Why do some men check out of their kids' lives after divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up.

This, my husband's ex lied every chance she got to the kids saying how Dad destroyed the marriage. In all reality she cheated, took the kids cross country to live with the AP who moved out there and denied Dad his visits. Dad made plane reservations each and every schedule visit and she'd refuse to send the kids and often cashed out the tickets (not sure how the airlines allowed it given it was paid for by him) so he couldn't use them the next visit (she was supposed to pay 1/2 but never did). He'd fly out and she'd refuse to let the kids see him. He went to court multiple times and the judge just fussed at her, gave him make up visits and visits while he was there, that she still denied, rinse and repeat. Eventually when the youngest was a teen, he gave up and said if you want to visit, I'll buy the ticket. He only heard from them when they wanted extra money. Dad finally had enough and said I'll buy you want you need vs. sending money. Send me a list of wants, needs, brand preferences (or even the exact clothing and shoes) and I'll ship them to the house. And, give me the information for sports and activities and I'll pay directly. They refused to send any information and only demanded money. Dad would still regularly send clothing and other stuff and kids said they never got it despite delivery confirmation. Mom got child support, alimony and Dad provided health care and dental care. What more could Dad do if he would show up and she refused to allow him to see the kid/s when he flew out or he bought plane tickets and she refused to send them. All three kids have their relationship challenges now.

I’m a little scared for you how you bought his evil demon exwife story hook, line, and sinker. Be careful. I wouldn’t have kids with that guy. She legally cannot keep his kids from him. So whatever he’s telling you is to save face. He’s most likely the one who cheated too. Too much ridiculousness in that story.

I am confused. It is not allowed to include the income of new parents for CS. It is always just the parents income and not the step-parents. What was her reason for doing it?

How do you know PP that he is saying all this? His wife is seeing this happening for years and you still don't believe him. Horrible!
You must be one of those women who is still mad at your ex and a man can't do anything right. Lol! I wonder what you do in real life with so much bitterness and hatred.

This.

It's like you think second wives don't have brains and eyes of their own to actually witness the toxic shenanigans that certain BMs expect their ex husbands to put up with.

I don't know whether it's more laughable or contemptible.

Or, we get dragged in. Mom in my situation filed for more child support when we got married based off my income. It sucked to pay an attorney and flights to fight getting sued for kids that were not mine. Thankfully the judge refused and recalculated things as she was getting way more than she should have per the order and guidelines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up.

Yep.

There is literally nothing that would stop me from trying to get to my kids. I would never, ever give up. And I think most women are the same. Why do men just give up?

Because offspring requires less commitment for males. A man could sire a baby every day all year long if he had access to enough fertile females. It’s a few minutes “work” for him. A woman makes a 10 month investment.

Most men marry for the sex, not the kids. If they let the kids go their behavior says it all. The courts will enforcement child support and whatever custody is on the divorce decree.
If the guy is a crappy dad then yes the woman can easily move on, and find a real father for the kids. I've seen that quite often. Or the man that sires other kids is often broke paying various women, not to mention low class and tacky. They are out there..

Looks like you have never gone through the family court system in US. It is so one-sided that it's laughable.

I have seen attorneys telling their clients to request a preliminary restraining order on something very very small to get advantage in court. And a PPO is granted like candies in the family court; it shouldn't be allowed as this could mess up someone's life and kids as well.

wow, just wow.

Not nice, but a harsh reality for many.

No its not. Most men aren't encouraged to be Dad's between the local and federal laws and women can easily push them out of their kids lives with no consequences. That is the harsh reality. Until we place an equal importance on Dad's in kids lives, nothing will change. If you read this post and others, this is why men give up and check out. Women place no value on kids having a Dad except money and once he women alienate the kids, there isn't much that they can do.

You are part of the problem. Don't complain when men check out given your attitude.

the problem isn’t “placing value on Dad’s in kid’s lives”, the problem is getting Dads to do the work of parenting without being asked, told or mandated.

My ex has never attended a school meeting, a medical appointment, bought the kids clothes, thought about what they would do for the summer, enrolled them in extra curriculars or driven carpool. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.

Moms and Dads who do the work of parenting are automatically part of their kids lives.

Exactly. The laws are there for all dads. When they use the excuse she this, and that....well you know what the real story is. He can call the schools, doctors, and be equally involved. He doesn't need to go through mom.

[Anonymous]

I am confused. It is not allowed to include the income of new parents for CS. It is always just the parents income and not the step-parents. What was her reason for doing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up.

Yep.

There is literally nothing that would stop me from trying to get to my kids. I would never, ever give up. And I think most women are the same. Why do men just give up?

Because offspring requires less commitment for males. A man could sire a baby every day all year long if he had access to enough fertile females. It’s a few minutes “work” for him. A woman makes a 10 month investment.

Most men marry for the sex, not the kids. If they let the kids go their behavior says it all. The courts will enforcement child support and whatever custody is on the divorce decree.
If the guy is a crappy dad then yes the woman can easily move on, and find a real father for the kids. I've seen that quite often. Or the man that sires other kids is often broke paying various women, not to mention low class and tacky. They are out there..

Looks like you have never gone through the family court system in US. It is so one-sided that it's laughable.

I have seen attorneys telling their clients to request a preliminary restraining order on something very very small to get advantage in court. And a PPO is granted like candies in the family court; it shouldn't be allowed as this could mess up someone's life and kids as well.

wow, just wow.

Not nice, but a harsh reality for many.

No its not. Most men aren't encouraged to be Dad's between the local and federal laws and women can easily push them out of their kids lives with no consequences. That is the harsh reality. Until we place an equal importance on Dad's in kids lives, nothing will change. If you read this post and others, this is why men give up and check out. Women place no value on kids having a Dad except money and once he women alienate the kids, there isn't much that they can do.

You are part of the problem. Don't complain when men check out given your attitude.

the problem isn’t “placing value on Dad’s in kid’s lives”, the problem is getting Dads to do the work of parenting without being asked, told or mandated.

My ex has never attended a school meeting, a medical appointment, bought the kids clothes, thought about what they would do for the summer, enrolled them in extra curriculars or driven carpool. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.

Moms and Dads who do the work of parenting are automatically part of their kids lives.

Exactly. The laws are there for all dads. When they use the excuse she this, and that....well you know what the real story is. He can call the schools, doctors, and be equally involved. He doesn't need to go through mom.

Looks like you have never gone through the family court system in US. It is so one-sided that it's laughable.

I have seen attorneys telling their clients to request a preliminary restraining order on something very very small to get advantage in court. And a PPO is granted like candies in the family court; it shouldn't be allowed as this could mess up someone's life and kids as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the men I met that are checked out of their kids lives are good people and genuinely miss their kids but the burden of working, spousal/child support and no help from court would leave them with no energy to fight over and over again.

Very sad for the women too who use their kids to get even with their exs. You won't have good relationship with your kids either.

Priorities, priorities.
They can kill your marriage and can kill your solo parenting.
Priorities, priorities.

And guess what shows your priorities? Your behavior and actions. Not words, action. even better, a pattern of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up.

This, my husband's ex lied every chance she got to the kids saying how Dad destroyed the marriage. In all reality she cheated, took the kids cross country to live with the AP who moved out there and denied Dad his visits. Dad made plane reservations each and every schedule visit and she'd refuse to send the kids and often cashed out the tickets (not sure how the airlines allowed it given it was paid for by him) so he couldn't use them the next visit (she was supposed to pay 1/2 but never did). He'd fly out and she'd refuse to let the kids see him. He went to court multiple times and the judge just fussed at her, gave him make up visits and visits while he was there, that she still denied, rinse and repeat. Eventually when the youngest was a teen, he gave up and said if you want to visit, I'll buy the ticket. He only heard from them when they wanted extra money. Dad finally had enough and said I'll buy you want you need vs. sending money. Send me a list of wants, needs, brand preferences (or even the exact clothing and shoes) and I'll ship them to the house. And, give me the information for sports and activities and I'll pay directly. They refused to send any information and only demanded money. Dad would still regularly send clothing and other stuff and kids said they never got it despite delivery confirmation. Mom got child support, alimony and Dad provided health care and dental care. What more could Dad do if he would show up and she refused to allow him to see the kid/s when he flew out or he bought plane tickets and she refused to send them. All three kids have their relationship challenges now.

I’m a little scared for you how you bought his evil demon exwife story hook, line, and sinker. Be careful. I wouldn’t have kids with that guy. She legally cannot keep his kids from him. So whatever he’s telling you is to save face. He’s most likely the one who cheated too. Too much ridiculousness in that story.

How do you know PP that he is saying all this? His wife is seeing this happening for years and you still don't believe him. Horrible!
You must be one of those women who is still mad at your ex and a man can't do anything right. Lol! I wonder what you do in real life with so much bitterness and hatred.

This is why men give up.

Agree. I was there when mother told kid they didn't have to spend time with their dad and ceased visitation which was court ordered and agreed upon. I was there when kid had been seriously sick for two days, then in intensive care for twelve hours, then medevaced to another hospital, and FINALLY - after being in 2nd hospital for hours - mom calls dad to let him know. I was there when kid told father that their maternal side was their only "family" and did not include anyone on father's side. This is despite grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who had repeatedly reached out and tried to maintain connections. When same-age paternal-side cousin did visit one time, mom said kid did not have to include cousin in activities and could leave them behind.

Parental alienation is very, very real.

x infinity.

If you truly don't engage in the above behaviors, and your ex checked out, that's on him.

If you have even a WHIFF of acting in one or more of the above (or infinite variations of the above) - STFU and go look in the mirror, because you are a horrible human who never have procreated, and you need some time behind the woodshed to figure out your own crap.

This stuff does happen... I do know a mom who is super crazy and tries to deny the dad visitation.

BUT, let's be real.. the majority of the time, the dads are checked out of the kids' lives because they are just crappy dads. I know more of these kids of dads than the ones who try really hard to stay engaged.

I have anecdotal stories, too, but most of the checked out dads do so because they are lazy and selfish, and couldn't handle being a dad when married , let alone being a single dad. That's what partially lead to the divorce.

The other phenomenon is the Disney Dads who use their custody time for outing, junk food, carb dinners out and then dump the kids on the mom for homework catch up, sports practice, lessons, and actual conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up.

Yep.

There is literally nothing that would stop me from trying to get to my kids. I would never, ever give up. And I think most women are the same. Why do men just give up?

Because offspring requires less commitment for males. A man could sire a baby every day all year long if he had access to enough fertile females. It’s a few minutes “work” for him. A woman makes a 10 month investment.

Most men marry for the sex, not the kids. If they let the kids go their behavior says it all. The courts will enforcement child support and whatever custody is on the divorce decree.
If the guy is a crappy dad then yes the woman can easily move on, and find a real father for the kids. I've seen that quite often. Or the man that sires other kids is often broke paying various women, not to mention low class and tacky. They are out there..

Looks like you have never gone through the family court system in US. It is so one-sided that it's laughable.

I have seen attorneys telling their clients to request a preliminary restraining order on something very very small to get advantage in court. And a PPO is granted like candies in the family court; it shouldn't be allowed as this could mess up someone's life and kids as well.

wow, just wow.

Not nice, but a harsh reality for many.

No its not. Most men aren't encouraged to be Dad's between the local and federal laws and women can easily push them out of their kids lives with no consequences. That is the harsh reality. Until we place an equal importance on Dad's in kids lives, nothing will change. If you read this post and others, this is why men give up and check out. Women place no value on kids having a Dad except money and once he women alienate the kids, there isn't much that they can do.

You are part of the problem. Don't complain when men check out given your attitude.

the problem isn’t “placing value on Dad’s in kid’s lives”, the problem is getting Dads to do the work of parenting without being asked, told or mandated.

My ex has never attended a school meeting, a medical appointment, bought the kids clothes, thought about what they would do for the summer, enrolled them in extra curriculars or driven carpool. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.

Moms and Dads who do the work of parenting are automatically part of their kids lives.

Exactly. The laws are there for all dads. When they use the excuse she this, and that....well you know what the real story is. He can call the schools, doctors, and be equally involved. He doesn't need to go through mom.

No, there aren't many "laws" for non-custodial parents/Dads. There are laws for if someone doesn't pay child support and consequences but there are none for visitation detail and other stuff and its very rare for a judge to enforce it and change custody. We went to court multiple times.

Dad's are often not told about school meetings or denied entry. Happened to my husband. He bought/sent clothing and they'd disappear or the kids would say they never got them. Dad would offer to pay for activities but wanted to pay directly to the activity and Mom refused as she didn't want to drive them (and pay for the gear). She would say kid wanted to do an activity and then the first few times he'd send money, kid never did the activity so he learned quickly no more cash. Mom told doctors not to send medical records or dental records and would refuse to tell him who the doctors were. Mom refused to get braces as she had to drive the kids and refused to pay her share despite her share coming from child support. We'd find out as she'd send the bills, which weren't his responsibility. Judge would just fuss at mom tell her to do better, she wouldn't, they'd go back to court, repeat, and nothing changed. My husband would have been glad to have full custody.

[Anonymous]

In some cases a dad may feel the family is better off without his presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In some cases a dad may feel the family is better off without his presence.

That is a very sad truth and one which many people don't recognize.

Kids can be told BY OTHERS (mom, mom's family) that a dad isn't interested in them, that kids aren't his priority, and kids are better off with mom and her new partner who is WONDERFUL. It's not a far stretch before kids are acting up, throwing tantrums and not wanting to see dad.

Rather than cause stress and upset to kids, some dads figure it's better to deal with his own heartache than cause problems for his kids. That's why some of them check out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up.

Yep.

There is literally nothing that would stop me from trying to get to my kids. I would never, ever give up. And I think most women are the same. Why do men just give up?

Because offspring requires less commitment for males. A man could sire a baby every day all year long if he had access to enough fertile females. It’s a few minutes “work” for him. A woman makes a 10 month investment.

Most men marry for the sex, not the kids. If they let the kids go their behavior says it all. The courts will enforcement child support and whatever custody is on the divorce decree.
If the guy is a crappy dad then yes the woman can easily move on, and find a real father for the kids. I've seen that quite often. Or the man that sires other kids is often broke paying various women, not to mention low class and tacky. They are out there..

wow, just wow.

Not nice, but a harsh reality for many.

No its not. Most men aren't encouraged to be Dad's between the local and federal laws and women can easily push them out of their kids lives with no consequences. That is the harsh reality. Until we place an equal importance on Dad's in kids lives, nothing will change. If you read this post and others, this is why men give up and check out. Women place no value on kids having a Dad except money and once he women alienate the kids, there isn't much that they can do.

You are part of the problem. Don't complain when men check out given your attitude.

the problem isn’t “placing value on Dad’s in kid’s lives”, the problem is getting Dads to do the work of parenting without being asked, told or mandated.

My ex has never attended a school meeting, a medical appointment, bought the kids clothes, thought about what they would do for the summer, enrolled them in extra curriculars or driven carpool. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.

Moms and Dads who do the work of parenting are automatically part of their kids lives.

+1 I spend a ton of time researching camps for interests, dates/time, logistics. If you leave it up to most dads they'd just stick them in any summer camp that has space at the last minute. No thought to what the child might actually be interested in. The good camps usually fill up super earlly.

How many dads know their kids' shoe sizes? Are there some, sure. But by and large, it's the moms that take the lead on this without being asked to. They just think about these things.

Men are too basic to put any thought into something as "trivial" as summer camp or whether the kids have the correct shoe size. They just assume that a 5 yr old will evetually tell the parent that their shoes are too small or that they are hungry, but it doesn't work that way. Dads aren't as good as anticipating their kids' needs, and that kind of attitude is amplified when the parents divorce.

LOL! PP, this is a very generalized statement. May be it was your experience with your ex-H or dad but not everyone's here. What you have mentioned here is more than a decade old; dads are a lot more involved now.I have 50% custody of my kids and know everything from their teachers, doctor's appointment, their fashion, H&m style, eye glasses. Everything from top to bottom. In fact, I think I do a lot more than their mom because she has a busy job. I am seeing higher trend with single moms being checked out of kids' lives these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In some cases a dad may feel the family is better off without his presence.

That is a very sad truth and one which many people don't recognize.

Kids can be told BY OTHERS (mom, mom's family) that a dad isn't interested in them, that kids aren't his priority, and kids are better off with mom and her new partner who is WONDERFUL. It's not a far stretch before kids are acting up, throwing tantrums and not wanting to see dad.

Rather than cause stress and upset to kids, some dads figure it's better to deal with his own heartache than cause problems for his kids. That's why some of them check out.

This is very true and I see this in family court all day. Some women I represent exaggerate stuff and will do(including emotional abuse to their kids) anything to get even with their ex. They don't realize that it is hurting their kids more than anything. I see that some of these women have more hatred for their ex than the love for their kids.

- divorce attorney

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up.

Yep.

There is literally nothing that would stop me from trying to get to my kids. I would never, ever give up. And I think most women are the same. Why do men just give up?

Because offspring requires less commitment for males. A man could sire a baby every day all year long if he had access to enough fertile females. It’s a few minutes “work” for him. A woman makes a 10 month investment.

Most men marry for the sex, not the kids. If they let the kids go their behavior says it all. The courts will enforcement child support and whatever custody is on the divorce decree.
If the guy is a crappy dad then yes the woman can easily move on, and find a real father for the kids. I've seen that quite often. Or the man that sires other kids is often broke paying various women, not to mention low class and tacky. They are out there..

A divorce attorney here. This is very true. A women can come and claim anything to get a restraining order and it messes up with a guy's lives. More than 80% of them are not needed or are not true the way they are presented.
Looks like you have never gone through the family court system in US. It is so one-sided that it's laughable.

I have seen attorneys telling their clients to request a preliminary restraining order on something very very small to get advantage in court. And a PPO is granted like candies in the family court; it shouldn't be allowed as this could mess up someone's life and kids as well.

wow, just wow.

Not nice, but a harsh reality for many.

No its not. Most men aren't encouraged to be Dad's between the local and federal laws and women can easily push them out of their kids lives with no consequences. That is the harsh reality. Until we place an equal importance on Dad's in kids lives, nothing will change. If you read this post and others, this is why men give up and check out. Women place no value on kids having a Dad except money and once he women alienate the kids, there isn't much that they can do.

You are part of the problem. Don't complain when men check out given your attitude.

the problem isn’t “placing value on Dad’s in kid’s lives”, the problem is getting Dads to do the work of parenting without being asked, told or mandated.

My ex has never attended a school meeting, a medical appointment, bought the kids clothes, thought about what they would do for the summer, enrolled them in extra curriculars or driven carpool. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.

Moms and Dads who do the work of parenting are automatically part of their kids lives.

Exactly. The laws are there for all dads. When they use the excuse she this, and that....well you know what the real story is. He can call the schools, doctors, and be equally involved. He doesn't need to go through mom.

Looks like you have never gone through the family court system in US. It is so one-sided that it's laughable.

I have seen attorneys telling their clients to request a preliminary restraining order on something very very small to get advantage in court. And a PPO is granted like candies in the family court; it shouldn't be allowed as this could mess up someone's life and kids as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up.

This, my husband's ex lied every chance she got to the kids saying how Dad destroyed the marriage. In all reality she cheated, took the kids cross country to live with the AP who moved out there and denied Dad his visits. Dad made plane reservations each and every schedule visit and she'd refuse to send the kids and often cashed out the tickets (not sure how the airlines allowed it given it was paid for by him) so he couldn't use them the next visit (she was supposed to pay 1/2 but never did). He'd fly out and she'd refuse to let the kids see him. He went to court multiple times and the judge just fussed at her, gave him make up visits and visits while he was there, that she still denied, rinse and repeat. Eventually when the youngest was a teen, he gave up and said if you want to visit, I'll buy the ticket. He only heard from them when they wanted extra money. Dad finally had enough and said I'll buy you want you need vs. sending money. Send me a list of wants, needs, brand preferences (or even the exact clothing and shoes) and I'll ship them to the house. And, give me the information for sports and activities and I'll pay directly. They refused to send any information and only demanded money. Dad would still regularly send clothing and other stuff and kids said they never got it despite delivery confirmation. Mom got child support, alimony and Dad provided health care and dental care. What more could Dad do if he would show up and she refused to allow him to see the kid/s when he flew out or he bought plane tickets and she refused to send them. All three kids have their relationship challenges now.

I’m a little scared for you how you bought his evil demon exwife story hook, line, and sinker. Be careful. I wouldn’t have kids with that guy. She legally cannot keep his kids from him. So whatever he’s telling you is to save face. He’s most likely the one who cheated too. Too much ridiculousness in that story.

How do you know PP that he is saying all this? His wife is seeing this happening for years and you still don't believe him. Horrible!
You must be one of those women who is still mad at your ex and a man can't do anything right. Lol! I wonder what you do in real life with so much bitterness and hatred.

This is why men give up.

Agree. I was there when mother told kid they didn't have to spend time with their dad and ceased visitation which was court ordered and agreed upon. I was there when kid had been seriously sick for two days, then in intensive care for twelve hours, then medevaced to another hospital, and FINALLY - after being in 2nd hospital for hours - mom calls dad to let him know. I was there when kid told father that their maternal side was their only "family" and did not include anyone on father's side. This is despite grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who had repeatedly reached out and tried to maintain connections. When same-age paternal-side cousin did visit one time, mom said kid did not have to include cousin in activities and could leave them behind.

Parental alienation is very, very real.

x infinity.

If you truly don't engage in the above behaviors, and your ex checked out, that's on him.

If you have even a WHIFF of acting in one or more of the above (or infinite variations of the above) - STFU and go look in the mirror, because you are a horrible human who never have procreated, and you need some time behind the woodshed to figure out your own crap.

This stuff does happen... I do know a mom who is super crazy and tries to deny the dad visitation.

BUT, let's be real.. the majority of the time, the dads are checked out of the kids' lives because they are just crappy dads. I know more of these kids of dads than the ones who try really hard to stay engaged.

I have anecdotal stories, too, but most of the checked out dads do so because they are lazy and selfish, and couldn't handle being a dad when married , let alone being a single dad. That's what partially lead to the divorce.

She sounds like awful mother. OMH! Who does that to their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up.

This, my husband's ex lied every chance she got to the kids saying how Dad destroyed the marriage. In all reality she cheated, took the kids cross country to live with the AP who moved out there and denied Dad his visits. Dad made plane reservations each and every schedule visit and she'd refuse to send the kids and often cashed out the tickets (not sure how the airlines allowed it given it was paid for by him) so he couldn't use them the next visit (she was supposed to pay 1/2 but never did). He'd fly out and she'd refuse to let the kids see him. He went to court multiple times and the judge just fussed at her, gave him make up visits and visits while he was there, that she still denied, rinse and repeat. Eventually when the youngest was a teen, he gave up and said if you want to visit, I'll buy the ticket. He only heard from them when they wanted extra money. Dad finally had enough and said I'll buy you want you need vs. sending money. Send me a list of wants, needs, brand preferences (or even the exact clothing and shoes) and I'll ship them to the house. And, give me the information for sports and activities and I'll pay directly. They refused to send any information and only demanded money. Dad would still regularly send clothing and other stuff and kids said they never got it despite delivery confirmation. Mom got child support, alimony and Dad provided health care and dental care. What more could Dad do if he would show up and she refused to allow him to see the kid/s when he flew out or he bought plane tickets and she refused to send them. All three kids have their relationship challenges now.

I’m a little scared for you how you bought his evil demon exwife story hook, line, and sinker. Be careful. I wouldn’t have kids with that guy. She legally cannot keep his kids from him. So whatever he’s telling you is to save face. He’s most likely the one who cheated too. Too much ridiculousness in that story.

PP, this is a cliche that used to happen a long time ago. No one does that anymore or at least in the educated families. Is that your experience?

How do you know PP that he is saying all this? His wife is seeing this happening for years and you still don't believe him. Horrible!
You must be one of those women who is still mad at your ex and a man can't do anything right. Lol! I wonder what you do in real life with so much bitterness and hatred.

This is why men give up.

Agree. I was there when mother told kid they didn't have to spend time with their dad and ceased visitation which was court ordered and agreed upon. I was there when kid had been seriously sick for two days, then in intensive care for twelve hours, then medevaced to another hospital, and FINALLY - after being in 2nd hospital for hours - mom calls dad to let him know. I was there when kid told father that their maternal side was their only "family" and did not include anyone on father's side. This is despite grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who had repeatedly reached out and tried to maintain connections. When same-age paternal-side cousin did visit one time, mom said kid did not have to include cousin in activities and could leave them behind.

Parental alienation is very, very real.

x infinity.

If you truly don't engage in the above behaviors, and your ex checked out, that's on him.

If you have even a WHIFF of acting in one or more of the above (or infinite variations of the above) - STFU and go look in the mirror, because you are a horrible human who never have procreated, and you need some time behind the woodshed to figure out your own crap.

This stuff does happen... I do know a mom who is super crazy and tries to deny the dad visitation.

BUT, let's be real.. the majority of the time, the dads are checked out of the kids' lives because they are just crappy dads. I know more of these kids of dads than the ones who try really hard to stay engaged.

I have anecdotal stories, too, but most of the checked out dads do so because they are lazy and selfish, and couldn't handle being a dad when married , let alone being a single dad. That's what partially lead to the divorce.

The other phenomenon is the Disney Dads who use their custody time for outing, junk food, carb dinners out and then dump the kids on the mom for homework catch up, sports practice, lessons, and actual conversations.

[Anonymous]

Moms -- just wait until the checked out dads check back in when the kids are older so don't need the type of care as when they were little.
Dad sails in and all is forgiven or at the very least there is such a biological imperative that the kids yearning causes them to be ecstatic he's around.

It's tough and hurtful but you know it's in the kids best interest so you suck it up but it sucks. You did all the hard work but he's on equal footing.