I'm afraid that my daughter is not very smart and I'm worried about her future job prospects

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has slow processing speed too, so I understand. I worry about other life skills too, like driving - especially in this area. You have to think quickly and manage multiple things at once; I worry that my DD won’t be able to manage that - at least, not safely.

Just to add, she’s also less independent than other kids her age - for example, figuring out the sequence of steps to prepare food, etc. is challenging for her.
Constant repetition is key. Fortunately, once she develops a new skill, she usually maintains it. That’s her strength.

I so relate to the PP whose son talks about college every day; my DD does too. She dreams really big.

Yes! I have a 12 year old son with ADHD PI also. He is extremely bright, but has a very slow processing speed and terrible short term memory. BUT, his long term memory is off the hook amazing, specially of things that interest him. We are always in awe at how he can give you exact movie lines, years after watching a movie. Or in science, because he loves science, he always just remembers things he did the prior year, but with extreme detail. His vocabulary is outstanding. But he is mess in his day to day. Like others have said, repetition is key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks: OP is a troll. With that being said, whoever said a person with average intelligence can't be in big aw obviously isn't in big law or has NPD and doesn't really that he/she is surrounded by mediocre people with average IQs. My MIL is completely clueless and had a 30 year career in big law. In fact, I think you have to be stupid to follow that career path.

OP here. I swear I am not a troll. This is incredibly hard, I'm extremely worried about my daughter's future. Referring to her as not very smart is me just being extremely blunt. It may not (hopefully) even be true. But despite whether her issues are due to low processing speed, adhd, or any other type of learning disability. It's not something that would matter to a future employer. To a future employer, she just wouldn't come across as very smart and that is what I'm worried about.

She's 12.

Stop worrying about her "future employer".

Focus on the right now. Who is she this year? What is she good at? What makes her happy? What does she need to continue to learn and grow between now and when she turns 13?

Take it six months at a time. Don't worry about where these things will take her. It'll become more clear with time.

And then when you start to worry about her lack of job prospects 6-10+ years from now (or any other sort of "catastrophe" type thinking about the future), steer yourself back to the questions above. Focus on the next six months (or just go from one birthday to half-birthday at a time.) At this stage, it's about the NOW, not what may or may not be in the future.

Finally, like many PPs said, please consider therapy to help you navigate this next stretch. And don't for a minute feel shame or embarassment about it. You're a worried mom who loves her DD like crazy and you deserve real support (not just from your DCUM friends, though we're awesome )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP here.
Why can people on this board engage in endless discussions about ivies etc but can’t entertain an honest question from a concerned parent of an average kid?? I think I can imagine what you are describing ... might she be a good librarian? Op there is every reason to believe your kid will be fine when you consider all the paths to success but I think it’s also normal to worry.

You need a master’s degree in library science and it’s actually quite competitive to get a job as a librarian. Demand greatly outstrips supply of jobs.

You’re probably thinking of a librarian aid which is a minimum wage job.

Librarianship today involves utilizing databases to perform complicated searches. It is very technical work. May also require knowledge of foreign languages and copyright law. It is not just. Standing behind a desk checking out your books. And now libraries actually have self checkouts like at the grocery store

I agree with this. Some of the smartest people I know are librarians. They generally have at least a master's degree in library science, and many of them went to grad school in library sciences after completing grad degrees in other fields.

My relative is a librarian at NIH. She has masters from GW (expensive as hell), so, yeah, it's isn't just 'checking the books out'.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have an aunt who repeated several classes(grew up in different country where you will stay in a class until you can meet the grade expectations). She barely made it to middle school and was 4 classes behind.
Guess what? She is a nurse and is well liked at the hospital where she works. She had to work much harder than most students I know. But she passed all her exams and the nclex on the first try. She makes 80K a year, and her husband makes about 100K. They have 2 children and a very happy and comfortable.


One of their daughters is a lot like her. She is extremely slow in middle school in this area. She is about 4 grades behind average in Math and writing and a little immature for her age. The school, other support and interventions have done everything to come up with some kind of a diagnosis and nothing particular seems to be the problem. She is just slow. She is her mother's carbon copy in looks as well. We try to reassure her that her mother struggled with school but her hard work and determination overshadowed her challenges in the end.

Your daughter will have to work harder than most, but she will be most likely be fine if she is determined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has slow processing speed too, so I understand. I worry about other life skills too, like driving - especially in this area. You have to think quickly and manage multiple things at once; I worry that my DD won’t be able to manage that - at least, not safely.

OP checking back in. The idea of her driving actually terrifies me, I honestly don't think she can quickly process everything one needs to while driving.

My son has slow processing as well, he is 16 and even though he has his learners permit he isn't very interested in driving. Luckily we live close in so he can walk/metro/ bus to where he needs to go. I was completely stressed out when he started driving but he is a very good driver, he just prefers not too.

You will be impressed with how your daughter will change after puberty, she will continue to have slow processing but she will be able to handle a few more responsibilities due to the repetitive nature of daily living.

I completely agree with the other poster that you should take it six months/one year at a time. We are close to the end of high school and I am flipping out but I do pull back to take a deep breath and realize he may have to follow a non-traditional path.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you hire a tutor for her? They can find her strengths and weaknesses and help to nudge her into the right career direction.

[Anonymous]

OP - looks like you can't go the LL FH route!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - looks like you can't go the LL FH route!

as cute as you think this comment ^^^^ is, it's not. it stings.

as a parent with a kid who is VERY similar to OP's, this directly affects us. DS has an IEP, he's had neuropsych testing - not once, not twice, but THREE times. And I am willing to bet that even after having the appropriate proof and documents we will have to fight to get testing accommodations for him.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I haven't read the responses, but I would have her screened for ADHD and other issues. Then get her an IEP and ensure the classroom supports she needs. Once she's diagnosed, read up on how to best support and advocate for her.

If it helps, I've worked with tons of complete idiots making good money. Really incompetent people. People are rarely fired for poor performance. It's usually because someone doesn't like them, even if they cite performance as the cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I haven't read the responses, but I would have her screened for ADHD and other issues. Then get her an IEP and ensure the classroom supports she needs. Once she's diagnosed, read up on how to best support and advocate for her.

If it helps, I've worked with tons of complete idiots making good money. Really incompetent people. People are rarely fired for poor performance. It's usually because someone doesn't like them, even if they cite performance as the cause.

PP - please re-read the bolded statement that YOU wrote. how can you be so insensitive! you basically called OP's kid "a complete and incompetent idiot"!! I don't know if you meant to do this, but either way you need to be careful of others feelings, DCUM or not

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to get your daughter professionally evaluated so you can get her an IEP at school. Then the school can provide your DD with the supports and training she needs. This will help her to build the same skills that she needs to be successful in the workplace. It's called executive functioning skills.

People are getting frustrated with you because you're refusing to do the ONLY thing that would help your DD with the issues you've described. Call you pediatrican right now and figure out how to get this going. You're also very gloom and doom about your DD's future but you're refusing to do the things any good parent would do, like get her professionally evaluated.

For whatever reason, it's clear that you just want to talk about your daughter's weaknesses while ignoring 15 pages of advice telling you exactly how to improve the situation for your DD's whole life. Then you glom on to the single poster who is also failing her child in a similar situation and throw your hands up.

Also the posters encouraging you to push your daughter towards low IQ professions don't get it. Your daughter is very bright and would likely be bored in many of these professions. You need to get your daughter evaluated because in many cases like this, your DD will be very strong in certain areas and weaker in others. It's not like she's uniformly at one level.

Please call your pediatrician this minute and find out how to get your daughter professionally evaluated. Children's hospital does this too. This the ONLY correct path.

[Anonymous]

Help her find her strengths.

Being super smart isn’t the only way to be successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might surprise you, OP.

Mine did.

It was ADHD. She struggled academically even in college, but is a hard worker with great ideas. She has amazing people skills and thrives on short deadlines so she found a career that uses those strengths. She was promoted quickly and now runs a division.

Ten years ago I definitely thought “Thank God, Larla is pretty. She’ll be fine if she stays thin and is married by 25.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I haven't read the responses, but I would have her screened for ADHD and other issues. Then get her an IEP and ensure the classroom supports she needs. Once she's diagnosed, read up on how to best support and advocate for her.

If it helps, I've worked with tons of complete idiots making good money. Really incompetent people. People are rarely fired for poor performance. It's usually because someone doesn't like them, even if they cite performance as the cause.

PP - please re-read the bolded statement that YOU wrote. how can you be so insensitive! you basically called OP's kid "a complete and incompetent idiot"!! I don't know if you meant to do this, but either way you need to be careful of others feelings, DCUM or not

That's not how I read that post. It sounded like, no matter how bad you think DD is, she cant be as bad as these incompetent idiots in work with, and they are doing just fine.

And i agree. I've also worked with people you wouldnt think could figure out how to put their pants on in the morning. But they are financially secure, happy families etc.

[Anonymous]

wow, you just sound very disappointed in your child. I have one extremely smart child and one that will be just fine but won't go to any Ivy League schools for sure. So what?! He will do something with his life and if he is happy, I am happy for him. Why stress about this, you sound insecure.