Do you ever wish your DH made more money?

[Anonymous]

I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know right? I'd like to be able to buy a house, like one attached to neighbors with 3 bedrooms. I'd like to be able to go to the doctor and not weigh it againt the cost od my deductible.

When your combined HHI is just shy of 100k, it's a struggle.

Take home 5800
Healthcare 800 (with a 3k deductible)
1800 rent
1200 daycare
800 food diapers and formula
200 gas
300 utilities

We have 900 left over for Healthcare deductibles, emergencies, savings, and clothing and basics for our growing baby (forget about any luxuries doe ourselves). I'm already in the hole $3,000 for my c-section. We can't save for college and cant save for retirement.

I think that poster just wants to imagine shit. Assumes everyone in DC are rich complainers. No ability to think outside of their own situation. I'm guessing that poster has no idea what it's like to put $10 of gas in at a time and coast down hills.

I don't see people on here complaining about not having a 3ksq foot house or European vacations. please.

I'm in the same boat.

I am the poster who writes about what I see as the sense of entitlement oozing from this thread. I am sorry you don't see. You don't like your financial situation and you are not suffering from some God awful disease, then please cry me a river. I just spent $1600 to repair DW's 12 year old car. My mortgage is $2700, and I am facing college expenses for DD. My idea of a vacation is to visit my Mom. But here is the thing, I don't whine about it. I figure out ways to make it workl. $1200 for child care seems to be a cost that could be jettisoned if one of you stays at home. Is that even possible? Can you put aside money in a healthcare savings account pretax for deductibles and copays. You should budget 10 percent off the bat for your retirement, i.e. pay yourself first. It is a bill that comes due, just like the electricity, the H2O or the car payment. If your employer provides a match and you are not doing this you are leaving free money on the table. I assume you don't have cable. Food seems on the high side. We are a family of three and spend about 1/2 that on food. Otherwise, would you get a better qualify of life elsewhere than in Metro DC? Could one of you take on a second job? Just some thoughts, but I have BTDT.

Hahaha! Someone SAH on 50k/yr? Move to a lower COL area and lose all support of family? Genius! Lower grocery bills while paying for formula and diapers? Your kids are headed to college. It's not 1994 anymore. Prices have gone up.

PP how old are you now? What field do you and your DH work in. I was 33 when my DD was 3. My wife was in grad school and I made $65K. We managed to put her through school, pay for daycare for DD and buy a house all on my salary. The mortgage on that house was (and is) $1500/mo. My first job out of grad school paid $25K. My next job three years later was $50K and the next one was $70K. My current job is $120K. DW makes $85K.

I guess it all depends on state of life, but I do not make at 25 what I now make at 48. It generally gets better. As someone said above, you have to be playing the long game. Good luck!

late 30s.

He works for a non profit and I manage a retail store. People like me don't ACTUALLY exist in your world. Ever wonder how people survive that work at Starbucks, Giant, or Home Depot? I bet you think they are there making pocket change. Or maybe they don't really exist to you. You are surrounded by middle aged FT workers trying to survive in DC and you aren't even aware.

I am the PP who asked the question, if only to get some perspective and maybe provide some guidance or moral support. In my long career, I have had any number of jobs - waiter, retail sales, fast food, non-profit manager, legislative analyst on Capitol Hill, Federal contracting consultant, etc. I guess I have been lucky - I really haven't focused on the paycheck as I have progressed -am now mid - level Fed.

The fact that you are a manager tells me you should have some transferable skills that you should be able to use to change careers if you so desire. The key is identifying those skills and then being able to sell yourself. I highly recommend that anyone in considering a career change read Richard Nelson Bolles' "What Color is Your Parachute?" and that you also do the exercises therein. Also, you may wish to avail yourself of low cost or free career counseling services. Where did you go to college? Very often universities and colleges provide continuing servicesto alumni. I went to GWU and know that they do. The Women's Centerin Vienna is also a good resource.

What does your husband do for the on-profit? Perhaps he also could make a jump to another organization, the private sector or government to increase earnings? Again, it is a matter of identifying your transferable skills, finding where you can put them to work and being able to market yourself. Is it hard to do this? Yes. Is it impossible? No. However, you have to be willing to take the bull by their so to speak.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know right? I'd like to be able to buy a house, like one attached to neighbors with 3 bedrooms. I'd like to be able to go to the doctor and not weigh it againt the cost od my deductible.

When your combined HHI is just shy of 100k, it's a struggle.

Take home 5800
Healthcare 800 (with a 3k deductible)
1800 rent
1200 daycare
800 food diapers and formula
200 gas
300 utilities

We have 900 left over for Healthcare deductibles, emergencies, savings, and clothing and basics for our growing baby (forget about any luxuries doe ourselves). I'm already in the hole $3,000 for my c-section. We can't save for college and cant save for retirement.

I think that poster just wants to imagine shit. Assumes everyone in DC are rich complainers. No ability to think outside of their own situation. I'm guessing that poster has no idea what it's like to put $10 of gas in at a time and coast down hills.

I don't see people on here complaining about not having a 3ksq foot house or European vacations. please.

I'm in the same boat.

I am the poster who writes about what I see as the sense of entitlement oozing from this thread. I am sorry you don't see. You don't like your financial situation and you are not suffering from some God awful disease, then please cry me a river. I just spent $1600 to repair DW's 12 year old car. My mortgage is $2700, and I am facing college expenses for DD. My idea of a vacation is to visit my Mom. But here is the thing, I don't whine about it. I figure out ways to make it workl. $1200 for child care seems to be a cost that could be jettisoned if one of you stays at home. Is that even possible? Can you put aside money in a healthcare savings account pretax for deductibles and copays. You should budget 10 percent off the bat for your retirement, i.e. pay yourself first. It is a bill that comes due, just like the electricity, the H2O or the car payment. If your employer provides a match and you are not doing this you are leaving free money on the table. I assume you don't have cable. Food seems on the high side. We are a family of three and spend about 1/2 that on food. Otherwise, would you get a better qualify of life elsewhere than in Metro DC? Could one of you take on a second job? Just some thoughts, but I have BTDT.

Hahaha! Someone SAH on 50k/yr? Move to a lower COL area and lose all support of family? Genius! Lower grocery bills while paying for formula and diapers? Your kids are headed to college. It's not 1994 anymore. Prices have gone up.

PP how old are you now? What field do you and your DH work in. I was 33 when my DD was 3. My wife was in grad school and I made $65K. We managed to put her through school, pay for daycare for DD and buy a house all on my salary. The mortgage on that house was (and is) $1500/mo. My first job out of grad school paid $25K. My next job three years later was $50K and the next one was $70K. My current job is $120K. DW makes $85K.

I guess it all depends on state of life, but I do not make at 25 what I now make at 48. It generally gets better. As someone said above, you have to be playing the long game. Good luck!

late 30s.

He works for a non profit and I manage a retail store. People like me don't ACTUALLY exist in your world. Ever wonder how people survive that work at Starbucks, Giant, or Home Depot? I bet you think they are there making pocket change. Or maybe they don't really exist to you. You are surrounded by middle aged FT workers trying to survive in DC and you aren't even aware.

I am not PP here (a PP). I just want to say, I wish you luck. Managing retail is hard work. And it does not pay well. I also thing every needs to be tight, if not poor, for a while to understand what it is like to not have food or a cushion.

When I read threads like this, it makes we want a 50% tax bracket on people making more than 300K/year.

Retail worker here. I don't really want people to be taxed more because I make less. I simply wish that we made more money. I might not be so wishfuI if we lived in a lowe COL area. I don't feel like the government owes me anything other than finding a way to lower my insurance that skyrocked in the last year. Possibly some policies than drive down costs and not up which is exactly what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

Not any more. Maybe if you're of the older generation. I am married to a doctor and they come with huge student loans, and deferred savings. I remember being at a dinner with some older ladies and basically they were telling me how their lives were like the real housewives. And I was like..yeah that's not happening to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or you could find a DH that has a low stress job and earns a large amount enough to spend tons of time with you. My DH is a dermatologist and I see him every evening and we spend weekends together always.

So how many women screen husbands solely on earning and ease of earning potential.

No one marries for love eh?

Or you can marry for love and companionship AND money. Its not mutually exclusive. I'm pretty satisfied, I have love, time with my DH, and enough that I will never live on the streets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

How old are you, 70?

[Anonymous]

I do not understand the disdain towards the OP.

Her desires are completely normal and understandable. Woman desire status for themselves and their children and material security.
A man that can provide these things is typically, all else equal, more capable of inspiring romantic love. Yes, a man that can provide those things often does come with downsides - not often around, cheating risk, etc. Life is full of trade offs.

Anyway, the OP can want and desire anything, but that doesn't mean she'll get those things and it doesn't mean she is entitled to them.

OP - You don't have children yet, which means that you can assess this situation coldly if you want to. Do you think you could upgrade, so to speak? Be very realistic about that. And once you make a decision, to stay or to try to upgrade, make peace with your decision and let enjoy your life. Life is has good and bad for everyone - rich and poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the disdain towards the OP.

Her desires are completely normal and understandable. Woman desire status for themselves and their children and material security.
A man that can provide these things is typically, all else equal, more capable of inspiring romantic love. Yes, a man that can provide those things often does come with downsides - not often around, cheating risk, etc. Life is full of trade offs.

Anyway, the OP can want and desire anything, but that doesn't mean she'll get those things and it doesn't mean she is entitled to them.

OP - You don't have children yet, which means that you can assess this situation coldly if you want to. Do you think you could upgrade, so to speak? Be very realistic about that. And once you make a decision, to stay or to try to upgrade, make peace with your decision and let enjoy your life. Life is has good and bad for everyone - rich and poor.

OP here. I don't know if I'd be "upgrading" necesarily. I think my husband is a catch; warm hearted, extremely generous, faithful and loyal with good old fashioned family values; treats me like a princess with what he can afford etc. The only downside, if there is any, is that he doesn't make a lot of money and so far, it isn't clear if he will in the future as well.

I'm 28 now. My dating market value plummets as we speak. If I could go back to being 23-23, I'd specifically filter for a guy who has good values ALONG with being ambitious and financially secure...at 28...all the good men would have been taken, and I don't know if I want to risk putting myself back on the market again and losing all the fantastic qualities my husband brings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

Not any more. Maybe if you're of the older generation. I am married to a doctor and they come with huge student loans, and deferred savings. I remember being at a dinner with some older ladies and basically they were telling me how their lives were like the real housewives. And I was like..yeah that's not happening to me.

I agree. Both my parents are doctors and we had a very comfortable living growing up, but times have changed. Medicine isn't as lucrative as it used to be.

"Like they had won the lottery." Haha. Doctors can make good money, but you're older when loans are paid off and they reach the peak of their careers later in life. If these women wanted to win the lottery, they should have dated guys on Wall Street or Silicon Valley. Doctors don't make "won the lottery" money or "f*ck you money."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

Not any more. Maybe if you're of the older generation. I am married to a doctor and they come with huge student loans, and deferred savings. I remember being at a dinner with some older ladies and basically they were telling me how their lives were like the real housewives. And I was like..yeah that's not happening to me.

I agree. Both my parents are doctors and we had a very comfortable living growing up, but times have changed. Medicine isn't as lucrative as it used to be.

"Like they had won the lottery." Haha. Doctors can make good money, but you're older when loans are paid off and they reach the peak of their careers later in life. If these women wanted to win the lottery, they should have dated guys on Wall Street or Silicon Valley. Doctors don't make "won the lottery" money or "f*ck you money."

Doctors children do well though. By the time their children are in college and beyond, they have managed to build enough wealth.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't know if I'd be "upgrading" necesarily. I think my husband is a catch; warm hearted, extremely generous, faithful and loyal with good old fashioned family values; treats me like a princess with what he can afford etc. The only downside, if there is any, is that he doesn't make a lot of money and so far, it isn't clear if he will in the future as well.

I'm 28 now. My dating market value plummets as we speak. If I could go back to being 23-23, I'd specifically filter for a guy who has good values ALONG with being ambitious and financially secure...at 28...all the good men would have been taken, and I don't know if I want to risk putting myself back on the market again and losing all the fantastic qualities my husband brings.

I feel sorry for your husband. He deserves better than a wife that measures her love by how thick his wallet is. And I'll bet you're not the hot shit you think you are because if you were you would have already found Mr. Money Bags to replace Mr. I Don't Make Enough To Keep My Shallow Wife Happy Pants.

I hope you live in your poverty for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I don't know if I'd be "upgrading" necesarily. I think my husband is a catch; warm hearted, extremely generous, faithful and loyal with good old fashioned family values; treats me like a princess with what he can afford etc. The only downside, if there is any, is that he doesn't make a lot of money and so far, it isn't clear if he will in the future as well.

I'm 28 now. My dating market value plummets as we speak. If I could go back to being 23-23, I'd specifically filter for a guy who has good values ALONG with being ambitious and financially secure...at 28...all the good men would have been taken, and I don't know if I want to risk putting myself back on the market again and losing all the fantastic qualities my husband brings.

I feel sorry for your husband. He deserves better than a wife that measures her love by how thick his wallet is. And I'll bet you're not the hot shit you think you are because if you were you would have already found Mr. Money Bags to replace Mr. I Don't Make Enough To Keep My Shallow Wife Happy Pants.

I hope you live in your poverty for life.

Why are you being so mean to me? I married my husband because of the amazing man he was. If I was as shallow as you say, I wouldn't have picked, dated and married him to begin with.

[Anonymous]

I'm married to a doctor. We live in a tiny one bedroom apartment because we're trying to save up for a house. We spent the first 2 years paying off his student loans. Now I can relax a little and enjoy life slightly more...e.g. eat out more..but we're not living the lush life.

My friend married a hedge fund manager. They own a house in manhattan and a house in the hamptons. She was able to sahw and is always doing cool things like meeting up with celebrity chefs, driving high end sports cars, traveling the world and go to exclusive events and festivals and going to 3 star michelin restaurants. i've stopped looking at her fb page because there' no point getting jealous.

We're both millennials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm married to a doctor. We live in a tiny one bedroom apartment because we're trying to save up for a house. We spent the first 2 years paying off his student loans. Now I can relax a little and enjoy life slightly more...e.g. eat out more..but we're not living the lush life.

My friend married a hedge fund manager. They own a house in manhattan and a house in the hamptons. She was able to sahw and is always doing cool things like meeting up with celebrity chefs, driving high end sports cars, traveling the world and go to exclusive events and festivals and going to 3 star michelin restaurants. i've stopped looking at her fb page because there' no point getting jealous.

We're both millennials.

I wouldn't be jealous. There's a high probability that he's a superficial asshole.

My husband makes 100K and I make 66K (I'm a government librarian). No kids, and he loves his job. I'm "meh" on mine. I'm retiring early in a year (I'm 46) and we're moving home to the Midwest to a very low cost of living area to be closer to our families and our preferred low-stress lifestyle (he can telecommute from anywhere). We can't wait. We've both worked hard to make this happen over the past 15 years.

So, no, I don't wish he made more. We have very simple needs/wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the disdain towards the OP.

Her desires are completely normal and understandable. Woman desire status for themselves and their children and material security.
A man that can provide these things is typically, all else equal, more capable of inspiring romantic love. Yes, a man that can provide those things often does come with downsides - not often around, cheating risk, etc. Life is full of trade offs.

Anyway, the OP can want and desire anything, but that doesn't mean she'll get those things and it doesn't mean she is entitled to them.

OP - You don't have children yet, which means that you can assess this situation coldly if you want to. Do you think you could upgrade, so to speak? Be very realistic about that. And once you make a decision, to stay or to try to upgrade, make peace with your decision and let enjoy your life. Life is has good and bad for everyone - rich and poor.

OP here. I don't know if I'd be "upgrading" necesarily. I think my husband is a catch; warm hearted, extremely generous, faithful and loyal with good old fashioned family values; treats me like a princess with what he can afford etc. The only downside, if there is any, is that he doesn't make a lot of money and so far, it isn't clear if he will in the future as well.

I'm 28 now. My dating market value plummets as we speak. If I could go back to being 23-23, I'd specifically filter for a guy who has good values ALONG with being ambitious and financially secure...at 28...all the good men would have been taken, and I don't know if I want to risk putting myself back on the market again and losing all the fantastic qualities my husband brings.

PP here. I guess I keep getting back to how would DH live if he wasn't married? Would he be living in the same apartment with a roommate? At a minimum if you are working and he is too and you didn't upgrade where you live that money should have been saved. I would also think on his own he would have wanted to make more to get a downpayment to live someplace nicer and take a vacation every now and then. Bottom line is if your DH truly would have the same lifestyle he had when you met him if he was still single, then there is nothing that you can do. Earning more really isn't important.