I feel like I won the parenting wars

[Anonymous]

You did a great job and so did your son. Your family should be very proud of everyone’s hard work that brought him to this point.

However, it isn’t a competition. Yes, you won the war, but it wasn’t against other parents, but against life. Other kids might go to lower ranked colleges or even skip college altogether, and also be winners. Some of those kids may be as smart, or smarter, than your child. Some may eventually be as successful, or more successful, than your child. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and there are far too many individual variables, let alone the randomness that life presents, to make a direct comparison. I hope everyone’s kids will find their own happiness, whatever form it might take.

[Anonymous]

DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful

Glad you said that. Now, continue on with humility

[Anonymous]

Glad you said that, about being grateful. Now continue-on with humility.

[Anonymous]

OP, by "parenting wars", do you mean with other parents? That would be obnoxious.

You must be referring to the usual struggle of parenting and the push back and forth between parents and teenagers. You weren't trying to communicate the former, that would be obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

This is just the beginning OP. So many kids flame out in college. Come back when they graduate with a job. May the odds be ever in your favor.

[Anonymous]

Parents of only children are hilarious. You have no idea how your parenting worked unless you have multiple kids with various personalities, challenges, etc. Sorry not sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of only children are hilarious. You have no idea how your parenting worked unless you have multiple kids with various personalities, challenges, etc. Sorry not sorry.

Reminds me of Esther Wojcicki, writing a book lecturing others to follow her model of raising two CEOs and a doctor, when many outside of her little bubble don’t even share her values😓

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just the beginning OP. So many kids flame out in college. Come back when they graduate with a job. May the odds be ever in your favor.

This was my thought too. Yea it’s a great start and one to be proud of, but so many ways it could still go sideways so I’d be too superstitious to pat myself on the back just yet. And I say this with a senior accepted to a great ED option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no winning or parenting wars. Some kids turn out great with little guidance or oversight- some are a basket case and have very involved parents. I think as long as you are trying to parent your child and their unique needs to the best of your ability- you’ve won. But that doesn’t dictate the outcome your child will ultimately have

Every study ever done says that parenting makes a big difference in outcomes.

DP. Not really. You should look into the studies that have done of identical twins adopted into different families. There’s no question that bad parenting can make things worse but it’s not as simple as good input equaling good output.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did a great job and so did your son. Your family should be very proud of everyone’s hard work that brought him to this point.

However, it isn’t a competition. Yes, you won the war, but it wasn’t against other parents, but against life. Other kids might go to lower ranked colleges or even skip college altogether, and also be winners. Some of those kids may be as smart, or smarter, than your child. Some may eventually be as successful, or more successful, than your child. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and there are far too many individual variables, let alone the randomness that life presents, to make a direct comparison. I hope everyone’s kids will find their own happiness, whatever form it might take.

No, they didn’t. This kid has serious issues.

[Anonymous]

The kid needs to operate on his/her own. Till then it’s all up in the air

[Anonymous]

Just when she started to feel better, even smug, the attacks intensified

[Anonymous]

It’s not a contest. It has almost nothing to do with you. List kids who are competent get themselves there. Stop taking so much credit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

This is terrible. These are helicopters and hand-holding. Hope this pay off in the long run, not just an ED1 to some elite university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did a great job and so did your son. Your family should be very proud of everyone’s hard work that brought him to this point.

However, it isn’t a competition. Yes, you won the war, but it wasn’t against other parents, but against life. Other kids might go to lower ranked colleges or even skip college altogether, and also be winners. Some of those kids may be as smart, or smarter, than your child. Some may eventually be as successful, or more successful, than your child. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and there are far too many individual variables, let alone the randomness that life presents, to make a direct comparison. I hope everyone’s kids will find their own happiness, whatever form it might take.

Well said. It is shocking how many well-educated parents are so narrow-minded and have such an unwise view of life.