DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

[Anonymous]

OMG fart smell poster, you are cracking me up this morning.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DD has a small "study" attached to her bedroom and she and her boyfriend study up there (or at least part of the time now). We never disturb her. Her room also has an door to the outside so we don't even know went he comes and goes (Christ, the puns are inevitable!)

DD told me that her doctor tested them both for STDs, even though she was a virgin, and they came back clean.

I know his parents but don't feel comfortable bring up this issue with them - should I? I don't know if they know...

On one hand, I am very proud of the way DD handled this - she told her boyfriend that there would be no fooling around at all before they made the decision to get into a sexual relationship and to go to the doctor. She felt very strongly that, as the female, she didn't want to play the game of the girl being the "goal keeper" and the one responsible for saying no. Apparently he respected this so there was nothing beyond kissing until she had a month on the pill.

On the other hand, my daughter is having sex in her bedroom with her boyfriend!!!! I just cannot get past this and honestly don't know if there is anything I could or should do!!! I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know why I wasn't - denial, I guess.

DD's father passed away when she was seven and I have not told her step-father. She very close to him and he adores her - I don't know how he would take it.

The readers of this thread are the only people who know my daughter is having sex. Regularly. Upstairs.

[Anonymous]

The majority of adolescents in the US have sex by their 17th birthday. She is normal.

This study looked at ages of sexual debut:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19631791

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The majority of adolescents in the US have sex by their 17th birthday. She is normal.

This study looked at ages of sexual debut:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19631791

Those are statistics for having had sex once. Not statistics for banging one out in your bedroom every night while your parents watch Breaking Bad in the next room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your little girl is grown up. People used to be married at 16.

More than 120 years ago. Wake up. She is still a little girl

They weren't any more mature or any different 120 years ago. They just had less education to complete. They got married because they wanted to have sex and they didn't have birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Marriage provided a framework to have sex and babies.

Sex is a developmental milestone. It's a normal, healthy part of becoming an adult. Puberty kicks in and then kids form relationships and then they have sex. Totally normal. Most kids have start having sex around 16-18. The majority have sex by age 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD has a small "study" attached to her bedroom and she and her boyfriend study up there (or at least part of the time now). We never disturb her. Her room also has an door to the outside so we don't even know went he comes and goes (Christ, the puns are inevitable!)

DD told me that her doctor tested them both for STDs, even though she was a virgin, and they came back clean.

I know his parents but don't feel comfortable bring up this issue with them - should I? I don't know if they know...

On one hand, I am very proud of the way DD handled this - she told her boyfriend that there would be no fooling around at all before they made the decision to get into a sexual relationship and to go to the doctor. She felt very strongly that, as the female, she didn't want to play the game of the girl being the "goal keeper" and the one responsible for saying no. Apparently he respected this so there was nothing beyond kissing until she had a month on the pill.

On the other hand, my daughter is having sex in her bedroom with her boyfriend!!!! I just cannot get past this and honestly don't know if there is anything I could or should do!!! I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know why I wasn't - denial, I guess.

DD's father passed away when she was seven and I have not told her step-father. She very close to him and he adores her - I don't know how he would take it.

The readers of this thread are the only people who know my daughter is having sex. Regularly. Upstairs.

I would be feeling as shocked as you are!

I don't think you should tell other adults. I think you should encourage her to encourage her boyfriend to be honest with his parents. I think you can ask her if you can tell your husband.

I would not allow closed doors. I wouldn't want the sex to continue! But I would not know how to draw boundaries now.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds to me like your daughter (and her boyfriend!) are both mature and handling this responsibly.

And I understand the !!!! feelings (as much as I can, with my children not yet in high school), but children do grow up and start doing grown-up things, for good or bad. And if they're going to have sex, then I'd rather it happen comfortably and safely in my child's own home, instead of uncomfortably and unsafely who knows where.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, Sounds like your daughter is very responsible and has a good head on her shoulders. We have a 15 yo ballet dancer so I think I have a pretty good idea of your daughter's maturity level, which ballet attracts and then further demands. So, be happy your DD was honest with you and more importantly, held her ground with BF. Frankly, I'm impressed with BF too as I don't know many BFs who at 16 would be willing to go to the doctor with their GF to get BCPs. Condoms would be a good idea but I think that ship has probably sailed if they aren't used to them now.

Frankly given the ballet schedule at this age and her terrific grades, how does she have the time and energy to see him much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD has a small "study" attached to her bedroom and she and her boyfriend study up there (or at least part of the time now). We never disturb her. Her room also has an door to the outside so we don't even know went he comes and goes (Christ, the puns are inevitable!)

DD told me that her doctor tested them both for STDs, even though she was a virgin, and they came back clean.

I know his parents but don't feel comfortable bring up this issue with them - should I? I don't know if they know...

On one hand, I am very proud of the way DD handled this - she told her boyfriend that there would be no fooling around at all before they made the decision to get into a sexual relationship and to go to the doctor. She felt very strongly that, as the female, she didn't want to play the game of the girl being the "goal keeper" and the one responsible for saying no. Apparently he respected this so there was nothing beyond kissing until she had a month on the pill.

On the other hand, my daughter is having sex in her bedroom with her boyfriend!!!! I just cannot get past this and honestly don't know if there is anything I could or should do!!! I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know why I wasn't - denial, I guess.

DD's father passed away when she was seven and I have not told her step-father. She very close to him and he adores her - I don't know how he would take it.

The readers of this thread are the only people who know my daughter is having sex. Regularly. Upstairs.

I am amazed and very impressed that your 16 year old is so responsible and logical! Although I know I would be as shocked as you are, I respect her privacy and decision. The only thing different between today and last week is that you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, Sounds like your daughter is very responsible and has a good head on her shoulders. We have a 15 yo ballet dancer so I think I have a pretty good idea of your daughter's maturity level, which ballet attracts and then further demands. So, be happy your DD was honest with you and more importantly, held her ground with BF. Frankly, I'm impressed with BF too as I don't know many BFs who at 16 would be willing to go to the doctor with their GF to get BCPs. Condoms would be a good idea but I think that ship has probably sailed if they aren't used to them now.

Frankly given the ballet schedule at this age and her terrific grades, how does she have the time and energy to see him much?

OP here. She is in class 3 hours a day and five hours on Saturdays. They see each other in the evenings and weekends.

Thanks for your post. Yes, her devotion to ballet has been a wonderful discipline that has influenced other areas of her life (like her grades and personal responsibility like setting her own curfews).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you allow them to "hang out" in her room this is going to be happening. This is why a lot (if not most) parents don't allow significant others to hangout in bedrooms. If I found out my teen was having sex in his girlfriend's bedroom while her parents were watching TV I would be livid.

+1 What was he doing in her bedroom., especially when you are home and aware of it? Obviously if kids are going to have sex, they will find a place but you have been sending the wrong message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you allow them to "hang out" in her room this is going to be happening. This is why a lot (if not most) parents don't allow significant others to hangout in bedrooms. If I found out my teen was having sex in his girlfriend's bedroom while her parents were watching TV I would be livid.

+1 What was he doing in her bedroom., especially when you are home and aware of it? Obviously if kids are going to have sex, they will find a place but you have been sending the wrong message.

OP wrote that DD had a "study" attached to her bedroom and a door to the outside. It is different than just letting a boy in her bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD has a small "study" attached to her bedroom and she and her boyfriend study up there (or at least part of the time now). We never disturb her. Her room also has an door to the outside so we don't even know went he comes and goes (Christ, the puns are inevitable!)

DD told me that her doctor tested them both for STDs, even though she was a virgin, and they came back clean.

I know his parents but don't feel comfortable bring up this issue with them - should I? I don't know if they know...

On one hand, I am very proud of the way DD handled this - she told her boyfriend that there would be no fooling around at all before they made the decision to get into a sexual relationship and to go to the doctor. She felt very strongly that, as the female, she didn't want to play the game of the girl being the "goal keeper" and the one responsible for saying no. Apparently he respected this so there was nothing beyond kissing until she had a month on the pill.

On the other hand, my daughter is having sex in her bedroom with her boyfriend!!!! I just cannot get past this and honestly don't know if there is anything I could or should do!!! I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know why I wasn't - denial, I guess.

DD's father passed away when she was seven and I have not told her step-father. She very close to him and he adores her - I don't know how he would take it.

The readers of this thread are the only people who know my daughter is having sex. Regularly. Upstairs.

Yikes! Why don't you just get her an apartment of her own since she is basically raising herself. These comments are so depressing.

[Anonymous]

I read all of your posts, OP, and it sounds like you are the one with the problem - not your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD has a small "study" attached to her bedroom and she and her boyfriend study up there (or at least part of the time now). We never disturb her. Her room also has an door to the outside so we don't even know went he comes and goes (Christ, the puns are inevitable!)

DD told me that her doctor tested them both for STDs, even though she was a virgin, and they came back clean.

I know his parents but don't feel comfortable bring up this issue with them - should I? I don't know if they know...

On one hand, I am very proud of the way DD handled this - she told her boyfriend that there would be no fooling around at all before they made the decision to get into a sexual relationship and to go to the doctor. She felt very strongly that, as the female, she didn't want to play the game of the girl being the "goal keeper" and the one responsible for saying no. Apparently he respected this so there was nothing beyond kissing until she had a month on the pill.

On the other hand, my daughter is having sex in her bedroom with her boyfriend!!!! I just cannot get past this and honestly don't know if there is anything I could or should do!!! I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know why I wasn't - denial, I guess.

DD's father passed away when she was seven and I have not told her step-father. She very close to him and he adores her - I don't know how he would take it.

The readers of this thread are the only people who know my daughter is having sex. Regularly. Upstairs.

Yikes! Why don't you just get her an apartment of her own since she is basically raising herself. These comments are so depressing.

Not OP but the daughter is 16 and clearly has been raised right to make such responsible decisions about her own life. You do not become the top ranked student in your class by making wrong decisions.

You raised her right, OP, now you have to trust her and let her continue to grow up.