Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister also seems to think I’ll just give her my share of my parents mountain house. She gave me a major guilt trip about how unless it’s her only home in retirement, she’d never be able to afford her share of upkeep and taxes so how could I possibly be so selfish to not just give it to her so that I could use it a couple months a year. I was really flabbergasted she thought I’d just give her my half of this very valuable asset that has been in our family for generations simply because i pursued higher paying jobs than her

So, you'd rather sell a house that's been in your family for GENERATIONS than go with your sister's plan? That is the only way she can keep it (and you are blaming her for it because her job isn't as lucrative). By the time you and OP sell the damn houses, you will be out considerable money for fees and taxes and will have ruined family relationships. Is it really worth it? Maybe your parents and OP's dad see otherwise?

It seems more prudent to draw up an agreement to keep the house and pass down to children, or to think of it as a long term asset that you can sell after x years, agreed on by all parties, to gain additional growth.

No - I’d plan to keep the house and use it as a second home regularly (it’s a second home place). I could buy my sisters out of her share if she can’t afford it and she could get her own second home or rental or time share or whatever that she can afford. Her plans shouldn’t count on me just gifting her millions of dollars so that she can live there full time. Why does she get to count on it being hers when she can’t afford it because she prioritized a job where she always gets off at 3pm whereas I can’t count on it being mine when I could actually fairly pay for it? I’m happy to share fairly, happy to buy her out, but not planning on just giving her a multimillion dollar asset. That would be giving my money to her kids instead of my own kids which makes no sense

OP, there is nothing unreasonable about your approach. Not one thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does seem your sister is acting as if she will inherit the property and when your dad passes, she may seek to claim that she owns it outright although it is quite difficult to adversely possess property.

https://myersfletcher.com/resources/item/it-s-risky-business-neglecting-an-estate.html

You may want to just ensure nothing shady is going on/conduct some diligence (check the deed on the property and make sure it is titled in your dad's name or that it is titled in his trusts's name and email a PDF of the trust or will and your dad's estate plans to all of your siblings - to ensure that everyone has a copy and it is clear your dad or his trust owns the property and that the estate plan is to distribute it equally among his three children).

Adverse possession exists as a concept solely to provide law school professors with exam questions

Nope. It’s a very real issue, but is complicated to execute. We went through this issue with our property and learned about other cases in our area.

Complicated and not at all common to successfully obtain property by adverse possession.

DP. That’s what we thought when our neighbor threatened to adversely possess about 10 percent of our property if we went forward with a plan to put a fence along the property line. We had studied adverse possession in law school and figured he was just bluffing, but that was before we got a letter from one of the top firms in DC outlining his planned steps, and also before we learned he was the largest commercial property owner in our county and had filed more than 200 lawsuits as a plaintiff. Is it likely that OP’s sister would go this route? No, but as the PP noted, these kind of suits are much more common than you might expect. Every property owner should be aware of the potential danger.

[Anonymous]

In what universe is this your business if your dad, the owner of this house, is fine with her frequent visits and input?

[Anonymous]

Um it’s HIS house so if he decides it to leave it to her, that’s what will happen.

[Anonymous]

Simone should show this thread to the dad. I’m pretty sure the sister would definitely get the house once he saw how his other daughter felt entitled to the house and felt about her sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does she need your permission to visit your dad?

Why is it relevant that she is "less successful" (whatever that means)?

Ditto. You sound uptight, OP.

[Anonymous]

Who would defend or empathize with a 40 or 50 something schemer still mooching off her parents' beach house? Other misers in their 40s and 50s without a pot to piss in, who also shamelessly mooch off everyone in their orbit. Past 30, fishing for invites or loitering at your parents' beach house is mortifying to everyone but them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who would defend or empathize with a 40 or 50 something schemer still mooching off her parents' beach house? Other misers in their 40s and 50s without a pot to piss in, who also shamelessly mooch off everyone in their orbit. Past 30, fishing for invites or loitering at your parents' beach house is mortifying to everyone but them.

You are really suggesting that it is inappropriate "mooching" for someone to 1) visit their widowed father and/or 2) use a family property?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned she’s whispering in your Dad’s ear to change the will, OP?

I really have no idea what to think. Possibly? But acting like the owner and making demands is really bothersome too. I think they have a well you already have a beach house, so this is ours entitled demeanor. Does that make sense?

You feel entitled to know when she takes vacations, that seems like much more entitlement. Are you really going to hurt your dad in his last years by squabbling over the fact that he asked the person who stays there the most about paint colors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does seem your sister is acting as if she will inherit the property and when your dad passes, she may seek to claim that she owns it outright although it is quite difficult to adversely possess property.

https://myersfletcher.com/resources/item/it-s-risky-business-neglecting-an-estate.html

You may want to just ensure nothing shady is going on/conduct some diligence (check the deed on the property and make sure it is titled in your dad's name or that it is titled in his trusts's name and email a PDF of the trust or will and your dad's estate plans to all of your siblings - to ensure that everyone has a copy and it is clear your dad or his trust owns the property and that the estate plan is to distribute it equally among his three children).

Adverse possession exists as a concept solely to provide law school professors with exam questions

Nope. It’s a very real issue, but is complicated to execute. We went through this issue with our property and learned about other cases in our area.

Complicated and not at all common to successfully obtain property by adverse possession.

DP. That’s what we thought when our neighbor threatened to adversely possess about 10 percent of our property if we went forward with a plan to put a fence along the property line. We had studied adverse possession in law school and figured he was just bluffing, but that was before we got a letter from one of the top firms in DC outlining his planned steps, and also before we learned he was the largest commercial property owner in our county and had filed more than 200 lawsuits as a plaintiff. Is it likely that OP’s sister would go this route? No, but as the PP noted, these kind of suits are much more common than you might expect. Every property owner should be aware of the potential danger.

DP. You are a self-obsessed loon. What you are describing has nothing to do with OP’s situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister also seems to think I’ll just give her my share of my parents mountain house. She gave me a major guilt trip about how unless it’s her only home in retirement, she’d never be able to afford her share of upkeep and taxes so how could I possibly be so selfish to not just give it to her so that I could use it a couple months a year. I was really flabbergasted she thought I’d just give her my half of this very valuable asset that has been in our family for generations simply because i pursued higher paying jobs than her

So, you'd rather sell a house that's been in your family for GENERATIONS than go with your sister's plan? That is the only way she can keep it (and you are blaming her for it because her job isn't as lucrative). By the time you and OP sell the damn houses, you will be out considerable money for fees and taxes and will have ruined family relationships. Is it really worth it? Maybe your parents and OP's dad see otherwise?

It seems more prudent to draw up an agreement to keep the house and pass down to children, or to think of it as a long term asset that you can sell after x years, agreed on by all parties, to gain additional growth.

No - I’d plan to keep the house and use it as a second home regularly (it’s a second home place). I could buy my sisters out of her share if she can’t afford it and she could get her own second home or rental or time share or whatever that she can afford. Her plans shouldn’t count on me just gifting her millions of dollars so that she can live there full time. Why does she get to count on it being hers when she can’t afford it because she prioritized a job where she always gets off at 3pm whereas I can’t count on it being mine when I could actually fairly pay for it? I’m happy to share fairly, happy to buy her out, but not planning on just giving her a multimillion dollar asset. That would be giving my money to her kids instead of my own kids which makes no sense

Your sister isn’t asking you to gift her anything. If your dad decides to leave the house to her, that is his choice and you get no say in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who would defend or empathize with a 40 or 50 something schemer still mooching off her parents' beach house? Other misers in their 40s and 50s without a pot to piss in, who also shamelessly mooch off everyone in their orbit. Past 30, fishing for invites or loitering at your parents' beach house is mortifying to everyone but them.

You can use all the charged adjectives and descriptors you want, but the bottom line is that the sister is simply visiting her father and making use of a family property. I don't think that "everyone" would find this "mortifying." I think most people would find it perfectly normal, or even nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who would defend or empathize with a 40 or 50 something schemer still mooching off her parents' beach house? Other misers in their 40s and 50s without a pot to piss in, who also shamelessly mooch off everyone in their orbit. Past 30, fishing for invites or loitering at your parents' beach house is mortifying to everyone but them.

You can use all the charged adjectives and descriptors you want, but the bottom line is that the sister is simply visiting her father and making use of a family property. I don't think that "everyone" would find this "mortifying." I think most people would find it perfectly normal, or even nice.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister also seems to think I’ll just give her my share of my parents mountain house. She gave me a major guilt trip about how unless it’s her only home in retirement, she’d never be able to afford her share of upkeep and taxes so how could I possibly be so selfish to not just give it to her so that I could use it a couple months a year. I was really flabbergasted she thought I’d just give her my half of this very valuable asset that has been in our family for generations simply because i pursued higher paying jobs than her

So, you'd rather sell a house that's been in your family for GENERATIONS than go with your sister's plan? That is the only way she can keep it (and you are blaming her for it because her job isn't as lucrative). By the time you and OP sell the damn houses, you will be out considerable money for fees and taxes and will have ruined family relationships. Is it really worth it? Maybe your parents and OP's dad see otherwise?

It seems more prudent to draw up an agreement to keep the house and pass down to children, or to think of it as a long term asset that you can sell after x years, agreed on by all parties, to gain additional growth.

No - I’d plan to keep the house and use it as a second home regularly (it’s a second home place). I could buy my sisters out of her share if she can’t afford it and she could get her own second home or rental or time share or whatever that she can afford. Her plans shouldn’t count on me just gifting her millions of dollars so that she can live there full time. Why does she get to count on it being hers when she can’t afford it because she prioritized a job where she always gets off at 3pm whereas I can’t count on it being mine when I could actually fairly pay for it? I’m happy to share fairly, happy to buy her out, but not planning on just giving her a multimillion dollar asset. That would be giving my money to her kids instead of my own kids which makes no sense

Your sister isn’t asking you to gift her anything. If your dad decides to leave the house to her, that is his choice and you get no say in it.

This. OP, this isn’t your house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister also seems to think I’ll just give her my share of my parents mountain house. She gave me a major guilt trip about how unless it’s her only home in retirement, she’d never be able to afford her share of upkeep and taxes so how could I possibly be so selfish to not just give it to her so that I could use it a couple months a year. I was really flabbergasted she thought I’d just give her my half of this very valuable asset that has been in our family for generations simply because i pursued higher paying jobs than her

So, you'd rather sell a house that's been in your family for GENERATIONS than go with your sister's plan? That is the only way she can keep it (and you are blaming her for it because her job isn't as lucrative). By the time you and OP sell the damn houses, you will be out considerable money for fees and taxes and will have ruined family relationships. Is it really worth it? Maybe your parents and OP's dad see otherwise?

It seems more prudent to draw up an agreement to keep the house and pass down to children, or to think of it as a long term asset that you can sell after x years, agreed on by all parties, to gain additional growth.

No - I’d plan to keep the house and use it as a second home regularly (it’s a second home place). I could buy my sisters out of her share if she can’t afford it and she could get her own second home or rental or time share or whatever that she can afford. Her plans shouldn’t count on me just gifting her millions of dollars so that she can live there full time. Why does she get to count on it being hers when she can’t afford it because she prioritized a job where she always gets off at 3pm whereas I can’t count on it being mine when I could actually fairly pay for it? I’m happy to share fairly, happy to buy her out, but not planning on just giving her a multimillion dollar asset. That would be giving my money to her kids instead of my own kids which makes no sense

Your sister isn’t asking you to gift her anything. If your dad decides to leave the house to her, that is his choice and you get no say in it.

This. OP, this isn’t your house!

OP, as a parent, if I found out where your heart is on this matter, I would intentionally cut you off. Your success has come at the cost of nastiness.