If you are divorced and will never remarry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am in the minority in valuing time invested, layers of meaning and memory accrued. I’d rather have more rings around my tree than a bunch of cut flowers that will die in a week and always need replacing.

This is a good metaphor. It's why divorce is so sad, even when necessary.

Most of us wont move our proverbial flowers around on a weekly basis.

[b]You forget, when you write this drivel, that you are writing it to people who are telling you they had unhappy marriages. We don't want more "rings' of pain and abuse, thanks.

I will gladly cut and move my flowers: weekly, monthly, or a decade in, if they need cutting and moving. Its marriage that traps you into tending for flower who have no root, way past the point of logic. I simply would rather take and move my flowers, than create more rings of pain, for the rest of my life. You do you though.

Well put. I swear, people seem to just not understand that some marriages were just awful and there was nothing better than a divorce. They just can't comprehend it. I find it bizaree. Like we are literally telling them this and they STILL don't get it.

I think there are so many women who are so complacent and just accept the verbal and emotional abuse from their husbands just because it's easer than doing what is healthier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big reason not to remarry in your 50's is your kids and grand-kids. My dad remarried in his early 50's. Yes he had his will/trust in place. However, those can be changed at anytime. She was younger and as his health changed he ended up putting her on all titles. I'm sure pressure from her, and again she was his only caretaker since we lived out of state. A major asset that was suppose to go to the kids all ended up with her after he died. In fact everything did except for a small life insurance policy she didn't know about. As in very small. I feel like a lot of people need to put their blood first before a outsider. She ended up with assets that were our mother's and father which is very sad, but quite common with second marriages.

What do you think she was entitled to?

Not inheritance that was suppose to go to the kids, or assets that were earned long before her obviously. He had those set aside, but all that can change with second marriages.

She was entitled to what they earn during their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big reason not to remarry in your 50's is your kids and grand-kids. My dad remarried in his early 50's. Yes he had his will/trust in place. However, those can be changed at anytime. She was younger and as his health changed he ended up putting her on all titles. I'm sure pressure from her, and again she was his only caretaker since we lived out of state. A major asset that was suppose to go to the kids all ended up with her after he died. In fact everything did except for a small life insurance policy she didn't know about. As in very small. I feel like a lot of people need to put their blood first before a outsider. She ended up with assets that were our mother's and father which is very sad, but quite common with second marriages.

But did she actually take care of him? Did you? She was his WIFE. You sound entitled and immature.

She married another person. She didn't win the lottery. No reason why she should keep the beach house or whatever.

Exactly, but many people don't understand as they age they can be at that person's mercy. They can make sure estate plans are changed or I've seen where their own kids inherit. All these commercials for wills and trusts never mention how they can be changed. We were suppose to get a beach condo actually from our parents who owned it since the 70s. Wife number 2 got it and made sure of it.

[Anonymous]

The responses here are a great reminder why marriage is a bad deal for BOTH sexes when you aren't raising kids together.

As a man, I totally agree that living together is what breeds resentment. Who is doing what chores, who isn't living up to whose expectation of cleanliness, privacy, etc.

Right now, I take my girlfriend out on date nights, go on great vacations, have amazing sex and intimacy and we go back to our own places. Perfect. If we lived together, it would kill the mystery and longing. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big reason not to remarry in your 50's is your kids and grand-kids. My dad remarried in his early 50's. Yes he had his will/trust in place. However, those can be changed at anytime. She was younger and as his health changed he ended up putting her on all titles. I'm sure pressure from her, and again she was his only caretaker since we lived out of state. A major asset that was suppose to go to the kids all ended up with her after he died. In fact everything did except for a small life insurance policy she didn't know about. As in very small. I feel like a lot of people need to put their blood first before a outsider. She ended up with assets that were our mother's and father which is very sad, but quite common with second marriages.

I'd rather give all my money to a second wife who stood by me, than to a first wife and children who didn't. Loyalty has its rewards.

They stood by his money though! Sadly he probably raised them to be this way or their emotional growth was somehow stunted by whatever their parents did that lad to the divorce in the first place.

fyi First wife died. Those assets and hers were suppose to go to the kids. Second wife got everything whereby she should have only got what they earned during their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Why would a woman deal with a new man and get him involved in her children's life by choice? Bizarre. They are so much work, and only worth it if incredibly wealthy.

Yes but many men and women don't care about their kids to that extent. I learned that when I had a career working with families. It was a higher number than I would have imagined. My kids will always come first before someone non blood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses here are a great reminder why marriage is a bad deal for BOTH sexes when you aren't raising kids together.

As a man, I totally agree that living together is what breeds resentment. Who is doing what chores, who isn't living up to whose expectation of cleanliness, privacy, etc.

Right now, I take my girlfriend out on date nights, go on great vacations, have amazing sex and intimacy and we go back to our own places. Perfect. If we lived together, it would kill the mystery and longing. No thanks.

I’ma woman, and what you described currently sounds ideal, for both parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big reason not to remarry in your 50's is your kids and grand-kids. My dad remarried in his early 50's. Yes he had his will/trust in place. However, those can be changed at anytime. She was younger and as his health changed he ended up putting her on all titles. I'm sure pressure from her, and again she was his only caretaker since we lived out of state. A major asset that was suppose to go to the kids all ended up with her after he died. In fact everything did except for a small life insurance policy she didn't know about. As in very small. I feel like a lot of people need to put their blood first before a outsider. She ended up with assets that were our mother's and father which is very sad, but quite common with second marriages.

But did she actually take care of him? Did you? She was his WIFE. You sound entitled and immature.

She married another person. She didn't win the lottery. No reason why she should keep the beach house or whatever.

Exactly, but many people don't understand as they age they can be at that person's mercy. They can make sure estate plans are changed or I've seen where their own kids inherit. All these commercials for wills and trusts never mention how they can be changed. We were suppose to get a beach condo actually from our parents who owned it since the 70s. Wife number 2 got it and made sure of it.

What was the surviving spouse supposed to live on? Did she contribute to the upkeep/taxes of the beach condo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big reason not to remarry in your 50's is your kids and grand-kids. My dad remarried in his early 50's. Yes he had his will/trust in place. However, those can be changed at anytime. She was younger and as his health changed he ended up putting her on all titles. I'm sure pressure from her, and again she was his only caretaker since we lived out of state. A major asset that was suppose to go to the kids all ended up with her after he died. In fact everything did except for a small life insurance policy she didn't know about. As in very small. I feel like a lot of people need to put their blood first before a outsider. She ended up with assets that were our mother's and father which is very sad, but quite common with second marriages.

But did she actually take care of him? Did you? She was his WIFE. You sound entitled and immature.

She married another person. She didn't win the lottery. No reason why she should keep the beach house or whatever.

Exactly, but many people don't understand as they age they can be at that person's mercy. They can make sure estate plans are changed or I've seen where their own kids inherit. All these commercials for wills and trusts never mention how they can be changed. We were suppose to get a beach condo actually from our parents who owned it since the 70s. Wife number 2 got it and made sure of it.

What was the surviving spouse supposed to live on? Did she contribute to the upkeep/taxes of the beach condo?

She never worked during their marriage. His social security, retirement, and a paid off home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses here are a great reminder why marriage is a bad deal for BOTH sexes when you aren't raising kids together.

As a man, I totally agree that living together is what breeds resentment. Who is doing what chores, who isn't living up to whose expectation of cleanliness, privacy, etc.

Right now, I take my girlfriend out on date nights, go on great vacations, have amazing sex and intimacy and we go back to our own places. Perfect. If we lived together, it would kill the mystery and longing. No thanks.

I’ma woman, and what you described currently sounds ideal, for both parties.

Basically a sham. He's getting sex and she would be better off getting a pet for companionship. Enjoying her kids, friends, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big reason not to remarry in your 50's is your kids and grand-kids. My dad remarried in his early 50's. Yes he had his will/trust in place. However, those can be changed at anytime. She was younger and as his health changed he ended up putting her on all titles. I'm sure pressure from her, and again she was his only caretaker since we lived out of state. A major asset that was suppose to go to the kids all ended up with her after he died. In fact everything did except for a small life insurance policy she didn't know about. As in very small. I feel like a lot of people need to put their blood first before a outsider. She ended up with assets that were our mother's and father which is very sad, but quite common with second marriages.

What do you think she was entitled to?

Not inheritance that was suppose to go to the kids, or assets that were earned long before her obviously. He had those set aside, but all that can change with second marriages.

She was entitled to what they earn during their marriage.

Well your father obviously disagrees with your stance.

While I empathize with you, People are free to choose who they leave their inheritance to.

My mother went through the same thing as you. Unfortunately, it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the people saying that men are too much work and only worth it if wealthy, do you not miss having an adult to love? Or sex with love?

Married woman have chore sex.

Divorced women have hot sex or sex with love or both. They don’t stick around when it becomes a chore. It’s not a duty it’s a desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am in the minority in valuing time invested, layers of meaning and memory accrued. I’d rather have more rings around my tree than a bunch of cut flowers that will die in a week and always need replacing.

We have that with many people but not with the person we are married to.

I think married women give up a whole lot of true deep friendships because their H either doesn’t like their friend, or feels abandoned if you go out with friends more than once a week.

There was a thread here recently that women was saying if a spouse goes out with friends once a week it’s too much.

That’s insane. I have a hiking group, a golf group, my volunteer group, I could go on and on.

I’m out multiple times a week living my best life. I’m not sitting home watching Jeopardy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all the people saying that men are too much work and only worth it if wealthy, do you not miss having an adult to love? Or sex with love?

I do miss it. But I haven’t found any men that love me, at least not in a way that feels like love and respect. Every single one has been controlling, manipulative, untrustworthy, and/or unfaithful. After my last LTR cheated, I decided it just wasn’t worth the pain anymore.

But I also don’t go after wealthy men. BTDT, not worth it.

If one man is like that, it's him.

If every man is like that, it's you.

At the very least, your man-picker is totally broken.

Not true.

My best friend is a widow. Everybody is on the hunt to find her a good man to date. Can’t find one.

You have a list of good men? I’d love to help her find one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses here are a great reminder why marriage is a bad deal for BOTH sexes when you aren't raising kids together.

As a man, I totally agree that living together is what breeds resentment. Who is doing what chores, who isn't living up to whose expectation of cleanliness, privacy, etc.

Right now, I take my girlfriend out on date nights, go on great vacations, have amazing sex and intimacy and we go back to our own places. Perfect. If we lived together, it would kill the mystery and longing. No thanks.

I’ma woman, and what you described currently sounds ideal, for both parties.

Basically a sham. He's getting sex and she would be better off getting a pet for companionship. Enjoying her kids, friends, etc.

You are married? Do sex is something you give? Not get?

These types of marriages are like prostitution… I have sex with you and I get your money. Gross!