DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the way through the thread, but you might want to double check dd's story. Did she cover the co pay at the doc? Who covered boyfriend's testing costs? (And I'm pretty sure OBs don't do STD testing on males)

I agree, OP either lying or really gullible.

Something is off.

Yup. It's pretty funny that so many fell for it and took it so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I just asked a gyno if she will see a 16 year old without parental consent. She said she would not, and most gyno's will not.
OP, your daughter lied to you or she lied about her real age to the doctor.

That is a gynecologist I would not want to have as my doctor. A doctor's responsibility is to the patient, not the patient's parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I just asked a gyno if she will see a 16 year old without parental consent. She said she would not, and most gyno's will not.
OP, your daughter lied to you or she lied about her real age to the doctor.

That is a gynecologist I would not want to have as my doctor. A doctor's responsibility is to the patient, not the patient's parent.

+1

[Anonymous]

Believe the OP or not, believe the daughter or not, believe what your child tells you or not -- 16 year olds are having sex all the time.

- a 16 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the way through the thread, but you might want to double check dd's story. Did she cover the co pay at the doc? Who covered boyfriend's testing costs? (And I'm pretty sure OBs don't do STD testing on males)

I agree, OP either lying or really gullible.

Something is off.

Yup. It's pretty funny that so many fell for it and took it so far.

Doesn't matter if this particular scenario is true. Many 16 year olds are having sex and it's important to figure out how you, as a parent, want to approach your child's sexuality and autonomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Believe the OP or not, believe the daughter or not, believe what your child tells you or not -- 16 year olds are having sex all the time.

- a 16 year old.

Yes! And if my 16 year old were having sex, I'd want her/him to be having sex in a committed, respectful relationship. Sounds like the best case scenario here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Believe the OP or not, believe the daughter or not, believe what your child tells you or not -- 16 year olds are having sex all the time.

- a 16 year old.

Yes! And if my 16 year old were having sex, I'd want her/him to be having sex in a committed, respectful relationship. Sounds like the best case scenario here.

It is the best case scenario. It's fiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Believe the OP or not, believe the daughter or not, believe what your child tells you or not -- 16 year olds are having sex all the time.

- a 16 year old.

Yes! And if my 16 year old were having sex, I'd want her/him to be having sex in a committed, respectful relationship. Sounds like the best case scenario here.

I agree. It is how I would want my daughter to have her first sexual relationship (although I'd prefer she waited but if she felt ready, I'd have to support her).

[Anonymous]

Are you people crazy? Teens male and female can go to planned parenthood for std testing.

[Anonymous]

16 year old. Committed relationship. Two words that do not belong together unless you people have a very warped definition of a committed relationship.
Teens have sex. Fine. But don't fool yourselves about the committed relationship part. They THINK it is a committed relationship. Not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

I agree that I wouldn't object to sex in a responsible way. However, i think it's weird the girl didn't talk to her parents before going to get birth control. That part would bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 year old. Committed relationship. Two words that do not belong together unless you people have a very warped definition of a committed relationship.
Teens have sex. Fine. But don't fool yourselves about the committed relationship part. They THINK it is a committed relationship. Not the same thing.

That's a ridiculous statement that's offensive to any teens in stable committed relationships -- something I absolutely believe is possible because I have seen it.

Ever heard of high school sweethearts? I know at least two such couples who are still happily married decades later.

Even relationships that eventually end short of marriage can be committed long-term relationships where the couple eventually just decides it's not going to work out. From my DD's group of friends I know of at least 4 of those that lasted 3+ years in high school or several years into college. There are numerous other examples from my own childhood friends, and with two exceptions even though the couples broke up they are still close friends to this day.

Why would you decide a relationship can't be healthy and serious simply because of the ages of the couple? I hope your own child does not begin a serious relationship as a teen, then, because it doesn't sound like you would welcome the partner and respect the relationship. That sounds like it would be incredibly hurtful to your child, and there's always the chance you just alienated your future SIL/DIL.

Why would you wish ill on a (healthy, respectful, positive) relationship by *assuming* it will fall apart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Believe the OP or not, believe the daughter or not, believe what your child tells you or not -- 16 year olds are having sex all the time.

- a 16 year old.

Yes! And if my 16 year old were having sex, I'd want her/him to be having sex in a committed, respectful relationship. Sounds like the best case scenario here.

It is the best case scenario. It's fiction.

Eh, not always. DH is from DC and I'm from Arlington (I went to Jamestown/Williamsburg/H-B); we met in high school when we were 16 and were sexually active. Never dated anyone after that because we just weren't interested; we both tried going on breaks but keep coming back to each other. We got married after college graduation at 22 & 23, respectively. It'll be 15 years this summer and things are still great I admit we'd probably be a little pissed if one of our kids was over the moon in love at 16 and I absolutely expect them to take their health seriously and use protection when they become sexually active--my parents were always very upfront about that stuff and I'm grateful for it. It sounds like the girl in question here has handled this very well and that she and her boyfriend are very mature for 16.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day the only issues I would have are:
Not knowing when the boyfriend -or anyone else- is coming and going (geez, you clearly also didn't know if/when your DD was there). Get an alarm system. Or use the one you have. Boyfriend needs to come and go by the front door and only at times mom and dad are ok with him being there.

Them not using condoms. Birth control is great but it doesn't protect your daughter from STDs if the boyfriend isn't faithful. Or vice-versa.

Hopefully your kid is now going to a dr on your insurance plan. Even if not your doctor.

Boyfriend should pay every other BC prescription co-pay. Or maybe every one since it's her body being impacted. Good lesson for him to learn that you have to pay to play, so to speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16 year old. Committed relationship. Two words that do not belong together unless you people have a very warped definition of a committed relationship.
Teens have sex. Fine. But don't fool yourselves about the committed relationship part. They THINK it is a committed relationship. Not the same thing.

That's a ridiculous statement that's offensive to any teens in stable committed relationships -- something I absolutely believe is possible because I have seen it.

I'm sorry the little children are offended, but it's to be expected -- they are kids and don't have the wisdom that adults do, so they will get offended at the things adults say.

Playing house and having good sex and being "really, really in LOVE!", while your entire life is funded and provided for by other adults, does not equal a committed relationship. A true committed relationship involves a huge amount of responsibility and sacrifice, something which is completely missing from the teen "committed" relationship. They are play-relationshipping, which in the vast majority of cases (*yes I realize there are exceptions!*) leaves them utterly unprepared for what a true, adult committed relationship looks and feels like. Look at all the completely incompetent adults -- even right here on DCUM -- who don't know how to sacrifice for their spouse and how to truly love their spouse; whose relationships are bitter and broken because they are not really getting (or giving) the care and support which is necessary to sustain adult marriages.

We do our children a disservice by allowing them to think that being in lust and having beautiful sex is the same thing as learning how to have an adult relationship. We do our children a disservice by allowing them to play at being grown-ups, without actually giving them true grown-up responsibilities. We do our children a disservice by allowing them to give their hearts and bodies to boys (or girls) who they are not actually becoming united with in a mature and lasting way. You may disagree, but I believe this leads to brokenness in spirit and in many cases leads to problems later on in marriage.

OP, you are in a pickle. I'm not sure exactly what I would do in this case. Aside from talking at great length with the kids, I'd probably start requiring far more adult responsibilities from my daughter, since she is choosing to make an attempt at an adult relationship. Does she pay for her own cell phone? How about her transportation? Does she provide or prepare any of the family meals? What's her chore load like? I'd probably start there and insist on a higher level of contribution in all areas. And honestly, it would NOT be about punishment. I realize that teens have strong sexual feelings and act on them -- and I don't think it makes them bad kids or anything. It's just that as parents, we need to help them understand what responsibility and self-discipline really are, so that they can be adults who are capable of entering into mature and lasting relationships.