If you are divorced and will never remarry

[Anonymous]

This thread is so depressing.

[Anonymous]

48. 40. What for?

[Anonymous]

Did any of you stop having frequent sex with your partners? I am curious what causes the schism in your relationships. I know there was resentment that must have set in, but did you cause any of the issues that led to divorce? Do you feel at all responsible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced at 42, now 51. Would never say that I would never remarry, but . . . I don't NEED to, financially or emotionally. So I've passed over at least 3 men who would have gone down the path to marriage because I will only make that commitment for a really healthy relationship, and we didn't have that. I would have had to be what these men needed me to be to have a successful marriage, rather than who I am, because it was all about their needs. I feel like most middle aged divorced guys can only think about themselves, and that doesn't interest me. Because I have my own money and don't feel social pressure to be married. So . . . why do it?

[Perhaps the same is true for middle aged divorced women - I only know who I meet dating]

I feel like most middle aged divorced woman can only think about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did any of you stop having frequent sex with your partners? I am curious what causes the schism in your relationships. I know there was resentment that must have set in, but did you cause any of the issues that led to divorce? Do you feel at all responsible?

I do. He was abusive and I was unfaithful, both things happened simultaneously and I will never know how much each contributed to the other but by the time he has been hitting me for 5 years after the infidelity (which he never knew about) was I over, I left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced at 42, now 51. Would never say that I would never remarry, but . . . I don't NEED to, financially or emotionally. So I've passed over at least 3 men who would have gone down the path to marriage because I will only make that commitment for a really healthy relationship, and we didn't have that. I would have had to be what these men needed me to be to have a successful marriage, rather than who I am, because it was all about their needs. I feel like most middle aged divorced guys can only think about themselves, and that doesn't interest me. Because I have my own money and don't feel social pressure to be married. So . . . why do it?

[Perhaps the same is true for middle aged divorced women - I only know who I meet dating]

I feel like most middle aged divorced woman can only think about themselves.

Bc no one else is thinking about them. Would love to be taken care of but no one around here is doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

[Anonymous]

Divorced at 33, currently 35, female. Like PPs have said, I just don’t find men all that impressive. Immature and self-absorbed, don’t take anyone else into consideration. It’s frustrating because I know good men do exist - my father was 100% family-oriented and always put his family first - but they are difficult to find. Even more unimpressed now that I’m mostly dating divorced men with kids, blows my mind how uninvolved they are as parents.

Happier now that it’s just my kids and me. Things are so much calmer and things run more smoothly. I do miss companionship, but it’s just not worth the hassle at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced at 33, currently 35, female. Like PPs have said, I just don’t find men all that impressive. Immature and self-absorbed, don’t take anyone else into consideration. It’s frustrating because I know good men do exist - my father was 100% family-oriented and always put his family first - but they are difficult to find. Even more unimpressed now that I’m mostly dating divorced men with kids, blows my mind how uninvolved they are as parents.

Happier now that it’s just my kids and me. Things are so much calmer and things run more smoothly. I do miss companionship, but it’s just not worth the hassle at this point.

On behalf of the man who dodged a bullet by not being married to an awful person like you, I thank you for your decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced at 33, currently 35, female. Like PPs have said, I just don’t find men all that impressive. Immature and self-absorbed, don’t take anyone else into consideration. It’s frustrating because I know good men do exist - my father was 100% family-oriented and always put his family first - but they are difficult to find. Even more unimpressed now that I’m mostly dating divorced men with kids, blows my mind how uninvolved they are as parents.

Happier now that it’s just my kids and me. Things are so much calmer and things run more smoothly. I do miss companionship, but it’s just not worth the hassle at this point.

On behalf of the man who dodged a bullet by not being married to an awful person like you, I thank you for your decision.

Wow. Not PP, but hit a little close to home, huh? Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

The fact that you are reassured over all this depressing content is depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

The fact that you are reassured over all this depressing content is depressing.

I don’t think it’s depressing. 46 and divorced last year. Content with being on my own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced at 33, currently 35, female. Like PPs have said, I just don’t find men all that impressive. Immature and self-absorbed, don’t take anyone else into consideration. It’s frustrating because I know good men do exist - my father was 100% family-oriented and always put his family first - but they are difficult to find. Even more unimpressed now that I’m mostly dating divorced men with kids, blows my mind how uninvolved they are as parents.

Happier now that it’s just my kids and me. Things are so much calmer and things run more smoothly. I do miss companionship, but it’s just not worth the hassle at this point.

On behalf of the man who dodged a bullet by not being married to an awful person like you, I thank you for your decision.

XH, is that you??

Funny thing is, my problem is that I was far too accommodating and tolerated poor behavior from men. I was happy to cook all meals, happy to clean (even for just boyfriends), I loved caring for people. When men complained over the most benign things, or even outright abused me, I would always change for them. I love sex and would gladly have it daily. I always tried to be the “cool girlfriend/wife” who was fine with their man going out for guys night or hanging out with ex-girlfriends, even though it almost always led to infidelity. And I was always let down, either because they cheated, or they promised marriage and never followed through, or they bailed as soon as someone “better” came along.

Once I figured out my own worth, I realized most of these men don’t deserve me, and I needed to stop being such a doormat and enforce boundaries. I’m still kind, but I have much higher standards that most men don’t meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

I actually find it reassuring! I see myself in a lot of these responses.

The fact that you are reassured over all this depressing content is depressing.

Are you the same male PP who “dodged a bullet”? Are you depressed because the pool of women who will put your needs first is apparently shrinking right before your eyes?

Most (all?) of these PPs sound much better off to me. Good for them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so depressing.

Or empowering. Glass half full and all that?