Strange comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

I have a DIL that is probably like you. Whenever I ask my son a question addressing him directly she always answers for him. Whenever my son goes to another room to talk to me she follows him. Whenever I visit my son and DIL if I go to the store to buy something for him I hear it later from my son that my DIL was hurt that I didn't treat her equal and get something for her too. It's almost like now that my son is married I have to treat them like conjoined twins and that my son isn't still a separate individual.

Yes my son is married and I like his wife but he was my son for 20 plus years before his wife came into the picture and while I expect him to put his wife first I should be able to do things occasionally just for my son and maintain my own individual relationship with him without including his wife in every damn thing I do for my son. I can't even visit my son and buy him a Tshirt without expecting my DIL to nope and cry she didn't get one too. Like Jesus Christ can't I buy a freaking $20 shirt for my son without having to get one for her too.

I hear you and agree....but stop buying him stuff, it causes him grief at home. Address checks or whatever to the both of them if you want to give him something.

Why? Not PP.

Umm because clearly it's hurting the DIL's feelings and causing the son grief at home. Is a $20 Tshirt really worth more than the feelings of a family member? It's weird the hills y'all choose to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got between her and her son for no good reason. Your comment was overstepping and rude.

How was it overstepping and getting between them? I'm married to the man this is something that benefits both of us. Most married couples share money especially large amounts like that. If anything she was getting in between our marriage by sticking her nose in a comment I made to my HUSBAND that wasn't hers to comment on

OP. You must be a troll. Either that or you are psychotic.

How does my opinion make me psychotic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got between her and her son for no good reason. Your comment was overstepping and rude.

How was it overstepping and getting between them? I'm married to the man this is something that benefits both of us. Most married couples share money especially large amounts like that. If anything she was getting in between our marriage by sticking her nose in a comment I made to my HUSBAND that wasn't hers to comment on

OP. You must be a troll. Either that or you are psychotic.

How does my opinion make me psychotic

Just admit you’re trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not a strange comment if you often act like this. MIL probably had her limit!

Limit with what?

Since when is it ok to butt in and stick your nose into someone else's marriage

Of OP's bossiness/speaking for her husband/rudeness/ you name it!

You got this from one comment she made one time. Wow!!

No, its every response from her on this thread. Even the way she described what happened. We all know people like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

I have a DIL that is probably like you. Whenever I ask my son a question addressing him directly she always answers for him. Whenever my son goes to another room to talk to me she follows him. Whenever I visit my son and DIL if I go to the store to buy something for him I hear it later from my son that my DIL was hurt that I didn't treat her equal and get something for her too. It's almost like now that my son is married I have to treat them like conjoined twins and that my son isn't still a separate individual.

Yes my son is married and I like his wife but he was my son for 20 plus years before his wife came into the picture and while I expect him to put his wife first I should be able to do things occasionally just for my son and maintain my own individual relationship with him without including his wife in every damn thing I do for my son. I can't even visit my son and buy him a Tshirt without expecting my DIL to nope and cry she didn't get one too. Like Jesus Christ can't I buy a freaking $20 shirt for my son without having to get one for her too.

NP. This sounds like a you problem. Why do you continuously keep doing things that you know hurt your son and DIL? At first it came across like a nice innocent thing you are doing for your son and now it seems like it is a power trip on your part to mark your territory to show you are still relevant in your son's life. Almost like you wanna ignore that your DIL exists.

Why is it everytime you do something for your son you insist on leaving out your DIL? Are you really that hard up that it would kill you to get your DIL a $20 shirt or is that too much for you?

I would be hurt if my MIL always bought my husband things and always left me out.

The fact of the matter is the relationship you had with your son when he was a child is going to be different than the one you have with him as a married adult. He has a wife now who is also your DIL and they are a unit and should be treated as such. Not sure why you don't wanna acknowledge that.

Ever heard of the expression it's more important to be kind that to be right? That applies here..you are choosing a $20 shirt to be your hill to die on.

You shouldn't care just how it affects your son but also your DIL as well. She is a human being whose feelings also matter.

DP. So which one is it is it just a $20 Tshirt and not a big deal therefore if it's only $20 and not a big deal surely you can walk the 50 extra feet it probably is to get to the woman's section of the store and buy your DIL a Tshirt and if a $20 shirt is a lot of money then it's not just a Tshirt but rather something large that you're leaving your DIL out of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were very rude and you need to apologize. It's your husband's birthday not yours.
My DIL is rude like you. To keep the peace and our money we no longer give gifts. She was sassy enough to insult me but not gutsy enough to apologize. She doesn't allow our son or grand daughter to communicate with us and that's fine. I can hear that p whip going on so I stepped away.

Life is good without her.

LOL it's not your DILs fault your grown son doesn't speak to you. She can't not "allow" a grown man to not speak to his mother. Did she confiscate his car keys or his phone. I hate hate when women are blamed for the actions of men. Take it up with your son if he doesn't speak to you and also the kids are his it isn't your DILs responsibility to make sure you have a relationship with your son or grandkids. He is a grown man with responsibility as well and not a little boy.

Np: unfortunately some men are spineless and/or clueless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

I have a DIL that is probably like you. Whenever I ask my son a question addressing him directly she always answers for him. Whenever my son goes to another room to talk to me she follows him. Whenever I visit my son and DIL if I go to the store to buy something for him I hear it later from my son that my DIL was hurt that I didn't treat her equal and get something for her too. It's almost like now that my son is married I have to treat them like conjoined twins and that my son isn't still a separate individual.

Yes my son is married and I like his wife but he was my son for 20 plus years before his wife came into the picture and while I expect him to put his wife first I should be able to do things occasionally just for my son and maintain my own individual relationship with him without including his wife in every damn thing I do for my son. I can't even visit my son and buy him a Tshirt without expecting my DIL to nope and cry she didn't get one too. Like Jesus Christ can't I buy a freaking $20 shirt for my son without having to get one for her too.

I hear you and agree....but stop buying him stuff, it causes him grief at home. Address checks or whatever to the both of them if you want to give him something.

Why? Not PP.

Umm because clearly it's hurting the DIL's feelings and causing the son grief at home. Is a $20 Tshirt really worth more than the feelings of a family member? It's weird the hills y'all choose to die on.

So is the DIL blameless In creating drama and strife where there doesn’t need to be any. I mean it’s a random T-shirt. Is it that important to creating a riff with DH and his mom. Like that’s the cross you want to die on instead of giving grace and just see it as a mom buying her son a flippin tshirt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

I have a DIL that is probably like you. Whenever I ask my son a question addressing him directly she always answers for him. Whenever my son goes to another room to talk to me she follows him. Whenever I visit my son and DIL if I go to the store to buy something for him I hear it later from my son that my DIL was hurt that I didn't treat her equal and get something for her too. It's almost like now that my son is married I have to treat them like conjoined twins and that my son isn't still a separate individual.

Yes my son is married and I like his wife but he was my son for 20 plus years before his wife came into the picture and while I expect him to put his wife first I should be able to do things occasionally just for my son and maintain my own individual relationship with him without including his wife in every damn thing I do for my son. I can't even visit my son and buy him a Tshirt without expecting my DIL to nope and cry she didn't get one too. Like Jesus Christ can't I buy a freaking $20 shirt for my son without having to get one for her too.

NP. This sounds like a you problem. Why do you continuously keep doing things that you know hurt your son and DIL? At first it came across like a nice innocent thing you are doing for your son and now it seems like it is a power trip on your part to mark your territory to show you are still relevant in your son's life. Almost like you wanna ignore that your DIL exists.

Why is it everytime you do something for your son you insist on leaving out your DIL? Are you really that hard up that it would kill you to get your DIL a $20 shirt or is that too much for you?

I would be hurt if my MIL always bought my husband things and always left me out.

The fact of the matter is the relationship you had with your son when he was a child is going to be different than the one you have with him as a married adult. He has a wife now who is also your DIL and they are a unit and should be treated as such. Not sure why you don't wanna acknowledge that.

Ever heard of the expression it's more important to be kind that to be right? That applies here..you are choosing a $20 shirt to be your hill to die on.

You shouldn't care just how it affects your son but also your DIL as well. She is a human being whose feelings also matter.

DP. So which one is it is it just a $20 Tshirt and not a big deal therefore if it's only $20 and not a big deal surely you can walk the 50 extra feet it probably is to get to the woman's section of the store and buy your DIL a Tshirt and if a $20 shirt is a lot of money then it's not just a Tshirt but rather something large that you're leaving your DIL out of

But all you wives out there have stayed in many other threads your aren’t your mil’s daughter so why do you want to be treated like one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

I have a DIL that is probably like you. Whenever I ask my son a question addressing him directly she always answers for him. Whenever my son goes to another room to talk to me she follows him. Whenever I visit my son and DIL if I go to the store to buy something for him I hear it later from my son that my DIL was hurt that I didn't treat her equal and get something for her too. It's almost like now that my son is married I have to treat them like conjoined twins and that my son isn't still a separate individual.

Yes my son is married and I like his wife but he was my son for 20 plus years before his wife came into the picture and while I expect him to put his wife first I should be able to do things occasionally just for my son and maintain my own individual relationship with him without including his wife in every damn thing I do for my son. I can't even visit my son and buy him a Tshirt without expecting my DIL to nope and cry she didn't get one too. Like Jesus Christ can't I buy a freaking $20 shirt for my son without having to get one for her too.

NP. This sounds like a you problem. Why do you continuously keep doing things that you know hurt your son and DIL? At first it came across like a nice innocent thing you are doing for your son and now it seems like it is a power trip on your part to mark your territory to show you are still relevant in your son's life. Almost like you wanna ignore that your DIL exists.

Why is it everytime you do something for your son you insist on leaving out your DIL? Are you really that hard up that it would kill you to get your DIL a $20 shirt or is that too much for you?

I would be hurt if my MIL always bought my husband things and always left me out.

The fact of the matter is the relationship you had with your son when he was a child is going to be different than the one you have with him as a married adult. He has a wife now who is also your DIL and they are a unit and should be treated as such. Not sure why you don't wanna acknowledge that.

Ever heard of the expression it's more important to be kind that to be right? That applies here..you are choosing a $20 shirt to be your hill to die on.

You shouldn't care just how it affects your son but also your DIL as well. She is a human being whose feelings also matter.

DP. So which one is it is it just a $20 Tshirt and not a big deal therefore if it's only $20 and not a big deal surely you can walk the 50 extra feet it probably is to get to the woman's section of the store and buy your DIL a Tshirt and if a $20 shirt is a lot of money then it's not just a Tshirt but rather something large that you're leaving your DIL out of

But all you wives out there have stayed in many other threads your aren’t your mil’s daughter so why do you want to be treated like one?

Speak for yourself. I treat my MIL like a second mom. Buy her something from me for Mother's Day, take her to her doctors appt if need be, bring her groceries or other items she needs. I'm not saying that because I think it's some magnanimous gesture but in response to your statement of saying all the wives make it clear they aren't their MIL's daughter aka don't treat her as a mother. That's not always the case.

I haven't seen the examples you're referring to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

I have a DIL that is probably like you. Whenever I ask my son a question addressing him directly she always answers for him. Whenever my son goes to another room to talk to me she follows him. Whenever I visit my son and DIL if I go to the store to buy something for him I hear it later from my son that my DIL was hurt that I didn't treat her equal and get something for her too. It's almost like now that my son is married I have to treat them like conjoined twins and that my son isn't still a separate individual.

Yes my son is married and I like his wife but he was my son for 20 plus years before his wife came into the picture and while I expect him to put his wife first I should be able to do things occasionally just for my son and maintain my own individual relationship with him without including his wife in every damn thing I do for my son. I can't even visit my son and buy him a Tshirt without expecting my DIL to nope and cry she didn't get one too. Like Jesus Christ can't I buy a freaking $20 shirt for my son without having to get one for her too.

I hear you and agree....but stop buying him stuff, it causes him grief at home. Address checks or whatever to the both of them if you want to give him something.

Why? Not PP.

Umm because clearly it's hurting the DIL's feelings and causing the son grief at home. Is a $20 Tshirt really worth more than the feelings of a family member? It's weird the hills y'all choose to die on.

So is the DIL blameless In creating drama and strife where there doesn’t need to be any. I mean it’s a random T-shirt. Is it that important to creating a riff with DH and his mom. Like that’s the cross you want to die on instead of giving grace and just see it as a mom buying her son a flippin tshirt?

Oh please you know damn well it's more than about just a Tshirt this is a mom who doesn't feel relevant in her son's life anymore so she goes out of her way to continuously buy him things and giving him money solely to him and not acknowledging his wife. That's weird and rude to do to family.

She knows what she's doing and it's a power play. I hardly believe at this point it's more than just a mom wanting to give her son an innocent gift. She is the one who is older set the example. She knows it hurts her DIL and more importantly her son because that's his wife so of course if it hurts his wife it's gonna hurt him too. So what's the point of her continuing to shun and ignore her DIL? To make some moral statement that she should be able to just buy her son something and not include his wife? Is this a matter of principle for her?

I just find it really hard to believe that MIL would rather make her life more difficult by continuing to ignore DIL when it's a rather simple fix of just including her. Especially when it takes essentially zero effort to pick up a shirt at a store you're already at or to take the extra 2 seconds to add DIL's name to the check.

[Anonymous]

With some of these MILs who seem to make it their business to ignore their DIL or treat their sons like they are infantile I am so so glad I have a MIL who has treated me like family from day one and never treated me like some outsider who was an attachment to her son or some woman who happens to tag along with her son but rather she values me as a person and as her DIL. I think I'm off to call her right now just to thank her for being in my life.

I can guarantee that if my MIL treated me like some of the MILs I'm seeing in this thread I wouldn't ever go out of my way to do anything daughter like or kind for her.

I wouldn't ever dream of getting in the way of my husband's relationship with his mother of course and I wouldn't address it to him I would just acknowledge in my mind where I stand in my MIL's eyes and treat her accordingly which is being cordial to her when I have to be around her but that would be it. The only thing is my husband better not dare ask me to go out of my way for her because they she doesn't treat me like family so why should I treat her like family. That's her son's job right? Since she made it clear that's all she cares about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

I have a DIL that is probably like you. Whenever I ask my son a question addressing him directly she always answers for him. Whenever my son goes to another room to talk to me she follows him. Whenever I visit my son and DIL if I go to the store to buy something for him I hear it later from my son that my DIL was hurt that I didn't treat her equal and get something for her too. It's almost like now that my son is married I have to treat them like conjoined twins and that my son isn't still a separate individual.

Yes my son is married and I like his wife but he was my son for 20 plus years before his wife came into the picture and while I expect him to put his wife first I should be able to do things occasionally just for my son and maintain my own individual relationship with him without including his wife in every damn thing I do for my son. I can't even visit my son and buy him a Tshirt without expecting my DIL to nope and cry she didn't get one too. Like Jesus Christ can't I buy a freaking $20 shirt for my son without having to get one for her too.

I hear you and agree....but stop buying him stuff, it causes him grief at home. Address checks or whatever to the both of them if you want to give him something.

Why? Not PP.

Umm because clearly it's hurting the DIL's feelings and causing the son grief at home. Is a $20 Tshirt really worth more than the feelings of a family member? It's weird the hills y'all choose to die on.

So is the DIL blameless In creating drama and strife where there doesn’t need to be any. I mean it’s a random T-shirt. Is it that important to creating a riff with DH and his mom. Like that’s the cross you want to die on instead of giving grace and just see it as a mom buying her son a flippin tshirt?

Oh please you know damn well it's more than about just a Tshirt this is a mom who doesn't feel relevant in her son's life anymore so she goes out of her way to continuously buy him things and giving him money solely to him and not acknowledging his wife. That's weird and rude to do to family.

She knows what she's doing and it's a power play. I hardly believe at this point it's more than just a mom wanting to give her son an innocent gift. She is the one who is older set the example. She knows it hurts her DIL and more importantly her son because that's his wife so of course if it hurts his wife it's gonna hurt him too. So what's the point of her continuing to shun and ignore her DIL? To make some moral statement that she should be able to just buy her son something and not include his wife? Is this a matter of principle for her?

I just find it really hard to believe that MIL would rather make her life more difficult by continuing to ignore DIL when it's a rather simple fix of just including her. Especially when it takes essentially zero effort to pick up a shirt at a store you're already at or to take the extra 2 seconds to add DIL's name to the check.

I think wives like you turn it into a power play to make your husband choose sides and isolate him from his mom. There can only be room for one woman after all. You will turn anything and everything into a power play for your own purposes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were very rude and you need to apologize. It's your husband's birthday not yours.
My DIL is rude like you. To keep the peace and our money we no longer give gifts. She was sassy enough to insult me but not gutsy enough to apologize. She doesn't allow our son or grand daughter to communicate with us and that's fine. I can hear that p whip going on so I stepped away.

Life is good without her.

LOL it's not your DILs fault your grown son doesn't speak to you. She can't not "allow" a grown man to not speak to his mother. Did she confiscate his car keys or his phone. I hate hate when women are blamed for the actions of men. Take it up with your son if he doesn't speak to you and also the kids are his it isn't your DILs responsibility to make sure you have a relationship with your son or grandkids. He is a grown man with responsibility as well and not a little boy.

Np: unfortunately some men are spineless and/or clueless

No, they are not. They just don’t care enough. Read the tea leaves.

Read Jane Austen’s “Emma”. When Frank Churchill doesn’t show up for his father’s wedding they all blame his aunt. But then later on when his secret fiancée moves to the same town as his father, all of a sudden he is able to figure it out and manages to spend weeks with them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

I have a DIL that is probably like you. Whenever I ask my son a question addressing him directly she always answers for him. Whenever my son goes to another room to talk to me she follows him. Whenever I visit my son and DIL if I go to the store to buy something for him I hear it later from my son that my DIL was hurt that I didn't treat her equal and get something for her too. It's almost like now that my son is married I have to treat them like conjoined twins and that my son isn't still a separate individual.

Yes my son is married and I like his wife but he was my son for 20 plus years before his wife came into the picture and while I expect him to put his wife first I should be able to do things occasionally just for my son and maintain my own individual relationship with him without including his wife in every damn thing I do for my son. I can't even visit my son and buy him a Tshirt without expecting my DIL to nope and cry she didn't get one too. Like Jesus Christ can't I buy a freaking $20 shirt for my son without having to get one for her too.

I hear you and agree....but stop buying him stuff, it causes him grief at home. Address checks or whatever to the both of them if you want to give him something.

Why? Not PP.

Umm because clearly it's hurting the DIL's feelings and causing the son grief at home. Is a $20 Tshirt really worth more than the feelings of a family member? It's weird the hills y'all choose to die on.

So is the DIL blameless In creating drama and strife where there doesn’t need to be any. I mean it’s a random T-shirt. Is it that important to creating a riff with DH and his mom. Like that’s the cross you want to die on instead of giving grace and just see it as a mom buying her son a flippin tshirt?

Oh please you know damn well it's more than about just a Tshirt this is a mom who doesn't feel relevant in her son's life anymore so she goes out of her way to continuously buy him things and giving him money solely to him and not acknowledging his wife. That's weird and rude to do to family.

She knows what she's doing and it's a power play. I hardly believe at this point it's more than just a mom wanting to give her son an innocent gift. She is the one who is older set the example. She knows it hurts her DIL and more importantly her son because that's his wife so of course if it hurts his wife it's gonna hurt him too. So what's the point of her continuing to shun and ignore her DIL? To make some moral statement that she should be able to just buy her son something and not include his wife? Is this a matter of principle for her?

I just find it really hard to believe that MIL would rather make her life more difficult by continuing to ignore DIL when it's a rather simple fix of just including her. Especially when it takes essentially zero effort to pick up a shirt at a store you're already at or to take the extra 2 seconds to add DIL's name to the check.

I think wives like you turn it into a power play to make your husband choose sides and isolate him from his mom. There can only be room for one woman after all. You will turn anything and everything into a power play for your own purposes.

Sometimes that may be the case but this looks like a typical case of MIL continuously doing something that started off as an innocent thing and now is continuing to do it as a more "in your face" thing. Why would a 60+ year old woman continue to do something knowing it's causing strife with her son and hurting her son?

And no she is isolating herself by choosing to ignore the DIL if she doesn't want her son to "not take her side" then include his wife. Again it takes about zero effort to do that.

Again stop with the helpless men BS. Another woman cannot isolate a grown man from his mother. It's up to him to continue that relationship and also to speak up for his wife. In a sense there can't be 2 leading ladies. Once married the spouse should come before the mother and her feelings should be thought of first. What's with all the defenses of momma's boys on here?

[Anonymous]

Your comment sounds weird and inappropriate, actually. You either say nothing or you say thank you. Guessing m-i-l doesn’t like you as much as you think she does. It’s not your gift.