Reply to DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]16 year old. Committed relationship. Two words that do not belong together unless you people have a very warped definition of a committed relationship. 
Teens have sex. Fine. But don't fool yourselves about the committed relationship part. They THINK it is a committed relationship. Not the same thing. [/quote]

That's a ridiculous statement [b]that's offensive to any teens in stable committed relationships[/b] -- something I absolutely believe is possible because I have seen it.

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I'm sorry the little children are offended, but it's to be expected -- they are kids and don't have the wisdom that adults do, so they will get offended at the things adults say.

Playing house and having good sex and being "really, really in LOVE!", while your entire life is funded and provided for by other adults,  does not equal a committed relationship.  A true committed relationship involves a huge amount of responsibility and sacrifice, something which is completely missing from the teen "committed" relationship.  They are play-relationshipping, which in the vast majority of cases (*yes I realize there are exceptions!*) leaves them utterly unprepared for what a true, adult committed relationship looks and feels like.  Look at all the completely incompetent adults -- even right here on DCUM -- who don't know how to sacrifice for their spouse and how to truly love their spouse; whose relationships are bitter and broken because they are not really getting (or giving) the care and support which is necessary to sustain adult marriages.

We do our children a disservice by allowing them to think that being in lust and having beautiful sex is the same thing as learning how to have an adult relationship.  We do our children a disservice by allowing them to play at being grown-ups, without actually giving them true grown-up responsibilities.  We do our children a disservice by allowing them to give their hearts and bodies to boys (or girls) who they are not actually becoming united with in a mature and lasting way.  You may disagree, but I believe this leads to brokenness in spirit and in many cases leads to problems later on in marriage.

OP, you are in a pickle.  I'm not sure exactly what I would do in this case.  Aside from talking at great length with the kids, I'd probably start requiring far more adult responsibilities from my daughter, since she is choosing to make an attempt at an adult relationship.  Does she pay for her own cell phone?  How about her transportation?  Does she provide or prepare any of the family meals?  What's her chore load like?  I'd probably start there and insist on a higher level of contribution in all areas.  And honestly, it would NOT be about punishment.  I realize that teens have strong sexual feelings and act on them -- and I don't think it makes them bad kids or anything.  It's just that as parents, we need to help them understand what responsibility and self-discipline really are, so that they can be adults who are capable of entering into mature and lasting relationships.
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