If you are divorced and will never remarry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married but fantasize about freedom and divorce. I have two kids and love them to pièces. They are why I am still here. I have my own money, retirement and kids are set with their college funds, all thanks to me. Husband is not of much use and expected me to be taken care of 24/7. I have stopped this nonsense. I sleep in my own bed. I do my thing with my girlfriends.
Frankly I don’t understand why a financially independent woman would ever want to get married. There’s nothing in it for her.
I caved to family pressure (I’m an immigrant from a conservative family). They wanted me married and I did. I’m now miserable but trying to keep a smile on my face. Not sure how long I’ll be able to keep up with the pretense.

Why don't you divorce once the kids are independent. Start planning it now, that always helps. My friend rented a big storage to start putting stuff inside for another place. Many women have to stay for finances or retirement because that's a big hit in divorce. That's the only thing I can think of that's keeping you. Sucks I know, but many women in that situation. And yes many have good jobs, but divorce is a big change. Especially if you're over 40.

This is pathological. Jeez.

It's good sound planning.

It's also dumb. A friend found out his wife was planning for the empty-nest divorce. So he got his ducks in a row and divorced her first, and she got her retirement divorce 15 years early. My buddy got the house, the kids, and he has a hot younger gf. His ex-wife had to get a job.

[Anonymous]

Cool story, brah. Totally plausable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'd like to clarify that I am not bragging about my wealth. I AM bragging about the CHOICE that my wealth allows me, specifically as it pertains to remarriage (on a thread about remarriage). It allows me to not tolerate the bad and boorish behavior of men, because I can support myself fully an forever without one. Say what you like, but that has not been the norm for all of history, and is an aberration even today, thanks to wage gaps and non working women/mommytracking.

Well yay for you, I guess, but I am far more impressed with women who do not have your supposed wealth and still do not "tolerate the bad and boorish behavior of men". In fact, very few women today cannot support themselves forever without a man, though they may not enjoy a very luxurious lifestyle.

Your "clarification" really doesn't make you sound less awful tbh.

That bolded statement is ridiculous. How old are you? 65+? Most women support themselves before marriage (and often for at least a decade) so they can certainly do it after. I have no idea where you would come up with such a ludicrous statement.

Most people can, yes. It is easier to maintain one joint household than two, however. I know a subset of divorced women who were in a rush to cohabitate because of finances (with a new partner) when kids were involved. I dont think that that is ideal, and in every time I have seen it, finances have been the motivation. Not in a "golddigger" way, just in a way of two people hurt financially by divorce seeing the advantages of financially partnering, with kids sometimes being collateral damage.

I do not know any divorced women like that. I’m divorced. This has to be an older generation thing. I have literally never seen what you described.

In my experience it's divorced men who are like this: desperate to cohabitate or get remarried for a variety of reasons (sometimes finances, sometimes for domestic management, sometimes because of their attachment issues). Their kids usually have emotional issues, stemming from inconsistent parenting and lack of boundaries.

I can support myself financially, manage my own home, parent my own kids, and have done the work to address my issues. I don't want to support a man who can't get his literal or figurative house in order, which unfortunately describes a lot of the available men in their 40s and 50s. And I especially don't want to be the evil stepmom who imposes structure and boundaries in a home where these things do not exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced at 33, currently 35, female. Like PPs have said, I just don’t find men all that impressive. Immature and self-absorbed, don’t take anyone else into consideration. It’s frustrating because I know good men do exist - my father was 100% family-oriented and always put his family first - but they are difficult to find. Even more unimpressed now that I’m mostly dating divorced men with kids, blows my mind how uninvolved they are as parents.

Happier now that it’s just my kids and me. Things are so much calmer and things run more smoothly. I do miss companionship, but it’s just not worth the hassle at this point.

On behalf of the man who dodged a bullet by not being married to an awful person like you, I thank you for your decision.

XH, is that you??

Funny thing is, my problem is that I was far too accommodating and tolerated poor behavior from men. I was happy to cook all meals, happy to clean (even for just boyfriends), I loved caring for people. When men complained over the most benign things, or even outright abused me, I would always change for them. I love sex and would gladly have it daily. I always tried to be the “cool girlfriend/wife” who was fine with their man going out for guys night or hanging out with ex-girlfriends, even though it almost always led to infidelity. And I was always let down, either because they cheated, or they promised marriage and never followed through, or they bailed as soon as someone “better” came along.

Once I figured out my own worth, I realized most of these men don’t deserve me, and I needed to stop being such a doormat and enforce boundaries. I’m still kind, but I have much higher standards that most men don’t meet.

Wow this speaks to me so much. I am 39 and considering divorce.