Love is blind, remember?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.

well put. i know several women 32-34, who are well-educated, with good careers, and attractive. they are single and getting bitter about it because they think they deserve, and i quote, "a multi-millionaire who can provide me the fabulous lifestyle i deserve."

i remain silent in these conversations. but i think to myself- you will remain single if you project that attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.

well put. i know several women 32-34, who are well-educated, with good careers, and attractive. they are single and getting bitter about it because they think they deserve, and i quote, "a multi-millionaire who can provide me the fabulous lifestyle i deserve."

i remain silent in these conversations. but i think to myself- you will remain single if you project that attitude.

+1 welcome to DC

[Anonymous]

I think if you can't talk openly about marriage and if/when you both see that happening (even if it's a ways off) then your probably not in the best relationship.

So, while I agree with OP in practice, I think it's more that you should know what you both want (and if you want to get married in a certain time frame, your partner should too)... that way there is never a chance you date someone for three years hoping they'll propose. You should generally have a good idea of when a proposal is coming even if you want it to be a "surprise" - all the mid-twenties couples I know talk about when they would want to get married, move away, have kids, etc once they've been together past the honeymoon stage.

- A married 20-something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.

well put. i know several women 32-34, who are well-educated, with good careers, and attractive. they are single and getting bitter about it because they think they deserve, and i quote, "a multi-millionaire who can provide me the fabulous lifestyle i deserve."

i remain silent in these conversations. but i think to myself- you will remain single if you project that attitude.

a quote, eh? sounds like something that happened in your imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.

well put. i know several women 32-34, who are well-educated, with good careers, and attractive. they are single and getting bitter about it because they think they deserve, and i quote, "a multi-millionaire who can provide me the fabulous lifestyle i deserve."

i remain silent in these conversations. but i think to myself- you will remain single if you project that attitude.

a quote, eh? sounds like something that happened in your imagination.

what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.


well put. i know several women 32-34, who are well-educated, with good careers, and attractive. they are single and getting bitter about it because they think they deserve, and i quote, "a multi-millionaire who can provide me the fabulous lifestyle i deserve."

i remain silent in these conversations. but i think to myself- you will remain single if you project that attitude.

This has been said before, but most men do not care about the well-educated/good careers thingy...that is something women find attractive about other women. I have a few friend like your...they a self delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

It's pretty naive to say this is just about beauty as a woman's value. It's about a woman knowing what she wants. My friend is wasting her time with her boyfriend because he's made it clear he's nowhere near ready to get married even though they've been together for 6 years. She'll be 30 in 2 months. She has ALWAYS wanted to be married and have kids before she's 35. She's made that clear to him numerous times. She loves him and keeps hoping he will magically be ready. It's hard to just dump someone after spending so much time with them. But its also unfair to her. Her boyfriend knows what she wants and yet won't give it to her by either proposing or breaking up with her. She won't propose because she knows that's not what he wants.

Now let's say they break up next year when she's 31. That gives her 4 years to meet someone, get married, and have kids. Her market of finding guys that are going to be great is smaller since 30 is around the age that the number of eligible people really begins to drop off.

Sure, it would be nice if it was as easy as "move on to someone else" but the reality is moving on after a certain number of years is pretty damn hard.

THIS!

My college bf and I broke up at 24. While upsetting, this was not overly daunting at the time because of all the opportunities to still meet people: grad school being the main one. I'm married now, but I think it would be REALLY hard to meet someone now at 30. School mixers are no more. Professional happy hours are for networking, not dating. No single girlfriends to go out with after work to bars and meet guys, etc.

It's not hard to meet someone at 30, and I had tons of single girlfriends at 30. I am surprised you would say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

i am 42, married for a long time, and when i look around i think every single guy i ever had even a minor crush on is married with kids. there basically nobody left that i would have interest in if i had to look around. good stuff moves fast.

LOL, does Amal Amaluddin know that?

She's certainly smart enough to know.

Worked out for her - to not marry till late thirties, and to marry one of the "rejects" by age in your book.

Hmm...she married at 36 to a guy heading into his mid-50s. His "hot" days were behind him. He's rich and famous, so I'll give you that. Still, so NOT what you're average 30yo woman dreams of settling down with.

I guarantee you that every single person around her would say she married very, very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
this is actually not that important (even if true). the key issue here is that, after one is 35, the quality of available men becomes absolutely terrible. it's not about women not looking that good or not being attractive, it's that men who are single at that point are, basically, garbage - either guys whom nobody wanted or guys who have one or another major somewhat hidden issue.

i am 42, married for a long time, and when i look around i think every single guy i ever had even a minor crush on is married with kids. there basically nobody left that i would have interest in if i had to look around. good stuff moves fast.

LOL, does Amal Amaluddin know that?

She's certainly smart enough to know.

She's drop dead gorgeous and incredibly wealthy. Normal rules don't apply.

Nothing incredible about her wealth, a dime a dozen in central London.

Yeah I don't know. I mean George Clooney is 54 years old and there's a 16 yr age gap. If he was 40 years sure..but I'm not really sure he's "that eligible a bachelor frankly as maybe a younger movie star. Even if he has preserved his looks and is rich. So I do think Amal Amaluddin did have to "settle" in a way.

+1. Who under 40 actually talks about George Clooney? Who really considers a 50+ never married guy a catch?

This is Clooney's second marriage. He was married to Talia Balsam in the late 80s/early 90s.

yeah and even then he had issues. He stated he should have never married then. Gist is, anyone who says Amal Amaluddin had the winning formula that most women should follow because she waited till her late thirties to marry George Clooney is on crack. Plus, most women want kids.

No one says it's a winning formula, just that it has worked out for her. She can have kids if she wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.


well put. i know several women 32-34, who are well-educated, with good careers, and attractive. they are single and getting bitter about it because they think they deserve, and i quote, "a multi-millionaire who can provide me the fabulous lifestyle i deserve."

i remain silent in these conversations. but i think to myself- you will remain single if you project that attitude.

This has been said before, but most men do not care about the well-educated/good careers thingy...that is something women find attractive about other women. I have a few friend like your...they a self delusional.

Of course they do, they may not care if you have a high-powered career, but they most certainly care about your background and education when they look for the mother of their children. Men look for their social equal and higher when looking for wife and mother material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

It's pretty naive to say this is just about beauty as a woman's value. It's about a woman knowing what she wants. My friend is wasting her time with her boyfriend because he's made it clear he's nowhere near ready to get married even though they've been together for 6 years. She'll be 30 in 2 months. She has ALWAYS wanted to be married and have kids before she's 35. She's made that clear to him numerous times. She loves him and keeps hoping he will magically be ready. It's hard to just dump someone after spending so much time with them. But its also unfair to her. Her boyfriend knows what she wants and yet won't give it to her by either proposing or breaking up with her. She won't propose because she knows that's not what he wants.

Now let's say they break up next year when she's 31. That gives her 4 years to meet someone, get married, and have kids. Her market of finding guys that are going to be great is smaller since 30 is around the age that the number of eligible people really begins to drop off.

Sure, it would be nice if it was as easy as "move on to someone else" but the reality is moving on after a certain number of years is pretty damn hard.

THIS!

My college bf and I broke up at 24. While upsetting, this was not overly daunting at the time because of all the opportunities to still meet people: grad school being the main one. I'm married now, but I think it would be REALLY hard to meet someone now at 30. School mixers are no more. Professional happy hours are for networking, not dating. No single girlfriends to go out with after work to bars and meet guys, etc.

It's not hard to meet someone at 30, and I had tons of single girlfriends at 30. I am surprised you would say that.

I'm the PP who thinks it would be very hard to meet someone now. I have 2 single girlfriends in DC. 2. All of my other friends are married or in long term relationships. I'm also a lawyer. After a day of work, trying to get to the gym, and other life errands/chores etc, combined with very few wingwomen...I think it would be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Amal won the lottery for a woman her age. She has talked about her dating difficulty before and how she was looking for a "perfect man" and she found him in Clooney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.

Are you in the stock market? You try, very awkwardly, to make an association between relationships and economics. Age, hotness and marketability. Next you'll be comparing the divorce rate to a z-score.
Love is blind, remember?

No. It's not.

Well, real love is. But marriage is only partly about love. It's also very much an economic transaction.

If marriage was all about love then we would all marry homeless cripples because they need more love than anyone.

Whoever started that quote has given bad advice to generations of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.

Are you in the stock market? You try, very awkwardly, to make an association between relationships and economics. Age, hotness and marketability. Next you'll be comparing the divorce rate to a z-score.
Love is blind, remember?

No. It's not.

Well, real love is. But marriage is only partly about love. It's also very much an economic transaction.

If marriage was all about love then we would all marry homeless cripples because they need more love than anyone.

Whoever started that quote has given bad advice to generations of people.

Somehow, I think, and I think you know, you could have given a much better analogy that what you've presented us. I take it your answer to my question is yes.

I will politely disagree with your assessment. Pat Benatar had it right. Love is a Battlefield.