When the Other Woman meets your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you, PP. I'm not an unkind person. Saying nasty things, being petty, all of that will just make me feel terrible. I dont want to hurt anyone or carry around anger. I just want to get through this without bursting into tears or humiliating myself.

OP, I tear up easily, so I cried a river of tears over DH's infidelity and our split even though I was the one that threw him out (when he continued to cheat despite professing he wanted the marriage).

The things that helped me not cry -- crying it out in private (shower is a good place), talking a LOT with supportive friends and online (the more I told the story the less I cried when telling it), therapy, gaining more power over my own life, and realizing my anger and tears stemmed from a rationality that believed that if my ex understood how hurtful his behavior - both before and after the split - was it would stop (it never would so I gave up on that and it released my emotions).

Find your power in this situation -- you are morally in the right, you would never stoop to behaviors of DH and new GF and you don't need anyone to explicitly acknowledge that.

I had to talk at my dad's funeral and a friend told me if I start to tear up, fake a sneeze and it goes away... an it works. Life Hack!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wouldn't call her hot, unless frumpy mousey women with bad teeth, gummy smiles who dress like retired librarians are your thing... (sorry. Just give me this bit of pettiness).

Sounds like it was your husband's thing.

or slim pickins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, I think my husband turned out to be a cliche of a man who believed that the only female on earth who was literally paid to make his life easier, and who had to formally subject herself to his formal performance review, just happened to be his soulmate. (Insert eyeroll). I dont think it had much to do with looks and everything to do with how she made him feel.

Men like women who submit to their authority. Women are attracted to men with authority. The problem arises in marriages and LTRs because women relentlessly try to challenge the man's authority - even though women hate, hate, hate it if they win this struggle.

Affairs like this at work are common because the work situation puts the man in an artificial position of authority over the woman. She has to obey him, and therefore she is attracted to him. Some consolation for you -- if your XDH lives with Mousy Librarian, she will start challenging his authority, refusing to submit to him, and over time, when she succeeds, she will stop being attracted to him (as he will stop being attracted to her, as no man likes the unpleasant and disagreeable partner that most women become over time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, I think my husband turned out to be a cliche of a man who believed that the only female on earth who was literally paid to make his life easier, and who had to formally subject herself to his formal performance review, just happened to be his soulmate. (Insert eyeroll). I dont think it had much to do with looks and everything to do with how she made him feel.

Men like women who submit to their authority. Women are attracted to men with authority. The problem arises in marriages and LTRs because women relentlessly try to challenge the man's authority - even though women hate, hate, hate it if they win this struggle.

Affairs like this at work are common because the work situation puts the man in an artificial position of authority over the woman. She has to obey him, and therefore she is attracted to him. Some consolation for you -- if your XDH lives with Mousy Librarian, she will start challenging his authority, refusing to submit to him, and over time, when she succeeds, she will stop being attracted to him (as he will stop being attracted to her, as no man likes the unpleasant and disagreeable partner that most women become over time).

This is what I was thinking. Wanting and having are two separate things, why second marriage have a 70% divorce rate. Go on steptalk.org to see how miserable they are, and their not even the divorced ones, lol. My brother, and wife are on their second marriage. She cheated with him, now both their kids rarely visit. His kids can't stand her son. Her son has long term anger because she left her husband for my brother. He and my brother couldn't stand to be in the same room. We felt that when we visited. My brother and wife decided to build a home far away which I'm sure hurt her son further. I will say they do seem to have a decent marriage, but if one dies they will be pretty much be on their own imo. This is why my kids have always come first, and we have a great relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wouldn't call her hot, unless frumpy mousey women with bad teeth, gummy smiles who dress like retired librarians are your thing... (sorry. Just give me this bit of pettiness).

Men always affair down.

I mean, whatever makes you feel better about it, but the fact remains that she was filling a void in his romantic life that OP wasn’t. Maybe it was sex. Maybe it was support and encouragement. Maybe it was simply being kind and not keeping score in a relationship. We don’t know. But being hot isn’t a requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wouldn't call her hot, unless frumpy mousey women with bad teeth, gummy smiles who dress like retired librarians are your thing... (sorry. Just give me this bit of pettiness).

Men always affair down.

I mean, whatever makes you feel better about it, but the fact remains that she was filling a void in his romantic life that OP wasn’t. Maybe it was sex. Maybe it was support and encouragement. Maybe it was simply being kind and not keeping score in a relationship. We don’t know. But being hot isn’t a requirement.

Or maybe it was complete obsequiousness and free labor...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wouldn't call her hot, unless frumpy mousey women with bad teeth, gummy smiles who dress like retired librarians are your thing... (sorry. Just give me this bit of pettiness).

Men always affair down.

I mean, whatever makes you feel better about it, but the fact remains that she was filling a void in his romantic life that OP wasn’t. Maybe it was sex. Maybe it was support and encouragement. Maybe it was simply being kind and not keeping score in a relationship. We don’t know. But being hot isn’t a requirement.

Or maybe it was complete obsequiousness and free labor...

Yawn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wouldn't call her hot, unless frumpy mousey women with bad teeth, gummy smiles who dress like retired librarians are your thing... (sorry. Just give me this bit of pettiness).

Men always affair down.

I mean, whatever makes you feel better about it, but the fact remains that she was filling a void in his romantic life that OP wasn’t. Maybe it was sex. Maybe it was support and encouragement. Maybe it was simply being kind and not keeping score in a relationship. We don’t know. But being hot isn’t a requirement.

Whatever makes you feel better. But I work in a male dominated field and they have 2 requirements willing and an opportunity. Filled a void ... bwaaaa grow up and stop reading romance novels.

[Anonymous]

Is she 28 -34? The men at my work call those women easy pickings. It’s like shooting a fish in s bucket.

[Anonymous]

Nope, shes 40. Really nothing special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, shes 40. Really nothing special.

My wife is far more polished and attractive than my AP. I believe this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, shes 40. Really nothing special.

You need to accept that to him there obviously is something special. It might make you feel better to tear her down, but if she’s 40, nothing special and ugly, and he picked her over you... why? You don’t have to like her but highlighting all her flaws doesn’t make you look better in comparison. It does the opposite actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wouldn't call her hot, unless frumpy mousey women with bad teeth, gummy smiles who dress like retired librarians are your thing... (sorry. Just give me this bit of pettiness).

Men always affair down.

I mean, whatever makes you feel better about it, but the fact remains that she was filling a void in his romantic life that OP wasn’t. Maybe it was sex. Maybe it was support and encouragement. Maybe it was simply being kind and not keeping score in a relationship. We don’t know. But being hot isn’t a requirement.

She's a secretary with 3 kids that needs another income. OP's husband was a easy target, she used sex and lies to achieve her goal.

How long she can keep up the facade is unknown. Wait till the three kids move in with them....lol

I'm betting OP is going to have the last laugh, I can tell it's one of those situations. Her Ex will wish he had kept it in his pants, his family in tact with peace and quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, shes 40. Really nothing special.

If she had to bait a married man it's certainly obvious. Be prepared down the road when your kids come back from their house. You're going to hear all about the mess your husband got himself into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, shes 40. Really nothing special.

You need to accept that to him there obviously is something special. It might make you feel better to tear her down, but if she’s 40, nothing special and ugly, and he picked her over you... why? You don’t have to like her but highlighting all her flaws doesn’t make you look better in comparison. It does the opposite actually.

Stop the “something special” BS. She was willing and available. It’s rarely no more than that for an AP.

He was not picking the mother of his children.

There are much different criteria for bring a side piece vs a wife.