Son and DIL insulting vacation we paid for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another instance of boomers expecting to be given praise for their crappy contributions. Get over yourself and learn what a vacation is instead of hording all your money.

Actually it is an example of the entitlement of the younger generation. If you don't like the accomendations than politely decline. Your parents are human and while they may not want praise 24-7 they do not deserve to be ripped a new one for trying to make some happy memories for your family.

This is the ridiculous thin-skinned behavior of the “older generation.” It is not OP’s house and to say complaining about things like curtains that someone else bought is “being ripped a new one” is asinine.

I am the poster who said that and if you had read further I admitted I made a mistake. However, if son and dil are getting a free vacation and could have done less whining( something you are accusing the older generation btw)

They are getting a free trip, which they may or may not feel pressured to take. Going to stay with your in-laws in a shared house with few amenities, where you still have to cook, clean and care for your children in an unfamiliar setting while being judged by extended family is not a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some eye shades could solve the flimsy curtain problem.

We’ve hung up towels with painter’s tape in the little kid’s room. No big deal. Masks are wonderful for adults. People who are so inflexible need to just say no and stop ruining other’s vacations. No one forced them to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My In-laws paid for us all to go to Disney. It was luxury accommodations, upgrades etc, cost a fortune. But for me it was miserable. I dont like crowds, heat and we had a 3yo who they took on a few rides but it was still parenting 24/7. They wanted us to be grateful and appreciative the whole time and I tried, but it was rough. I wouldn’t go on vacation with them again.

Disney with a 3 year old is no fun. Too young for many rides and still so little as to need constant babying. Much better to wait until 7+ years.

I had the time of my life taking my daughter to Disney when she was 3.

Same! Mine were 3 and 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Meh. I kind of feel the same, about a beach "vacation" I don't care for - I don't say anything, and your DIL is rude to say anything, especially to your face. When we joined MIL, we were put in the last preference bedroom (bunks that smelled like dirty diapers - as DH pointed it out to me). DH never spoke up around his family, lest he be tarred and feathered (or at least passively aggressively abused, practically to his negligent parent's faces. The houses they rented were not very clean - so I got quite sick often (while on "vacation"), as I am immunocompromised.

To be honest, DH and I did not have a lot of vacation time to spare, so feeling like an afterthought was no fun, in general. Besides, his family dynamics are a little cringe (how DH is treated, so many decades later ie: since well before me).

So, ignore any criticisms and know that it DIL's complaining is probably about something else. Maybe you, MIL - maybe not.

But yeah, I agree that your DIL's complaints are petty and rude. Maybe she needs a MIL like mine!

The fact that you continued to go even while “getting sick” every year is on you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no reason why they should be whining and complaining in front of everyone.

I’m a daughter-in-law with young kids and I have definitely been on vacations that were not fun and were inconvenient. I tell my husband I’m uncomfortable, I tell him next time I want to get an Airbnb instead of staying at the family house, I don’t complain about the lodging and nitpick at everything wrong in front of his family. It’s rude and it shows a lack of self-awareness. If I was OP I would definitely say something to my son about his behavior. I don’t care if they have young kids or if they aren’t comfortable they are acting childish.

Exactly. We did a few years with the in-laws at the beach, but once our kids got older and wanted to do different things, we said thanks for the offer, but we have other vacation plans. We never went on vacation with them again until the kids were much older and we could afford to treat them. Some of you need to speak up and quit blaming others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s rude but I’d just ignore, change the subject, and try to enjoy the time with the grandkids

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no reason why they should be whining and complaining in front of everyone.

I’m a daughter-in-law with young kids and I have definitely been on vacations that were not fun and were inconvenient. I tell my husband I’m uncomfortable, I tell him next time I want to get an Airbnb instead of staying at the family house, I don’t complain about the lodging and nitpick at everything wrong in front of his family. It’s rude and it shows a lack of self-awareness. If I was OP I would definitely say something to my son about his behavior. I don’t care if they have young kids or if they aren’t comfortable they are acting childish.

Exactly. We did a few years with the in-laws at the beach, but once our kids got older and wanted to do different things, we said thanks for the offer, but we have other vacation plans. We never went on vacation with them again until the kids were much older and we could afford to treat them. Some of you need to speak up and quit blaming others.

All of this. Take some ownership of the situation and act like an adult. There is no reason to go on a trip and complain about it the whole time. Son and wife are being rude, full stop. I can empathize with them and understand how tough it can be traveling with kids but that’s not an excuse to ruin the trip for everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son and DIL haven’t joined us for our annual beach house vacation since before COVID, so we were thrilled that the came along this year and brought their two boys. DH and I pay for the rental, which is several thousand. We think it’s a very nice house and location. Our kids and their spouses contribute groceries and meals.

The son/DIL who haven’t joined in years have been complaining nonstop, calling it a “trip” and saying things like “these curtains are so flimsy, we can’t sleep in the morning” and saying “anytime you have to make up the bed and bring your own toilet paper, it’s not a vacation, it’s a trip.” They some of it jokingly, but have real complaints and annoyances about the house. No rental is perfect, but what can you expect? Should we ask them to stop?

Meh. I kind of feel the same, about a beach "vacation" I don't care for - I don't say anything, and your DIL is rude to say anything, especially to your face. When we joined MIL, we were put in the last preference bedroom (bunks that smelled like dirty diapers - as DH pointed it out to me). DH never spoke up around his family, lest he be tarred and feathered (or at least passively aggressively abused, practically to his negligent parent's faces. The houses they rented were not very clean - so I got quite sick often (while on "vacation"), as I am immunocompromised.

To be honest, DH and I did not have a lot of vacation time to spare, so feeling like an afterthought was no fun, in general. Besides, his family dynamics are a little cringe (how DH is treated, so many decades later ie: since well before me).

So, ignore any criticisms and know that it DIL's complaining is probably about something else. Maybe you, MIL - maybe not.

But yeah, I agree that your DIL's complaints are petty and rude. Maybe she needs a MIL like mine!

The fact that you continued to go even while “getting sick” every year is on you!

Who said it was every year??????

MIL is that you?!

[Anonymous]

Some of those big smelly rentals are gross. All you can do is prepare for the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom/MIL planner in my family with adult kids and grandkids. No rental house is perfect, and my kids know this from doing their own planning. I'm probably the hardest to please of all of us. I think it works better when everyone has some skin in the game in terms of paying for the rental. I also think it's important to ask each family what it needs (# of bedrooms, amenities, location, timing of vacation) and using that to find appropriate rentals. Sometimes if everything else looks great, my DH and I will pay a greater share or even all of the rental. We don't supply all the TP, soaps, etc, but we do get houses with bed linens and towels provided. Also, nobody should feel obligated, especially with limited PTO. We don't vacation together every year, and we try to vary the locations somewhat. The families with kids do have a little more stress, but it's still a bit of a break with other adults to help with the kids and usually a lot of fun and good memories are made.

How nice of you to be helpful! You must be an awesome mother and MIL, too. I am sure your children and grandchildren think highly of you.

Not everyone is so lucky to have that, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom/MIL planner in my family with adult kids and grandkids. No rental house is perfect, and my kids know this from doing their own planning. I'm probably the hardest to please of all of us. I think it works better when everyone has some skin in the game in terms of paying for the rental. I also think it's important to ask each family what it needs (# of bedrooms, amenities, location, timing of vacation) and using that to find appropriate rentals. Sometimes if everything else looks great, my DH and I will pay a greater share or even all of the rental. We don't supply all the TP, soaps, etc, but we do get houses with bed linens and towels provided. Also, nobody should feel obligated, especially with limited PTO. We don't vacation together every year, and we try to vary the locations somewhat. The families with kids do have a little more stress, but it's still a bit of a break with other adults to help with the kids and usually a lot of fun and good memories are made.

It helps that you have medium to high standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no reason why they should be whining and complaining in front of everyone.

I’m a daughter-in-law with young kids and I have definitely been on vacations that were not fun and were inconvenient. I tell my husband I’m uncomfortable, I tell him next time I want to get an Airbnb instead of staying at the family house, I don’t complain about the lodging and nitpick at everything wrong in front of his family. It’s rude and it shows a lack of self-awareness. If I was OP I would definitely say something to my son about his behavior. I don’t care if they have young kids or if they aren’t comfortable they are acting childish.

Exactly. We did a few years with the in-laws at the beach, but once our kids got older and wanted to do different things, we said thanks for the offer, but we have other vacation plans. We never went on vacation with them again until the kids were much older and we could afford to treat them. Some of you need to speak up and quit blaming others.

All of this. Take some ownership of the situation and act like an adult. There is no reason to go on a trip and complain about it the whole time. Son and wife are being rude, full stop. I can empathize with them and understand how tough it can be traveling with kids but that’s not an excuse to ruin the trip for everyone else.

Was DIL really complaining the whole time? Or are the Awful MILs chiming in to pile on?

I mean if DIL complained about an ugly throw pillow, I can only imagine how critical OP would become! Damn!

Try to be a kind human, OP -it won’t kill you. Be an adult about the situation.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a little sad. I love my mom and I would feel bad complaining nonstop about a house she had rented for us. I even have my own issues with my MIL but I would never want her to feel like I hated a vacation she planned. Even when it doesn’t quite work out, they both put great effort into planning family functions. I don’t know about OP, but I know my MIL and mom would be over the moon to vacation with us and family is so important to them. It would feel mean to actively burst their bubble the whole trip.

[Anonymous]

It's so interesting that other people hate beach week with the in laws. I thought I was unique. Now I see that my complaints are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so interesting that other people hate beach week with the in laws. I thought I was unique. Now I see that my complaints are valid.

Is this your first day on DCUM?