Why are dating apps filled with MC or LMC guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your are 32 you look for men 46+

Lol most 40 yr old women I know look for guys under 40 and of attractive they get their pick

Those guys will bang her but not marry her.

I'm 38 and engaged to a well off 35 yr old. I get guys in their 20s hitting on me regularly but I prefer 30s.

(shrug) Those 20s guys would bang you but not marry you.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thank you for all the feedback.

I have been persistent on OKC and have actually been chatting with attractive, fit guys 35-40. They seem very interested. I do not know what they do but they were able to hold conversations about foreign travel and seemed smart so I would not be opposed to meeting up.

I am not looking to bag a prince like Meghan Markle. A normal, stable guy with a good head on his shoulders who is well educated is enough for me.

As for those who are asking about me. I am of Iranian descent. Fair olive toned skin and dark eyes. I am short but slender with shoulder length shiny black hair. I am into wellness and fitness and take great care of my diet. I dress well but border on casual and often don't wear much makeup unless I have to go to a special occasion. I buy my clothes at J Crew, Banana Republic, Bloomingdale and Nordsrom. I'd describe my style as casual-prep-girly.

[Anonymous]

OP - have you done the work with a therapist as to your contribution as to your first marriage falling apart?

If your interested in Iranian American men (who generally all educated and mainly Engineers or Doctors as their parents insisted) then all you need to do is join groups to meet their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters. Hopefully you speak Farsi. You’ll start getting invited to family dinners to be set up in no time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you done the work with a therapist as to your contribution as to your first marriage falling apart?

If your interested in Iranian American men (who generally all educated and mainly Engineers or Doctors as their parents insisted) then all you need to do is join groups to meet their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters. Hopefully you speak Farsi. You’ll start getting invited to family dinners to be set up in no time.

OP here. Yes, I have been doing a lot of introspection and been in therapy for the past few years. I am terrified of dating again but also know I want a family and at least one child of my own before my fertility and looks take a nosedive. My first marriage was to a white guy. I grew up conservatively so I had little relationship experience. I made so many mistakes and by the time I attempted to fix them he had already fallen out of love with me and started cheating on me. I held on for so long because I never imagined I would be divorced. I always wanted to be with one man for the rest of my life. It was awful and brutal filled with gas-lighting, manipulation and false reconciliations on his part. I also realized I did not want the father of my children to be an immoral man-child who would rather sneak around than have tough conversations with me.

I know I made mistakes. I was a typical "Persian princess" and relied on him too much and did not show him enough appreciation for all that he did do for me. Even though he knew I wanted to wait until marriage, he also began resenting me for having missed out on sex in his twenties. He became so angry and mean towards the end and nothing I could do would fix it.

I am open to Iranian men but they are generally more conservative and want non-divorced younger girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your are 32 you look for men 46+

Lol most 40 yr old women I know look for guys under 40 and of attractive they get their pick

Those guys will bang her but not marry her.

I'm 38 and engaged to a well off 35 yr old. I get guys in their 20s hitting on me regularly but I prefer 30s.

(shrug) Those 20s guys would bang you but not marry you.

Having been a 20s guy and been friends with hundreds of them, this is the biggest freaking lie ever. I've NEVER known a guy in their 20s who would even consider sleeping with or dating a 38 year old. COuld it happen in a fit of drunkenness at the bar or club, sure it's POSSIBLE. But the idea that there are 28 year olds out scouring for and hitting on 38 year old women is absolutely ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the problem is that you view yourself the same as when you were dating in your 20’s.

I hate to break it to you but as a 30’s divorcée your desirability has decreased substantially.

You want an UMC guy to build a family with, well, those guys can easily get a woman your age who’s never been married. They can also get a younger woman in her late 20’s who’s never been married. Either of those options are more desirable than you. You have baggage, so you can’t afford to be as judgmental about men with baggage. That’s the truth.

+1

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you done the work with a therapist as to your contribution as to your first marriage falling apart?

If your interested in Iranian American men (who generally all educated and mainly Engineers or Doctors as their parents insisted) then all you need to do is join groups to meet their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters. Hopefully you speak Farsi. You’ll start getting invited to family dinners to be set up in no time.

OP here. Yes, I have been doing a lot of introspection and been in therapy for the past few years. I am terrified of dating again but also know I want a family and at least one child of my own before my fertility and looks take a nosedive. My first marriage was to a white guy. I grew up conservatively so I had little relationship experience. I made so many mistakes and by the time I attempted to fix them he had already fallen out of love with me and started cheating on me. I held on for so long because I never imagined I would be divorced. I always wanted to be with one man for the rest of my life. It was awful and brutal filled with gas-lighting, manipulation and false reconciliations on his part. I also realized I did not want the father of my children to be an immoral man-child who would rather sneak around than have tough conversations with me.

I know I made mistakes. I was a typical "Persian princess" and relied on him too much and did not show him enough appreciation for all that he did do for me. Even though he knew I wanted to wait until marriage, he also began resenting me for having missed out on sex in his twenties. He became so angry and mean towards the end and nothing I could do would fix it.

I am open to Iranian men but they are generally more conservative and want non-divorced younger girls.

OP, your situation makes a lot more sense now. Some of what you're saying and doing sounds insane for a mainstream American woman, but it sounds like you're from a very strict, traditional, foreign background. It sounds like now your best options are either to look for someone from your own background to support you, or take steps to become more independent. I urge you to continue looking inward and get professional help. Your behavior and dependence attracts the wrong kind of mainstream guy and I don't see you landing the right kind of man until you become more independent and fix some of your issues (especially the issues with other women). Take care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you done the work with a therapist as to your contribution as to your first marriage falling apart?

If your interested in Iranian American men (who generally all educated and mainly Engineers or Doctors as their parents insisted) then all you need to do is join groups to meet their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters. Hopefully you speak Farsi. You’ll start getting invited to family dinners to be set up in no time.

OP here. Yes, I have been doing a lot of introspection and been in therapy for the past few years. I am terrified of dating again but also know I want a family and at least one child of my own before my fertility and looks take a nosedive. My first marriage was to a white guy. I grew up conservatively so I had little relationship experience. I made so many mistakes and by the time I attempted to fix them he had already fallen out of love with me and started cheating on me. I held on for so long because I never imagined I would be divorced. I always wanted to be with one man for the rest of my life. It was awful and brutal filled with gas-lighting, manipulation and false reconciliations on his part. I also realized I did not want the father of my children to be an immoral man-child who would rather sneak around than have tough conversations with me.

I know I made mistakes. I was a typical "Persian princess" and relied on him too much and did not show him enough appreciation for all that he did do for me. Even though he knew I wanted to wait until marriage, he also began resenting me for having missed out on sex in his twenties. He became so angry and mean towards the end and nothing I could do would fix it.

I am open to Iranian men but they are generally more conservative and want non-divorced younger girls.

OP, your situation makes a lot more sense now. Some of what you're saying and doing sounds insane for a mainstream American woman, but it sounds like you're from a very strict, traditional, foreign background. It sounds like now your best options are either to look for someone from your own background to support you, or take steps to become more independent. I urge you to continue looking inward and get professional help. Your behavior and dependence attracts the wrong kind of mainstream guy and I don't see you landing the right kind of man until you become more independent and fix some of your issues (especially the issues with other women). Take care.

Also, freeze your eggs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you done the work with a therapist as to your contribution as to your first marriage falling apart?

If your interested in Iranian American men (who generally all educated and mainly Engineers or Doctors as their parents insisted) then all you need to do is join groups to meet their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters. Hopefully you speak Farsi. You’ll start getting invited to family dinners to be set up in no time.

OP here. Yes, I have been doing a lot of introspection and been in therapy for the past few years. I am terrified of dating again but also know I want a family and at least one child of my own before my fertility and looks take a nosedive. My first marriage was to a white guy. I grew up conservatively so I had little relationship experience. I made so many mistakes and by the time I attempted to fix them he had already fallen out of love with me and started cheating on me. I held on for so long because I never imagined I would be divorced. I always wanted to be with one man for the rest of my life. It was awful and brutal filled with gas-lighting, manipulation and false reconciliations on his part. I also realized I did not want the father of my children to be an immoral man-child who would rather sneak around than have tough conversations with me.

I know I made mistakes. I was a typical "Persian princess" and relied on him too much and did not show him enough appreciation for all that he did do for me. Even though he knew I wanted to wait until marriage, he also began resenting me for having missed out on sex in his twenties. He became so angry and mean towards the end and nothing I could do would fix it.

I am open to Iranian men but they are generally more conservative and want non-divorced younger girls.

OP, your situation makes a lot more sense now. Some of what you're saying and doing sounds insane for a mainstream American woman, but it sounds like you're from a very strict, traditional, foreign background. It sounds like now your best options are either to look for someone from your own background to support you, or take steps to become more independent. I urge you to continue looking inward and get professional help. Your behavior and dependence attracts the wrong kind of mainstream guy and I don't see you landing the right kind of man until you become more independent and fix some of your issues (especially the issues with other women). Take care.

OP here. What about what I said and did crazy for mainstream American women?

Also I have no had issues with women.Not sure if you are referring to my posts.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get you and I know what you mean. I'm in a similar situation through with a few differences.

Mainly, I'm an ideological socialist, so I have nothing against blue-collar workers per se. Those who "shower after work" can very well carry their own proletarian wisdom, take pride in the work they do with their hands etc, they go out there and build things and fix things and are stronger and better for it. There is more than what meets the "collar."

But in terms of intellectual compatibility I get you. I care less about salary and more that we have something to talk about. Someone who reads books, follows current events, is articulate, travels or at least wants to travel. There is a difference between someone who is of a working class background and someone who just has no drive.

I would not date someone who works a "blue collar" job because they dropped out of school on their own volition and has no ambitions or interests whatsoever. I would also not date someone who is anti-intellectual and voted for Trump.

Here's where I think my biggest mistake in my 20s was: Restricting my dating options to my own circle and too close to my own age. I was NEVER into hookup culture and ALWAYS wanted a relationship, but mid-20s men close in age to myself were always stringing me around for something non-serious. It would always be the same deal: We'd date, but it would be called "hanging out," or "seeing each other," and he'd make moves towards sex, and I would say I wasn't ready for sex until it was a relationship, he would say something like "oh I can't promise anything serious, but we can see where this goes", and I would go along with the "see where it goes" (spoiler: Nowhere.) because I really, really, really wanted a relationship.

In my 30s now I have zero tolerance for bullshit. You're all in or you're not. I'm not going to pretend to be "chill with whatever happens." And you know what? It's worked, for the most part, I 've still gotten plenty of dates on and off the dating apps with professional-class men. I haven't had to "lower my standards" in terms of physical attractiveness or what have you.

The issue is though, the a lot of men in their 30s that remain are of the really introverted, video games type. Generally, men who work in IT, (often very attractive, foreign men), but just don't really get out much. This is where it's been a big disappointment. They post pictures on their dating profiles in front of mountains and doing something outdoors, end up being perfectly attractive and sane in person, but end up being incompatible with lifestyle, because at the end of the day they just want to stay home and play video games, which is why they use dating apps.

Instead, I've been finding that divorced dads are the best option. Men in their mid 40s who are thrilled to date a woman 15 years younger who is in great shape and with a sex drive. And it's best of both worlds for me, since being a stepmom means you get to have kids, but not have to be pregnant and deliver them and you get to bypass the terrible toddler stage. Sounds good to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you done the work with a therapist as to your contribution as to your first marriage falling apart?

If your interested in Iranian American men (who generally all educated and mainly Engineers or Doctors as their parents insisted) then all you need to do is join groups to meet their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters. Hopefully you speak Farsi. You’ll start getting invited to family dinners to be set up in no time.

OP here. Yes, I have been doing a lot of introspection and been in therapy for the past few years. I am terrified of dating again but also know I want a family and at least one child of my own before my fertility and looks take a nosedive. My first marriage was to a white guy. I grew up conservatively so I had little relationship experience. I made so many mistakes and by the time I attempted to fix them he had already fallen out of love with me and started cheating on me. I held on for so long because I never imagined I would be divorced. I always wanted to be with one man for the rest of my life. It was awful and brutal filled with gas-lighting, manipulation and false reconciliations on his part. I also realized I did not want the father of my children to be an immoral man-child who would rather sneak around than have tough conversations with me.

I know I made mistakes. I was a typical "Persian princess" and relied on him too much and did not show him enough appreciation for all that he did do for me. Even though he knew I wanted to wait until marriage, he also began resenting me for having missed out on sex in his twenties. He became so angry and mean towards the end and nothing I could do would fix it.

I am open to Iranian men but they are generally more conservative and want non-divorced younger girls.

OP, your situation makes a lot more sense now. Some of what you're saying and doing sounds insane for a mainstream American woman, but it sounds like you're from a very strict, traditional, foreign background. It sounds like now your best options are either to look for someone from your own background to support you, or take steps to become more independent. I urge you to continue looking inward and get professional help. Your behavior and dependence attracts the wrong kind of mainstream guy and I don't see you landing the right kind of man until you become more independent and fix some of your issues (especially the issues with other women). Take care.

OP here. What about what I said and did crazy for mainstream American women?

Also I have no had issues with women.Not sure if you are referring to my posts.

Not having close female friends. Focusing on the wrong things as "value" you bring to the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you done the work with a therapist as to your contribution as to your first marriage falling apart?

If your interested in Iranian American men (who generally all educated and mainly Engineers or Doctors as their parents insisted) then all you need to do is join groups to meet their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters. Hopefully you speak Farsi. You’ll start getting invited to family dinners to be set up in no time.

OP here. Yes, I have been doing a lot of introspection and been in therapy for the past few years. I am terrified of dating again but also know I want a family and at least one child of my own before my fertility and looks take a nosedive. My first marriage was to a white guy. I grew up conservatively so I had little relationship experience. I made so many mistakes and by the time I attempted to fix them he had already fallen out of love with me and started cheating on me. I held on for so long because I never imagined I would be divorced. I always wanted to be with one man for the rest of my life. It was awful and brutal filled with gas-lighting, manipulation and false reconciliations on his part. I also realized I did not want the father of my children to be an immoral man-child who would rather sneak around than have tough conversations with me.

I know I made mistakes. I was a typical "Persian princess" and relied on him too much and did not show him enough appreciation for all that he did do for me. Even though he knew I wanted to wait until marriage, he also began resenting me for having missed out on sex in his twenties. He became so angry and mean towards the end and nothing I could do would fix it.

I am open to Iranian men but they are generally more conservative and want non-divorced younger girls.

OP, your situation makes a lot more sense now. Some of what you're saying and doing sounds insane for a mainstream American woman, but it sounds like you're from a very strict, traditional, foreign background. It sounds like now your best options are either to look for someone from your own background to support you, or take steps to become more independent. I urge you to continue looking inward and get professional help. Your behavior and dependence attracts the wrong kind of mainstream guy and I don't see you landing the right kind of man until you become more independent and fix some of your issues (especially the issues with other women). Take care.

Also, freeze your eggs.

Isn't the chance of producing a baby with frozen eggs way lower than freezing embyros? Never read or seen anyone who was successful w frozen eggs. All talk no baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your are 32 you look for men 46+

Lol most 40 yr old women I know look for guys under 40 and of attractive they get their pick

Those guys will bang her but not marry her.

I'm 38 and engaged to a well off 35 yr old. I get guys in their 20s hitting on me regularly but I prefer 30s.

(shrug) Those 20s guys would bang you but not marry you.

Having been a 20s guy and been friends with hundreds of them, this is the biggest freaking lie ever. I've NEVER known a guy in their 20s who would even consider sleeping with or dating a 38 year old. COuld it happen in a fit of drunkenness at the bar or club, sure it's POSSIBLE. But the idea that there are 28 year olds out scouring for and hitting on 38 year old women is absolutely ridiculous

Nope. You must hang with an immature bunch. Most 20s men lack maturity and stability which is why I wanted guys closer to my age. I do know of a 40 yr old in a LTR with a 27 yr old man together 2 yrs now. I also know of a 37 yr old who is with a 50 yr old woman they've been together for 10 yrs. It helps I look 24 and I'm not white. I meet a ton of people in their 20s I think are older than me lol. They have wrinkles lines or are fat.

[Anonymous]

OP- you need to practice dating and make friends. Sounds like you didn’t have much of a social life in your 20s and the only person you have slept with is your DH. Guys want someone who is fun and makes them feel good and valued, you come off as super serious. Go on dates...try those speed dating groups where you meet with several guys for 10 mins and see if anything clicks. Don’t focus on how perfect any guy is on paper...you need to focus on how you connect with people before your ready for something serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't have friends though. All my friends turned out to be major flakes.

Amazing isn't it? The problem is always someone else, and not you. ALL your friends deserted you? They're ALL flakes? What are the odds?

They didn't desert me. I did because I realized they just came to me to gossip negatively, turned 2 face on me, or only called me when they needed me but women friends are like that.

Nope, nope nope. As a woman, I tell my male single friends to be very cautious of a woman who doesn't have at least a small circle of female friends. It's not a deal breaker, but it should be a yellow caution light.

You really need to get a handle on why you are choosing people that are untrustworthy or gossipy or what have you as friends. It's simply not the norm for people to not have friends, to always have people desert you. Are you driving people away? Work on your judgment, your ability to perceive someone's good character (or lack thereof). You can't separate male-female relationships from the overall issue you are having with interpersonal relationships as a whole.

I’m a woman introvert (possibly on the spectrum according to my husband.) Even I have a few close female friends.

You need therapy if you think all female friends are flakes or out to get you.

I'm extroverted but I trust some men more than women. You ask a woman friend a question and she will Dilly dally as if it were a secret. For example, I asked about a job she recently got and she refused to say. If you ask a guy the same question he'd be more than happy to share.

Your view of your fellow women is pretty messed up.

+1. That's going to be a problem for any decent guy.

If anyone denies that women are competitive with one another you're lying to yourself