Reply to Why do some men check out of their kids' lives after divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because the Mom makes it so difficult on him and causes so much drama. She engages in parental alienation to turn the kid against him anyway and he’s just fighting a losing battle until he finally gives up. [/quote]

This, my husband's ex lied every chance she got to the kids saying how Dad destroyed the marriage.  In all reality she cheated, took the kids cross country to live with the AP who moved out there and denied Dad his visits.  Dad made plane reservations each and every schedule visit and she'd refuse to send the kids and often cashed out the tickets (not sure how the airlines allowed it given it was paid for by him) so he couldn't use them the next visit (she was supposed to pay 1/2 but never did).  He'd fly out and she'd refuse to let the kids see him.   He went to court multiple times and the judge just fussed at her, gave him make up visits and visits while he was there, that she still denied, rinse and repeat.  Eventually when the youngest was a teen, he gave up and said if you want to visit, I'll buy the ticket.  He only heard from them when they wanted extra money.  Dad finally had enough and said I'll buy you want you need vs. sending money.  Send me a list of wants, needs, brand preferences (or even the exact clothing and shoes) and I'll ship them to the house.  And, give me the information for sports and activities and I'll pay directly.  They refused to send any information and only demanded money.  Dad would still regularly send clothing and other stuff and kids said they never got it despite delivery confirmation.  Mom got child support, alimony and Dad provided health care and dental care.  What more could Dad do if he would show up and she refused to allow him to see the kid/s when he flew out or he bought plane tickets and she refused to send them.  All three kids have their relationship challenges now.[/quote]
I’m a little scared for you how you bought his evil demon exwife story hook, line, and sinker. Be careful. I wouldn’t have kids with that guy. She legally cannot keep his kids from him. So whatever he’s telling you is to save face. He’s most likely the one who cheated too. Too much ridiculousness in that story. [/quote]

How do you know PP that he is saying all this? His wife [b]is seeing this happening for years [/b]and you still don't believe him. Horrible!
You must be one of those women who is still mad at your ex and a man can't do anything right. Lol! I wonder what you do in real life with so much bitterness and hatred. [/quote]

This is why men give up. [/quote]

Agree. I was there when mother told kid they didn't have to spend time with their dad and ceased visitation which was court ordered and agreed upon. I was there when kid had been seriously sick for two days, then in intensive care for twelve hours, then medevaced to another hospital, and FINALLY - after being in 2nd hospital for hours - mom calls dad to let him know.  I was there when kid told father that their maternal side was their only "family" and did not include anyone on father's side. This is despite grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who had repeatedly reached out and tried to maintain connections. When same-age paternal-side cousin did visit one time, mom said kid did not have to include cousin in activities and could leave them behind.

Parental alienation is very, very real.   [/quote]

x infinity.

If you truly don't engage in the above behaviors, and your ex checked out, that's on him.

If you have even a WHIFF of acting in one or more of the above (or infinite variations of the above) - STFU and go look in the mirror, because you are a horrible human who never have procreated, and you need some time behind the woodshed to figure out your own crap. [/quote]
This stuff does happen... I do know a mom who is super crazy and tries to deny the dad visitation.

BUT, let's be real.. the majority of the time, the dads are checked out of the kids' lives because they are just crappy dads.  I know more of these kids of dads than the ones who try really  hard to stay engaged.

I have anecdotal stories, too, but most of the checked out dads do so because they are lazy and selfish, and couldn't handle being a dad when married , let alone being a single dad. That's what partially lead to the divorce.[/quote]

The other phenomenon is the Disney Dads who use their custody time for outing, junk food, carb dinners out and then dump the kids on the mom for homework catch up, sports practice, lessons, and actual conversations. [/quote]

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