My daughter got beat up for bullying another child

[Anonymous]

What is causing your DD to act as a bully? Use this to figure out why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural consequences. Picking on someone and eventually you might get popped. Good for the other kid.

Counseling is probably in order. I'd want to know where she got the idea that this behavior was OK.

100% agree. I applaud the other girl; if she was my child I would be proud of her. Your daughter is a jerk and a bully and somehow has been allowed to get away with terrorizing someone else. There should be ZERO sympathy for her and she should be punished for bullying by YOU.

I agree with this - but I also agree that the school fell down if they didn't do anything and its been going on for a long time. Really - pouring juice on a child's lunch? That's incredibly mean and spiteful - I would be so very ashamed if my child did that- and no, I would offer no sympathy for the beat down that she got AND deserved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was upset with me this morning when I punished her. But she also told me kids were making fun on social media about the fight. They were "clowning" her were her exact words. Well I took away her phone and laptop so that should make it easy for her to ignore them.

OP -- you need to get at the root of these issues. Is she bullying others because she feels like she has to in order to not be the one who gets bullied? If she's worried about getting made fun of, I am wondering if she's really feeling unsure of her social position. She likely needs some serious counseling so she can get her self esteem from within her, not from making other people feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was upset with me this morning when I punished her. But she also told me kids were making fun on social media about the fight. They were "clowning" her were her exact words. Well I took away her phone and laptop so that should make it easy for her to ignore them.

OP -- you need to get at the root of these issues. Is she bullying others because she feels like she has to in order to not be the one who gets bullied? If she's worried about getting made fun of, I am wondering if she's really feeling unsure of her social position. She likely needs some serious counseling so she can get her self esteem from within her, not from making other people feel bad.

I think her friends have a very bad influence on her. She seems really concerned with fitting in. She does have a lot of friends. She's pretty popular among her peers, but I think she's getting caught up with the wrong crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was upset with me this morning when I punished her. But she also told me kids were making fun on social media about the fight. They were "clowning" her were her exact words. Well I took away her phone and laptop so that should make it easy for her to ignore them.

OP -- you need to get at the root of these issues. Is she bullying others because she feels like she has to in order to not be the one who gets bullied? If she's worried about getting made fun of, I am wondering if she's really feeling unsure of her social position. She likely needs some serious counseling so she can get her self esteem from within her, not from making other people feel bad.

I think her friends have a very bad influence on her. She seems really concerned with fitting in. She does have a lot of friends. She's pretty popular among her peers, but I think she's getting caught up with the wrong crowd.

Those two statements don't work together. She has a wide social circle, but they are not friends in a real sense, they are her crowd. Doing something at somebody's nudging is a bad sign, much worse than the whole bullying. How do you not know who the current queen bee is? Ehy does not she trust you to tell you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Natural consequences. Picking on someone and eventually you might get popped. Good for the other kid.

Counseling is probably in order. I'd want to know where she got the idea that this behavior was OK.

100% agree. I applaud the other girl; if she was my child I would be proud of her. Your daughter is a jerk and a bully and somehow has been allowed to get away with terrorizing someone else. There should be ZERO sympathy for her and she should be punished for bullying by YOU.

This. You can say I'm sorry you got hurt. I'm sorry you made bad choices that put you in a situation where violence was likely. We can't control the actions of others. What do you think YOU could do differently in the future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

And herein lies the problem. Why are so so concerned about your child liking you--to the point where you fail to act responsibly? Do you see how your value as a parent is affecting your daughter--she thinks its more important to be "liked" than to act responsibly.
Also, I don't see how you thought that giving her the phone right after she got suspended was a good thing. A kid who knows that she is in deep trouble would *get* why her parent took the phone away from her and why she is being grounded, even if she doesn't like it. You seem more concerned about making her feel good, than about teaching her the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was upset with me this morning when I punished her. But she also told me kids were making fun on social media about the fight. They were "clowning" her were her exact words. Well I took away her phone and laptop so that should make it easy for her to ignore them.

OP -- you need to get at the root of these issues. Is she bullying others because she feels like she has to in order to not be the one who gets bullied? If she's worried about getting made fun of, I am wondering if she's really feeling unsure of her social position. She likely needs some serious counseling so she can get her self esteem from within her, not from making other people feel bad.

I think her friends have a very bad influence on her. She seems really concerned with fitting in. She does have a lot of friends. She's pretty popular among her peers, but I think she's getting caught up with the wrong crowd.

Those two statements don't work together. She has a wide social circle, but they are not friends in a real sense, they are her crowd. Doing something at somebody's nudging is a bad sign, much worse than the whole bullying. How do you not know who the current queen bee is? Ehy does not she trust you to tell you?

She probably doesn't want to snitch on her friends. I don't want to do anything to make her become a victim of bullying as well. I'm sure if anyone else was picking on the girl who beat up my daughter, they will rethink that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

And herein lies the problem. Why are so so concerned about your child liking you--to the point where you fail to act responsibly? Do you see how your value as a parent is affecting your daughter--she thinks its more important to be "liked" than to act responsibly.
Also, I don't see how you thought that giving her the phone right after she got suspended was a good thing. A kid who knows that she is in deep trouble would *get* why her parent took the phone away from her and why she is being grounded, even if she doesn't like it. You seem more concerned about making her feel good, than about teaching her the right thing to do.

Honestly, if your child never gave home with a beat up face it's probably hard for you to understand why I felt bad for her. She was bruised and crying, it's a natural response to be concerned for her well being before anything else.

[Anonymous]

If she will not say what friends also victimized the girl, then she is still choosing to hurt the girl. You need to get to the bottom of this. Get all of her passwords and start reading, mama. Get them now and read every text and every social media post about this. I'm sure there will be a lot. And then spend time with your daughter's social media accounts and see what she has been doing.

She is not mature enough and her character is too deficient right now to be trusted with electronics and social media. She can make a mistake online that can't be erased. You need to dig and get more information about her peer group.

There's no question they're going to make fun of her now - they are mean girls; that's what they do. No one is ever safe in a pack of mean girls. That's what she has chosen. You need to choose differently for her for a while, because the only way she can build back standing among those other mean girls is to be mean again, and you can't let that happen. She needs to make a big break from all of them.

Get on her devices now. And make sure she can't get back on to clean them up. Make sure you know what she has access to. If she won't give you a password, make it clear she will never get a device back.

It's go time here. You need to step up and be tough. Your child's anger at you is a measure of what a good mom you are. If she is not pissed right now - because you are finally being authoritative and she's not used to it - then you are failing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was upset with me this morning when I punished her. But she also told me kids were making fun on social media about the fight. They were "clowning" her were her exact words. Well I took away her phone and laptop so that should make it easy for her to ignore them.

OP -- you need to get at the root of these issues. Is she bullying others because she feels like she has to in order to not be the one who gets bullied? If she's worried about getting made fun of, I am wondering if she's really feeling unsure of her social position. She likely needs some serious counseling so she can get her self esteem from within her, not from making other people feel bad.

I think her friends have a very bad influence on her. She seems really concerned with fitting in. She does have a lot of friends. She's pretty popular among her peers, but I think she's getting caught up with the wrong crowd.

Those two statements don't work together. She has a wide social circle, but they are not friends in a real sense, they are her crowd. Doing something at somebody's nudging is a bad sign, much worse than the whole bullying. How do you not know who the current queen bee is? Ehy does not she trust you to tell you?

She probably doesn't want to snitch on her friends. I don't want to do anything to make her become a victim of bullying as well. I'm sure if anyone else was picking on the girl who beat up my daughter, they will rethink that now.

What is wrong with you?!?! Your daughter IS the bully. Yes, her "friends" are bullies, too. The ONLY way you have a chance to turn your kid into a decent person is to make sure that she breaks from them completely. And yes, that means they will turn on her. Good. She needs to make other friends with people who are not awful. They are out there. But if your daughter keeps allegiance to the bullies, she will stay a bully, as that's the only way to survive in that group. You have to put a stop to it. These are not her friends. She doesn't even know what a friend really is.

[Anonymous]

I bet none of those "friends" your daughter was trying to impress came to her aid to try and stop the fight , did they? They probably laughed while she was getting her ass beat. Make sure you bring this up to your daughter. Those are absolutely not her friends, and she has no reason to protect them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are raising a sociopath. Be careful. And take away her phone NOW. You need to monitor her texting and see what she is telling her friends. Also, where is DH in all of this?!?

This is a little far. She's expressed a lot of remorse. I think she'll grow from this. And I'm a single mom. It's just me and her.

Have you taken the phone yet?

Is she remorseful about being in trouble, or remorseful about targeting, scapegoating, and humiliating another child?

I will in the morning. It's a little late where I am. And I think she's remorseful about both. She told me she felt bad about what she did. I'm sure she'll hate me tomorrow. *sigh*

So when she was crying, I couldn't help but hold her. But at the same time I was telling her I was disappointed in her. Do you think this gave her mixed messages? Should I be cold towards her even though she's so upset??

And herein lies the problem. Why are so so concerned about your child liking you--to the point where you fail to act responsibly? Do you see how your value as a parent is affecting your daughter--she thinks its more important to be "liked" than to act responsibly.
Also, I don't see how you thought that giving her the phone right after she got suspended was a good thing. A kid who knows that she is in deep trouble would *get* why her parent took the phone away from her and why she is being grounded, even if she doesn't like it. You seem more concerned about making her feel good, than about teaching her the right thing to do.

Honestly, if your child never gave home with a beat up face it's probably hard for you to understand why I felt bad for her. She was bruised and crying, it's a natural response to be concerned for her well being before anything else.

I would initially be shocked and sympathetic. After learning the details, I would be furious with my child. Her phone would be gone instantly on the spot. I would also be upset with the school for not bringing this to my attention earlier. I have a hard time believing OP saw no indication of bullying or "mean girl" in her child. DD would be grounded. Off the top of my head, I'd consider making her work around the house to earn allowance to pay for the bullied child's lunch for the month of her grounding. Along with an apology letter.

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when you try to be friends with your kids rather than a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet none of those "friends" your daughter was trying to impress came to her aid to try and stop the fight , did they? They probably laughed while she was getting her ass beat. Make sure you bring this up to your daughter. Those are absolutely not her friends, and she has no reason to protect them.

This does piss me off. They dared her to do this and then left her to get beat up. Idk why she thinks these girls are her friends.