When the Other Woman meets your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tear her a new asshole among the other parents. Immature, but too bad. I would make her so uncomfortable that she'd never want to show her face at school. I would even make sure her kids' teachers, principal, the school secretary know.

I wish you'd established expectations with her STBX about introducing girlfriends and boyfriends to the kids.

You sound nice, OP. I would be such an unrepentant bitch in your situation -- both to the AP and to the exDH. I would ensure my kids had no respect for her. (Yes, I know it's the exDH's "fault" he cheated, but I wouldn't want to get accused of parental alienation or whatever so I wouldn't badmouth the ex to young kids )

This is textbook what you SHOULD NOT do. Horrible advice! You're putting your kids and hers on the front lines of a conflict that involves only you and your ex. He's your ex... get on with your life and endeavor to keep your kids from hating their other parent and/or his new SO. Any book you read on this will say the same. Being petty and vindictive is the most natural, but worst thing you can do. Plus, people will think you're nuts and out of your head when your EX's SO acts all nice and friendly and doesn't talk a bunch of shit to her kids and others.

[Anonymous]

I've seen this kind of thing happen. Nope I knew the real pos was the cheater and AP. Most with values get that.

I'm not going to talk to teachers and people at the school. My friends and acquaintances who ask what happened to my marriage will know. The kids will know how I feel about AP though I would say little. They will form their own opinion.

If AP thinks it's going to be roses she's in for a wake up call. So is the ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You need to accept that to him there obviously is something special. It might make you feel better to tear her down, but if she’s 40, nothing special and ugly, and he picked her over you... why? You don’t have to like her but highlighting all her flaws doesn’t make you look better in comparison. It does the opposite actually.

This really is not very nice. Have some compassion. OP already said she suspects what her husband likes is how the OW makes him feel, which is true in so many affairs. For the person having the affair, the AP could be anyone, as long as they give ego kibbles to the cheating spouse.

I’m not saying it to be mean but to remind her when she denigrates the other woman’s appearances, personality, age, etc. it *does not* elevate her. She can be mad at her ex and think he’s a dog but pointing out how low down and plain and blah and old the woman your husband left you for is a self defeating practice.

I think OP deserves to feel how she feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You need to accept that to him there obviously is something special. It might make you feel better to tear her down, but if she’s 40, nothing special and ugly, and he picked her over you... why? You don’t have to like her but highlighting all her flaws doesn’t make you look better in comparison. It does the opposite actually.

This really is not very nice. Have some compassion. OP already said she suspects what her husband likes is how the OW makes him feel, which is true in so many affairs. For the person having the affair, the AP could be anyone, as long as they give ego kibbles to the cheating spouse.

I’m not saying it to be mean but to remind her when she denigrates the other woman’s appearances, personality, age, etc. it *does not* elevate her. She can be mad at her ex and think he’s a dog but pointing out how low down and plain and blah and old the woman your husband left you for is a self defeating practice.

I think OP deserves to feel how she feels.

I think AP deserves every bad thing coming her way.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP he left you for a mousy, old loose librarian with 3 kids. We've all been asking for details, and OP is merely giving us her observations.
I appreciate your honesty. Definitely have a clearer picture.

[Anonymous]

I wish that we could trade the predictable trolls on here with more clever users.

With that being said, OP is an all star. I wish I could handle myself as rationally.

Unfortunately, I do think that you are going to have to be the rock. Do not assume that your husband is a good dad. I think that it's safe to say that he's a complete mess. You do not want his toxic chaos to rub off on to your kids. You are going to have to show them how normal people act. That means getting back to life.

Seriously, you're awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wouldn't call her hot, unless frumpy mousey women with bad teeth, gummy smiles who dress like retired librarians are your thing... (sorry. Just give me this bit of pettiness).

Men always affair down.

Uh, no. When my brother made partner he was able to snag women at a level he could only dream of before. Now HE was the 35-year-old that the early 20s bros hated when he picked up their crush under their noses. When she was tired of boys, he was the man ready to step in.

Yeah, he ashcanned his marriage in doing so. But I encouraged him to do so as he couldn’t let such an opportunity strut away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never told the kids the reason for the divorce. They were in HS and I did not to badmouth their dad.

Take the high road.

Yeah normalize that shit so they repeat it in their own marriages.

Every cheater I know had a cheater parent.

[Anonymous]

Uh, no. When my brother made partner he was able to snag women at a level he could only dream of before. Now HE was the 35-year-old that the early 20s bros hated when he picked up their crush under their noses. When she was tired of boys, he was the man ready to step in.

Yeah, he ashcanned his marriage in doing so. But I encouraged him to do so as he couldn’t let such an opportunity strut away.

Your crappy morals aside, they DO always affair down. Anyone willing to cheat with someone who is already married and actively participate in the breakup of a marriage and possibly a family by definition has a major character flaw that means the married cheater affaired down. In your brother's case, his ex got to see who he really was AND is no longer related to you, so she should probably thank his AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish that we could trade the predictable trolls on here with more clever users.

With that being said, OP is an all star. I wish I could handle myself as rationally.

Unfortunately, I do think that you are going to have to be the rock. Do not assume that your husband is a good dad. I think that it's safe to say that he's a complete mess. You do not want his toxic chaos to rub off on to your kids. You are going to have to show them how normal people act. That means getting back to life.

Seriously, you're awesome.

You mean people whose views differ from your own. (Troll Card)

I agree she needs to be positive for her children's sake. However, her ex has thrown them into a really bad situation. If they have to share their dad with the new gf/kids there's only so much mom can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Uh, no. When my brother made partner he was able to snag women at a level he could only dream of before. Now HE was the 35-year-old that the early 20s bros hated when he picked up their crush under their noses. When she was tired of boys, he was the man ready to step in.

Yeah, he ashcanned his marriage in doing so. But I encouraged him to do so as he couldn’t let such an opportunity strut away.

Your crappy morals aside, they DO always affair down. Anyone willing to cheat with someone who is already married and actively participate in the breakup of a marriage and possibly a family by definition has a major character flaw that means the married cheater affaired down. In your brother's case, his ex got to see who he really was AND is no longer related to you, so she should probably thank his AP.

PP sounds very immature and lacking in upbringing.

Cheaters and co-cheaters don't have a good success rate, yes they affair down. The innocent spouse needs to realize they missed or ignored the red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm not entirely certain when things began. Her ex husband and I tried to piece it together at one point after everything was exposed, but there seemed to be no end to the lies. If you haven't gone through something like this, you can't fully appreciate how disorienting it is - realizing that you can't event trust your own memories. I remember seeing a facebook memory pop up several months after I kicked him out, a photo of a giant bouquet of my favorite flowers he had sent to me while he was on an out of town trip months earlier. At the time, I thought it was a thoughtful gesture from the love of my life. Now, I know he was screwing her brains out - she accompanied him on almost all his business trips.

Thanks OP.

How old are your kids? And AP was also married at the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, shes 40. Really nothing special.

My wife is far more polished and attractive than my AP. I believe this.

I hope your nothing special tells your attractive wife. And that your dick falls off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wouldn't call her hot, unless frumpy mousey women with bad teeth, gummy smiles who dress like retired librarians are your thing... (sorry. Just give me this bit of pettiness).

Men always affair down.

Uh, no. When my brother made partner he was able to snag women at a level he could only dream of before. Now HE was the 35-year-old that the early 20s bros hated when he picked up their crush under their noses. When she was tired of boys, he was the man ready to step in.

Yeah, he ashcanned his marriage in doing so. But I encouraged him to do so as he couldn’t let such an opportunity strut away.

Early 20's ... I live in Alabama?

[Anonymous]

U not I