What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.

Because she insists on doing it her way, and that’s the only way it can be done. Schedules camp : listen to yourself. Camp isn’t a requirement; if it doesn’t get scheduled life goes on. The mom may feel she looks bad compared to the other moms maybe.

omg. what are your kids going to do in the summer? what an idiot.

[Anonymous]

I actually really hope for my STBX dud and our DC’s sake that he finds a nice new partner. But I don’t see him changing his dud ways at all; we’ve has numerous discussions about it, and he doesn’t have any problem at all with his behavior and thinks everything is fine and fair. I do all the work in the house because I’m not nice enough to him (his words exactly).

It’s hard to see how he would attract a healthy new partner. Maybe if she has no kids/doesn’t want them, is independently wealthy, they’ll just have a low stress life and be ok?

[Anonymous]

He’s still a dud. Moved out of state and sees his kids a couple times a year. Talks on the phone with them and thinks that’s totally the exact same thing as handling the day-to-day tasks of taking them to school, activities, helping with homework, etc. Criticizes my parenting, even though I’m the only one actually doing parenting. Admitted to me that his parenting plan is to be the “fun dad” in hopes that years from now the kids will want to live with him. And they probably will, dad lets them eat whatever they want, watch whatever they want, and will probably buy them weed and booze when they’re teens.

Every once in awhile he snags some young hot party girl and is shocked - SHOCKED - when she turns out to be an alcoholic/drug addict/severely mentally ill. Almost always ends with her kicking holes in his walls and him taking her to get an abortion. Last one, he had to call the cops on repeatedly. But hey, he gets to re-live the dream of being young and carefree with no responsibilities!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

They get 50:50 custody and a period of alimony and child support. They suck at getting their kids to activities,

The kid isn’t over scheduled to death? The horror!

These are my kids’ friends, and I wouldn’t say they were overscheduled. But whenever dad has them, the boys can’t come to D&D club, don’t make it to CCD, don’t show up for volunteer work, etc.
It is frustrating for their mom because as the kids get older, it looks bad on them, even though it isn’t their fault.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a serious relationship with a divorced dad now. If his kids leave dishes in the sink, that is his problem, not mine. I don't clean them. If his kids need a ride to soccer practice, he needs to figure out how to get them there, not me.

I am sure that this gem of a poster will get snapped up right away. The majority of her post (on page one of this thread) is about how she will not help him with parenting-related items.

News flash: Most divorced dads know much more about how to parent than women who have never had children (like you.) They do not need your help, or to be with someone who is proud she will not help.

Have you ever thought that it might be nice (or even fun) if you watched his kid's soccer practice? What about doing volunteer work with the elderly if you hate kids (which appears to be the case)?

You are proud that you do not help someone you pretend to care about, which says quite a bit about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.

Because she insists on doing it her way, and that’s the only way it can be done. Schedules camp : listen to yourself. Camp isn’t a requirement; if it doesn’t get scheduled life goes on. The mom may feel she looks bad compared to the other moms maybe.

omg. what are your kids going to do in the summer? what an idiot.

My 15 year old sleeps until noon then plays computer games until the middle of the night.

When he was 7, we took long family vacations during the summer, he went to camp for a few weeks, and one or the other of us stayed home for a week or two when there were no camps.

Childcare isn't rocket science, that's why some of the least intelligent adults do so much of it.

[Anonymous]

Remember on The Office when Pam and Jim go to Roy's wedding? Turns out Roy wasn't the dud after all. Just saying that sometimes it's a bad combination, not bad parts.

[Anonymous]

My dud ex husband and dud ex boyfriend found new partners after me, presumably who they are better matched with than me. I highly doubt they changed though. I bet the ex husband who drinks too much and cheats is still doing that, unless he’s gotten sober. And I bet the ex boyfriend who is fun but emotionally distant is still fun but emotionally distant. That wasn’t enough for me but might be for his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.

Because she insists on doing it her way, and that’s the only way it can be done. Schedules camp : listen to yourself. Camp isn’t a requirement; if it doesn’t get scheduled life goes on. The mom may feel she looks bad compared to the other moms maybe.

omg. what are your kids going to do in the summer? what an idiot.

My 15 year old sleeps until noon then plays computer games until the middle of the night.

When he was 7, we took long family vacations during the summer, he went to camp for a few weeks, and one or the other of us stayed home for a week or two when there were no camps.

Childcare isn't rocket science, that's why some of the least intelligent adults do so much of it.

I know it’s not “rocket science.” But it’s work that takes time to research camps, pick one that suits your kid and the summer plans, pay for it, and pay attention to all the paperwork about pickup and drop off and lunches and masks etc. Work that somebody has to do - it’s not optional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.

Because she insists on doing it her way, and that’s the only way it can be done. Schedules camp : listen to yourself. Camp isn’t a requirement; if it doesn’t get scheduled life goes on. The mom may feel she looks bad compared to the other moms maybe.

omg. what are your kids going to do in the summer? what an idiot.

My 15 year old sleeps until noon then plays computer games until the middle of the night.

When he was 7, we took long family vacations during the summer, he went to camp for a few weeks, and one or the other of us stayed home for a week or two when there were no camps.

Childcare isn't rocket science, that's why some of the least intelligent adults do so much of it.

Sorry, but sleeping in and video games all day are unacceptable. It’s bad parenting. I know many dads who have that same mentality and their kids all have physical and mental health problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.

Because she insists on doing it her way, and that’s the only way it can be done. Schedules camp : listen to yourself. Camp isn’t a requirement; if it doesn’t get scheduled life goes on. The mom may feel she looks bad compared to the other moms maybe.

omg. what are your kids going to do in the summer? what an idiot.

My 15 year old sleeps until noon then plays computer games until the middle of the night.

When he was 7, we took long family vacations during the summer, he went to camp for a few weeks, and one or the other of us stayed home for a week or two when there were no camps.

Childcare isn't rocket science, that's why some of the least intelligent adults do so much of it.

You know, human development is an academic discipline. I’m sure there are plenty of rocket scientists who don’t know many important concepts that a parent should know, and therefore make bad parents.

Apparently you think childcare means “keeping children alive.” Fine, but that means you’re about as good of a parent as I am a rocket scientist (yes I have made a rocket before, it just didn’t launch).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.

Because she insists on doing it her way, and that’s the only way it can be done. Schedules camp : listen to yourself. Camp isn’t a requirement; if it doesn’t get scheduled life goes on. The mom may feel she looks bad compared to the other moms maybe.

omg. what are your kids going to do in the summer? what an idiot.

My 15 year old sleeps until noon then plays computer games until the middle of the night.

When he was 7, we took long family vacations during the summer, he went to camp for a few weeks, and one or the other of us stayed home for a week or two when there were no camps.

Childcare isn't rocket science, that's why some of the least intelligent adults do so much of it.

It sounds like when your son was 7, someone put some effort into figuring out a schedule in the summer, planning a vacation, signing up for camps, and making sure that you could both take off work when needed.

It sounds like there is no one putting in that kind of effort now that he’s 15 and old enough to join in the discussion and planning. That’s too bad. He would probably still benefit from someone putting some thought into what he is doing over the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, ladies but men have a lot easier of a time rebounding after divorce than you do.

This is just not true. It is not 1965. It is far easier for women

As a divorced man I have to admit this is true. Dating is mostly online these days. And for every 10 likes I get, women will get like 200. And there are a lot of good single men out there for decent divorced women. But once a guy is 50 or so, it’s really tough to find women, exception is only with very rare rich and fit guys. It’s so much easier for women.

As a 39 year old divorced woman, I disagree that there are a lot of good single men out there. Maybe single men in their 30s who haven't been married. But divorced men in their 40s? Not a lot AT ALL.

Are not a lot of divorced men in their 40s but there are a lot of never married men in their 40s and never married men in their 30s. I haven’t looked at 50s. 44. I date men in their 30s. There are plenty. There are almost no men who are divorced in their 40s but that’s not my target audience even though that is who I am. If you are looking for the exact same demographic as you then yeah you’re not gonna find a lot of men but if you’re willing to date men who’s never been married and who are younger, you’re fine.

But don’t they still want marriage and kids? BTDT and not interested in more of either. That’s the hard part about 30s men.

Some men do but some men don’t. Yes it can be tricky; I did date somebody who is 39 who changed his mind. But some men really don’t want children and those are the ones I’m after.

Do you have your own kids? If so, how does that work? They don’t want their own kids but are ok with yours? Genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.

Because she insists on doing it her way, and that’s the only way it can be done. Schedules camp : listen to yourself. Camp isn’t a requirement; if it doesn’t get scheduled life goes on. The mom may feel she looks bad compared to the other moms maybe.

omg. what are your kids going to do in the summer? what an idiot.

My 15 year old sleeps until noon then plays computer games until the middle of the night.

When he was 7, we took long family vacations during the summer, he went to camp for a few weeks, and one or the other of us stayed home for a week or two when there were no camps.

Childcare isn't rocket science, that's why some of the least intelligent adults do so much of it.

Not sure if you are aware of your privilege, but many if not most people can't take off more than a week or maybe two in the summer. Summer is like 10 weeks. You can't leave your 7 yo with a bag of puppy chow and capri suns and trot out the door to work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.

Because she insists on doing it her way, and that’s the only way it can be done. Schedules camp : listen to yourself. Camp isn’t a requirement; if it doesn’t get scheduled life goes on. The mom may feel she looks bad compared to the other moms maybe.

omg. what are your kids going to do in the summer? what an idiot.

My 15 year old sleeps until noon then plays computer games until the middle of the night.

When he was 7, we took long family vacations during the summer, he went to camp for a few weeks, and one or the other of us stayed home for a week or two when there were no camps.

Childcare isn't rocket science, that's why some of the least intelligent adults do so much of it.

Not sure if you are aware of your privilege, but many if not most people can't take off more than a week or maybe two in the summer. Summer is like 10 weeks. You can't leave your 7 yo with a bag of puppy chow and capri suns and trot out the door to work!

Nice dig at childcare workers in there too. I think we found the dud ladies!