What happens to the "dud" husbands after divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

And don’t have to fight for child custody they automatically get 50% as default because that is now the norm. It’s not 1985.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

Agreed. I use this as my dud barometer. I won’t date a man with less than 50% custody. My ex has 30%. Why, you ask?

Because he’s a dud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

Agreed. I use this as my dud barometer. I won’t date a man with less than 50% custody. My ex has 30%. Why, you ask?

Because he’s a dud.

Why did you pick him to marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

And don’t have to fight for child custody they automatically get 50% as default because that is now the norm. It’s not 1985.

In the past year I’ve seen a dad with a recent history of mental health hospitalization get 50% and recent history of illegal drug use get 50% and neither were represented by counsel. Absolute nonsense that there’s some insurmountable challenge for non-dud dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

Agreed. I use this as my dud barometer. I won’t date a man with less than 50% custody. My ex has 30%. Why, you ask?

Because he’s a dud.

Why did you pick him to marry?

DP but being a good parent is not something you can know about a person until they actually are a parent. And I’ve certainly seen women try to figure it out, see if their boyfriends are good with nieces and nephews, get a “practice dog,” all of that. But you never know what you’re gonna get when the rubber hits the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

Agreed. I use this as my dud barometer. I won’t date a man with less than 50% custody. My ex has 30%. Why, you ask?

Because he’s a dud.

Why did you pick him to marry?

DP but being a good parent is not something you can know about a person until they actually are a parent. And I’ve certainly seen women try to figure it out, see if their boyfriends are good with nieces and nephews, get a “practice dog,” all of that. But you never know what you’re gonna get when the rubber hits the road.

+1

Hate it when people ask that stupid question because number one it’s a stupid question and number two it’s completely irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

There is no fighting for child custody in court because both parties typically automatically get 50% if one of them wants it. 95% of divorces are all paperwork and do not go to court. Please stop spewing the divorce assumptions of 25 years ago that are completely not the norm nor relevant now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

Because I thought he was funny, handsome and kind.

I had no idea his long sports career meant the bomb of CTE was already ticking in his brain.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

Agreed. I use this as my dud barometer. I won’t date a man with less than 50% custody. My ex has 30%. Why, you ask?

Because he’s a dud.

Why did you pick him to marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

Agreed. I use this as my dud barometer. I won’t date a man with less than 50% custody. My ex has 30%. Why, you ask?

Because he’s a dud.

Why did you pick him to marry?

Because he was funny, handsome, tall and wanted a family.

Unfortunately we had no idea that the Damage sustained from a football career would mean CTE was already destroying him. That didn’t reveal itself till a decade later. I hung on for six years blaming work, stress, drinking. Nope- was CTE. True nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

Agreed. I use this as my dud barometer. I won’t date a man with less than 50% custody. My ex has 30%. Why, you ask?

Because he’s a dud.

Why did you pick him to marry?

Because he was funny, handsome, tall and wanted a family.

Unfortunately we had no idea that the Damage sustained from a football career would mean CTE was already destroying him. That didn’t reveal itself till a decade later. I hung on for six years blaming work, stress, drinking. Nope- was CTE. True nightmare.

I’m so sorry to hear this

[Anonymous]

They get 50:50 custody and a period of alimony and child support. They suck at getting their kids to activities, and spend most of the time they have their kids letting them watch TV or putting them in some form of childcare.
Same thing that happens with “dud” wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. They wake up and learn how to be an adult because they have to
2. They have a mom who swoops in and “helps” them with their 50% custody obligations
3. They muddle through and do an ok job with their 50%, but the ex-wife still buys clothes and school supplies, schedules camp and dentist appointments, sets up activities and coordinates car pool because she doesn’t want the kids to suffer because of his poor planning.
4. They marry someone younger who doesn’t know any better and she takes on the fun project of being a bonus mom, at least until she has her own baby.
5. They marry someone their own age whose ex was even more of a bum and thinks they hit the jackpot. Bonus if she has her own kids and just takes on the mental load of managing a blended family.

What is in bold is 100% correct.

If dad is paying child support and the bulk of the expenses, yes she should be doing those things.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a non-celebrity child support payment that actually amounted to the “bulk of the expenses” for the children which I would define as 66% or more.

It really varies. Some get nothing and some get large sums and a mix in between. But, if you have custody and get child support you should do it all as you choose that.

What? If you’re a parent you should do the work of childcare. You should not sign away 100% custody and you’re almost certainly not paying 100% of the kids’ expenses.

Not all men have the money to fight for shared custody in court. If your ex does not work, yes you are.

I love this excuse. Women will beg borrow and steal to find resources to get time with their kids. Men say “wah wah I’m the victim.” Fact is courts give 50% custody as a default but dud dads don’t want it so they cry lawyer fees and a biased system. They don’t even realize they’re telling on themselves because anyone with experience in divorce court in this century knows men get half time if they want even when they show up pro se.

Agreed. I use this as my dud barometer. I won’t date a man with less than 50% custody. My ex has 30%. Why, you ask?

Because he’s a dud.

Why did you pick him to marry?

Because he was funny, handsome, tall and wanted a family.

Unfortunately we had no idea that the Damage sustained from a football career would mean CTE was already destroying him. That didn’t reveal itself till a decade later. I hung on for six years blaming work, stress, drinking. Nope- was CTE. True nightmare.

I’m so sorry to hear this

Me too. As fun as it is to watch, football should be outlawed. The average life expectancy for former NFL players is less than 60 years, and so many have long term disabilities for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

They get 50:50 custody and a period of alimony and child support. They suck at getting their kids to activities,

The kid isn’t over scheduled to death? The horror!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

They get 50:50 custody and a period of alimony and child support. They suck at getting their kids to activities,

The kid isn’t over scheduled to death? The horror!

Meh. Kids of dads like this stop going to dads weekend in high school or so anyway. Divorce pulls the veil off of a lot of dud husbands whose wives were their “fluffer”- making them always look good (or even normal) behind the scenes- basically we as wives become complicit in gaslighting everyone into thinking the dud is a winner. Divorce shines a spotlight on who was who.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once I hosted a family picnic and some acquaintance, a newly divorced dad, brought a date. Well she got rip-roaring drunk (in the middle of the day, with kids present) and kept going on and on about how she had been on 200 online dates and he was the first good match she had ever found. (She was never married, 30s.) She was literally his first match. And . . . now they're married.

I don't know what to say about this, haha. I don't know if he was a dud as a husband or not. I know she was impressed by him (he has a pretty good career) and she snatched him up. Not sure if he was just confused about his ability to attract women, or if her performance at the picnic was not representative of who she is. I remember her slurring that we should hang out and I was like, um, let's not . . . lol.

did they have kids?