If you had an affair with a married person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

He was indeed texting you while on vacation with his wife. Tell me how I know.

PP. I’m sure he was. I also think she was away a lot of the time. He spent a lot of time texting with me and I don’t see how he could be doing it while with her. If this is the case then it means he wasn’t getting any attention from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

Lmaoff!!!! 99.9999%%% of men aren’t looking for love, just sex and they will say anything to get it….until they had their fill, got bored or got caught and then dumped with no contact. True love, indeed

This board is mostly women and they truly don’t understand how different men are about sex/affairs. Compartmentalization. These are often strong marriages with sex and love…but midlife some strange on the side for a bit when they are trying to escape their old age and unfulfilled potential.

Translation for the TL;DR crowd:

PP's saying that men all think with their d**ks. Even more so as they get older.

So glad that PP knows every man, everywhere, ever, and can give us these univeral truths from on high. Well, maybe not every man. PP does note that there might actually be, what is it, 00.00001 percent of men who can prevent themselves from sticking it into "some strange on the side."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

He was indeed texting you while on vacation with his wife. Tell me how I know.

PP. I’m sure he was. I also think she was away a lot of the time. He spent a lot of time texting with me and I don’t see how he could be doing it while with her. If this is the case then it means he wasn’t getting any attention from her.

Sounds like someone drank the Kool-Aid her AP was serving up when he claimed his poor ignored self didn't get the attention he needed from wifey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

He was indeed texting you while on vacation with his wife. Tell me how I know.

PP. I’m sure he was. I also think she was away a lot of the time. He spent a lot of time texting with me and I don’t see how he could be doing it while with her. If this is the case then it means he wasn’t getting any attention from her.

Sounds like someone drank the Kool-Aid her AP was serving up when he claimed his poor ignored self didn't get the attention he needed from wifey.

Thank god “rent a ho” was there to fill in.

[Anonymous]

I didn't know he was married. There was no ring indent on his finger or tan line. His phone lock screen was basic without any family photos. His phone background was the same. He was never distracted while with me or flighty, making excuses for why he needed to take a phone call or cut a date short. When we were together, we were 100% together. He spent the night with me, we vacationed together, and I met his brother (supposedly? Who knows - he told me his only family was a brother.). He was active on social media with friends!

I found out in the most random way, too. He was my plus one for a colleague's wedding. Another guest at that wedding knew his wife.

When the truth came out, he was basically living a double life. His work brought him to the DC area but he lived in Philly, which I never knew. I thought he lived in DC full time and traveled from here for work to other areas (Philly, Newark, Boston, NYC). His apartment here in DC was really an apartment owned by his office. I still don't understand how someone could live their life with so many lies about everything. Looking at everything he did, all the lies he told and the stories he had to keep straight, it just seems so exhausting. We were together for just under 18 months, too.

I didn't date for about 2 years after that and I still have some major trust issues. Even in my case where I had no idea, his wife was SO upset with me. She harassed me on social media and some of her friends & family did as well. She texted me from 3 different numbers and I had to block them all. It was crazy. I felt worse for her when everything came out than in the weeks following it all coming out because so much of her anger was directed at me instead of him, which still baffles me. I thought I had him blocked on all social media but about a year or so ago one of his friends that I had friended on Instagram (and forgotten about) posted some photos from a kid's bday party and there the guy was WITH his wife, so they worked things out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH cheated on me with a colleague. Both of them were/are married with children. She and her husband were friendly-ish with us. They’d been to our home for work parties, we knew their kids, we’d see them around town and always stop and chat.

Each of them made a terrible decision. They didn’t think of their spouses or kids to say nothing of the others’ when it happened. My spouse has said how he knows his decision also hurt her spouse and family. I don’t know if his AP has thought or said the same.

It’s hard to deal with in any format but when you knew the person it cuts deeper it seems.

I hope her DH knows like you know. I also hope your DH and his AP colleague no longer work together.

He does and they don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't know he was married. There was no ring indent on his finger or tan line. His phone lock screen was basic without any family photos. His phone background was the same. He was never distracted while with me or flighty, making excuses for why he needed to take a phone call or cut a date short. When we were together, we were 100% together. He spent the night with me, we vacationed together, and I met his brother (supposedly? Who knows - he told me his only family was a brother.). He was active on social media with friends!

I found out in the most random way, too. He was my plus one for a colleague's wedding. Another guest at that wedding knew his wife.

When the truth came out, he was basically living a double life. His work brought him to the DC area but he lived in Philly, which I never knew. I thought he lived in DC full time and traveled from here for work to other areas (Philly, Newark, Boston, NYC). His apartment here in DC was really an apartment owned by his office. I still don't understand how someone could live their life with so many lies about everything. Looking at everything he did, all the lies he told and the stories he had to keep straight, it just seems so exhausting. We were together for just under 18 months, too.

I didn't date for about 2 years after that and I still have some major trust issues. Even in my case where I had no idea, his wife was SO upset with me. She harassed me on social media and some of her friends & family did as well. She texted me from 3 different numbers and I had to block them all. It was crazy. I felt worse for her when everything came out than in the weeks following it all coming out because so much of her anger was directed at me instead of him, which still baffles me. I thought I had him blocked on all social media but about a year or so ago one of his friends that I had friended on Instagram (and forgotten about) posted some photos from a kid's bday party and there the guy was WITH his wife, so they worked things out.

I'm sorry this happened to you; you were used in the worst way. Sadly, the relationship wasn't only about how he felt about you or about sex with you; it also had a huge element of his enjoying the deception, getting a thrill out of pulling off a double life. Wow. The fact he was cavalier and bold (and careless) enough to do things like go to a wedding with you, post on social media (with you and him together in pictures??) etc. show he truly got off on dancing on the knife's edge. Unfortunately, the pictures of him with his wife now mean nothing; he's likely found some other way to have an AP now that his wife knows about the company apartment/frequent travel scam. He won't learn; he'll only seek the next thrill and call it "love."

[Anonymous]

Had a long term, on and off affair with a woman at work.

Did you ever feel bad for the spouse (and/or kids)? No

How did you reconcile entering someone else’s family like that. She started hitting on me and it went from there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a long term, on and off affair with a woman at work.

Did you ever feel bad for the spouse (and/or kids)? No

How did you reconcile entering someone else’s family like that. She started hitting on me and it went from there

Hopefully her husband finds out and beats the sh@t out of you. Likely he will dump her ho @ss. Men tend not to stick around when cheated on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever feel bad for the spouse (and/or kids)? How did you reconcile entering someone else’s family like that.

Did you wish he/she would divorce or die so in your mind you could end up with them?

I’ve heard some really awful things from OW so just wondering anonymously what let you cross that line?

I got hit in a lot by married co-workers and others and my mind always went to their wife. I never wanted to do that to another woman, even ones I didn’t know. If things got heated, I’d distance and put up a wall. Things just don’t happen….

You are my people—friends and family are like this—kind, empathetic, respect other people’s boundaries and don’t engage in something we know has the potential to deeply hurt someone else. You have to be someone able to put yourself in that person’s shoes.

Character. It comes down to good character.

I hope you are raising your kids the same way. There is too much selfishness, narcissism and unkindness in the world.

[Anonymous]

Lowly people get off on the idea they are someone that can “steal” a man or woman’s spouse. Very low self-esteem and a twisted mind. They get off on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lowly people get off on the idea they are someone that can “steal” a man or woman’s spouse. Very low self-esteem and a twisted mind. They get off on it.

Low Value People walk around thinking that they actually "own" their spouse. Newsflash: you don't own any other person. It's not stealing because you didn't have ownership in the first place. You want to get mad at someone? Get mad at your cheating husband who was open to sex with another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous
100% of your anger should be directed at your cheating spouse. They are the one who took vows with you, lied to you, spent time with someone else. A third party cannot come into a strong, healthy marriage and break it up.

This is wrong in so many levels. The implication that people in strong marriages don’t cheat is false - many people cheat because they can, even though they love their spouse and want to stay married. More importantly, I could be 100% angry at my spouse AND the other person, who jacks character and morals. They didn’t take vows with me, but their is a human code that moral people observe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous
100% of your anger should be directed at your cheating spouse. They are the one who took vows with you, lied to you, spent time with someone else. A third party cannot come into a strong, healthy marriage and break it up.

This is wrong in so many levels. The implication that people in strong marriages don’t cheat is false - many people cheat because they can, even though they love their spouse and want to stay married. More importantly, I could be 100% angry at my spouse AND the other person, who jacks character and morals. They didn’t take vows with me, but their is a human code that moral people observe.

+100

I reserve the right to get mad at anyone. Someone banging my spouse AND my spouse seem like likely targets.

You bang someone’s spouse. Of course, they are going to be angry. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lowly people get off on the idea they are someone that can “steal” a man or woman’s spouse. Very low self-esteem and a twisted mind. They get off on it.

Low Value People walk around thinking that they actually "own" their spouse. Newsflash: you don't own any other person. It's not stealing because you didn't have ownership in the first place. You want to get mad at someone? Get mad at your cheating husband who was open to sex with another.

Low Value People are extremely online and clearly get their moral compass from loser podcasters who have never had a successful marriage a day in their lives and call people Low Value People.