Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'm the PP who thinks it would be very hard to meet someone now. I have 2 single girlfriends in DC. 2. All of my other friends are married or in long term relationships. I'm also a lawyer. After a day of work, trying to get to the gym, and other life errands/chores etc, combined with very few wingwomen...I think it would be difficult.

Screw the wingwomen: Take control and charge of your life and stop sitting on your hands and ass, waiting for men to approach you and ask you out. That's the simplest answer.

i think the point was that- in your 30s, the number of social events with singles are fewer than in 20s. my sister in law has a best friend who is also single. they go out almost every weekend looking for guys. it turns into a competition between them since they are both single and looking. since they don't really have a lot of other local single friends, the alternative is to go places alone?

i invite them both to various social events, but they usually decline, because they assume (correctly) that the scene will be mainly couples.

I can't relate to that at all. My busiest dating years were from 30 to 34. The number of social events doesn't dwindle at all, they become more sophisticated and you are much more likely to meet people interested in marrying and settling down. You may meet a lot of people going out in their 20s but their agenda may be very far from marriage.

I married at 35. All the men I dated (from online sites) very much wanted to marry and have children. Dating in your 30's is much more focused and goal-oriented, IMO. Instead of looking for someone hot, having fun, and seeing if you have a future together, you start out with a goal of a future and don't waste months trying to figure out if this person has the basics, like reliability, sobriety, etc.

[Anonymous]

So then what do you tell the female friend who is 36, been with the committment-phobic guy for two years who keeps telling her he wants to marry and have kids but isn't proposing? If she dumps him, she's starting over at 37 when she gets over him, hoping to find Mr. Right ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So then what do you tell the female friend who is 36, been with the committment-phobic guy for two years who keeps telling her he wants to marry and have kids but isn't proposing? If she dumps him, she's starting over at 37 when she gets over him, hoping to find Mr. Right ASAP.

She'll have more options single at 37 than she will if she sticks with this guy for several more years, hoping he will commit. She should give him a deadline and then cut her losses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So then what do you tell the female friend who is 36, been with the committment-phobic guy for two years who keeps telling her he wants to marry and have kids but isn't proposing? If she dumps him, she's starting over at 37 when she gets over him, hoping to find Mr. Right ASAP.

She'll have more options single at 37 than she will if she sticks with this guy for several more years, hoping he will commit. She should give him a deadline and then cut her losses.

+1. Two years should be the absolute limit on dating for any woman over the age of 32. No exceptions. If he wants her at all, he'll come back with a ring.

[Anonymous]

I propose a new title: Don't Let This Thread Waste Your Most Precious Time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks, folks.

In the end, you marry what you can get, just like everyone else. If you think that x is "too old" for you or "y" must be a loser because he's never been married, then keep looking.

Just don't be surprised to find that your reach exceeds your grasp and you end up having to scramble like every other "successful" thirty something with high expectations. In the end, it's not about what you deserve, it' about old fashioned economics: supply and demand.

well put. i know several women 32-34, who are well-educated, with good careers, and attractive. they are single and getting bitter about it because they think they deserve, and i quote, "a multi-millionaire who can provide me the fabulous lifestyle i deserve."

i remain silent in these conversations. but i think to myself- you will remain single if you project that attitude.

seriously, how many women think they only deserve a multimillionaire???? this is not the thinking of your average woman in her early 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post reflects some fucked up notions about a woman's value. As if physical beauty is the beginning and end of what she has to offer. As if it's a good idea for her to "lock in" a life time with a guy who wouldn't want to be with her if she met him in her 30s. As if it's illegal for her to propose.

Date someone who is kind to you. If you love them, marry them. If they don't want to get married & you do, move on to someone else who is kind to you. Repeat as necessary.

It's pretty naive to say this is just about beauty as a woman's value. It's about a woman knowing what she wants. My friend is wasting her time with her boyfriend because he's made it clear he's nowhere near ready to get married even though they've been together for 6 years. She'll be 30 in 2 months. She has ALWAYS wanted to be married and have kids before she's 35. She's made that clear to him numerous times. She loves him and keeps hoping he will magically be ready. It's hard to just dump someone after spending so much time with them. But its also unfair to her. Her boyfriend knows what she wants and yet won't give it to her by either proposing or breaking up with her. She won't propose because she knows that's not what he wants.

Now let's say they break up next year when she's 31. That gives her 4 years to meet someone, get married, and have kids. Her market of finding guys that are going to be great is smaller since 30 is around the age that the number of eligible people really begins to drop off.

Sure, it would be nice if it was as easy as "move on to someone else" but the reality is moving on after a certain number of years is pretty damn hard.

THIS!

My college bf and I broke up at 24. While upsetting, this was not overly daunting at the time because of all the opportunities to still meet people: grad school being the main one. I'm married now, but I think it would be REALLY hard to meet someone now at 30. School mixers are no more. Professional happy hours are for networking, not dating. No single girlfriends to go out with after work to bars and meet guys, etc.

It's not hard to meet someone at 30, and I had tons of single girlfriends at 30. I am surprised you would say that.

I'm the PP who thinks it would be very hard to meet someone now. I have 2 single girlfriends in DC. 2. All of my other friends are married or in long term relationships. I'm also a lawyer. After a day of work, trying to get to the gym, and other life errands/chores etc, combined with very few wingwomen...I think it would be difficult.

You don't need wingwomen as a single woman. If anything, you're better off going out by yourself or with one GF. It makes you more approachable. That said, between my single and married GFs, there is always someone wanting to go out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So then what do you tell the female friend who is 36, been with the committment-phobic guy for two years who keeps telling her he wants to marry and have kids but isn't proposing? If she dumps him, she's starting over at 37 when she gets over him, hoping to find Mr. Right ASAP.

She'll have more options single at 37 than she will if she sticks with this guy for several more years, hoping he will commit. She should give him a deadline and then cut her losses.

She should propose to him.

[Anonymous]

Why being married and having kids by certain age is the epitome of happiness in the US?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So then what do you tell the female friend who is 36, been with the committment-phobic guy for two years who keeps telling her he wants to marry and have kids but isn't proposing? If she dumps him, she's starting over at 37 when she gets over him, hoping to find Mr. Right ASAP.

She'll have more options single at 37 than she will if she sticks with this guy for several more years, hoping he will commit. She should give him a deadline and then cut her losses.

She should propose to him.

that won't change anything. if he wanted to marry her he would have had proposed himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why being married and having kids by certain age is the epitome of happiness in the US?

I don't think anyone said that.

It's just a biological reality that if you want children, you need to get the ball rolling well before 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So then what do you tell the female friend who is 36, been with the committment-phobic guy for two years who keeps telling her he wants to marry and have kids but isn't proposing? If she dumps him, she's starting over at 37 when she gets over him, hoping to find Mr. Right ASAP.

She'll have more options single at 37 than she will if she sticks with this guy for several more years, hoping he will commit. She should give him a deadline and then cut her losses.

She should propose to him.

that won't change anything. if he wanted to marry her he would have had proposed himself.

+1 that's the thing. When a guy wants to marry you you don't need to question it. You both have talked about it, he makes his intentions clear. you guys know its both coming. I never had to question whether DH would marry me or not..the relationship progression to marriage flowed very smoothly.

I think in his last lecture Randy Pausch put it best:
“When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”