My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

As someone who was bullied nearly every single day of middle school, I applaud the girl who was being bullied. I wish I'd have had the guts back then to fight back. I wish the anti-bullying stance had been as popular back then as it is now. I wish I could look up one of my teachers who snickered as she a watched a boy slide a huge literature book down the free-standing row of lockers onto my head and slap her. I wish that when I told my mom about being bullied, her response wasn't always, "it's because they're jealous. Just ignore them."

Your daughter got what was coming to her. You should look into getting her help to find out what she's such a horrible young person. You should make sure her suspension isn't a mini vacation for her where no lesson is learned.

I have zero sympathy when a bully gets beaten up, whether the bully is a child or an adult.

[Anonymous]

Glad your little bully bitch got the shit beat out of her.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get why you are concerned and I am sure all of us here seeing our child beat up would be initially sympathetic. The problem is multiple things:

1. You had no idea your daughter was a bully so my guess is you aren't checking her phone and getting a little more involved in her life/friend group.
2. The school seemed to know and not tell you and I would hold them partially responsible for both kids. The parents of the other child should be pissed at the lack of school communicating as well. Both of these kids could have truly harmed the other one and that is scary to know the school knew and did not communicate to the parents.
3. If this child did not beat up your child, how long would have it continued? That is scary. You have seen Columbine. Your daughter needs a lot of empathetic training and bully videos.
4. You don't truly know if your child is not the queen bee herself or at least trying to attempt to be with this continued bullying. I wouldn't trust her at this point even if she did "rat" out a friend. She can't say her friends are bad influences because she had no issues with going in this direction until she got beat up. Do not allow her to play the victim.

Here are some things I think I would do.

1. Immediately take her phone away and do some massive investigation in her texts, snaps and social media. This is something that needs to happen often.
2. Reach out to the guidance counselor to have a meeting with the other girl's parents. Same with both girls meeting with the counselor at a different meeting. You will learn much more about the root of the issues than asking your daughter who will 100% become defensive first. Be sympathetic to the other child's parents and listen to what they have to say.
3. She is grounded with no social life or phone until November 1st. She absolutely stays in on Halloween.
4. She will get her phone and privileges back once she has met with the girl, talked to her and apologized. She also owes her lunch money. If you find there is a friend group that she should probably not be a part of, there needs to be a change of direction in that as well before privileges and phone is given back. You also need to check that phone nightly and know all pass codes.


I hope this is a learning point. All kids do stupid things at one point when they are young/teen and your child got called out on it in front of the whole school. She is embarrassed and that is a huge issue for her right now. She probably cares more about everyone talking about her than this girl's feelings right now. You need to show her the right way. I am sure she will turn around. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad your little bully bitch got the shit beat out of her.

You're calling a 13 year old a bitch, so what does that make you? An adult bully which is even worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ironic how many of the critical posters on this thread appear to be full grown bullies themselves!

+1

It is ironic to read all these posts that include name-calling and promoting violence. Talk about ganging up on someone when they are down. All of you vicious posters need to take a look in the mirror.

No one is promoting violence or name calling.

Dumbasses like you are the reason people like OP's daughter are assholes.

Calling someone out for bad behavior is not same as bullying someone.

If someone is being violent against you and no one is doing anything about it and you use violence as a last resort, that's a good thing.

[Anonymous]

If that was my child bullying another girl, she'd get a second ass whooping from me when she got home. Then she'd be grounded for a month, no electronics, no leaving the house. She'd regret the day she ever decided to mess with that other girl. I don't play that shit in my household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet none of those "friends" your daughter was trying to impress came to her aid to try and stop the fight , did they? They probably laughed while she was getting her ass beat. Make sure you bring this up to your daughter. Those are absolutely not her friends, and she has no reason to protect them.

This does piss me off. They dared her to do this and then left her to get beat up. Idk why she thinks these girls are her friends.

It would have been much better for OP if her daughter's friends came to her side, and together they all stomped the crap out that girl. She must have deserved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Glad your little bully bitch got the shit beat out of her.

You're calling a 13 year old a bitch, so what does that make you? An adult bully which is even worse.

You sound like a Hillary supporter. Calling the girl what she is is wrong but the girl destroying another girls life is OK? Sounds like bullied girls at 13 too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet none of those "friends" your daughter was trying to impress came to her aid to try and stop the fight , did they? They probably laughed while she was getting her ass beat. Make sure you bring this up to your daughter. Those are absolutely not her friends, and she has no reason to protect them.

This does piss me off. They dared her to do this and then left her to get beat up. Idk why she thinks these girls are her friends.

It would have been much better for OP if her daughter's friends came to her side, and together they all stomped the crap out that girl. She must have deserved it.

I wish my daughter's friends would have tried to stop the fight. My girl was bruised up so I know the fight must have gone on for some time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural consequences. Picking on someone and eventually you might get popped. Good for the other kid.

Counseling is probably in order. I'd want to know where she got the idea that this behavior was OK.

100% agree. I applaud the other girl; if she was my child I would be proud of her. Your daughter is a jerk and a bully and somehow has been allowed to get away with terrorizing someone else. There should be ZERO sympathy for her and she should be punished for bullying by YOU.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet none of those "friends" your daughter was trying to impress came to her aid to try and stop the fight , did they? They probably laughed while she was getting her ass beat. Make sure you bring this up to your daughter. Those are absolutely not her friends, and she has no reason to protect them.

This does piss me off. They dared her to do this and then left her to get beat up. Idk why she thinks these girls are her friends.

It would have been much better for OP if her daughter's friends came to her side, and together they all stomped the crap out that girl. She must have deserved it.

I think the point the initial poster was saying is that none of them came over to pull the other girl off of her or help their "friend" in need. My guess is because the girl getting beat up was full spotlight bully in the lunch room and by helping her they would have gone down a few notches on the social ladder. So yes, they really aren't her friends but we also don't know for sure she was even egged on to do it. But we all know that doesn't matter. She shouldn't have done it anyway.

[Anonymous]

Did you take pictures of the bruises? You can set up a personal injury case against the school and the other girl's parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet none of those "friends" your daughter was trying to impress came to her aid to try and stop the fight , did they? They probably laughed while she was getting her ass beat. Make sure you bring this up to your daughter. Those are absolutely not her friends, and she has no reason to protect them.

This does piss me off. They dared her to do this and then left her to get beat up. Idk why she thinks these girls are her friends.

It would have been much better for OP if her daughter's friends came to her side, and together they all stomped the crap out that girl. She must have deserved it.

I wish my daughter's friends would have tried to stop the fight. My girl was bruised up so I know the fight must have gone on for some time.

Okay now we know THIS post is a troll. I am not sure if you are acting like the OP or you are the OP but you are a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was upset with me this morning when I punished her. But she also told me kids were making fun on social media about the fight. They were "clowning" her were her exact words. Well I took away her phone and laptop so that should make it easy for her to ignore them.

OP -- you need to get at the root of these issues. Is she bullying others because she feels like she has to in order to not be the one who gets bullied? If she's worried about getting made fun of, I am wondering if she's really feeling unsure of her social position. She likely needs some serious counseling so she can get her self esteem from within her, not from making other people feel bad.

I think her friends have a very bad influence on her. She seems really concerned with fitting in. She does have a lot of friends. She's pretty popular among her peers, but I think she's getting caught up with the wrong crowd.

Those two statements don't work together. She has a wide social circle, but they are not friends in a real sense, they are her crowd. Doing something at somebody's nudging is a bad sign, much worse than the whole bullying. How do you not know who the current queen bee is? Ehy does not she trust you to tell you?

She probably doesn't want to snitch on her friends. I don't want to do anything to make her become a victim of bullying as well. I'm sure if anyone else was picking on the girl who beat up my daughter, they will rethink that now.

Why would telling you result in her being bullied? I am not supportive of all those ideas about apologies and let her suffer the consequences (aka being bullied herself). I would to know what made my child vulnerable to peer pressure, what is she afraid of (and she is clearly afraid since she is protecting the group). I wouldn't focus on punishment at all but rather on figuring out how to have a trusting relationship and how to protect her from going down this path again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet none of those "friends" your daughter was trying to impress came to her aid to try and stop the fight , did they? They probably laughed while she was getting her ass beat. Make sure you bring this up to your daughter. Those are absolutely not her friends, and she has no reason to protect them.

This does piss me off. They dared her to do this and then left her to get beat up. Idk why she thinks these girls are her friends.

It would have been much better for OP if her daughter's friends came to her side, and together they all stomped the crap out that girl. She must have deserved it.

I wish my daughter's friends would have tried to stop the fight. My girl was bruised up so I know the fight must have gone on for some time.

Or after weeks of being abused and feeling humiliated, your daughter's victim rapidly unleashed a can of whoop-ass on her. Pent up rage can make a mouse into a monster!