Upstairs is off-limits to guests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did go into a private area once without asking. We were at a 100+ person sized party. My young son had a sudden allergic reaction to the dogs. His eyes were hurting and he was in tears and upset. The hosts were nowhere to be seen. The guest bathroom was occupied. We went into another bathroom rather than make a scene at the kitchen sink. If I were a host this is what I would prefer.

As has already been mentioned serveral times, yes, HEALTH ISSUES EXCEPTED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did go into a private area once without asking. We were at a 100+ person sized party. My young son had a sudden allergic reaction to the dogs. His eyes were hurting and he was in tears and upset. The hosts were nowhere to be seen. The guest bathroom was occupied. We went into another bathroom rather than make a scene at the kitchen sink. If I were a host this is what I would prefer.

As has already been mentioned serveral times, yes, HEALTH ISSUES EXCEPTED.

Yeah we get it. Make sure you send out the complete rules of access to your home and the acceptable exceptions to those rules when you send out the invite to dinner. Klassy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did go into a private area once without asking. We were at a 100+ person sized party. My young son had a sudden allergic reaction to the dogs. His eyes were hurting and he was in tears and upset. The hosts were nowhere to be seen. The guest bathroom was occupied. We went into another bathroom rather than make a scene at the kitchen sink. If I were a host this is what I would prefer.

As has already been mentioned serveral times, yes, HEALTH ISSUES EXCEPTED.

Yeah we get it. Make sure you send out the complete rules of access to your home and the acceptable exceptions to those rules when you send out the invite to dinner. Klassy!

Have fun with all of your "klassy" guests; or wait, are you one of them?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/776204.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did go into a private area once without asking. We were at a 100+ person sized party. My young son had a sudden allergic reaction to the dogs. His eyes were hurting and he was in tears and upset. The hosts were nowhere to be seen. The guest bathroom was occupied. We went into another bathroom rather than make a scene at the kitchen sink. If I were a host this is what I would prefer.

As has already been mentioned serveral times, yes, HEALTH ISSUES EXCEPTED.

Yeah we get it. Make sure you send out the complete rules of access to your home and the acceptable exceptions to those rules when you send out the invite to dinner. Klassy!

Have fun with all of your "klassy" guests; or wait, are you one of them?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/776204.page

Nope, I don't snoop. I just like to be a kind and welcoming host. You should try it if you're not too busy emailing out your rules of access to your guests.

[Anonymous]

OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

+1 Beautifully put. To rude I would add culturally narrow-minded as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

And that's all fantastic for you.

But clearly, as we've seen, different people feel different ways about what it means to host and to welcome people into their home. Which is why one should err on the side of asking and respecting boundaries before proceeding. Once it becomes clear through invitation or asking or suggestion that a guest has free rein, by all means, take your host up on their lovely offer. But don't assume, and don't presume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

Whatever, bro. I would actually feel CLOSER to my ILs if I didn't have to share a bathroom with them when I visited their house. -np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

And that's all fantastic for you.

But clearly, as we've seen, different people feel different ways about what it means to host and to welcome people into their home. Which is why one should err on the side of asking and respecting boundaries before proceeding. Once it becomes clear through invitation or asking or suggestion that a guest has free rein, by all means, take your host up on their lovely offer. But don't assume, and don't presume.

True. But by the same token, if someone comes to your house with different expectations, enforce your boundaries (kindly) but there's no basis or benefit to assuming that they are rude and wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

Whatever, bro. I would actually feel CLOSER to my ILs if I didn't have to share a bathroom with them when I visited their house. -np

Excellent. Luckily, nothing I wrote is mandatory

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

And that's all fantastic for you.

But clearly, as we've seen, different people feel different ways about what it means to host and to welcome people into their home. Which is why one should err on the side of asking and respecting boundaries before proceeding. Once it becomes clear through invitation or asking or suggestion that a guest has free rein, by all means, take your host up on their lovely offer. But don't assume, and don't presume.

True. But by the same token, if someone comes to your house with different expectations, enforce your boundaries (kindly) but there's no basis or benefit to assuming that they are rude and wrong.

People with manners and respect simply do not go wandering around the private spaces of other people's homes. They just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

And that's all fantastic for you.

But clearly, as we've seen, different people feel different ways about what it means to host and to welcome people into their home. Which is why one should err on the side of asking and respecting boundaries before proceeding. Once it becomes clear through invitation or asking or suggestion that a guest has free rein, by all means, take your host up on their lovely offer. But don't assume, and don't presume.

True. But by the same token, if someone comes to your house with different expectations, enforce your boundaries (kindly) but there's no basis or benefit to assuming that they are rude and wrong.

People with manners and respect simply do not go wandering around the private spaces of other people's homes. They just don't.

It seems like it's really important to you that your opinion be taken as gospel on this point. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

And that's all fantastic for you.

But clearly, as we've seen, different people feel different ways about what it means to host and to welcome people into their home. Which is why one should err on the side of asking and respecting boundaries before proceeding. Once it becomes clear through invitation or asking or suggestion that a guest has free rein, by all means, take your host up on their lovely offer. But don't assume, and don't presume.

True. But by the same token, if someone comes to your house with different expectations, enforce your boundaries (kindly) but there's no basis or benefit to assuming that they are rude and wrong.

People with manners and respect simply do not go wandering around the private spaces of other people's homes. They just don't.

It seems like it's really important to you that your opinion be taken as gospel on this point. Why is that?

Maybe you should go over to your thread on snooping, and whether it is OK to do so. You're clearly a snooper who doesn't give a fig about manners.

[Anonymous]

The time has come to distinguish between individual practice and commonly understood manners. For instance:

I don’t mind if my guests put their bare feet up on my dining table - I’m cool with that // I acknowledge I shouldn’t assume it’s ok to put my bare feet up on someone else’s dining table table.

I’m fine with people bringing all their pets over to my house // I acknowledge I shouldn’t assume it’s ok to bring my pets over to someone else’s house.

I’m fine with people smoking in my house // I acknowledge I should not assume it’s ok to smoke in other people’s homes.

I’m fine with people wandering around the private areas of my house mi casa su casa // I acknowledge it’s not appropriate to assume it’s ok to wander around other people’s homes uninvited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep asking why a house guest would need to go upstairs, all health-related reasons excluded, as opposed to just asking. Here's my reason:

For casual party guests who aren't staying over, I wouldn't expect them to go upstairs, except to check on a kid playing in one of my kids' rooms, or to use the bathroom if it's truly urgent (I'd rather them not be uncomfortable waiting for a vacancy).

If I'm having an overnight guest, however, then that relationship is clearly closer than that of a casual acquaintance, and part of the benefit of having overnight guests, to me, is to deepen our friendship. There's a certain intimacy in opening your house to your friend (excluding certain areas - please don't poke around in my underwear drawer), and in being trusted with expanded access to more private areas of someone else's house. It brings you closer, and I love that about our guests' overnight stays. If someone is dear enough to me to be an overnight guest, I don't want them to feel like they need to ask. I don't want that kind of formal relationship with my close friends. I want them to feel comfortable in my house. It brings me joy when my friends visit my house and feel truly at home.

Of course, this doesn't mean that there are absolutely no boundaries. If I'm using the bathroom, I wouldn't expect my guests to barge in with something to discuss. If I excuse myself to take a nap, I'm assuming they won't come upstairs and start spooning me. But I'm fine giving them freer rein of my house.

If this isn't your cup of tea -- and I think it's pretty clear that it isn't -- that's fine. People experience friendship in different ways. But to declare every other way but yours as ridiculous, rude and ill-mannered is inaccurate and, ironically, rude.

And that's all fantastic for you.

But clearly, as we've seen, different people feel different ways about what it means to host and to welcome people into their home. Which is why one should err on the side of asking and respecting boundaries before proceeding. Once it becomes clear through invitation or asking or suggestion that a guest has free rein, by all means, take your host up on their lovely offer. But don't assume, and don't presume.

True. But by the same token, if someone comes to your house with different expectations, enforce your boundaries (kindly) but there's no basis or benefit to assuming that they are rude and wrong.

People with manners and respect simply do not go wandering around the private spaces of other people's homes. They just don't.

It seems like it's really important to you that your opinion be taken as gospel on this point. Why is that?

Maybe you should go over to your thread on snooping, and whether it is OK to do so. You're clearly a snooper who doesn't give a fig about manners.

No, I'm not. But I also don't assume the worst of people, and I don't declare that my opinion is the only acceptable one -- I allow for different perspectives, while still enforcing appropriate boundaries. I highly recommend it.