Unexpected parts of becoming a SAHM to small kids
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Anonymous
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Resentment to DH as stated upthread, but also the resentment towards WOH moms whose kids are in daycare. I'm sorry if I'm not feeling chipper and enthusiastic like you - You are "refreshed" and haven't been with your kids since the moment they work up like a SAHM. So, yea, I am a bit burnt out by the time it is 430pm - my kids have been awake for the last 8+ hours and bedtime isn't for another 4 hours. Those 12 hrs days get long even with screen time mixed in (gasp!), outings/playground/nature center, playdates, etc. 24/7.
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Anonymous
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Wow.
I love being a SAHM. I can’t imagine being away from my kids all day. Some days I wish I was away at work, but then I realize how great it is to be with them. It’s hard and difficult and boring and lonely, but I personally could never be away from them for 8 hours a day. |
Anonymous
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Boredom, loneliness, resentment as all mentioned above. It sucks to never get a break. Where I live there aren’t any other SAHMs I can coordinate exchanging care with, so it’s been months since I was able to get a haircut, for example. And I’ve been sick the last 4 days, but child care doesn’t stop.
I’ve really thought about returning to work, but I know I’ll still be the default parent so it will only be more stress, AND then I’d be missing out on the time with my kids. I’m in the trenches now though and am hoping things improve in the next year or so. |
Anonymous
| We ate so much better when I SAH. But, I often felt depressed and bored, especially at the grocery store with the old folks and unemployed. I liked playdates and planned activities, having a schedule, going to the pool. Unscheduled time was perilous. |
Anonymous
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The biggest surprise was how very little uninterrupted time I had. I thought I was going to be able to accomplish a ton of projects around the house. But DS #1 wanted to be held all the time and fed every 2 or so hours around the clock. I could barely get a shower in on some days when he was an infant.
When DS #2 was born 2 1/2 years later it was the same story of the baby wanting to be held all the time and fed every 2 or so hours. And to top it off DS1 decided to give up his naps. So while I was able to cat nap with the baby when DS1 was an infant, I had to keep an eye on my 2 year old when DS2 was an infant. It's all an exhausting blur.... |
Anonymous
I've done both - SAH and WOH. They are both hard in their own way. But the times when I WOH, I never feel "refreshed" or "chipper." Quite the opposite - I'm usually frazzled from the commute and frantically plotting how I'll get kids picked up and home for dinner before they all melt down. We'll get the kids down for bed, clean the kitchen, pack lunches for the next day, and then I usually work for another hour or two. SAH is also hard and being "on" with your kids for 12 hours is tough. But I find it a bit easier to cope since I can run a load of laundry during the day, prep dinner during nap time, etc. |
Anonymous
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My biggest surprise is that I really don't feel any of the terrible things described on DCUM (or other places for that matter).
I'm not bored. I'm not lonely. I do not desperately miss adult-only interaction (although, I stay active with other parents). I get plenty of intellectual stimulation from listening to podcasts while doing chores or driving, and I'm more up-to-date on politics than my DH (who really SHOULD know more, for his job). I have plenty of hobbies. I alternate doing things the kids want (ie, sitting and playing), with outings (story time or playground or playdate) and my own interests (cooking, photography, fitness). Literally the only reason I wish I were still working was so that I had more of an identity at adult-only parties, especially when talking to people who don't have kids. But, that alone would be a silly reason to stick my kids with a nanny and head back to work! |
Anonymous
I thought that the infant stage was isolating and boring especially with my first. Just trying to get out the door to go to the grocery store was an effort. I'd no sooner get us both ready and the baby would spit up all over both of us. I'd get us cleaned up and then a diaper change was needed. Next thing you know my window of opportunity to get to the store between feedings was gone... Once they got old enough to do stuff we went someplace different every day - story time at the library, the playground, Grandma's house, the pool, play dates, Mommy & Me classes, the mall, etc That was a lot of fun. We really didn't go to a lot of adult only parties tbh so that wasn't much of an issue for me. |
Anonymous
| It's lonely. |
Anonymous
I think it's just too much alone time for some people, and they never manage how to build a network of people to help themselves feel less lonely. In my experience it can be isolating when you have a baby under 6 months or so, but after that there are lots of opportunities to get out and be social. Frankly, there are many more opportunities to be social than there is at a lot of jobs. I'm very happy I SAH with my kids when they are small. We have hard days, and days I wish I were somewhere else and can't wait for the weekend - but, I had that when I was working, too. Overall, life is better when I'm home than it was when I was working. I don't know that I'll feel that way when the kids are all school aged. That seems lonely to me. But, I'll probably go back to work part-time at that point. |
Anonymous
Refreshed? Have you ever worked? 
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Anonymous
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Little children need stability, competence and love. It’s worth the sacrifice to give your own children what they *need*. |
Anonymous
Little children can also get stability, competence, and love from a quality daycare provider or nanny. That can't be the only reason a parent decides to SAH. -- signed, a SAHM |
Anonymous
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Unexpected - how much I really enjoyed it and realized how much I hated my last job and the negative impact it had on me.
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Anonymous
Ditto. And, loved that my kids were much more well rested. They could go to bed earlier than we could ever manage with two working parents doing daycare pickup + dinner + baths etc. |