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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times[/quote]

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship [/quote]

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”[/quote]

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words. 
[/quote]

This. Some of these posters should read up on the psychological effects of the silent treatment. Ignoring someone is a form of rejection and is how many people express anger or resentment. It's considered dysfunctional.

I'm not saying that means the 8 yr old should be forced to say hi to anyone, these kids are young and still learning, just saying that the idea that refusing to say hi to someone who has greeted you could be seen as a "neutral" behavior is not an argument that most psychologists would agree with. It is a hurtful behavior and it's normal for OP's DD to feel hurt by it. I get what people are saying about learning not to care -- I agree people do need to learn not to take it personally. But silent treatment is a dysfunctional behavior and being hurt by the silent treatment is a normal reaction.[/quot

Hi- I am a psychologist and what you’re talking about refers to when it happens in very close relationships. Think between spouses or a parent and child, or even 2 best friends. Yes, being hurt by the silent treatment by anyone makes sense… but I am concerned with how the OP seems to have some deeper anger towards an 8 year old child. As many, have suggested, there also could be a million reasons. One, we don’t have the whole story or the other side from the other parent. At the age of 8, you have so many things going on. Some children are very extroverted and friendly and others less so. I will also say since I do have experience working with sex abuse in children, there are many children who are quieter and less trusting because they have experienced some kind of sexual assault. Not saying that is the case at all in this situation, but you would be shocked to know how many 8 years olds have experienced a sexual assault - that’s something almost no one outside the family will know about. The point is, you can never assume to know anything about anyone. Have some empathy. [/quote]

Yes, silent treatment is generally an issue in close relationships between a spouse or parent/child, but that doesn't mean it normal or appropriate between friends, coworkers, or classmates either. There is an entire category of behavior, relational aggression, that describes how children this age use tools like gossip, exclusion, and teasing to hurt each other. Silent treatment would fall within this category, and it specifically describes the relationship between these two kids.

I don't actually think you are a psychologist because first you diagnose the OP as having anger toward the other kid -- I've read the entire thread and while I don't agree with everything OP has said, I don't think she seems angry. She sounds frustrated and protective of her child. And then you tell me to have some empathy, but you seem to lack empathy for OP or her DD. I'm not a psychologist but my work involves research in the field and that's not generally how a psychologist would talk about this situation. It sounds like you read one article on Psychology Today about the effects of silent treatment and decided to pose as a psychologist on this thread.[/quote]

Sounds like you know it all. You just totally took my post and misconstrued it. I said it makes sense that the DD would be hurt- I would also say that is empathizing with the daughter. I also said I’m concerned the OP has some deeper anger- an observation doesn’t mean I don’t empathize with her (it’s weird to even jump to that conclusion, honestly). A psychologist actually looks at things from all angles (if you truly research this, you would know that). If you also study psychology, you would understand that emotions like frustration also go along with anger and sadness and it’s complex. My concern for OP is that she’s looking at the situation a bit one sided and isn’t considering alternate explanations, and so therefore, I see this kind of eating away at her (festering, if you will). A psychologist in clinical practice would find empathy for all sides and challenge the person in ways in which they could think about it differently, in hopes of easing those feelings of frustration, anger, whatever.

It seems like you’re getting quite defensive here because you personally don’t agree with me and believe there is a one size fits all for mental health practitioners.

Essentially, I was just addressing the silent treatment quote. Yes, silent treatment is deeply damaging and can cause PTSD even, but this is seen in closer relationships - not someone not saying hello on a casual basis without a foundational relationship underneath it. In any case, the accusations you’ve thrown against me are bizarre and this is the last I’ll be commenting on this or reading this thread.[/quote]

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