Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

Nope I have never said any of those sayings to any young mom. I think I may have said "you have your hands full" as I opened to the door for a young mom. Now I see that even that could be considered an insult so now I am not going to be looking at your baby ( or you) Not going to make any encouraging words or tell you that your baby is adorable. Nope! If you can't handle a few human "mistakes" than I am going to cross the street to get away from you.

Bye!

I guess I'll just have to be content with interacting with my husband, family, friends, neighbors, parents at daycare and elementary school, co-workers, people at my church, and people at the pool and the other activities we go to.

Whatever shall I do without your attention and compliments, random woman in the parking lot? It's almost as if I'll just have to...live my life with the many, many people in it. Byeeee!

Why is the random woman in the parking lot so traumatizing then? If you crumble so easily then you're not as content and solid as you are trying to pretend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

Nope I have never said any of those sayings to any young mom. I think I may have said "you have your hands full" as I opened to the door for a young mom. Now I see that even that could be considered an insult so now I am not going to be looking at your baby ( or you) Not going to make any encouraging words or tell you that your baby is adorable. Nope! If you can't handle a few human "mistakes" than I am going to cross the street to get away from you.

Bye!

I guess I'll just have to be content with interacting with my husband, family, friends, neighbors, parents at daycare and elementary school, co-workers, people at my church, and people at the pool and the other activities we go to.

Whatever shall I do without your attention and compliments, random woman in the parking lot? It's almost as if I'll just have to...live my life with the many, many people in it. Byeeee!

Why is the random woman in the parking lot so traumatizing then? If you crumble so easily then you're not as content and solid as you are trying to pretend.

I'm not sure who you think you're talking to, but I never said I was "traumatized" by anything. (That was the OP, and many, many other people have shared different perspectives on this thread.) I don't "crumble," but I will certainly tell you on DCUM that patronizing, smug, just-you-wait remarks don't fly with me, and your laughable threats to withhold your unwanted interactions ("...so now I am not going to be looking at your baby ( or you) Not going to make any encouraging words or tell you that your baby is adorable. Nope!") are just that: laughable.

[Anonymous]

Can you imagine having some of these posters as your daughter or daughter-in-law??

[Anonymous]

The hostility is palpable. Not fatigue or being overextended, downright disdain.

What a way to walk around the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The hostility is palpable. Not fatigue or being overextended, downright disdain.

What a way to walk around the world.

I know, isn't it frustrating when you can't manipulate or bully someone into seeing the world as you see it, and behaving exactly the way you think they should behave? Isn't it annoying when you approach a complete stranger and try to give them advice, and they have the audacity to not like it? Isn't it awful when you try to change someone's mind, again and again, and they just...keep the opinion they have? Apparently that's very upsetting, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is saying it is weird to cry or be exhausted. We have ALL been there.

Some have just been saying that when you are so fragile, it does not take much to set you off. Don't turn daggers on the world, let alone other moms.

Just because they have a few years on you does not mean they are "resentful" irrelevant" "envious." Those characterizations really smack of misogyny or projection.

+1. Not only that, but no one is telling you that you are “doing it wrong.” Your own insecurity is taking a lighthearted comment and twisting it. Saying “cherish these moments” is neither a judgment nor unsolicited advice. And if that’s what you are feeling when you hear that comment, maybe do some self reflection.

NP. Have you not kept up with the fact that more people than OP have been sharing anecdotes, and in some cases, people are indeed saying things to new moms, like:
"Just you wait..."
"You think you have it hard now..."
"Little kids, little problems"
"Try having a teenager"

Etc.

NP. I'd like a list of GOOD things that could be said instead, especially when I see a mother struggling with a crying baby or toddler. I'd truly like to be supportive because I clearly remember those days -- so hard! -- but I feel uncertain what to say.

"It gets better, hang in there!" ?
"You have a lovely baby"?
"The early days can be so hard, you have my sympathy" ?

Or would those be taken wrong in any way?

How about a smile and a sympathetic glance, and giving her the gift of not hovering and prying when she's trying to handle it on her own, or:
"I'm nearby if there's anything I can do to help."

I once was struggling a bit to breastfeed my baby on a plane, flying without my husband. The woman next to me would. Not. Stop. Talking to me as I was peeking under my nursing cover and literally trying to handle my baby and my boob--not something I needed "help" with.

Finally, I just turned my body away from her, stopped responding to her, and almost immediately when I was focused on just my baby, we got the latch and she soon fell asleep. When my baby was asleep, the woman then started trying to talk to me AGAIN, not even whispering, and I glared at her to shut her up. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is just to let them be.

Ugh, right? I once had someone cross the street explicitly to ask me if my toddler was having a meltdown. Like, yes, why else would she be sitting in the middle of the sidewalk crying while I wait for her to calm down? No, trying to talk to her is unlikely to help. Please just let us work through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you imagine having some of these posters as your daughter or daughter-in-law??

Yeah, grown women should always see eye to eye with you, do what you want, and take your advice whether they like it or not. ***Fingers crossed for a Doormat DIL!***

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is saying it is weird to cry or be exhausted. We have ALL been there.

Some have just been saying that when you are so fragile, it does not take much to set you off. Don't turn daggers on the world, let alone other moms.

Just because they have a few years on you does not mean they are "resentful" irrelevant" "envious." Those characterizations really smack of misogyny or projection.

+1. Not only that, but no one is telling you that you are “doing it wrong.” Your own insecurity is taking a lighthearted comment and twisting it. Saying “cherish these moments” is neither a judgment nor unsolicited advice. And if that’s what you are feeling when you hear that comment, maybe do some self reflection.

NP. Have you not kept up with the fact that more people than OP have been sharing anecdotes, and in some cases, people are indeed saying things to new moms, like:
"Just you wait..."
"You think you have it hard now..."
"Little kids, little problems"
"Try having a teenager"

Etc.

NP. I'd like a list of GOOD things that could be said instead, especially when I see a mother struggling with a crying baby or toddler. I'd truly like to be supportive because I clearly remember those days -- so hard! -- but I feel uncertain what to say.

"It gets better, hang in there!" ?
"You have a lovely baby"?
"The early days can be so hard, you have my sympathy" ?

Or would those be taken wrong in any way?

How about a smile and a sympathetic glance, and giving her the gift of not hovering and prying when she's trying to handle it on her own, or:
"I'm nearby if there's anything I can do to help."

I once was struggling a bit to breastfeed my baby on a plane, flying without my husband. The woman next to me would. Not. Stop. Talking to me as I was peeking under my nursing cover and literally trying to handle my baby and my boob--not something I needed "help" with.

Finally, I just turned my body away from her, stopped responding to her, and almost immediately when I was focused on just my baby, we got the latch and she soon fell asleep. When my baby was asleep, the woman then started trying to talk to me AGAIN, not even whispering, and I glared at her to shut her up. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is just to let them be.

Ugh, right? I once had someone cross the street explicitly to ask me if my toddler was having a meltdown. Like, yes, why else would she be sitting in the middle of the sidewalk crying while I wait for her to calm down? No, trying to talk to her is unlikely to help. Please just let us work through this.

Yup, I once was trying to get my fussy toddler into her car seat, when my neighbor came up behind me and started yammering on and on about oh the best way to do this is...I turned around and calmly asked her to let me do what I needed to do. I have an older kid, this was my youngest kid, and she was just a toddler having a moment. I did not need intervention or focused attention at that exact moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

Nope I have never said any of those sayings to any young mom. I think I may have said "you have your hands full" as I opened to the door for a young mom. Now I see that even that could be considered an insult so now I am not going to be looking at your baby ( or you) Not going to make any encouraging words or tell you that your baby is adorable. Nope! If you can't handle a few human "mistakes" than I am going to cross the street to get away from you.

Bye!

I guess I'll just have to be content with interacting with my husband, family, friends, neighbors, parents at daycare and elementary school, co-workers, people at my church, and people at the pool and the other activities we go to.

Whatever shall I do without your attention and compliments, random woman in the parking lot? It's almost as if I'll just have to...live my life with the many, many people in it. Byeeee!

Why is the random woman in the parking lot so traumatizing then? If you crumble so easily then you're not as content and solid as you are trying to pretend.

I'm not sure who you think you're talking to, but I never said I was "traumatized" by anything. (That was the OP, and many, many other people have shared different perspectives on this thread.) I don't "crumble," but I will certainly tell you on DCUM that patronizing, smug, just-you-wait remarks don't fly with me, and your laughable threats to withhold your unwanted interactions ("...so now I am not going to be looking at your baby ( or you) Not going to make any encouraging words or tell you that your baby is adorable. Nope!") are just that: laughable.

You're really coming across like you've got it all together. Laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If more people are like op it will make me want to avoid any conversations with young moms for fear of insulting them while trying to be human and connect.

So, congrats, I guess

I guess if you’re deliberately obtuse and persist in unsolicited advice and “just you waits” verses, you know, smiling at someone or greeting someone and saying they have a cute baby, then yeah. I think young moms will be better off if you do leave them be. If “little kids, little problems” is your idea of a warm conversation starter, they are better off being left alone.

Nope I have never said any of those sayings to any young mom. I think I may have said "you have your hands full" as I opened to the door for a young mom. Now I see that even that could be considered an insult so now I am not going to be looking at your baby ( or you) Not going to make any encouraging words or tell you that your baby is adorable. Nope! If you can't handle a few human "mistakes" than I am going to cross the street to get away from you.

Bye!

I guess I'll just have to be content with interacting with my husband, family, friends, neighbors, parents at daycare and elementary school, co-workers, people at my church, and people at the pool and the other activities we go to.

Whatever shall I do without your attention and compliments, random woman in the parking lot? It's almost as if I'll just have to...live my life with the many, many people in it. Byeeee!

Why is the random woman in the parking lot so traumatizing then? If you crumble so easily then you're not as content and solid as you are trying to pretend.

I'm not sure who you think you're talking to, but I never said I was "traumatized" by anything. (That was the OP, and many, many other people have shared different perspectives on this thread.) I don't "crumble," but I will certainly tell you on DCUM that patronizing, smug, just-you-wait remarks don't fly with me, and your laughable threats to withhold your unwanted interactions ("...so now I am not going to be looking at your baby ( or you) Not going to make any encouraging words or tell you that your baby is adorable. Nope!") are just that: laughable.

You're really coming across like you've got it all together. Laughable.

Says the person who think withholding her attention as a total stranger is a...punishment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hostility is palpable. Not fatigue or being overextended, downright disdain.

What a way to walk around the world.

I know, isn't it frustrating when you can't manipulate or bully someone into seeing the world as you see it, and behaving exactly the way you think they should behave? Isn't it annoying when you approach a complete stranger and try to give them advice, and they have the audacity to not like it? Isn't it awful when you try to change someone's mind, again and again, and they just...keep the opinion they have? Apparently that's very upsetting, no?

Do you hear yourself? You are doing exactly what you are complaining about. I'm sorry that you hate other people so much.

[Anonymous]

Obviously someone forgot to take her meds today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hostility is palpable. Not fatigue or being overextended, downright disdain.

What a way to walk around the world.

I know, isn't it frustrating when you can't manipulate or bully someone into seeing the world as you see it, and behaving exactly the way you think they should behave? Isn't it annoying when you approach a complete stranger and try to give them advice, and they have the audacity to not like it? Isn't it awful when you try to change someone's mind, again and again, and they just...keep the opinion they have? Apparently that's very upsetting, no?

Uh, pot meet kettle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously someone forgot to take her meds today.

And yesterday too apparently. She just keeps coming back to tell us how wonderful her life is and all the wonderful supportive people in it! She has no insecurities and isn't overreacting at all! Just ask her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hostility is palpable. Not fatigue or being overextended, downright disdain.

What a way to walk around the world.

I know, isn't it frustrating when you can't manipulate or bully someone into seeing the world as you see it, and behaving exactly the way you think they should behave? Isn't it annoying when you approach a complete stranger and try to give them advice, and they have the audacity to not like it? Isn't it awful when you try to change someone's mind, again and again, and they just...keep the opinion they have? Apparently that's very upsetting, no?

Do you hear yourself? You are doing exactly what you are complaining about. I'm sorry that you hate other people so much.

No, sorry, I'm not here telling people not to offer unsolicited advice and comments to strangers--if they want to be Nosey Nellies, that's on them. But when I shared my opinion that this kind of attention isn't welcome or productive to me, and then you tell me over and over again why I should change my mind? I'm just...not going to. But I have not once--not once--told other people to stop being intrusive to moms with small babies. I just said there's never a world where "oh I'm going to stop looking at you and your baby" [LOL] is going to persuade me out of my perspective.