Unexpected parts of becoming a SAHM to small kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much anger. It sounds like jealousy to me. I did not get mad when you tell me your job is filing claims at the insurance company or being a preschool teacher or answering the phone or being a lawyer but you are pissed red in the face that I SAHM? Calm down.

I will repeat: This kind of topic makes people so f-ing defensive. Impossible to have useful conversation with these kind of reactions. You are just as bad as anyone else on here.

How does it make you feel when I type to you: Calm down.

People never learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM for 7 years and then went back to work FT. I have friends who are both. The biggest difference to me is that some of my SAHMs obsess over the small things and make themselves anxious. The WOHMs need to prioritize what’s most important. You’d think the WOHMs would be more stressed out but sometimes that’s not the case. And yes, I also used to agonize over small things as a SAHM and while I’m still drawn to certain things, I just have to let them go. I guess being WOH made me more of a realist instead of idealist.

I agree with this 100%

Sounds like you aren’t cut out to stay home. I find it very relaxing. I have zero desire to have the most difficult life.

[Anonymous]

Why do working moms even feel the need to come in here??

She's asking for advice from people who have SAH!

If you don't have advice, don't comment! Really simple and easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM but unexpectedly SAH due to DC medical issue the past month. I was always very curious what it would be like. My job is very flexible and I had basically a year off with each kid to work from home, but I also had help so it wasn’t the full experience.

What surprised me most — 1) the tedium. Constant food preparation became mind numbing, and on top of that the cycle of laundry, tidying, etc. Each task was fine in itself but the feeling of always having another repetitive task to do was not restful. 2) missed my work. I loved the time I had with DC but I also felt like I wasn’t engaging other parts of myself. There was bliss and awe of all the little moments with DC, but if I’m honest, also restlessness and a frustrating lack of stimulation at times. 3) fragmentation of mental space. Especially missed the chance to have thoughts that last longer than a minute or two. My work involves lots of abstract thinking, teaching, research, engaging with art etc. and this was in some ways the polar opposite because I could never get a train of thought longer than 15 seconds. 4) Less patience for both children, because DC1 would come home at the end of a long day and I’d be emotionally spent. Days in general felt much longer. More of a “second shift” feeling once kids went to sleep. 5) identity shift, not in a good way. I felt such relief at the thought that I had another life besides this one, another world. My mind became a lot more anxious at home, somehow, as if it was focused on minutiae only and everything else fell away. I think it takes a certain kind of person to do such intense caretaking and support, day in and day out, and not lose him or herself.

It was a valuable experience, though, and probably cured my itch to do it full time. The grass is always greener.

OP here- this is incredibly helpful. I actually wish I could test drive being a SAH mom like this— part of me thinks I will share this experience, but the other side wonders if it would be more like those who posted earlier saying that after a 10 yr high pressure career, SAH was easy

Can you take a leave of absence?
I am one that found SAH easier than working. But I will say that I have no expectations of being a great housekeeper, and I didn’t really change how much I cook and clean from when I was working. I just do the same stuff I was doing before at home in the mornings, except now when I drop the older kids off at school, I go to the playground and the library, over to visit friends, and dance class. Then we go home for nap at 1. I paint and play with the kids who are too old to nap, but too young for school, then we go get older kids at school and do the evening stuff.

OP, I think doing a "test drive" is a great idea, but if that's not practical, then I'd suggest taking some time to reflect on the your personality and the things that make you happy. I remember thinking one time while putting Tupperware away in the pantry that I would have to find meaning in doing menial tasks like this if I stayed at home and I could never do that. (That's how I felt, I'm not saying everyone feels that way). And I am totally Type A and love a super neat house and well-organized pantry. I just have one of those brains that doesn't like to turn off, is always trying to figure out problems, loves complicated issues, etc., and for me, staying home was not going to be a good choice. I was fortunate enough to be able to take an extended maternity leave from my job to figure out if I wanted to stay home or not and came to the realization that I did not. As much as I love my kids and did find intense joy during those moments when we'd snuggle quietly or lay down together, I couldn't handle the fact that I wasn't being intellectually challenged, and that was a deal breaker for me. So if you can't take some time off from work to figure out if that's the right choice for you, you should at least spend time writing down the things that make you happy during the day, acknowledging your brain and how it works, and see if being away from your job is the right call for you. There are so many different personalities and different jobs that there is no right answer for everyone here - but knowing yourself and who you are and how you operate and what you like and what you want ought to help you figure out if staying home is right for you. And just to be clear, I am not saying that SAHMs are brainless or stupid or anything, so no one get all riled up.

Child psychiatrist turned SAHM here. Your Tupperware example is silly. You don’t have to find meaning in tasks like that. This is like saying that as a psychiatrist, I need to find meaning in printing out after visit summaries and handing them to patients. Or that as a teacher you need to find meaning in stacking all of the tissue boxes in your classroom.
There are important, interesting, and meaningful parts to parenthood and watching children grow into adulthood. So, yes, you need to find meaning in disciplining your child in a way that makes sense to them, and mimicking the joy on their faces when they accomplish a new task, or having a discussion about right and wrong, or teaching them how to love family and friends and nature, or watching them play. But no, you don’t need to find meaning in putting Tupperware away.

You must have been an awesome psychiatrist if you told your patients their thoughts were silly. Also, you do realize that working parents (and I'm expanding this because people seem to forget that the majority of dads out there work) discipline their children, share their joys, have discussions about right and wrong, etc., correct? Of course you do. So since those are the parts of parenting that all parents do, what is it that stay at home parents do more than working parents? Generally it's the menial tasks like cleaning the house, making meals, putting Tupperware away. Your defensiveness for the path you've chosen to take really overtook your ability to actually understand the post to which you responded. You might want to talk to a therapist about that.

I don’t make any more meals or clean any more houses as a SAHM than I did as a WOHM. Even when I worked, my family ate breakfast and dinner at home, and I packed a lunch for my kids every day. I still do exactly that same thing now. What I do MORE of is disciplining my children, taking them to the playground, teaching them manners, going on nature walks, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM but unexpectedly SAH due to DC medical issue the past month. I was always very curious what it would be like. My job is very flexible and I had basically a year off with each kid to work from home, but I also had help so it wasn’t the full experience.

What surprised me most — 1) the tedium. Constant food preparation became mind numbing, and on top of that the cycle of laundry, tidying, etc. Each task was fine in itself but the feeling of always having another repetitive task to do was not restful. 2) missed my work. I loved the time I had with DC but I also felt like I wasn’t engaging other parts of myself. There was bliss and awe of all the little moments with DC, but if I’m honest, also restlessness and a frustrating lack of stimulation at times. 3) fragmentation of mental space. Especially missed the chance to have thoughts that last longer than a minute or two. My work involves lots of abstract thinking, teaching, research, engaging with art etc. and this was in some ways the polar opposite because I could never get a train of thought longer than 15 seconds. 4) Less patience for both children, because DC1 would come home at the end of a long day and I’d be emotionally spent. Days in general felt much longer. More of a “second shift” feeling once kids went to sleep. 5) identity shift, not in a good way. I felt such relief at the thought that I had another life besides this one, another world. My mind became a lot more anxious at home, somehow, as if it was focused on minutiae only and everything else fell away. I think it takes a certain kind of person to do such intense caretaking and support, day in and day out, and not lose him or herself.

It was a valuable experience, though, and probably cured my itch to do it full time. The grass is always greener.

OP here- this is incredibly helpful. I actually wish I could test drive being a SAH mom like this— part of me thinks I will share this experience, but the other side wonders if it would be more like those who posted earlier saying that after a 10 yr high pressure career, SAH was easy

Can you take a leave of absence?
I am one that found SAH easier than working. But I will say that I have no expectations of being a great housekeeper, and I didn’t really change how much I cook and clean from when I was working. I just do the same stuff I was doing before at home in the mornings, except now when I drop the older kids off at school, I go to the playground and the library, over to visit friends, and dance class. Then we go home for nap at 1. I paint and play with the kids who are too old to nap, but too young for school, then we go get older kids at school and do the evening stuff.

OP, I think doing a "test drive" is a great idea, but if that's not practical, then I'd suggest taking some time to reflect on the your personality and the things that make you happy. I remember thinking one time while putting Tupperware away in the pantry that I would have to find meaning in doing menial tasks like this if I stayed at home and I could never do that. (That's how I felt, I'm not saying everyone feels that way). And I am totally Type A and love a super neat house and well-organized pantry. I just have one of those brains that doesn't like to turn off, is always trying to figure out problems, loves complicated issues, etc., and for me, staying home was not going to be a good choice. I was fortunate enough to be able to take an extended maternity leave from my job to figure out if I wanted to stay home or not and came to the realization that I did not. As much as I love my kids and did find intense joy during those moments when we'd snuggle quietly or lay down together, I couldn't handle the fact that I wasn't being intellectually challenged, and that was a deal breaker for me. So if you can't take some time off from work to figure out if that's the right choice for you, you should at least spend time writing down the things that make you happy during the day, acknowledging your brain and how it works, and see if being away from your job is the right call for you. There are so many different personalities and different jobs that there is no right answer for everyone here - but knowing yourself and who you are and how you operate and what you like and what you want ought to help you figure out if staying home is right for you. And just to be clear, I am not saying that SAHMs are brainless or stupid or anything, so no one get all riled up.

Child psychiatrist turned SAHM here. Your Tupperware example is silly. You don’t have to find meaning in tasks like that. This is like saying that as a psychiatrist, I need to find meaning in printing out after visit summaries and handing them to patients. Or that as a teacher you need to find meaning in stacking all of the tissue boxes in your classroom.
There are important, interesting, and meaningful parts to parenthood and watching children grow into adulthood. So, yes, you need to find meaning in disciplining your child in a way that makes sense to them, and mimicking the joy on their faces when they accomplish a new task, or having a discussion about right and wrong, or teaching them how to love family and friends and nature, or watching them play. But no, you don’t need to find meaning in putting Tupperware away.

You must have been an awesome psychiatrist if you told your patients their thoughts were silly. Also, you do realize that working parents (and I'm expanding this because people seem to forget that the majority of dads out there work) discipline their children, share their joys, have discussions about right and wrong, etc., correct? Of course you do. So since those are the parts of parenting that all parents do, what is it that stay at home parents do more than working parents? Generally it's the menial tasks like cleaning the house, making meals, putting Tupperware away. Your defensiveness for the path you've chosen to take really overtook your ability to actually understand the post to which you responded. You might want to talk to a therapist about that.

I don’t make any more meals or clean any more houses as a SAHM than I did as a WOHM. Even when I worked, my family ate breakfast and dinner at home, and I packed a lunch for my kids every day. I still do exactly that same thing now. What I do MORE of is disciplining my children, taking them to the playground, teaching them manners, going on nature walks, etc.

+1

Also, most SAHMs I know in this area have spouses who make plenty of money, so I don't know any who don't outsource as much drudgery as possible (at least, all the yard work, weekly maid if not part-time housekeeper, most of the laundry, etc).

DH and I agree that my role is to be home with my kids, do fun things with them, spend time with them, etc - not do housework. I enjoy cooking and organizing so I do that, but if I didn't we'd outsource that for sure!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my children late. I already had my 20+ years in. What amazed me was the concept that raiding the children wasn’t really “work”. This according to those who were paying nannys their hard earned extra cash.
Other than that I loved it.

“Hard-earned extra cash”????

Try my whole salary minus taxes.

That is why I stay home. I had 20 years in also and it just became obvious that my shitty career held much less value for me or my family than staying home.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I both have flexible jobs in different ways. I am a GS-15 Fed atty. I work in an area where the Fed gov’t does the most interesting/cutting edge legal work, so it’s no step down except in pay. (I briefly worked in big big law). I can take off a day at an hour’s notice, can telework when needed, arrive a bit late, leave a bit early, step out for 2 hours for a dr’s appointment and have great benefits. My DH has a job w/ a shift-based schedule; when he’s on, he’s on and can’t miss/change hours (unless he works out a swap; another perk of shift work), but that’s only like 24 hours/week and for the other hours he has functionally 100% flexibility. Between us, we can afford a nanny for our 3 young kids + part-time school for the 2.5-3.5 year, can afford to live somewhere w reasonable commutes (Capitol Hill), never miss a school event and love our jobs. I don’t feel like I’m giving up anything work wise that I actually want and I don’t feel like my kids suffer. If I didn’t like my job or felt like my kids weren’t doing well, I’d quit or find something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM but unexpectedly SAH due to DC medical issue the past month. I was always very curious what it would be like. My job is very flexible and I had basically a year off with each kid to work from home, but I also had help so it wasn’t the full experience.

What surprised me most — 1) the tedium. Constant food preparation became mind numbing, and on top of that the cycle of laundry, tidying, etc. Each task was fine in itself but the feeling of always having another repetitive task to do was not restful. 2) missed my work. I loved the time I had with DC but I also felt like I wasn’t engaging other parts of myself. There was bliss and awe of all the little moments with DC, but if I’m honest, also restlessness and a frustrating lack of stimulation at times. 3) fragmentation of mental space. Especially missed the chance to have thoughts that last longer than a minute or two. My work involves lots of abstract thinking, teaching, research, engaging with art etc. and this was in some ways the polar opposite because I could never get a train of thought longer than 15 seconds. 4) Less patience for both children, because DC1 would come home at the end of a long day and I’d be emotionally spent. Days in general felt much longer. More of a “second shift” feeling once kids went to sleep. 5) identity shift, not in a good way. I felt such relief at the thought that I had another life besides this one, another world. My mind became a lot more anxious at home, somehow, as if it was focused on minutiae only and everything else fell away. I think it takes a certain kind of person to do such intense caretaking and support, day in and day out, and not lose him or herself.

It was a valuable experience, though, and probably cured my itch to do it full time. The grass is always greener.

OP here- this is incredibly helpful. I actually wish I could test drive being a SAH mom like this— part of me thinks I will share this experience, but the other side wonders if it would be more like those who posted earlier saying that after a 10 yr high pressure career, SAH was easy

Can you take a leave of absence?
I am one that found SAH easier than working. But I will say that I have no expectations of being a great housekeeper, and I didn’t really change how much I cook and clean from when I was working. I just do the same stuff I was doing before at home in the mornings, except now when I drop the older kids off at school, I go to the playground and the library, over to visit friends, and dance class. Then we go home for nap at 1. I paint and play with the kids who are too old to nap, but too young for school, then we go get older kids at school and do the evening stuff.

OP, I think doing a "test drive" is a great idea, but if that's not practical, then I'd suggest taking some time to reflect on the your personality and the things that make you happy. I remember thinking one time while putting Tupperware away in the pantry that I would have to find meaning in doing menial tasks like this if I stayed at home and I could never do that. (That's how I felt, I'm not saying everyone feels that way). And I am totally Type A and love a super neat house and well-organized pantry. I just have one of those brains that doesn't like to turn off, is always trying to figure out problems, loves complicated issues, etc., and for me, staying home was not going to be a good choice. I was fortunate enough to be able to take an extended maternity leave from my job to figure out if I wanted to stay home or not and came to the realization that I did not. As much as I love my kids and did find intense joy during those moments when we'd snuggle quietly or lay down together, I couldn't handle the fact that I wasn't being intellectually challenged, and that was a deal breaker for me. So if you can't take some time off from work to figure out if that's the right choice for you, you should at least spend time writing down the things that make you happy during the day, acknowledging your brain and how it works, and see if being away from your job is the right call for you. There are so many different personalities and different jobs that there is no right answer for everyone here - but knowing yourself and who you are and how you operate and what you like and what you want ought to help you figure out if staying home is right for you. And just to be clear, I am not saying that SAHMs are brainless or stupid or anything, so no one get all riled up.

Child psychiatrist turned SAHM here. Your Tupperware example is silly. You don’t have to find meaning in tasks like that. This is like saying that as a psychiatrist, I need to find meaning in printing out after visit summaries and handing them to patients. Or that as a teacher you need to find meaning in stacking all of the tissue boxes in your classroom.
There are important, interesting, and meaningful parts to parenthood and watching children grow into adulthood. So, yes, you need to find meaning in disciplining your child in a way that makes sense to them, and mimicking the joy on their faces when they accomplish a new task, or having a discussion about right and wrong, or teaching them how to love family and friends and nature, or watching them play. But no, you don’t need to find meaning in putting Tupperware away.

You must have been an awesome psychiatrist if you told your patients their thoughts were silly. Also, you do realize that working parents (and I'm expanding this because people seem to forget that the majority of dads out there work) discipline their children, share their joys, have discussions about right and wrong, etc., correct? Of course you do. So since those are the parts of parenting that all parents do, what is it that stay at home parents do more than working parents? Generally it's the menial tasks like cleaning the house, making meals, putting Tupperware away. Your defensiveness for the path you've chosen to take really overtook your ability to actually understand the post to which you responded. You might want to talk to a therapist about that.

I don’t make any more meals or clean any more houses as a SAHM than I did as a WOHM. Even when I worked, my family ate breakfast and dinner at home, and I packed a lunch for my kids every day. I still do exactly that same thing now. What I do MORE of is disciplining my children, taking them to the playground, teaching them manners, going on nature walks, etc.

+1

Also, most SAHMs I know in this area have spouses who make plenty of money, so I don't know any who don't outsource as much drudgery as possible (at least, all the yard work, weekly maid if not part-time housekeeper, most of the laundry, etc).

DH and I agree that my role is to be home with my kids, do fun things with them, spend time with them, etc - not do housework. I enjoy cooking and organizing so I do that, but if I didn't we'd outsource that for sure!

Most of the SAHMs that I have known over the years do not outsource their housework, yard work, laundry or other chores. I know that I sure didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How easy and pleasant it is. It is really quite lovely. I was a biglaw lawyer for 10+ years and thought it would be awful. Nope. Really pleasant and very little stress.

This is me too. I really enjoy it. I have taken on some home decor projects, I have a much more organized household, and we have a third which would have not happened had I stayed working. I just really really like it. I am also worked about 10 years before I stayed home.

+3 here. I enjoyed practicing law for over a decade, but I also love my new life. I especially love the freed-up mental space to really focus on the here and now and to pursue personal interests. The pace of life is quite nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd argue that most parents of young kids, working or no, socialize with family and other parents with similar age kids. That's not just true of SAHMs. People tend to flock to others like themselves.

Really?
I have done both, and I found it very difficult to socialize much when I was working. I got up, did household chores, got myself ready, got kids ready, went to work, got my work done as quickly as possible so I could get out on time, typically eating lunch at my desk while writing notes and making phone calls. Then I picked up kids, made/ate dinner, played outside for a few minutes, put them to bed, then went to bed. I am a doctor, so I did interact with people all day long, but it wasn’t anything that I would consider “social.”
As a SAHM, I do a ton of socializing. Today, I will take my kids to the pool where I will sit with some mom friends and chat. Every Friday, I have a playgroup. Last week, my cousin and I drove out about 600 miles to see my sister and her family. Next week, I have a morning scheduled with the spouses of the people in DH’s department to socialize (and figure out vacations over the holidays). Later in the week, I have a three day camping trip planned with some girlfriends. Also, 2-3 days/wk I meet four other women and we go rowing.
I couldn’t do any of that socializing when I was working FT.

Do you regret not using your medical degree and training? Serious question.

Not really. I volunteer at a free clinic at a homeless shelter a couple of times a week when the kids are in school.
And I still work one weekend every other month on the inpatient unit and teach a couple of classes to the medical students when they rotate through my specialty every couple of months. So even though I don’t work much, it isn’t like I never use it at all. I will go back and work more when my kids are older or out of the house.

NP here — most of what you described above sounds so vacuous and juvenile (figuring out vacation schedules w/ the other wives? Wtf?) I can’t imagine being highly educated and fulfilled by that...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not know any dual family homes with flexible jobs. Most people do not have flexibility in their jobs. Most are unfulfilled at their jobs. Most do not have job security. Most do not make tons of money. Most people work because their paycheck is required at home.

If you have the luxury of outsourcing your chores, making your kids lives stress free, flexibility of schedule to not have caretakers do the parenting, being there for your children all the time, not being run ragged yourself - you are very blessed and you are also an anomaly as a SAH/WOH/WAH parent. This scenario is not what is available to majority of parents in any capacity.

Really? I feel like almost everyone I know in the DC area has a flexible job unless they are big law and have a SAH spouse. I went into government (GS-14 fed attorney) and it’s very stable and flexible. DH is in IT consulting and a lot of that work is done remotely with flexible hours except client meetings. I feel like we are pretty typical for the area.

Obviously we know we are fortunate, but I wanted to provide a counter to the doomsday scenario presented where kids are left with strangers or ignored 24/7 by working parents, which is not standard of the working parents I know. Our kids do attend a high quality Montessori preschool, but I would not qualify that as caretakers doing “the parenting.” Even the SAHMs I’m friends with send their kids out for at least part time preschool. It’s honestly good for kids to get out a bit on their own.

Sorry you wound really naive to the point of stupidity here.

Also do ya'll even crack 400k? I wouldn't consider you to be "high earners." Middle class at best in the DC area.

I'm not PP but our HHI is way higher than that and we have very flexible jobs, as do all our friends. No one works on weekends, everyone has dinner at home with their families, everyone participates in kids' school and sports events, etc.

LOL! And pray tell - what are these unicorn jobs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not know any dual family homes with flexible jobs. Most people do not have flexibility in their jobs. Most are unfulfilled at their jobs. Most do not have job security. Most do not make tons of money. Most people work because their paycheck is required at home.

If you have the luxury of outsourcing your chores, making your kids lives stress free, flexibility of schedule to not have caretakers do the parenting, being there for your children all the time, not being run ragged yourself - you are very blessed and you are also an anomaly as a SAH/WOH/WAH parent. This scenario is not what is available to majority of parents in any capacity.

Really? I feel like almost everyone I know in the DC area has a flexible job unless they are big law and have a SAH spouse. I went into government (GS-14 fed attorney) and it’s very stable and flexible. DH is in IT consulting and a lot of that work is done remotely with flexible hours except client meetings. I feel like we are pretty typical for the area.

Obviously we know we are fortunate, but I wanted to provide a counter to the doomsday scenario presented where kids are left with strangers or ignored 24/7 by working parents, which is not standard of the working parents I know. Our kids do attend a high quality Montessori preschool, but I would not qualify that as caretakers doing “the parenting.” Even the SAHMs I’m friends with send their kids out for at least part time preschool. It’s honestly good for kids to get out a bit on their own.

Sorry you wound really naive to the point of stupidity here.

Also do ya'll even crack 400k? I wouldn't consider you to be "high earners." Middle class at best in the DC area.

I'm not PP but our HHI is way higher than that and we have very flexible jobs, as do all our friends. No one works on weekends, everyone has dinner at home with their families, everyone participates in kids' school and sports events, etc.

LOL! And pray tell - what are these unicorn jobs?

Another poster here. I also have a flexible job as does my husband. We make close to 500k HHI. Pretty much every woman I know who works has a flexible job. You’re a fool if you’re staying home because you think the only option is a 50 hour a week, 10 hours of commuting type of job.

[Anonymous]

You guys with the flexible high paying jobs: you have to know you are in a privileged minority. Read the news. There are countless articles about how employers expect more and more hours and on-time from their employees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd argue that most parents of young kids, working or no, socialize with family and other parents with similar age kids. That's not just true of SAHMs. People tend to flock to others like themselves.

Really?
I have done both, and I found it very difficult to socialize much when I was working. I got up, did household chores, got myself ready, got kids ready, went to work, got my work done as quickly as possible so I could get out on time, typically eating lunch at my desk while writing notes and making phone calls. Then I picked up kids, made/ate dinner, played outside for a few minutes, put them to bed, then went to bed. I am a doctor, so I did interact with people all day long, but it wasn’t anything that I would consider “social.”
As a SAHM, I do a ton of socializing. Today, I will take my kids to the pool where I will sit with some mom friends and chat. Every Friday, I have a playgroup. Last week, my cousin and I drove out about 600 miles to see my sister and her family. Next week, I have a morning scheduled with the spouses of the people in DH’s department to socialize (and figure out vacations over the holidays). Later in the week, I have a three day camping trip planned with some girlfriends. Also, 2-3 days/wk I meet four other women and we go rowing.
I couldn’t do any of that socializing when I was working FT.

Do you regret not using your medical degree and training? Serious question.

Not really. I volunteer at a free clinic at a homeless shelter a couple of times a week when the kids are in school.
And I still work one weekend every other month on the inpatient unit and teach a couple of classes to the medical students when they rotate through my specialty every couple of months. So even though I don’t work much, it isn’t like I never use it at all. I will go back and work more when my kids are older or out of the house.

NP here — most of what you described above sounds so vacuous and juvenile (figuring out vacation schedules w/ the other wives? Wtf?) I can’t imagine being highly educated and fulfilled by that...

The question was about socializing. How do you socialize in a highly educated and fulfilling way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys with the flexible high paying jobs: you have to know you are in a privileged minority. Read the news. There are countless articles about how employers expect more and more hours and on-time from their employees.

I disagree. There are also articles about how more and more employers allow telework. I have friends across numerous industries and all of them have some sort of flexibility. My husband had a senior level high paying job and even for him it’s completely acceptable to leave the office at 5 to help with dinner/kids and then he logs back on at 8 to finish up any work.