I feel like I won the parenting wars

[Anonymous]

There is no winning or parenting wars. Some kids turn out great with little guidance or oversight- some are a basket case and have very involved parents. I think as long as you are trying to parent your child and their unique needs to the best of your ability- you’ve won. But that doesn’t dictate the outcome your child will ultimately have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh this post is foreboding, if not a troll. The live and let live parents may very well have given their kids the skills and values important for a happy successful life. Your focus on a singular achievement to bring nirvana will inevitably create a let-down.

I fear it may be a troll. I can't imagine posting something like this seriously. If it is not, OP's kid is exactly the kind of kid that crashes out freshmen year when the yoke of parental control is finally removed. Saw it many times. Luckily, most of them right themselves as they make their way through college.

[Anonymous]

OP's post is so terrible I don't even know where to start. Truly everything that is wrong with a huge segment of our sociiety rolled up in one post.

BTWOP, laughable that you think you're at the end. I hope you knocked on wood when you hit submit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it illegal to host a party with kids below 21yo (some are even below 18yo)? Do high schools usually discipline students for drinking in such parties?

This is a gigantic problem. I know underage drinking is rampant in colleges (especially fraternities), but most seem to think it’s no big deal to drink in parties as long as it’s off campus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The “live and let live” parents may not have been thinking this was a competition all along. You have put your child in an enviable position but from now on it’s what they do with it that matters. With hard work and dedication they can succeed if they want to — and so can the children of the parents who “lost.”

They steered their kid away from some common pitfalls. Just let them be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The tone of this post is very self congratulatory.

It’s great that your part in the parenting worked out well, but please realize that some people are not as educated, healthy, rich, blessed or just plain lucky as you are.

Sure, compare to your siblings and pat yourself on the back. But sometimes people struggle and they’re just doing the best they can or that’s all they know. Have some empathy.

On DCUM?

On DCUM, there's the parents that will parent and those that want confirmation that their low effort laissez faire parenting style is really good for their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post seems fake and designed to elicit outrage.

It's not fake. Definitely not trying to elicit outrage. The process to get one's child successfully through high school and into the best university where they will have the most opportunities lasts for years. I imagine many parents feel this way when their child is accepted to elite schools. It is a marker of a certain level of accomplishment. Especially if there were bumps along the way. Why would this post elicit outrage?

Because your kid seems kind of f**ked up and it appears you helicoptered him to a top 10 school.

Most people reading your post (especially someone like me with an adjusted kid at a top 10 school) don’t see your kid having a great experience.

+1 They definitely helicoptered him to a top 10 school.

WTF are you talking about? The ivies are packed to the brim with airlifted kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

Congratulations, sincerely. We have a similar situation in our family with free-range kids (cousins) who have crashed out in their mid-20s. Don’t let up!

So OP should continue to helicopter him through his 20s? Or beyond? Mmkay.

For a boy you probably need to give him guidance until he has teenagers of his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so happy for you that you have suffering family member to give you a sense of superiority, inflated ego, and external validation for your petty insecurity.

Those family members probably threw a lot of shade at Op the entire time they were doing actual parenting rather than free ranging their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This idea that the ultimate goal of childhood is admission to a highly selective school is so damaging to kids and is ruining childhood for UMC kids. It is so sad to me that there are parents who think this way, and no doubt communicate that to their kids.

You summed up my thoughts. The winners are the kids who are allowed to have a childhood and pick their own path.

Yes. My husband and I are both over-achievers who went to top-5 schools. Did we want the same for our kids? Yes. Are our kids self-motivated over-achievers? Not at all. Did we raise kids who turned out to be kind, empathetic, and friendly? Who found activities and hobbies that they liked (not necessarily "resume builders") and built solid relationships with both peers and adults? Who are good-enough students to get into decent colleges and hopefully be employable in the future? Yes to all of these. So....fine. We've adjusted our expectations, we don't consider ourselves failures.

But your friends and family do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no winning or parenting wars. Some kids turn out great with little guidance or oversight- some are a basket case and have very involved parents. I think as long as you are trying to parent your child and their unique needs to the best of your ability- you’ve won. But that doesn’t dictate the outcome your child will ultimately have

Every study ever done says that parenting makes a big difference in outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Imagine OPs disappointment and self-worth hit when her child falls a rung in the status game.

Devastation.

[Anonymous]

I think she's saying her kid was a bit of a roller coaster and she's happy he had a good outcome in the end, so far. As a parent of a roller coaster kid, if you don't have one, you don't know how lucky you are to have a consistent kid, at any brain power level. Give her and her kid a "happy for you!" A kid like this could have easily ended up running with a bad crowd and not graduating, needing serious mental health support, or a whole host of other things. Kudos to you mom from a mom that understands the ups and downs!!

[Anonymous]

I would reflect on the fact that Brock Turner/Sam Bankman-Fried/ Luigi Mangioni’s parents could have posted the same thing and try and maintain perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This idea that the ultimate goal of childhood is admission to a highly selective school is so damaging to kids and is ruining childhood for UMC kids. It is so sad to me that there are parents who think this way, and no doubt communicate that to their kids.

You summed up my thoughts. The winners are the kids who are allowed to have a childhood and pick their own path.

Yes. My husband and I are both over-achievers who went to top-5 schools. Did we want the same for our kids? Yes. Are our kids self-motivated over-achievers? Not at all. Did we raise kids who turned out to be kind, empathetic, and friendly? Who found activities and hobbies that they liked (not necessarily "resume builders") and built solid relationships with both peers and adults? Who are good-enough students to get into decent colleges and hopefully be employable in the future? Yes to all of these. So....fine. We've adjusted our expectations, we don't consider ourselves failures.

But your friends and family do.

Who thinks like this?