Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does seem your sister is acting as if she will inherit the property and when your dad passes, she may seek to claim that she owns it outright although it is quite difficult to adversely possess property.

https://myersfletcher.com/resources/item/it-s-risky-business-neglecting-an-estate.html

You may want to just ensure nothing shady is going on/conduct some diligence (check the deed on the property and make sure it is titled in your dad's name or that it is titled in his trusts's name and email a PDF of the trust or will and your dad's estate plans to all of your siblings - to ensure that everyone has a copy and it is clear your dad or his trust owns the property and that the estate plan is to distribute it equally among his three children).

Adverse possession exists as a concept solely to provide law school professors with exam questions

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem more concerned with the house and the $$ than your dad's wellbeing, and his personal desires as someone who is of sound mind.

What does your dad want with the house? That's all that matters, really, not what you want, not what your sister wants.

[Anonymous]

OP isn't actually interested in any comments besides the ones that feed her anxiety about and dislike of her sister and BIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem more concerned with the house and the $$ than your dad's wellbeing, and his personal desires as someone who is of sound mind.

What does your dad want with the house? That's all that matters, really, not what you want, not what your sister wants.

This. It’s not OP’s house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does seem your sister is acting as if she will inherit the property and when your dad passes, she may seek to claim that she owns it outright although it is quite difficult to adversely possess property.

https://myersfletcher.com/resources/item/it-s-risky-business-neglecting-an-estate.html

You may want to just ensure nothing shady is going on/conduct some diligence (check the deed on the property and make sure it is titled in your dad's name or that it is titled in his trusts's name and email a PDF of the trust or will and your dad's estate plans to all of your siblings - to ensure that everyone has a copy and it is clear your dad or his trust owns the property and that the estate plan is to distribute it equally among his three children).

Adverse possession exists as a concept solely to provide law school professors with exam questions

Nope. It’s a very real issue, but is complicated to execute. We went through this issue with our property and learned about other cases in our area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

Please give us an example of you "losing" $333,000 to someone and you letting it be water under the bridge. And wouldn't it be $666,000, since presumably sister would try to cut out both of her siblings. And speaking of bridges, I have one to sell you if you think someone who would steal a beach house from an elderly parent would stop at the house and wouldn't weasel into the rest of dad's estate, life insurance, stocks and bonds.

Still waiting for the snarky poster to tell us about the time they let it slide after someone stole over 300 grand from them.

Nobody “stole” anything from OP. She is entitled to ZERO dollars of her father’s money.

Neither is the other sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

Please give us an example of you "losing" $333,000 to someone and you letting it be water under the bridge. And wouldn't it be $666,000, since presumably sister would try to cut out both of her siblings. And speaking of bridges, I have one to sell you if you think someone who would steal a beach house from an elderly parent would stop at the house and wouldn't weasel into the rest of dad's estate, life insurance, stocks and bonds.

Still waiting for the snarky poster to tell us about the time they let it slide after someone stole over 300 grand from them.

Nobody “stole” anything from OP. She is entitled to ZERO dollars of her father’s money.

Neither is the other sister.

True. Not sure that needed to be said. Let's just stipulate that nobody is entitled to Dad's money.

So much speculation about what nefarious things sister may do, and what OP should do to prevent it. Why is the obvious answer not to just have a conversation with dad? I don't understand why that is not the clear first step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

Please give us an example of you "losing" $333,000 to someone and you letting it be water under the bridge. And wouldn't it be $666,000, since presumably sister would try to cut out both of her siblings. And speaking of bridges, I have one to sell you if you think someone who would steal a beach house from an elderly parent would stop at the house and wouldn't weasel into the rest of dad's estate, life insurance, stocks and bonds.

Still waiting for the snarky poster to tell us about the time they let it slide after someone stole over 300 grand from them.

Nobody “stole” anything from OP. She is entitled to ZERO dollars of her father’s money.

Neither is the other sister.

True, but 'less successful' sister is allowed to visit her father and assist with repairs and upgrades to the property with his approval. For all anyone knows, the father may be leaving his entire estate to the cat hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

It's sneaky. We have group chats going back 10 plus years of sharing when we're all coming and going and visiting mom and dad.

Just ask her. If the longstanding practice has been to let each other know about visits ask her why she has stopped letting you and your other sibling know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister also seems to think I’ll just give her my share of my parents mountain house. She gave me a major guilt trip about how unless it’s her only home in retirement, she’d never be able to afford her share of upkeep and taxes so how could I possibly be so selfish to not just give it to her so that I could use it a couple months a year. I was really flabbergasted she thought I’d just give her my half of this very valuable asset that has been in our family for generations simply because i pursued higher paying jobs than her

So, you'd rather sell a house that's been in your family for GENERATIONS than go with your sister's plan? That is the only way she can keep it (and you are blaming her for it because her job isn't as lucrative). By the time you and OP sell the damn houses, you will be out considerable money for fees and taxes and will have ruined family relationships. Is it really worth it? Maybe your parents and OP's dad see otherwise?

It seems more prudent to draw up an agreement to keep the house and pass down to children, or to think of it as a long term asset that you can sell after x years, agreed on by all parties, to gain additional growth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister also seems to think I’ll just give her my share of my parents mountain house. She gave me a major guilt trip about how unless it’s her only home in retirement, she’d never be able to afford her share of upkeep and taxes so how could I possibly be so selfish to not just give it to her so that I could use it a couple months a year. I was really flabbergasted she thought I’d just give her my half of this very valuable asset that has been in our family for generations simply because i pursued higher paying jobs than her

So, you'd rather sell a house that's been in your family for GENERATIONS than go with your sister's plan? That is the only way she can keep it (and you are blaming her for it because her job isn't as lucrative). By the time you and OP sell the damn houses, you will be out considerable money for fees and taxes and will have ruined family relationships. Is it really worth it? Maybe your parents and OP's dad see otherwise?

It seems more prudent to draw up an agreement to keep the house and pass down to children, or to think of it as a long term asset that you can sell after x years, agreed on by all parties, to gain additional growth.

Not Op, but yeah, I would. There is no equatable way to share a joint house across three siblings and their children. There is no joint legal agreement that can share an asset across an entire family.
One family always ends up “hogging” it in my experience. And it’s usually the family with the least income and the most free time. After living through this nightmare with my husband’s family, I am saying goodbye to the romantic notion of a third or fourth generation vacation home. It only works if it’s a compound and all the families of every subsequent generation are financially equal.

[Anonymous]

OP you have no right to this house. It is entirely possible your dad will just leave it to your sister since she is the one who would seem to benefit the most from getting it, he may have getting the house count against her share of other assets. You really have no idea and have no right to the house so I would just try to be zen and enjoy your own house

My aunt and uncle had a house in Maine. They have five kids but only two used the house regularly. Those two were given the house and they paid to renovate and maintain it. The others stay there occasionally. Everyone is fine with this because the other siblings did not get bent out of shape about something they did not use regularly.

[Anonymous]

This entire thread makes me sad. The obvious dislike of the sister and assumption she is doing something wrong. The focus on future inheritance and what will happen to the family beach house once the dad dies. The judging of the sister for being less successful.

This seems like an extremely unhappy family or maybe it’s just OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister also seems to think I’ll just give her my share of my parents mountain house. She gave me a major guilt trip about how unless it’s her only home in retirement, she’d never be able to afford her share of upkeep and taxes so how could I possibly be so selfish to not just give it to her so that I could use it a couple months a year. I was really flabbergasted she thought I’d just give her my half of this very valuable asset that has been in our family for generations simply because i pursued higher paying jobs than her

So, you'd rather sell a house that's been in your family for GENERATIONS than go with your sister's plan? That is the only way she can keep it (and you are blaming her for it because her job isn't as lucrative). By the time you and OP sell the damn houses, you will be out considerable money for fees and taxes and will have ruined family relationships. Is it really worth it? Maybe your parents and OP's dad see otherwise?

It seems more prudent to draw up an agreement to keep the house and pass down to children, or to think of it as a long term asset that you can sell after x years, agreed on by all parties, to gain additional growth.

No - I’d plan to keep the house and use it as a second home regularly (it’s a second home place). I could buy my sisters out of her share if she can’t afford it and she could get her own second home or rental or time share or whatever that she can afford. Her plans shouldn’t count on me just gifting her millions of dollars so that she can live there full time. Why does she get to count on it being hers when she can’t afford it because she prioritized a job where she always gets off at 3pm whereas I can’t count on it being mine when I could actually fairly pay for it? I’m happy to share fairly, happy to buy her out, but not planning on just giving her a multimillion dollar asset. That would be giving my money to her kids instead of my own kids which makes no sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does seem your sister is acting as if she will inherit the property and when your dad passes, she may seek to claim that she owns it outright although it is quite difficult to adversely possess property.

https://myersfletcher.com/resources/item/it-s-risky-business-neglecting-an-estate.html

You may want to just ensure nothing shady is going on/conduct some diligence (check the deed on the property and make sure it is titled in your dad's name or that it is titled in his trusts's name and email a PDF of the trust or will and your dad's estate plans to all of your siblings - to ensure that everyone has a copy and it is clear your dad or his trust owns the property and that the estate plan is to distribute it equally among his three children).

Adverse possession exists as a concept solely to provide law school professors with exam questions

Nope. It’s a very real issue, but is complicated to execute. We went through this issue with our property and learned about other cases in our area.

Complicated and not at all common to successfully obtain property by adverse possession.