Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I'm infertile. I'm considering moving on

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:That's a little Henry VIII for my tastes. I think most people instinctual assume/prefer that any children they have will be biologically theirs, but telling your SO that this preference outweighs your desire to build a life with them is nuts.

If you are still willing to marry him I'd have a fertility workup now and make him pay for it. He's making it a condition of marriage it should be at his expense.

Also, the people harping on him would be singing a different tune if OP were a man and his girlfriend had said this.

This^. Double standards because majority of the posters here are women.

People would say he must try to stay with her even if she said she'd leave him if he was physically unable to father children? Is that what you are saying?

Nobody is saying if she should stay or leave, just stating the fact that lots of people date and break up if they aren't compatible. There is no need to assign blame here for personal preferences to move forward or not.

His “personal preference” reflects that he doesn’t truly love his girlfriend. That’s the issue.

His preference is for his girlfriend to not have a medical issue completely outside her control.

. Then they are compatible since OP is not infertile.

OP doesn't know whether she's has infertility?

. OP didn't say she is infertile or has any reason to believe she has any risk factors for it. So yes she knows she's fertile

That's not the way women's bodies work. (?)

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

"I'm considering moving on" is demonizing him? Wow, you really do believe in that Nick Fuentes "your body, mu choice" thing, don't you?

This is demonizing behavior on your part. Thanks for proving the point so easily

What did OP write that you consider "demonizing him"? You accused her of it -- where is it?

OP doesn't want to have children with her bf or at least is unsure if she will ever want to.

Instead of just honestly telling him that, and splitting up due to basic incompatibility, she asks a.twisted hypothetical and demonizes him for his honest answer to make him the reason for the break up and then comes here to soother her ego by listening to many of the commenters unfairly trash him.

Yes that is exactly "demonizing."

Deomonizing by saying "While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on."

That's the demonizing? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

TIL

"I feel uncomfortable ... and I'm leaning towards moving on" = "YOU ARE A DEMON"

[Anonymous]

Conditional relationship - leave. Be glad he revealed it to you, you would have been more hurt later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's a little Henry VIII for my tastes. I think most people instinctual assume/prefer that any children they have will be biologically theirs, but telling your SO that this preference outweighs your desire to build a life with them is nuts.

If you are still willing to marry him I'd have a fertility workup now and make him pay for it. He's making it a condition of marriage it should be at his expense.

Also, the people harping on him would be singing a different tune if OP were a man and his girlfriend had said this.

This^. Double standards because majority of the posters here are women.

People would say he must try to stay with her even if she said she'd leave him if he was physically unable to father children? Is that what you are saying?

Nobody is saying if she should stay or leave, just stating the fact that lots of people date and break up if they aren't compatible. There is no need to assign blame here for personal preferences to move forward or not.

His “personal preference” reflects that he doesn’t truly love his girlfriend. That’s the issue.

His preference is for his girlfriend to not have a medical issue completely outside her control.

. Then they are compatible since OP is not infertile.

OP doesn't know whether she's has infertility?

. OP didn't say she is infertile or has any reason to believe she has any risk factors for it. So yes she knows she's fertile

Lmao you know nothing about the female body.

[Anonymous]

OP has commitment issue. She doesn't want to commit to relationships because becoming a partner, having kids, building a life is hard work, dating and staying childfree is fun. She has every right to pick the lifestyle but so does her boyfriend, why make him the bad guy for wanting something basic like a family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has commitment issue. She doesn't want to commit to relationships because becoming a partner, having kids, building a life is hard work, dating and staying childfree is fun. She has every right to pick the lifestyle but so does her boyfriend, why make him the bad guy for wanting something basic like a family?

Once again, where is that "demonizing"? She merely said she was uncomfortable and leaning towards moving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

"I'm considering moving on" is demonizing him? Wow, you really do believe in that Nick Fuentes "your body, mu choice" thing, don't you?

This is demonizing behavior on your part. Thanks for proving the point so easily

What did OP write that you consider "demonizing him"? You accused her of it -- where is it?

OP doesn't want to have children with her bf or at least is unsure if she will ever want to.

Instead of just honestly telling him that, and splitting up due to basic incompatibility, she asks a.twisted hypothetical and demonizes him for his honest answer to make him the reason for the break up and then comes here to soother her ego by listening to many of the commenters unfairly trash him.

Yes that is exactly "demonizing."

Deomonizing by saying "While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on."

That's the demonizing? Seriously?

Yes. She's blaming him for her discomfort as if he made her uncomfortable. He didn't. The real issue is she doesn't want to have children with him.sje needs to stick to the real issue rather than trying to obscure it so do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has commitment issue. She doesn't want to commit to relationships because becoming a partner, having kids, building a life is hard work, dating and staying childfree is fun. She has every right to pick the lifestyle but so does her boyfriend, why make him the bad guy for wanting something basic like a family?

Once again, where is that "demonizing"? She merely said she was uncomfortable and leaning towards moving on.

Ok great
Then why are at least 50% of the commenters demonizing him if that wasn't her intent by posting here? Why isn't op being truthful that she doesn't want to have kids with him?

But ok she can either split up with him or not but he didn't do anything which would warrant her feeling uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Conditional relationship - leave. Be glad he revealed it to you, you would have been more hurt later on.

Yes of course it's a conditional relationship. So is every relationship you've ever been in. What a stupid comment on your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying someone with infertility issues is signing up for an expensive and stressful battle. Its a different thing if it happens but walking in knowing and on top of that if wife doesn't want children then you can imagine how difficult she would make his life with infertility process and afterwards with raising those kids. They aren't not married, better be honest and find partners who both want it.

OP didn't say she has fertility issues. She was shyte testing him. He didn't tell her what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't even stated that she actually wants to have children. Or not. Biological or otherwise.

Further, she's trying to demonize him for honestly communicating with her in response to her question.

OP, you should have asked him the real question you had in mind--would he want to stay with you if you decided you wanted to not have children?

That's the real issue hear since OP does not say she is infertile.

OP knows he wants children, she isn't sure about that. Rather than just being honest with him that she isn't sure they are compatible because she isn't sure she wants children with him (perfectly fine of she wants to be child free by the way), she frames it so she can blame him for the end of the relationship rather than being truthful about her feelings on having children.

He is not bad or evil because he has different preferences than you do OP. Youre just incompatible--he is being honest with you, you not so much with him.

"I'm considering moving on" is demonizing him? Wow, you really do believe in that Nick Fuentes "your body, mu choice" thing, don't you?

This is demonizing behavior on your part. Thanks for proving the point so easily

What did OP write that you consider "demonizing him"? You accused her of it -- where is it?

OP doesn't want to have children with her bf or at least is unsure if she will ever want to.

Instead of just honestly telling him that, and splitting up due to basic incompatibility, she asks a.twisted hypothetical and demonizes him for his honest answer to make him the reason for the break up and then comes here to soother her ego by listening to many of the commenters unfairly trash him.

Yes that is exactly "demonizing."

Deomonizing by saying "While I recognize his right to pursue bio children, I feel uncomfortable with someone that would say something like this to me and I'm leaning towards moving on."

That's the demonizing? Seriously?

Yes. She's blaming him for her discomfort as if he made her uncomfortable. He didn't. The real issue is she doesn't want to have children with him.sje needs to stick to the real issue rather than trying to obscure it so do you.

Wow. Okay, champ. Let's just let that sit there in all its proportionate glory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP has commitment issue. She doesn't want to commit to relationships because becoming a partner, having kids, building a life is hard work, dating and staying childfree is fun. She has every right to pick the lifestyle but so does her boyfriend, why make him the bad guy for wanting something basic like a family?

Once again, where is that "demonizing"? She merely said she was uncomfortable and leaning towards moving on.

Ok great
Then why are at least 50% of the commenters demonizing him if that wasn't her intent by posting here? Why isn't op being truthful that she doesn't want to have kids with him?

But ok she can either split up with him or not but he didn't do anything which would warrant her feeling uncomfortable.

Is any of the "demonizing" in the room with us right now?

[Anonymous]

Sounds fake but break up with him now.

[Anonymous]

It seems many posters here have some form of relationship PTSD and they see every man through their distorted lens, which is justified but it doesn't help posters seeking neutral advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if OP would stay with someone who couldn't earn anymore or got impotent.

OP here. I would. I was previously in a relationship with a guy that did manual work and injured his back. He was unable to go back to his job and had to go to school for a career change. We broke up for unrelated reasond.