Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so interesting that other people hate beach week with the in laws. I thought I was unique. Now I see that my complaints are valid.

Is this your first day on DCUM?

+1. I was about to say “are you new here?” but then assumed pp was being sarcastic.

[Anonymous]

What is this weird obsession with differentiating between trip and vacation? I don't even understand the difference. Maybe because I've done that sort of beach rental/OBx kind of thing only once?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is this weird obsession with differentiating between trip and vacation? I don't even understand the difference. Maybe because I've done that sort of beach rental/OBx kind of thing only once?

It is probably a defense to, "You are on vacation! Relax, have fun, smile.". Meanwhile the kids went to sleep at midnight because their room is next to the living room then woke up at 530am when IL's dog started yapping to go out.
No one turned the dishwasher, by the way is there any dishwasher soap, so the only three bowls, four spoons , and 18 cups need to be washed for breakfast. Oh, FIL, you purchased powder creamer for the coffee, not the dairy half & half because it saved 75 cents. And only decaf, it is beans, there is no coffee grinder. The cereal bag wasn't closed so now full of ants. Can you please turn down FOX news. Not really sure about dinner plans yet, but 730pm for 10 people with 4 kids under 6 without a reservation won't work for us. Yes, we should teach our kids proper manners to sit at the dinner table for 2 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is this weird obsession with differentiating between trip and vacation? I don't even understand the difference. Maybe because I've done that sort of beach rental/OBx kind of thing only once?

It’s a jokey thing parents with young kids say because traveling with kids is a trip (can be fun but is work) not a vacation (relaxing). Destination may even be amazing but, unless you have childcare, there is no sleeping in and lounging lazily on the beach. Anyway, not sure where it originated but it’s just a saying and is not specific to beach rentals.

[Anonymous]

These family beach trips sound awful. I would never agree to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a little sad. I love my mom and I would feel bad complaining nonstop about a house she had rented for us. I even have my own issues with my MIL but I would never want her to feel like I hated a vacation she planned. Even when it doesn’t quite work out, they both put great effort into planning family functions. I don’t know about OP, but I know my MIL and mom would be over the moon to vacation with us and family is so important to them. It would feel mean to actively burst their bubble the whole trip.

Agree.
This spring I took my kids to visit my dad where he lives during the winter. He rented us all a place on the beach. It wasn’t exactly up to my standards, but I made the best of it and we had a great time. It was my choice to use my time off for the trip, nobody forced me onto the plane at gun point. My dad made all of the arrangements and paid for them-it didn’t occur to me to complain in front of him, that would have been rude and cruel, not to mention setting a horrible example for my kids that may come back to bite me someday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

Such insufferable people here.
OP said that she asked, and they declined due to covid, then they asked again and they accepted.
She said of they declined, they would have been ok with that too.

Yet here you are, writing some weird, projected narrative about guilting her son & DIL.

Go make up stories on your own time weirdo.

This means they were using covid as an excuse
To get out of the obligation for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations.

Just don't be the parents who manipulate everyone into coming and one no amount of "thank yous" is enough. If they are doing you a favor by giving in then now you see the resentment drips out.

This. They didn't want to go. They probably have a limited amount of free time. Going to the beach w/ young kids can be exhausting. They were probably told when and where and what to bring. If they declined, mom would be "so hurt" that they couldn't accept her wonderful gift.

Such insufferable people here.
OP said that she asked, and they declined due to covid, then they asked again and they accepted.
She said of they declined, they would have been ok with that too.

covid wasn't an excuse and if they really didn't want to go than they should have declined. I'm sure the op regrets having constant complainers. That doesn't make the "trip" any better!

Yet here you are, writing some weird, projected narrative about guilting her son & DIL.

Go make up stories on your own time weirdo.

This means they were using covid as an excuse
To get out of the obligation for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a little sad. I love my mom and I would feel bad complaining nonstop about a house she had rented for us. I even have my own issues with my MIL but I would never want her to feel like I hated a vacation she planned. Even when it doesn’t quite work out, they both put great effort into planning family functions. I don’t know about OP, but I know my MIL and mom would be over the moon to vacation with us and family is so important to them. It would feel mean to actively burst their bubble the whole trip.

Agree.
This spring I took my kids to visit my dad where he lives during the winter. He rented us all a place on the beach. It wasn’t exactly up to my standards, but I made the best of it and we had a great time. It was my choice to use my time off for the trip, nobody forced me onto the plane at gun point. My dad made all of the arrangements and paid for them-it didn’t occur to me to complain in front of him, that would have been rude and cruel, not to mention setting a horrible example for my kids that may come back to bite me someday!

This is sweet and, barring actual toxic and dysfunctional family situations which should be handled maturely, we should all remember to treat family kindly. One day you’ll be the grandma that doesn’t quite do it right…proceed wisely!

[Anonymous]

"I think context is important. If they are truly eager to do a big family vacation and they cannot afford to stay at the beach on their own, they should be gracious.

If there is family pressure and guilt trips and they feel like to keep the peace, they must come, then of course they will be resentful. It's up to them to take the high road and decide they will not do this again and they will plan and pay for their own vacations."

I think this part is key. OP, consider that they don't really want to be there. Maybe it's not so great. Maybe you are difficult. Maybe everyone is difficult. We will never know, because we are not there.

They are probably showing up to try to make you happy. Maybe they don't have a lot of time off. Maybe the DIL thinks your family is odd, or that you were a terrible mother. We will never know. We were not there.

Maybe they just like to vacation different ways, at different places, and that is perfectly fine. Try being more accepting - you are supposed to be the older and wiser one. Set a good example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is this weird obsession with differentiating between trip and vacation? I don't even understand the difference. Maybe because I've done that sort of beach rental/OBx kind of thing only once?

I think some people aren't into cramming as many people as possible into those big, smelly houses. Many different beach communities offer many different arrangements, so people have their own space (no matter what that might be).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These family beach trips sound awful. I would never agree to this.

Some really are awful.

If you have a fairly mentally healthy family, and y'all have your baggage on the table and actually communicate - that makes everything much more pleasant, including communal beach trips. Otherwise, it is just a bunch of resentment, entitlement, obligation, and sliding into old effed up roles. That is no vacation for anyone.

The mom has to look at it for what it is - did she do a good job, or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is a little sad. I love my mom and I would feel bad complaining nonstop about a house she had rented for us. I even have my own issues with my MIL but I would never want her to feel like I hated a vacation she planned. Even when it doesn’t quite work out, they both put great effort into planning family functions. I don’t know about OP, but I know my MIL and mom would be over the moon to vacation with us and family is so important to them. It would feel mean to actively burst their bubble the whole trip.

Agree.
This spring I took my kids to visit my dad where he lives during the winter. He rented us all a place on the beach. It wasn’t exactly up to my standards, but I made the best of it and we had a great time. It was my choice to use my time off for the trip, nobody forced me onto the plane at gun point. My dad made all of the arrangements and paid for them-it didn’t occur to me to complain in front of him, that would have been rude and cruel, not to mention setting a horrible example for my kids that may come back to bite me someday!

This is sweet and, barring actual toxic and dysfunctional family situations which should be handled maturely, we should all remember to treat family kindly. One day you’ll be the grandma that doesn’t quite do it right…proceed wisely!

Key words here. Time to step up and communicate in a caring, warm manner, OP - don't be a petulant child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time, don’t invite them. How incredibly rude

Oh no! They’ll be so disappointed!

BAHAHAHA best answer yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is this weird obsession with differentiating between trip and vacation? I don't even understand the difference. Maybe because I've done that sort of beach rental/OBx kind of thing only once?

It is probably a defense to, "You are on vacation! Relax, have fun, smile.". Meanwhile the kids went to sleep at midnight because their room is next to the living room then woke up at 530am when IL's dog started yapping to go out.
No one turned the dishwasher, by the way is there any dishwasher soap, so the only three bowls, four spoons , and 18 cups need to be washed for breakfast. Oh, FIL, you purchased powder creamer for the coffee, not the dairy half & half because it saved 75 cents. And only decaf, it is beans, there is no coffee grinder. The cereal bag wasn't closed so now full of ants. Can you please turn down FOX news. Not really sure about dinner plans yet, but 730pm for 10 people with 4 kids under 6 without a reservation won't work for us. Yes, we should teach our kids proper manners to sit at the dinner table for 2 hours.

OMG the Fox news on full blast 24/7 - WTH IS that????? Are you trying to make us all deaf???