Why are dating apps filled with MC or LMC guys?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is your are 32 you look for men 46+

Lol most 40 yr old women I know look for guys under 40 and of attractive they get their pick

Those guys will bang her but not marry her.

Oh have to add we broke up once and he was dating a 28 yr old and a 32 yr old. He dropped them both to date me again.

DP here. Of course it depends on the person in question. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that you bring more to the table than OP.

Lots of divorced women in their 30's, 40's, 50's, etc marry successful, good men. Many of these women have children too. At a certain age, it's suspect if a woman doesn't have kids yet. I know lots of divorced UMC / some UC men who married divorced women in their 40's and 50's with kids. These men almost always chose women who were decent looking but not drop dead gorgeous. These women brought a lot to the table though. OP needs to work on herself before she can land one of these kinds of good guys. She has problems with females and that's a problem. How is she going to support her husband's professional social life, become friends with the parents at their kids' schools and volunteering, set a good model for kids, have a social life of her own? When I look at the women the successful guys married, most of them bring this to the table. OP also seems very passive in her own life and that's just not attractive to the right kind of guy.

Some people post on here trying to excoriate women for not being hot enough, but honestly from what I've seen IRL a woman just needs to be attractive enough. No decent guy is going to just marry the hottest women he can get. The good guys prioritize character, personality, etc. Well off men might gladly support a woman financially, but typically they expect the woman to bring a lot to the table too. OP needs to take a hard look at what she's giving, not just hoping to get. I'm married so no skin in the game.

Why is it suspect if a woman doesn't have kids yet? Especially in this area where everyone is focused on school and making money. We also have so many cultures and religions and lifestyles. I agree that a woman need only be attractive enough not the bombshell that the immature men on here are crowing about.

[Anonymous]

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I don't have friends though. All my friends turned out to be major flakes.

Amazing isn't it? The problem is always someone else, and not you. ALL your friends deserted you? They're ALL flakes? What are the odds?

They didn't desert me. I did because I realized they just came to me to gossip negatively, turned 2 face on me, or only called me when they needed me but women friends are like that.

Nope, nope nope. As a woman, I tell my male single friends to be very cautious of a woman who doesn't have at least a small circle of female friends. It's not a deal breaker, but it should be a yellow caution light.

You really need to get a handle on why you are choosing people that are untrustworthy or gossipy or what have you as friends. It's simply not the norm for people to not have friends, to always have people desert you. Are you driving people away? Work on your judgment, your ability to perceive someone's good character (or lack thereof). You can't separate male-female relationships from the overall issue you are having with interpersonal relationships as a whole.

I’m a woman introvert (possibly on the spectrum according to my husband.) Even I have a few close female friends.

You need therapy if you think all female friends are flakes or out to get you.

I'm extroverted but I trust some men more than women. You ask a woman friend a question and she will Dilly dally as if it were a secret. For example, I asked about a job she recently got and she refused to say. If you ask a guy the same question he'd be more than happy to share.

Your view of your fellow women is pretty messed up.

+1. That's going to be a problem for any decent guy.

If anyone denies that women are competitive with one another you're lying to yourself

It's wrong to judge an entire half of the human species in this way. No, it's not true that all women friendships are like what OP describes, and frankly if she is picking women like this for friends, and also has had a husband who gaslights and is manipulative, then obviously she should be looking at why she lets people like this into her life in the first place. There's something really off about that. And to judge all women based on the lousy friends OP has? Sexist, pure and simple.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP - have you done the work with a therapist as to your contribution as to your first marriage falling apart?

If your interested in Iranian American men (who generally all educated and mainly Engineers or Doctors as their parents insisted) then all you need to do is join groups to meet their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters. Hopefully you speak Farsi. You’ll start getting invited to family dinners to be set up in no time.

OP here. Yes, I have been doing a lot of introspection and been in therapy for the past few years. I am terrified of dating again but also know I want a family and at least one child of my own before my fertility and looks take a nosedive. My first marriage was to a white guy. I grew up conservatively so I had little relationship experience. I made so many mistakes and by the time I attempted to fix them he had already fallen out of love with me and started cheating on me. I held on for so long because I never imagined I would be divorced. I always wanted to be with one man for the rest of my life. It was awful and brutal filled with gas-lighting, manipulation and false reconciliations on his part. I also realized I did not want the father of my children to be an immoral man-child who would rather sneak around than have tough conversations with me.

I know I made mistakes. I was a typical "Persian princess" and relied on him too much and did not show him enough appreciation for all that he did do for me. Even though he knew I wanted to wait until marriage, he also began resenting me for having missed out on sex in his twenties. He became so angry and mean towards the end and nothing I could do would fix it.

I am open to Iranian men but they are generally more conservative and want non-divorced younger girls.

I wouldn't worry about looks. Non white women do well w aging. Your ex sounds like a horrible selfish baby and too immature. Why would he blame you for not sleeping with everyone in his 20s ? That's so ridiculous 😂

[Anonymous]

Upper class guys don't need an app to hook up

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is your are 32 you look for men 46+

Lol most 40 yr old women I know look for guys under 40 and of attractive they get their pick

Those guys will bang her but not marry her.

I'm 38 and engaged to a well off 35 yr old. I get guys in their 20s hitting on me regularly but I prefer 30s.

(shrug) Those 20s guys would bang you but not marry you.

Having been a 20s guy and been friends with hundreds of them, this is the biggest freaking lie ever. I've NEVER known a guy in their 20s who would even consider sleeping with or dating a 38 year old. COuld it happen in a fit of drunkenness at the bar or club, sure it's POSSIBLE. But the idea that there are 28 year olds out scouring for and hitting on 38 year old women is absolutely ridiculous

Nope. You must hang with an immature bunch. Most 20s men lack maturity and stability which is why I wanted guys closer to my age. I do know of a 40 yr old in a LTR with a 27 yr old man together 2 yrs now. I also know of a 37 yr old who is with a 50 yr old woman they've been together for 10 yrs. It helps I look 24 and I'm not white. I meet a ton of people in their 20s I think are older than me lol. They have wrinkles lines or are fat.

This!! I am 38 attractive and put together, married with a child and have had plenty of late twenties guys flirt with me at work/traveling. Also helps that I am non white and look young for my age. I am not even that thin, just shapely/proportionate. Sure, you can say “well they probably just want to hit and quit” thats probably true - but I have no desire to be in a serious relationship with someone in their 20s anyway (if I were single), so it’d be a win-win. I’m sure there could be some exceptions to the rule.

[Anonymous]

I'm 38 and engaged to a well off 35 yr old. I get guys in their 20s hitting on me regularly but I prefer 30s.

Every other woman poster on DCUM has men "hitting on me" regularly. They all have to turn men down all the time.

I do not buy it. Only the very elite (in terms of looks) women will have this happen, and they are very, very seldom posting about it.

Another poster said it best - men will take action (i.e., approach) a large number of women in the hopes that these women will have sex with them.

However, these same men consider virtually all of these women unsuitable candidates for an LTR or marriage. I am sure the "30s" men you prefer will gladly stop by for a night; however, they are not looking at 38 year old woman as anything more than a rest stop.

[Anonymous]

Go older, OP. DC is also a town that skews old. If you were in Alaska it might be different.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is your are 32 you look for men 46+

Lol most 40 yr old women I know look for guys under 40 and of attractive they get their pick

Those guys will bang her but not marry her.

I'm 38 and engaged to a well off 35 yr old. I get guys in their 20s hitting on me regularly but I prefer 30s.

(shrug) Those 20s guys would bang you but not marry you.

Having been a 20s guy and been friends with hundreds of them, this is the biggest freaking lie ever. I've NEVER known a guy in their 20s who would even consider sleeping with or dating a 38 year old. COuld it happen in a fit of drunkenness at the bar or club, sure it's POSSIBLE. But the idea that there are 28 year olds out scouring for and hitting on 38 year old women is absolutely ridiculous

Nope. You must hang with an immature bunch. Most 20s men lack maturity and stability which is why I wanted guys closer to my age. I do know of a 40 yr old in a LTR with a 27 yr old man together 2 yrs now. I also know of a 37 yr old who is with a 50 yr old woman they've been together for 10 yrs. It helps I look 24 and I'm not white. I meet a ton of people in their 20s I think are older than me lol. They have wrinkles lines or are fat.

lol is all I have to say

[Anonymous]

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What kind of things do white or western women bring forth as "value" to the marriage?

Primarily their vaginas and a vast sense of entitlement.

That's all women, PP.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am not trying to be snobby but I have been on Tinder and OKC and most of my matches are....not college educated and/or blue collar. Some of them are hot and smart. But I am looking for a longterm match with a 30something UMC guy with a professional job.

Is it my profile? What is going on?

Are you UMC with a professional job?

Yes

You need to network at work. UMC generally meet st school or work... maybe neighbors. Do you live in a nice building of 30 professionals? Have a ‘block party’ in common room. Use building gym more (but $$$ gym works too). UMC on OKC and tinder are looking for hot 20 something for a fling, not 30 year with ticking clock.

Great idea. I work for an international development non profit so my colleagues are all women and gay men. :\

You work for an org does that definitely does not pay you well. You would never really cross paths with UMC men at a Chemonics or the like. Why didn't you try harder to meet men in grad school? Certainly, there would have been men going into consulting or something there.

I met my soon to be ex husband in graduate school. And yes my career doesn't pay "UMC salary" but I have had the "UMC life" of international travel, intellectual conversations about foreign policy, art books and politics. Its hard to chat with someone who's best trip ever was NYC. Or someone that doesn't know about quinoa.

Just reading this its clear why you're getting divorced.

OP wants to find and marry a sugar daddy.

[Anonymous]

Match.com

[Anonymous]

To the poster down on blue-collar men:

My blue-collar husband has a degree in Fine Art and French. He made really big money doing that and just became an electrician because he was bored. <<sarcasm>>

My brother became a master carpenter despite graduating in the Top 1% of his class because he loves working with his hands. He edits websites on the side because he has more creativity and better grammar than anyone i know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I second eHarmony. I met my professional husband there. I was a professional in my late 20’s and he was in his mid 30’s then.

+1

I met my professional DH on eHarmony. We were both 33.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP - have you done the work with a therapist as to your contribution as to your first marriage falling apart?

If your interested in Iranian American men (who generally all educated and mainly Engineers or Doctors as their parents insisted) then all you need to do is join groups to meet their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters. Hopefully you speak Farsi. You’ll start getting invited to family dinners to be set up in no time.

OP here. Yes, I have been doing a lot of introspection and been in therapy for the past few years. I am terrified of dating again but also know I want a family and at least one child of my own before my fertility and looks take a nosedive. My first marriage was to a white guy. I grew up conservatively so I had little relationship experience. I made so many mistakes and by the time I attempted to fix them he had already fallen out of love with me and started cheating on me. I held on for so long because I never imagined I would be divorced. I always wanted to be with one man for the rest of my life. It was awful and brutal filled with gas-lighting, manipulation and false reconciliations on his part. I also realized I did not want the father of my children to be an immoral man-child who would rather sneak around than have tough conversations with me.

I know I made mistakes. I was a typical "Persian princess" and relied on him too much and did not show him enough appreciation for all that he did do for me. Even though he knew I wanted to wait until marriage, he also began resenting me for having missed out on sex in his twenties. He became so angry and mean towards the end and nothing I could do would fix it.

I am open to Iranian men but they are generally more conservative and want non-divorced younger girls.

OP, your situation makes a lot more sense now. Some of what you're saying and doing sounds insane for a mainstream American woman, but it sounds like you're from a very strict, traditional, foreign background. It sounds like now your best options are either to look for someone from your own background to support you, or take steps to become more independent. I urge you to continue looking inward and get professional help. Your behavior and dependence attracts the wrong kind of mainstream guy and I don't see you landing the right kind of man until you become more independent and fix some of your issues (especially the issues with other women). Take care.

OP here. What about what I said and did crazy for mainstream American women?

Also I have no had issues with women.Not sure if you are referring to my posts.

PP you're responding to here: Your entitlement, lack of independence and personal responsibility, expectations that someone swoops in and starts supporting you as a late 30's grown up, etc. Completely out of whack for a mainstream American woman.

I thought you said you had bad relationships with women and that you don't trust women? My apologies if that was someone else.

[Anonymous]

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The UMC guys already got married to the rest of us

+1

So true.

I bet your husband works for me. And he is a (not too) secret bottom at and after work.

Ha! Reminds me of that news story of the rich lawyer who got caught soliciting sex from a man at a DC hotel but ended up dead killed by a lesbian masquerading as a man.

Um, what?

I will need a link.