If you had an affair with a married person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.

Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).

OMG. Please, just no. So many men go out for variety after the same thing for 20 years in midlife. IT has zero to do with love. Did Clinton love Lewinski? Hugh, Divine Brown? Adam Levine, whatever the hell her name was? Men have sex all of the time for the sake of sex.

Women on this site need to stop thinking like a woman when they ascribe feelings to cheating men. And to say a woman is solely valuing assets if she reconciles is absolutely ridiculous. There is a lot of unprocessed resentment and anger for the wife in that post.

He didn’t seem to love his wife either. I don’t think anyone is in a position to make a call of whether Clinton had any sort of romantic connection with Monica.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.

Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).

Scraps. Hmmm. Can a man give all of himself to someone he sees in a hotel room for 40 min once or twice a month? I'm serious. Is he all in when he has never eaten a meal in public with the AP? Never been there when she's sick or spent a holiday together? Can't freely talk on the phone? He has to leave separately or have her duck her head in the car. Nobody he truly cares about has ever met her (when people are in love THEY WANT EVERYONE to know). Hasn't met his parents.

I think there is a lot of delusion in many of these posts. But, the type of women that get into affairs usually have some form of histrionic personality disorder. They need drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.

Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).

OMG. Please, just no. So many men go out for variety after the same thing for 20 years in midlife. IT has zero to do with love. Did Clinton love Lewinski? Hugh, Divine Brown? Adam Levine, whatever the hell her name was? Men have sex all of the time for the sake of sex.

Women on this site need to stop thinking like a woman when they ascribe feelings to cheating men. And to say a woman is solely valuing assets if she reconciles is absolutely ridiculous. There is a lot of unprocessed resentment and anger for the wife in that post.

I know you won’t believe me or anyone else, but some men truly do want friendship as part of an affair. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. Yes, [most] men are only after sex, but not all.

Fixed it for you.

[Anonymous]

I found out my husband cheated and was devastated but before going through with the divorce realized I’m better off staying married and keeping my 4 healthy kids, beautiful home and high HHI. I’m okay with more of a business partnership now.

[Anonymous]

She values “true feelings and a moment”. That might be one of the funniest things I’ve read from an AP.

[Anonymous]

So from 16-19 I dated my first BF and years later when we were 32 we had an on/ off affair for a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out my husband cheated and was devastated but before going through with the divorce realized I’m better off staying married and keeping my 4 healthy kids, beautiful home and high HHI. I’m okay with more of a business partnership now.

Did your DH bring in most of the HHI? Is he free to cheat again? Are you planning on leaving when the kids are grown, or even starting an affair of your own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.

Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).

Interesting. I never thought about it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.

Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).

OMG. Please, just no. So many men go out for variety after the same thing for 20 years in midlife. IT has zero to do with love. Did Clinton love Lewinski? Hugh, Divine Brown? Adam Levine, whatever the hell her name was? Men have sex all of the time for the sake of sex.

Women on this site need to stop thinking like a woman when they ascribe feelings to cheating men. And to say a woman is solely valuing assets if she reconciles is absolutely ridiculous. There is a lot of unprocessed resentment and anger for the wife in that post.

I know you won’t believe me or anyone else, but some men truly do want friendship as part of an affair. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. Yes, many men are only after sex, but not all.

The only problem with this is that the two things men value most are sex and money. So it’s very hard to argue that the AP is first in his heart when the obey is elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.

I would not call that love. That is very dysfunctional. You may have felt love, but what you feel is not what the other person feels...at all. I think this is what gets these ppl in trouble. They think the overwhelming feelings that they feel is love and guys separate sex and love so easily. The will play the part to amp up the external validation they get, but this is not love.

Not always. You make a lot of assumptions and generalizations.

My own DH struggled immensely after his affair ended and it seemed like he did not separate sex and love.

I know it is hard to accept, but many times there are feelings involved in affairs.

That's way more uncommon with men. Is your husband kind of a wimpy beta? SO much cheating out there and most men are joking about it and bragging and it's about notches on the wall with their friends. See so many throw them under the bus when it's too much trouble or she starts putting on pressure.

Well yeah that's what they say to their friends. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.

Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).

Interesting. I never thought about it this way.

Because the person is a complete loon:

But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment.

I'm guessing she means [/i]her[i] true feelings because a guy that bangs her and doesn't take her out to be seen, nor to hospital if she falls ill or spends holidays and introduces her to his family...is not showing true feelings. He's escaping reality and in limerence until he showers off any trace of her and slams the hotel door.

So she better value that "Marriott moment"...and the future 'moments' from other married men that disappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.

Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).

OMG. Please, just no. So many men go out for variety after the same thing for 20 years in midlife. IT has zero to do with love. Did Clinton love Lewinski? Hugh, Divine Brown? Adam Levine, whatever the hell her name was? Men have sex all of the time for the sake of sex.

Women on this site need to stop thinking like a woman when they ascribe feelings to cheating men. And to say a woman is solely valuing assets if she reconciles is absolutely ridiculous. There is a lot of unprocessed resentment and anger for the wife in that post.

I know you won’t believe me or anyone else, but some men truly do want friendship as part of an affair. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. Yes, many men are only after sex, but not all.

The only problem with this is that the two things men value most are sex and money. So it’s very hard to argue that the AP is first in his heart when the obey is elsewhere.

You do realize many of these men are still having sex with their wives multiple times per week, right???? Even when they tell her otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are very much about getting scraps/breadcrumbs of love and I think pp understands that. that dynamic is why they happen- you don’t think you need or deserve better than someone’s scraps. For me I just thought I wanted something sexual and when I started feeling things for the person I went into a complete panic, because I wanted whatever they could give me and I knew it would end terribly.

Not necessarily true. You can live with a man for 20 years and have no idea how he is capable to love someone else. He gives himself all to the AP. In this case, it is the wife who gets scraps. But it also depends on your values. I value true feelings and a moment. If you value your house, retirement account, and other assets, then maybe you are correct, the AP is getting scraps. But putting finances aside, I think AP is getting a true and genuine relationship (assuming the man is open that he is married).

OMG. Please, just no. So many men go out for variety after the same thing for 20 years in midlife. IT has zero to do with love. Did Clinton love Lewinski? Hugh, Divine Brown? Adam Levine, whatever the hell her name was? Men have sex all of the time for the sake of sex.

Women on this site need to stop thinking like a woman when they ascribe feelings to cheating men. And to say a woman is solely valuing assets if she reconciles is absolutely ridiculous. There is a lot of unprocessed resentment and anger for the wife in that post.

I know you won’t believe me or anyone else, but some men truly do want friendship as part of an affair. Not all men are the same and not all women are the same. Yes, many men are only after sex, but not all.

The only problem with this is that the two things men value most are sex and money. So it’s very hard to argue that the AP is first in his heart when the obey is elsewhere.

You do realize many of these men are still having sex with their wives multiple times per week, right???? Even when they tell her otherwise.

Yep. Cringe: I was still having sex several days a week when he was banging her once a month.

How does the pp do the math on that ??
Wife: 8-12 times per month.
AP: 1 time (talked seldom; 1 hour a month in person).

[Anonymous]

^money (not “obey”).

[Anonymous]

The Ow after she was dumped said part of their fights were because he always talked so highly of me and she was jealous of me and the way he loved me. While she was in a bad marriage and wanted out.

So, of course, I pointed out the irony of being jealous of someone whose husband is cheating on her.

Strange conversations indeed.