Do you ever wish your DH made more money?

[Anonymous]

All the women say more money but never say how much more and what they want it for.

3 close friends dropped dead because of overwork. One died in his sleep, two died at work. Nothing I can buy or want is worth my husband dying for.

If you want extras, go out and get them. Don't expect anything to be handed to you. Your husband is not a free government program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know right? I'd like to be able to buy a house, like one attached to neighbors with 3 bedrooms. I'd like to be able to go to the doctor and not weigh it againt the cost od my deductible.

When your combined HHI is just shy of 100k, it's a struggle.

Take home 5800
Healthcare 800 (with a 3k deductible)
1800 rent
1200 daycare
800 food diapers and formula
200 gas
300 utilities

We have 900 left over for Healthcare deductibles, emergencies, savings, and clothing and basics for our growing baby (forget about any luxuries doe ourselves). I'm already in the hole $3,000 for my c-section. We can't save for college and cant save for retirement.

I think that poster just wants to imagine shit. Assumes everyone in DC are rich complainers. No ability to think outside of their own situation. I'm guessing that poster has no idea what it's like to put $10 of gas in at a time and coast down hills.

I don't see people on here complaining about not having a 3ksq foot house or European vacations. please.

I'm in the same boat.

I am the poster who writes about what I see as the sense of entitlement oozing from this thread. I am sorry you don't see. You don't like your financial situation and you are not suffering from some God awful disease, then please cry me a river. I just spent $1600 to repair DW's 12 year old car. My mortgage is $2700, and I am facing college expenses for DD. My idea of a vacation is to visit my Mom. But here is the thing, I don't whine about it. I figure out ways to make it workl. $1200 for child care seems to be a cost that could be jettisoned if one of you stays at home. Is that even possible? Can you put aside money in a healthcare savings account pretax for deductibles and copays. You should budget 10 percent off the bat for your retirement, i.e. pay yourself first. It is a bill that comes due, just like the electricity, the H2O or the car payment. If your employer provides a match and you are not doing this you are leaving free money on the table. I assume you don't have cable. Food seems on the high side. We are a family of three and spend about 1/2 that on food. Otherwise, would you get a better qualify of life elsewhere than in Metro DC? Could one of you take on a second job? Just some thoughts, but I have BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know right? I'd like to be able to buy a house, like one attached to neighbors with 3 bedrooms. I'd like to be able to go to the doctor and not weigh it againt the cost od my deductible.

When your combined HHI is just shy of 100k, it's a struggle.

Take home 5800
Healthcare 800 (with a 3k deductible)
1800 rent
1200 daycare
800 food diapers and formula
200 gas
300 utilities

We have 900 left over for Healthcare deductibles, emergencies, savings, and clothing and basics for our growing baby (forget about any luxuries doe ourselves). I'm already in the hole $3,000 for my c-section. We can't save for college and cant save for retirement.

I think that poster just wants to imagine shit. Assumes everyone in DC are rich complainers. No ability to think outside of their own situation. I'm guessing that poster has no idea what it's like to put $10 of gas in at a time and coast down hills.

I don't see people on here complaining about not having a 3ksq foot house or European vacations. please.

I'm in the same boat.

I am the poster who writes about what I see as the sense of entitlement oozing from this thread. I am sorry you don't see. You don't like your financial situation and you are not suffering from some God awful disease, then please cry me a river. I just spent $1600 to repair DW's 12 year old car. My mortgage is $2700, and I am facing college expenses for DD. My idea of a vacation is to visit my Mom. But here is the thing, I don't whine about it. I figure out ways to make it workl. $1200 for child care seems to be a cost that could be jettisoned if one of you stays at home. Is that even possible? Can you put aside money in a healthcare savings account pretax for deductibles and copays. You should budget 10 percent off the bat for your retirement, i.e. pay yourself first. It is a bill that comes due, just like the electricity, the H2O or the car payment. If your employer provides a match and you are not doing this you are leaving free money on the table. I assume you don't have cable. Food seems on the high side. We are a family of three and spend about 1/2 that on food. Otherwise, would you get a better qualify of life elsewhere than in Metro DC? Could one of you take on a second job? Just some thoughts, but I have BTDT.

You are out of touch. Completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know right? I'd like to be able to buy a house, like one attached to neighbors with 3 bedrooms. I'd like to be able to go to the doctor and not weigh it againt the cost od my deductible.

When your combined HHI is just shy of 100k, it's a struggle.

Take home 5800
Healthcare 800 (with a 3k deductible)
1800 rent
1200 daycare
800 food diapers and formula
200 gas
300 utilities

We have 900 left over for Healthcare deductibles, emergencies, savings, and clothing and basics for our growing baby (forget about any luxuries doe ourselves). I'm already in the hole $3,000 for my c-section. We can't save for college and cant save for retirement.

I think that poster just wants to imagine shit. Assumes everyone in DC are rich complainers. No ability to think outside of their own situation. I'm guessing that poster has no idea what it's like to put $10 of gas in at a time and coast down hills.

I don't see people on here complaining about not having a 3ksq foot house or European vacations. please.

I'm in the same boat.

I am the poster who writes about what I see as the sense of entitlement oozing from this thread. I am sorry you don't see. You don't like your financial situation and you are not suffering from some God awful disease, then please cry me a river. I just spent $1600 to repair DW's 12 year old car. My mortgage is $2700, and I am facing college expenses for DD. My idea of a vacation is to visit my Mom. But here is the thing, I don't whine about it. I figure out ways to make it workl. $1200 for child care seems to be a cost that could be jettisoned if one of you stays at home. Is that even possible? Can you put aside money in a healthcare savings account pretax for deductibles and copays. You should budget 10 percent off the bat for your retirement, i.e. pay yourself first. It is a bill that comes due, just like the electricity, the H2O or the car payment. If your employer provides a match and you are not doing this you are leaving free money on the table. I assume you don't have cable. Food seems on the high side. We are a family of three and spend about 1/2 that on food. Otherwise, would you get a better qualify of life elsewhere than in Metro DC? Could one of you take on a second job? Just some thoughts, but I have BTDT.

Hahaha! Someone SAH on 50k/yr? Move to a lower COL area and lose all support of family? Genius! Lower grocery bills while paying for formula and diapers? Your kids are headed to college. It's not 1994 anymore. Prices have gone up.

[Anonymous]

My DH makes a very good salary. He left lower paying 40hr a week close to home job for a farther away more prestige job. It blows ass. I hate doing everything on my own and working a FT job. Couple of things:

-DHS old company has imploded, he took what he could get before getting laid off.
-he actually loves the new job and what he's doing(did a complete career change).
-I won't quit my job because I love it and work 35hrs a week and get paid over 200k for my time.
- because DH job is stressful and long I try to shield him from domestic strife and chores, but it adds a lot to my plate. he loves his work and I don't want to poo-poo on it. I'm hoping that I adjust.

I'm not going to lie. I miss my DH. My kids miss their dad. However there are worse things in life. There would be people lined up for his income. I know plenty of people who work longer and harder and have more stress at a blue collar hourly job. less money does not always mean less work. Less money means less money. It is sometimes hell living in America. We work ourselves to death. From the top down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read it all, but yes, absolutely I wish he made more. I don't want a life of luxury but wish I could be a stay at home mom instead of working full-time. I don't resent our life and like my career. But I wish I could volunteer at school and be home with them during all of these teacher work days. I wish I could fully enjoy activities on the weekends without waking up early or staying up late to get work done.

NP here. Just wanted to respond that part of this may be getting a more flexible job. I recently changed my schedule to work late two days in order to take every other Friday off and I have used those Friday's to volunteer at the school, be home on a half-day or pick the kids up right after school etc. Not every job is like this for sure but this flexibility was a factor in my job choice.

Back to the OP's question. When I met DH he wasn't making a lot and to be honest, I really didn't look at earning potential. I already owned a townhouse that I could afford on my own and I was making a good salary. I just wanted to always live below our means and as much as possible stick to living off one salary and banking atleast what would have been rent for DH so if something unexpected came up we could weather the storm. So I guess I expected each of us to be able to afford things like decent housing, transportation, retirement savings, food, and rainy day saving on our own and as long as we don't take a big leap in our expectations once we combine finances pre-kids we should be doing really well and able to save a lot. We have both been fortunate that our salaries have gone up and I won't lie and say that our cars haven't gotten nicer and we haven't spent more on vacations etc, but I like to think moving up in those things were several years after we could have afforded to do so.

Me again. It's not easy to change careers after being in for 16 years. I make 80k, which is not a lot for this area when we have a mortgage and pay for daycare and SACC. I would love to have a flexible position but they are not in my field. This is why I secretly wish he made more money. Or that I could work part time or flexible hours and make more money myself. We all can dream. Before anyone suggests we go back to school, I have 2 master's degrees and that would also not be financially possible.

[Anonymous]

1970 New England baby here, raised by parents who came of age in the very early 1960s, before the women's movement took hold. When I was growing up, moms had careers, but most of them took time off to raise kids or launched a professional career once the kids got a bit older. Moms were always the default parents, doing all the household shopping, cooking, driving, homework help, etc. Dads made the money and sometimes did yard work.

I get that I need to be able to support myself in the manner I want to live, and I did for many years. However, I have never managed to shake off the traditional values and expectations that I picked up from the examples I grew up with. I currently work part time and earn a low six-figure salary, but there is no doubt that I compromised my long-term earning potential by taking low-stress, low-profile work.

Did I screen for earning potential during my dating years? Yes, but mostly subconsciously. Professional success and earning power typically flow from the smart alpha male type I was drawn to when looking for a life partner. I would honestly have a hard time if DH didn't earn at least as much as I earned when I was full time, and enough to enable me to work part time while my kids are young.

On the other hand, in my younger years, I dated a couple of creative/adventurous/sensitive types. I sometimes wish DH had more appetite for the kind of aimless togetherness I enjoyed with those guys, but he is much too achievement-oriented for that. So every choice does come with a price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know right? I'd like to be able to buy a house, like one attached to neighbors with 3 bedrooms. I'd like to be able to go to the doctor and not weigh it againt the cost od my deductible.

When your combined HHI is just shy of 100k, it's a struggle.

Take home 5800
Healthcare 800 (with a 3k deductible)
1800 rent
1200 daycare
800 food diapers and formula
200 gas
300 utilities

We have 900 left over for Healthcare deductibles, emergencies, savings, and clothing and basics for our growing baby (forget about any luxuries doe ourselves). I'm already in the hole $3,000 for my c-section. We can't save for college and cant save for retirement.

I think that poster just wants to imagine shit. Assumes everyone in DC are rich complainers. No ability to think outside of their own situation. I'm guessing that poster has no idea what it's like to put $10 of gas in at a time and coast down hills.

I don't see people on here complaining about not having a 3ksq foot house or European vacations. please.

I'm in the same boat.

I am the poster who writes about what I see as the sense of entitlement oozing from this thread. I am sorry you don't see. You don't like your financial situation and you are not suffering from some God awful disease, then please cry me a river. I just spent $1600 to repair DW's 12 year old car. My mortgage is $2700, and I am facing college expenses for DD. My idea of a vacation is to visit my Mom. But here is the thing, I don't whine about it. I figure out ways to make it workl. $1200 for child care seems to be a cost that could be jettisoned if one of you stays at home. Is that even possible? Can you put aside money in a healthcare savings account pretax for deductibles and copays. You should budget 10 percent off the bat for your retirement, i.e. pay yourself first. It is a bill that comes due, just like the electricity, the H2O or the car payment. If your employer provides a match and you are not doing this you are leaving free money on the table. I assume you don't have cable. Food seems on the high side. We are a family of three and spend about 1/2 that on food. Otherwise, would you get a better qualify of life elsewhere than in Metro DC? Could one of you take on a second job? Just some thoughts, but I have BTDT.

Hahaha! Someone SAH on 50k/yr? Move to a lower COL area and lose all support of family? Genius! Lower grocery bills while paying for formula and diapers? Your kids are headed to college. It's not 1994 anymore. Prices have gone up.

PP how old are you now? What field do you and your DH work in. I was 33 when my DD was 3. My wife was in grad school and I made $65K. We managed to put her through school, pay for daycare for DD and buy a house all on my salary. The mortgage on that house was (and is) $1500/mo. My first job out of grad school paid $25K. My next job three years later was $50K and the next one was $70K. My current job is $120K. DW makes $85K.

I guess it all depends on state of life, but I do not make at 25 what I now make at 48. It generally gets better. As someone said above, you have to be playing the long game. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1970 New England baby here, raised by parents who came of age in the very early 1960s, before the women's movement took hold. When I was growing up, moms had careers, but most of them took time off to raise kids or launched a professional career once the kids got a bit older. Moms were always the default parents, doing all the household shopping, cooking, driving, homework help, etc. Dads made the money and sometimes did yard work.

I get that I need to be able to support myself in the manner I want to live, and I did for many years. However, I have never managed to shake off the traditional values and expectations that I picked up from the examples I grew up with. I currently work part time and earn a low six-figure salary, but there is no doubt that I compromised my long-term earning potential by taking low-stress, low-profile work.

Did I screen for earning potential during my dating years? Yes, but mostly subconsciously. Professional success and earning power typically flow from the smart alpha male type I was drawn to when looking for a life partner. I would honestly have a hard time if DH didn't earn at least as much as I earned when I was full time, and enough to enable me to work part time while my kids are young.

On the other hand, in my younger years, I dated a couple of creative/adventurous/sensitive types. I sometimes wish DH had more appetite for the kind of aimless togetherness I enjoyed with those guys, but he is much too achievement-oriented for that. So every choice does come with a price.

Yeah. One of my good girlfriends is in a similar situation. She specifically screened for the professionally driven, goal oriented, money making alpha type because she is only attracted to men who are "providers". He is very busy and very successful and is always traveling and their relationship is long distance most of the time. He hardly makes time for date nights or is very good at talking about feelings. Sometimes I wonder how she puts up with it and I am reminded of the fact that at the end of the day, he is a powerful guy who makes a lot of money, so in her mind, the minor sacrifices of companionship and romance are worth his drive and ambition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1970 New England baby here, raised by parents who came of age in the very early 1960s, before the women's movement took hold. When I was growing up, moms had careers, but most of them took time off to raise kids or launched a professional career once the kids got a bit older. Moms were always the default parents, doing all the household shopping, cooking, driving, homework help, etc. Dads made the money and sometimes did yard work.

I get that I need to be able to support myself in the manner I want to live, and I did for many years. However, I have never managed to shake off the traditional values and expectations that I picked up from the examples I grew up with. I currently work part time and earn a low six-figure salary, but there is no doubt that I compromised my long-term earning potential by taking low-stress, low-profile work.

Did I screen for earning potential during my dating years? Yes, but mostly subconsciously. Professional success and earning power typically flow from the smart alpha male type I was drawn to when looking for a life partner. I would honestly have a hard time if DH didn't earn at least as much as I earned when I was full time, and enough to enable me to work part time while my kids are young.

On the other hand, in my younger years, I dated a couple of creative/adventurous/sensitive types. I sometimes wish DH had more appetite for the kind of aimless togetherness I enjoyed with those guys, but he is much too achievement-oriented for that. So every choice does come with a price.

Yeah. One of my good girlfriends is in a similar situation. She specifically screened for the professionally driven, goal oriented, money making alpha type because she is only attracted to men who are "providers". He is very busy and very successful and is always traveling and their relationship is long distance most of the time. He hardly makes time for date nights or is very good at talking about feelings. Sometimes I wonder how she puts up with it and I am reminded of the fact that at the end of the day, he is a powerful guy who makes a lot of money, so in her mind, the minor sacrifices of companionship and romance are worth his drive and ambition.

That's sad to me. I love my husband and want to spend time with him often. I would be sad and lonely if he had a high-powered job with a ton of required travel. I know it works for some people (my aunt and uncle have been happily married 40 years, two grown children, 5 grandchildren, and he had that type of job before he retired) but it wouldn't work for us. So the tradeoff of a predictable 40 hour work week but only 100k salary for now absolutely works for us.

[Anonymous]

Or you could find a DH that has a low stress job and earns a large amount enough to spend tons of time with you. My DH is a dermatologist and I see him every evening and we spend weekends together always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or you could find a DH that has a low stress job and earns a large amount enough to spend tons of time with you. My DH is a dermatologist and I see him every evening and we spend weekends together always.

So how many women screen husbands solely on earning and ease of earning potential.

No one marries for love eh?

[Anonymous]

Bitch make your own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know right? I'd like to be able to buy a house, like one attached to neighbors with 3 bedrooms. I'd like to be able to go to the doctor and not weigh it againt the cost od my deductible.

When your combined HHI is just shy of 100k, it's a struggle.

Take home 5800
Healthcare 800 (with a 3k deductible)
1800 rent
1200 daycare
800 food diapers and formula
200 gas
300 utilities

We have 900 left over for Healthcare deductibles, emergencies, savings, and clothing and basics for our growing baby (forget about any luxuries doe ourselves). I'm already in the hole $3,000 for my c-section. We can't save for college and cant save for retirement.

I think that poster just wants to imagine shit. Assumes everyone in DC are rich complainers. No ability to think outside of their own situation. I'm guessing that poster has no idea what it's like to put $10 of gas in at a time and coast down hills.

I don't see people on here complaining about not having a 3ksq foot house or European vacations. please.

I'm in the same boat.

I am the poster who writes about what I see as the sense of entitlement oozing from this thread. I am sorry you don't see. You don't like your financial situation and you are not suffering from some God awful disease, then please cry me a river. I just spent $1600 to repair DW's 12 year old car. My mortgage is $2700, and I am facing college expenses for DD. My idea of a vacation is to visit my Mom. But here is the thing, I don't whine about it. I figure out ways to make it workl. $1200 for child care seems to be a cost that could be jettisoned if one of you stays at home. Is that even possible? Can you put aside money in a healthcare savings account pretax for deductibles and copays. You should budget 10 percent off the bat for your retirement, i.e. pay yourself first. It is a bill that comes due, just like the electricity, the H2O or the car payment. If your employer provides a match and you are not doing this you are leaving free money on the table. I assume you don't have cable. Food seems on the high side. We are a family of three and spend about 1/2 that on food. Otherwise, would you get a better qualify of life elsewhere than in Metro DC? Could one of you take on a second job? Just some thoughts, but I have BTDT.

Hahaha! Someone SAH on 50k/yr? Move to a lower COL area and lose all support of family? Genius! Lower grocery bills while paying for formula and diapers? Your kids are headed to college. It's not 1994 anymore. Prices have gone up.

PP how old are you now? What field do you and your DH work in. I was 33 when my DD was 3. My wife was in grad school and I made $65K. We managed to put her through school, pay for daycare for DD and buy a house all on my salary. The mortgage on that house was (and is) $1500/mo. My first job out of grad school paid $25K. My next job three years later was $50K and the next one was $70K. My current job is $120K. DW makes $85K.

I guess it all depends on state of life, but I do not make at 25 what I now make at 48. It generally gets better. As someone said above, you have to be playing the long game. Good luck!

late 30s.

He works for a non profit and I manage a retail store. People like me don't ACTUALLY exist in your world. Ever wonder how people survive that work at Starbucks, Giant, or Home Depot? I bet you think they are there making pocket change. Or maybe they don't really exist to you. You are surrounded by middle aged FT workers trying to survive in DC and you aren't even aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know right? I'd like to be able to buy a house, like one attached to neighbors with 3 bedrooms. I'd like to be able to go to the doctor and not weigh it againt the cost od my deductible.

When your combined HHI is just shy of 100k, it's a struggle.

Take home 5800
Healthcare 800 (with a 3k deductible)
1800 rent
1200 daycare
800 food diapers and formula
200 gas
300 utilities

We have 900 left over for Healthcare deductibles, emergencies, savings, and clothing and basics for our growing baby (forget about any luxuries doe ourselves). I'm already in the hole $3,000 for my c-section. We can't save for college and cant save for retirement.

I think that poster just wants to imagine shit. Assumes everyone in DC are rich complainers. No ability to think outside of their own situation. I'm guessing that poster has no idea what it's like to put $10 of gas in at a time and coast down hills.

I don't see people on here complaining about not having a 3ksq foot house or European vacations. please.

I'm in the same boat.

I am the poster who writes about what I see as the sense of entitlement oozing from this thread. I am sorry you don't see. You don't like your financial situation and you are not suffering from some God awful disease, then please cry me a river. I just spent $1600 to repair DW's 12 year old car. My mortgage is $2700, and I am facing college expenses for DD. My idea of a vacation is to visit my Mom. But here is the thing, I don't whine about it. I figure out ways to make it workl. $1200 for child care seems to be a cost that could be jettisoned if one of you stays at home. Is that even possible? Can you put aside money in a healthcare savings account pretax for deductibles and copays. You should budget 10 percent off the bat for your retirement, i.e. pay yourself first. It is a bill that comes due, just like the electricity, the H2O or the car payment. If your employer provides a match and you are not doing this you are leaving free money on the table. I assume you don't have cable. Food seems on the high side. We are a family of three and spend about 1/2 that on food. Otherwise, would you get a better qualify of life elsewhere than in Metro DC? Could one of you take on a second job? Just some thoughts, but I have BTDT.

Hahaha! Someone SAH on 50k/yr? Move to a lower COL area and lose all support of family? Genius! Lower grocery bills while paying for formula and diapers? Your kids are headed to college. It's not 1994 anymore. Prices have gone up.

PP how old are you now? What field do you and your DH work in. I was 33 when my DD was 3. My wife was in grad school and I made $65K. We managed to put her through school, pay for daycare for DD and buy a house all on my salary. The mortgage on that house was (and is) $1500/mo. My first job out of grad school paid $25K. My next job three years later was $50K and the next one was $70K. My current job is $120K. DW makes $85K.

I guess it all depends on state of life, but I do not make at 25 what I now make at 48. It generally gets better. As someone said above, you have to be playing the long game. Good luck!

late 30s.

He works for a non profit and I manage a retail store. People like me don't ACTUALLY exist in your world. Ever wonder how people survive that work at Starbucks, Giant, or Home Depot? I bet you think they are there making pocket change. Or maybe they don't really exist to you. You are surrounded by middle aged FT workers trying to survive in DC and you aren't even aware.

I am not PP here (a PP). I just want to say, I wish you luck. Managing retail is hard work. And it does not pay well. I also thing every needs to be tight, if not poor, for a while to understand what it is like to not have food or a cushion.

When I read threads like this, it makes we want a 50% tax bracket on people making more than 300K/year.