If you had an affair with a married person

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it’s just sex and it doesn’t matter. The deceived spouse is better off not knowing.

[Anonymous]

DH cheated on me with a colleague. Both of them were/are married with children. She and her husband were friendly-ish with us. They’d been to our home for work parties, we knew their kids, we’d see them around town and always stop and chat.

Each of them made a terrible decision. They didn’t think of their spouses or kids to say nothing of the others’ when it happened. My spouse has said how he knows his decision also hurt her spouse and family. I don’t know if his AP has thought or said the same.

It’s hard to deal with in any format but when you knew the person it cuts deeper it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

He was indeed texting you while on vacation with his wife. Tell me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think single women often don’t grasp the depth of what it means and how it affects people when men do this.

Why do you assume the OW was single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it’s just sex and it doesn’t matter. The deceived spouse is better off not knowing.

To the OP: The kind of thinking you see in the bold above is how people so easily manage to have affairs with married people. The OWs/APs compartmentalize beautifully and consider sex nothing more than a purely physical gratification for themselves and for their AP. They cannot comprehend why other people view sex as having an emotional component. Sex is not an act of love for them, it's just two animals copulating. They would be bewildered if you tried to explain to them that for some people it's an act of emotional bonding and trust. Or they'd just laugh at the idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

He was indeed texting you while on vacation with his wife. Tell me how I know.

DP. Are you the OP of the long thread about discovering DH's affair after he was texting with his OW while on a family vacation halfway around the world a few months back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH cheated on me with a colleague. Both of them were/are married with children. She and her husband were friendly-ish with us. They’d been to our home for work parties, we knew their kids, we’d see them around town and always stop and chat.

Each of them made a terrible decision. They didn’t think of their spouses or kids to say nothing of the others’ when it happened. My spouse has said how he knows his decision also hurt her spouse and family. I don’t know if his AP has thought or said the same.

It’s hard to deal with in any format but when you knew the person it cuts deeper it seems.

I hope her DH knows like you know. I also hope your DH and his AP colleague no longer work together.

[Anonymous]

Guy here - Slept with numerous married women. I have no conscience so it doesn’t bother me. Waiting for the nasty comments…

[Anonymous]

I’m a guy who slept with an ex-fling and didn’t realize she was married. After I found out, honestly, I felt pretty shitty. They didn’t have any kids. After I found out and talked to her about it I deleted and blocked her number.

[Anonymous]

I had a girlfriend once who waited for more than a month to tell me that she was separated and not yet divorced. I felt bad about dating her for a while but then i realized that her soon-to-be ex-husband had married her mainly to get U.S. citizenship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

He was indeed texting you while on vacation with his wife. Tell me how I know.

Wow. You must be so proud. Oh boy- I’m oh so desirable I could give it away for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think single women often don’t grasp the depth of what it means and how it affects people when men do this.

Nor do married women that don’t love their spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

Lmaoff!!!! 99.9999%%% of men aren’t looking for love, just sex and they will say anything to get it….until they had their fill, got bored or got caught and then dumped with no contact. True love, indeed

This board is mostly women and they truly don’t understand how different men are about sex/affairs. Compartmentalization. These are often strong marriages with sex and love…but midlife some strange on the side for a bit when they are trying to escape their old age and unfulfilled potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think single women often don’t grasp the depth of what it means and how it affects people when men do this.

Nor do married women that don’t love their spouses.

This. Married women cheaters are different. They are done. The affair is an exit out—whether to get there mentally or big dreams of landing softly with someone new. Study after study shows the sexes very much differ….even that bad AM study by the Hopkins guy—all the men said they had happy marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did not feel bad for their spouse, if the marriage was great then their partner wouldn’t be having an affair.

This. My AP said he had a wonderful loving marriage. I don’t really buy it. He spent an inordinate amount of time talking and texting with me. If anything he was at least lonely. Unless he was texting me while spending time with his wife and I doubt it.

I think a lot of women like to believe that they had a perfect marriage and he strayed only for the sex. I’m not so sure about this unless the man is a sociopath. Some people are.

My own DH cheated on me during a rough phase of marriage. Looking back it makes sense and I don’t blame him. He wanted love.

Lmaoff!!!! 99.9999%%% of men aren’t looking for love, just sex and they will say anything to get it….until they had their fill, got bored or got caught and then dumped with no contact. True love, indeed

This board is mostly women and they truly don’t understand how different men are about sex/affairs. Compartmentalization. These are often strong marriages with sex and love…but midlife some strange on the side for a bit when they are trying to escape their old age and unfulfilled potential.

Yes, it’s mostly sex. However my DH must be an extreme outlier because he seems to really need love and admiration.