Unfriendly Classmate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

This. Some of these posters should read up on the psychological effects of the silent treatment. Ignoring someone is a form of rejection and is how many people express anger or resentment. It's considered dysfunctional.

I'm not saying that means the 8 yr old should be forced to say hi to anyone, these kids are young and still learning, just saying that the idea that refusing to say hi to someone who has greeted you could be seen as a "neutral" behavior is not an argument that most psychologists would agree with. It is a hurtful behavior and it's normal for OP's DD to feel hurt by it. I get what people are saying about learning not to care -- I agree people do need to learn not to take it personally. But silent treatment is a dysfunctional behavior and being hurt by the silent treatment is a normal reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

OMG, OP. You sound psychotic.

GET.
OVER.
IT.

You’re the one who sounds insane. Chill with the Boomer caps and pop a Xanax.

OP's massive sock puppeting on this thread is out of control.

I wrote that and I’m not OP. Go ask the moderator. We’ll be waiting for your apology.

I’m another poster who cannot quite believe how vicious mothers (…of kids with…selective mutism and other rare bird issues) to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just wanted to commiserate a bit. My DD has a girl like this in her dance class. DD is gregarious and loves dance, and greets her classmates and says goodbye to them by name. She doesn't pester or annoy them, just says "Hi Larla" or whatever. There is one classmate who not only never reciprocates but I have seen her visibly roll her eyes at my DD when she greets her. And again, it's not even some aggressive move -- I watched this interaction last week when we were leaving and my DD said "See you next week" to the girl in passing as we walked out, and the girl looked at her, grimaced, and rolled her eyes. Her mom was right there but I don't think saw the behavior.

I've taught my DD to be polite to other people and let her know that while she absolutely does not have to be friends with everyone, being polite costs you absolutely nothing. It's a shame how many other parents don't seem to bother with this.

Op here. Thank you!!! I’m shocked at how many people are like “oh well, who cares”. I’d be mortified if my DD acted like that. Even if this girl really doesn’t care for my DD, a simple “good morning” isn’t a huge ask.

Yes, I’m teaching DD to not worry when someone is unkind to her, but on the flip side, maybe this girls parents should teach their DD about general politeness

Just worry about your dd and try not to "teach:"others about what they should or shouldn't do.

[Anonymous]

Op

This is life. Not everyone is going to like you or respond to you. I walk my dog and used to day hi to everyone I pass. Now I make sure to see if they want the connection. Ie not talking on phone. But if I day hi and they don't I move on.

Which is what your dd should do

[Anonymous]

Instead of say hi hear no response and don’t want to move on and think the girl dislike your daughter and get upset about it, why not arrange a playdate for the girls, since you’ve been neighbors for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 stands in the garage until we see the bus coming, instead of going to the stop which is probably only 50 feet away.

She's not a morning person and we let her wait for the bus as she wants.

It's not rude to want a little space

But your daughter is coming up with a solution that affords her space without ignoring someone who is greeting her.

Also, you can say hi and still have space. You can say "Hi" and then turn to talk to your mom or get out a book to read. You can even say "Hi -- I'm going to take some space for myself, I'm just not a morning person."

Ignoring someone who says hello to you, that you know and see on a regular basis, actually IS rude, even if the reasons behind it are understandable. It's worth it to teach kids that they can set boundaries with other people without just shutting others out or ignoring them.

In OP original post "She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. "

Leave this girl the hell alone!

OP here... I truly mean this without any snark... but how is saying a quick "good morning" while giving her the physical space she seems to want, bothering her? Or enough to illicit a "Leave this girl the hell alone!" response? It's not like my DD is forcing her to have a conversation or invading her personal space.

We can turn this around though.

Your daughter also needs to learn that if someone is putting out social clues that they want to be left alone, then you should leave them alone.

Standing alone at the top of the driveway (or as my DD does: in the garage) is a pretty clear signal that they want to be left alone.

It's actually kind of rude to try to engage in conversation with a person who is making it clear that they don't want to be engaged.

Its like the guys at the gyms that keep try to talk to women, even when the women have headphones on. Your daughter has to learn to read the room

+1. Do I think the girls behavior is ideal? No. Do I think OP’s kid needs to learn to read the room? Yes.

The reality is my husband isn’t a morning person. Me telling him a bright “hello” at 7am isn’t going to get me the response I want. I’ve learned to read the room.

+1

OP isn't going to like this, but her DD is being just as rude (or honestly, imo, ruder) than the other little girl. You don't have some god-given right to conversation. This kid made it perfectly clear by standing at the top of the driveway that she did not want to engage. OP, and her daughter, should have respected that

"Hi" or even polite wave and smile, is not conversation.

Expecting people to acknowledge our existence is actually sort of the bare minimum of what we CAN expect from other people. Except I guess not anymore, because we're all going to claim spectrum disorders to get us out of doing even the most minor possible thing to sustain some kind of social ties?

We need to teach our kids that saying hello, goodbye, thank you, and you're welcome are not burdensome. No, not even for people with social anxiety or spectrum disorders. They might have to work harder to do this, but it's still not a burden. That's like saying "well my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I don't make her brush her teeth." Or "my kid has a spectrum disorder, so I've decided it's okay for her to stick her tongue out at the teacher and roll her eyes when he asks her to turn in her work." Like yes, some people do have to work harder to do basic things, but that doesn't suddenly mean that those things are suddenly too much to ask.

It's not too much to ask. I agree with PPs that OP should take the opportunity to help her DD figure out how to deal with it when people are rude. Absolutely, that's going to be a good skill to have. But the other girl is being rude even if there is a reason why saying hello in response to someone greeting you is harder for her than it might be for the average person.

Also, hey, being rude is not the end of the world. But we should at least be able to acknowledge when something is rude. Standing there not responding when someone you know says hello to you is rude. No matter why you are doing it.

The PPs explaining that the girl might be shy, introverted, anxious etc. were (for the most part) not denying that the behavior is rude. They were just responding to the OP's assumption that the girl was mean and intending to signal to her DD that she doesn't like her. They were explaining why that might not be the case. Most of these PPs expressed that they are working on the issues with their kids, but it's a slow process, and they (the parents) try to be extra friendly to compensate for their kid. Eight isn't 4, but it's still young.

Multiple posters have said “it’s not rudeness, it’s (insert presumed diagnosis with no evidence here).”

That’s what I love so much about contemporary parenting. Mommies are just sooooo tired that they’d rather presume that their kid has a neurodivergence that requires delicate sensitive tip-toeing around and maybe fingers crossed a 1 on 1 and extra test time and a calligraphied IEP than actually attempt to parent their slightly struggling kid. It’s hilarious.

Op here… I’ve never felt like this… until
this thread.

Honestly the crazy thing I left out is that my DD has anxiety. But she’s also very friendly (both can exist together before you come at me)

OMG. it is not like we are running to get an IEP or a diagnosis. I have enough to do then spend hours or dollars with teachers and specialists to get them. We get them after all other avenues have been exhausted. you don't know unless you don't know. I WOULD LOVE for my son to say hello.

I hate that he doesn't have friends. I hate the $1,000's I have spent on therapy. I have tried everything I can think of. I know he looks rude - I am aware. I model as well and been to therapy myself. COME ON - we are trying. I am thankful the families on my street are much more understanding.

I am glad you have an easy kid. I have one of both and you have no idea how lucky you are.

OP, take this to heart. You’re being flamed over pages and pages by this kind of self-martyring, ranting mom, who envies your easy kid, and relies on all-caps and thread-swarms to feel a little better about herself. Don’t worry about it. Tell your DD to totally ignore the girl going forward and it’s all good. Let the maniacs froth themselves into a coma.

I have two super easy and extroverted kids, and I think OP is being ridiculous because, like you said, she hasn't simply told her DD to ignore and move on.

This. My kids are also very easy, and I think OP is being ridiculous too. If people don’t say hi to me or my kids for whatever reason, we move on. I don’t assume to believe I know everything about every situation or make unfounded assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

This. Some of these posters should read up on the psychological effects of the silent treatment. Ignoring someone is a form of rejection and is how many people express anger or resentment. It's considered dysfunctional.

I'm not saying that means the 8 yr old should be forced to say hi to anyone, these kids are young and still learning, just saying that the idea that refusing to say hi to someone who has greeted you could be seen as a "neutral" behavior is not an argument that most psychologists would agree with. It is a hurtful behavior and it's normal for OP's DD to feel hurt by it. I get what people are saying about learning not to care -- I agree people do need to learn not to take it personally. But silent treatment is a dysfunctional behavior and being hurt by the silent treatment is a normal reaction.[/quot

Hi- I am a psychologist and what you’re talking about refers to when it happens in very close relationships. Think between spouses or a parent and child, or even 2 best friends. Yes, being hurt by the silent treatment by anyone makes sense… but I am concerned with how the OP seems to have some deeper anger towards an 8 year old child. As many, have suggested, there also could be a million reasons. One, we don’t have the whole story or the other side from the other parent. At the age of 8, you have so many things going on. Some children are very extroverted and friendly and others less so. I will also say since I do have experience working with sex abuse in children, there are many children who are quieter and less trusting because they have experienced some kind of sexual assault. Not saying that is the case at all in this situation, but you would be shocked to know how many 8 years olds have experienced a sexual assault - that’s something almost no one outside the family will know about. The point is, you can never assume to know anything about anyone. Have some empathy.

[Anonymous]

Some of you don't seem to get that OP doesn't have an "easy" kid. And easy kid would be able to move on from this easily. They'd shrug it off, "read the room" as people suggest, and move on.

This is obviously an issue because neither kid is easy. OP's kid has social anxiety and is sensitive to rejection. The other kid is resistant to performing basic social niceties for some reason.

The problem OP actually posed is "should I say something to the other mom the next time she mentions 'mean girl' behavior?" Not whether the other child should be forced to say hi to her daughter. And the answer is yes, OP should say something because these are two children who are struggling with social skills, and it would be helpful for the adults to be on the same page about it. I would be gentle but try to offer some context: "I agree, mean girl behavior is an issue, but I also think part of it is that the kids are not always sure of what the right behavior is, or how to do it. I know my DD gets anxious in social situations and can come on too strong. I've noticed sometimes your DD withdrawal and doesn't respond. Both of these could be interpreted as being mean, but I think the kids just need more training in how to socialize in an appropriate way."

Like... neither of these kids is nailing their social interactions. They are 8 and need guidance. It is rude to ignore someone when they say hi to you, but also you have to learn to read social cues and give people space when they need it.

A lot of people on this thread don't seem to have learned these very basic lessons about social interactions either, so maybe we should be more purposeful about how we teach our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

This. Some of these posters should read up on the psychological effects of the silent treatment. Ignoring someone is a form of rejection and is how many people express anger or resentment. It's considered dysfunctional.

I'm not saying that means the 8 yr old should be forced to say hi to anyone, these kids are young and still learning, just saying that the idea that refusing to say hi to someone who has greeted you could be seen as a "neutral" behavior is not an argument that most psychologists would agree with. It is a hurtful behavior and it's normal for OP's DD to feel hurt by it. I get what people are saying about learning not to care -- I agree people do need to learn not to take it personally. But silent treatment is a dysfunctional behavior and being hurt by the silent treatment is a normal reaction.[/quot

Hi- I am a psychologist and what you’re talking about refers to when it happens in very close relationships. Think between spouses or a parent and child, or even 2 best friends. Yes, being hurt by the silent treatment by anyone makes sense… but I am concerned with how the OP seems to have some deeper anger towards an 8 year old child. As many, have suggested, there also could be a million reasons. One, we don’t have the whole story or the other side from the other parent. At the age of 8, you have so many things going on. Some children are very extroverted and friendly and others less so. I will also say since I do have experience working with sex abuse in children, there are many children who are quieter and less trusting because they have experienced some kind of sexual assault. Not saying that is the case at all in this situation, but you would be shocked to know how many 8 years olds have experienced a sexual assault - that’s something almost no one outside the family will know about. The point is, you can never assume to know anything about anyone. Have some empathy.

Yes, silent treatment is generally an issue in close relationships between a spouse or parent/child, but that doesn't mean it normal or appropriate between friends, coworkers, or classmates either. There is an entire category of behavior, relational aggression, that describes how children this age use tools like gossip, exclusion, and teasing to hurt each other. Silent treatment would fall within this category, and it specifically describes the relationship between these two kids.

I don't actually think you are a psychologist because first you diagnose the OP as having anger toward the other kid -- I've read the entire thread and while I don't agree with everything OP has said, I don't think she seems angry. She sounds frustrated and protective of her child. And then you tell me to have some empathy, but you seem to lack empathy for OP or her DD. I'm not a psychologist but my work involves research in the field and that's not generally how a psychologist would talk about this situation. It sounds like you read one article on Psychology Today about the effects of silent treatment and decided to pose as a psychologist on this thread.

[Anonymous]

(1) Reasons for girl's silent treatment are unknown
(2) Regardless of (1), the behavior is rude and unfriendly; it's not neutral
(3) Some hurt as a result of the rude and unfriendly silent treatment is normal
(4) But the EXTENT of hurt and upset OP's DD is experiencing seems to have far exceeded the normal level, and her inability to move past it is also not normal at this point; it's all excessive and indicative of a child with social anxiety -- the type where you need everyone to like you.
(5) The EXTENT to which OP personally seems to be irked seems excessive too (although I guess it's more about the mom).
(5) More importantly than (5), the OP has not handled well her DD's unhealthy level of hurt/need for this girl to like her. She has encouraged, or at least allowed, her DD to continue to try to engage the other girl.
(6) For her DD's sake, she clearly should have -- like 6 months ago -- told her DD that not everyone is going to want to talk to you or even like you, and that's truly ok, and then told her not to continue to try to engage with the girl/ignore her. Allowing/encouraging her to continue the engagement has fueled her own DD's anxiety.

Should she say something to the girl's mom?? So, I personally would not because that sounds fraught with opening an exhausting can of not-worth-it worms. It also seems like the ship has kind of sailed. But I guess reasonable minds can differ on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you don't seem to get that OP doesn't have an "easy" kid. And easy kid would be able to move on from this easily. They'd shrug it off, "read the room" as people suggest, and move on.

This is obviously an issue because neither kid is easy. OP's kid has social anxiety and is sensitive to rejection. The other kid is resistant to performing basic social niceties for some reason.

The problem OP actually posed is "should I say something to the other mom the next time she mentions 'mean girl' behavior?" Not whether the other child should be forced to say hi to her daughter. And the answer is yes, OP should say something because these are two children who are struggling with social skills, and it would be helpful for the adults to be on the same page about it. I would be gentle but try to offer some context: "I agree, mean girl behavior is an issue, but I also think part of it is that the kids are not always sure of what the right behavior is, or how to do it. I know my DD gets anxious in social situations and can come on too strong. I've noticed sometimes your DD withdrawal and doesn't respond. Both of these could be interpreted as being mean, but I think the kids just need more training in how to socialize in an appropriate way."

Like... neither of these kids is nailing their social interactions. They are 8 and need guidance. It is rude to ignore someone when they say hi to you, but also you have to learn to read social cues and give people space when they need it.

A lot of people on this thread don't seem to have learned these very basic lessons about social interactions either, so maybe we should be more purposeful about how we teach our children.

NP. This pretty much hits the nail on the head for me. We're in a situation where my kid could be considered the mean one from OP's post. I encouraged DC to say hi back to another kid. The hi then would turn into repeated requests to sit together to and from school, play dates, etc. DC tried and they don't click. The need stressed DC out and they shut down sometimes. We still asked DC to say hi and that it was OK to say a polite no thanks to the asks. So DC tries (and is not always perfect). That's on us as parents to help with, right? Kindness with boundaries when they're necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

This. Some of these posters should read up on the psychological effects of the silent treatment. Ignoring someone is a form of rejection and is how many people express anger or resentment. It's considered dysfunctional.

I'm not saying that means the 8 yr old should be forced to say hi to anyone, these kids are young and still learning, just saying that the idea that refusing to say hi to someone who has greeted you could be seen as a "neutral" behavior is not an argument that most psychologists would agree with. It is a hurtful behavior and it's normal for OP's DD to feel hurt by it. I get what people are saying about learning not to care -- I agree people do need to learn not to take it personally. But silent treatment is a dysfunctional behavior and being hurt by the silent treatment is a normal reaction.[/quot

Hi- I am a psychologist and what you’re talking about refers to when it happens in very close relationships. Think between spouses or a parent and child, or even 2 best friends. Yes, being hurt by the silent treatment by anyone makes sense… but I am concerned with how the OP seems to have some deeper anger towards an 8 year old child. As many, have suggested, there also could be a million reasons. One, we don’t have the whole story or the other side from the other parent. At the age of 8, you have so many things going on. Some children are very extroverted and friendly and others less so. I will also say since I do have experience working with sex abuse in children, there are many children who are quieter and less trusting because they have experienced some kind of sexual assault. Not saying that is the case at all in this situation, but you would be shocked to know how many 8 years olds have experienced a sexual assault - that’s something almost no one outside the family will know about. The point is, you can never assume to know anything about anyone. Have some empathy.

Yes, silent treatment is generally an issue in close relationships between a spouse or parent/child, but that doesn't mean it normal or appropriate between friends, coworkers, or classmates either. There is an entire category of behavior, relational aggression, that describes how children this age use tools like gossip, exclusion, and teasing to hurt each other. Silent treatment would fall within this category, and it specifically describes the relationship between these two kids.

I don't actually think you are a psychologist because first you diagnose the OP as having anger toward the other kid -- I've read the entire thread and while I don't agree with everything OP has said, I don't think she seems angry. She sounds frustrated and protective of her child. And then you tell me to have some empathy, but you seem to lack empathy for OP or her DD. I'm not a psychologist but my work involves research in the field and that's not generally how a psychologist would talk about this situation. It sounds like you read one article on Psychology Today about the effects of silent treatment and decided to pose as a psychologist on this thread.

Sounds like you know it all. You just totally took my post and misconstrued it. I said it makes sense that the DD would be hurt- I would also say that is empathizing with the daughter. I also said I’m concerned the OP has some deeper anger- an observation doesn’t mean I don’t empathize with her (it’s weird to even jump to that conclusion, honestly). A psychologist actually looks at things from all angles (if you truly research this, you would know that). If you also study psychology, you would understand that emotions like frustration also go along with anger and sadness and it’s complex. My concern for OP is that she’s looking at the situation a bit one sided and isn’t considering alternate explanations, and so therefore, I see this kind of eating away at her (festering, if you will). A psychologist in clinical practice would find empathy for all sides and challenge the person in ways in which they could think about it differently, in hopes of easing those feelings of frustration, anger, whatever.

It seems like you’re getting quite defensive here because you personally don’t agree with me and believe there is a one size fits all for mental health practitioners.

Essentially, I was just addressing the silent treatment quote. Yes, silent treatment is deeply damaging and can cause PTSD even, but this is seen in closer relationships - not someone not saying hello on a casual basis without a foundational relationship underneath it. In any case, the accusations you’ve thrown against me are bizarre and this is the last I’ll be commenting on this or reading this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

This. Some of these posters should read up on the psychological effects of the silent treatment. Ignoring someone is a form of rejection and is how many people express anger or resentment. It's considered dysfunctional.

I'm not saying that means the 8 yr old should be forced to say hi to anyone, these kids are young and still learning, just saying that the idea that refusing to say hi to someone who has greeted you could be seen as a "neutral" behavior is not an argument that most psychologists would agree with. It is a hurtful behavior and it's normal for OP's DD to feel hurt by it. I get what people are saying about learning not to care -- I agree people do need to learn not to take it personally. But silent treatment is a dysfunctional behavior and being hurt by the silent treatment is a normal reaction.

Oh my god, one neighbor not saying hi once a day is not “the silent treatment”. You are so melodramatic!,

[Anonymous]

The neighbors mom should tell her kid to, at a minimum, wave or make eye contact and smile when yours says hi. That’s about as much as my shy kid can manage, and it’s taken us 10 years to get there but some sort of acknowledgement is required for her.

OP - would your daughter be ok with that?

[Anonymous]

I get that it's more awkward because, if I am understanding correctly, the girls are the only two kids at the whole bus stop. But my experience is A LOT of kids don't like talking at the bus stop. Some do, but many seem to find it awkward. One of my own kids is normally outgoing, loves school, but just goes and stands alone at the bus stop typically. It's kind of like an elevator, or a public restroom ...