I'm afraid that my daughter is not very smart and I'm worried about her future job prospects

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow, you just sound very disappointed in your child. I have one extremely smart child and one that will be just fine but won't go to any Ivy League schools for sure. So what?! He will do something with his life and if he is happy, I am happy for him. Why stress about this, you sound insecure.

It's unlikely that either one of your kids will go to an Ivy League school unless they are 1 of the 7% accepted. But, I think I understand your point.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I'm very grateful for this thread, despite the inevitable snark.
My daughter has some serious learning disabilities; she has an IEP and I would love to see B's on her report card.

It's inevitable that we worry about our children's future. My daughter likes to paint fingernails; I'm going to see if she can volunteer at an animal shelter; and she likes to cook. That's as far as I've gotten. She is short and stocky, as I am, and middle school girls can be cruel. I worry about her socially (she is not quick or talkative, and her friends have fallen away as physical beauty is emphasized more and more). I hear good things about Montgomery College.

We are from a very academic family, and I got straight A's and was miserable and lonely. My DD is happier than I was, and stronger in a way. She has no illusions about her path ahead.
A friend of mine's eldest son didn't go to college (not sure why). He's a professional cook, and seems very happy and successful.
I do think that we will see many changes in the next few years. Middle school is just a question of survival for many of us!

[Anonymous]

OP, find out what she wants to do, and encourage her to do it. It's easy. Good luck to her.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine's daughter was a bit like yours. Slow. Tons of help in school, earning B's if she was lucky.
She became an event planner. Yes, at first she needed a lot of help, and worked in a team ("Larla, you order the flowers. We order from these three florists. Compare the prices for XYZ and get back to me.") Eventually she rose a bit, and now handles events/conferences/workshops for a large business. She makes good money; it's a happy profession once you learn to deal with inevitable complaints and bad weather; and good for a social person. I agree that the waitstaff/servers have to be quick.
There are a lot of these kinds of careers that can cater to your daughter. And who knows what they'll invent in the next few years.
Despair in the tween/teen years is common--but you'll be surprised. Pleasantly surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a very limited view of the world if this is your fear. There are lots of jobs and lots of ways to live a happy life that don't involve a top tier 4 year college.

If her teachers are always worried about her, take her for a full evaluation with a private psychologist. She may ADHD or a learning disability and interventions for those can be really helpful. Also, you need some support and education yourself. It will be unbelievable harmful to your daughter if she ever understands that you sit around thinking about her in this way. "a person like her." Seriously, get a grip.

This really isn't so much about grades or a top tier college. Or even necessarily college at all. My absolute biggest fear is that she will not be able to hold down a job. It's difficult to explain, but it's not just that she struggles in school. She is impacted in ways that make it really hard for me to imagine her being a good employee. I can see her being able to hold down a job such as a daycare worker, but that is not a livable income. She doesn't need to make a lot, but I would like to hope that she can hold down a job where she is at least capable of supporting herself.

If you believe that she would be good/enjoy working as a daycare worker or preschool teacher, maybe she would do well in early childhood education or as a kindergarten/first grade teacher or instructional aide - maybe encourage her to look at one of those careers in the long run?

[Anonymous]

Worst case is that she has average intelligence....and she’s average in her job prospects.

IQ is only one measure. Find where she excels and let that be her future. Maybe she won’t be a great Surgeon, but she can be a great lots of other things. Work ethic and people skills are way more important than IQ in the long run. I assume that my IQ is above average but I have never taken a test. I actually don’t really know what my IQ is had I been tested. I have some really intelligent co-workers that are social imbeciles and some with what I’d consider lower intelligence levels who do quite well and sometimes excel and no one knows why....but what other people think really doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a very limited view of the world if this is your fear. There are lots of jobs and lots of ways to live a happy life that don't involve a top tier 4 year college.

If her teachers are always worried about her, take her for a full evaluation with a private psychologist. She may ADHD or a learning disability and interventions for those can be really helpful. Also, you need some support and education yourself. It will be unbelievable harmful to your daughter if she ever understands that you sit around thinking about her in this way. "a person like her." Seriously, get a grip.

This really isn't so much about grades or a top tier college. Or even necessarily college at all. My absolute biggest fear is that she will not be able to hold down a job. It's difficult to explain, but it's not just that she struggles in school. She is impacted in ways that make it really hard for me to imagine her being a good employee. I can see her being able to hold down a job such as a daycare worker, but that is not a livable income. She doesn't need to make a lot, but I would like to hope that she can hold down a job where she is at least capable of supporting herself.

If you believe that she would be good/enjoy working as a daycare worker or preschool teacher, maybe she would do well in early childhood education or as a kindergarten/first grade teacher or instructional aide - maybe encourage her to look at one of those careers in the long run?

NP. My DD has average intelligence but LDs in math and language processing. She is phenomenal with kids, though, and had hoped to be a kindergarten or first grade teacher as they earn more than preschool teachers. She has done great in college early childhood education classes but to move on to the last two years you need to pass standardized tests, for which the passing score has been made higher in recent years, and she can’t pass them. It’s sad because she doesn’t need to be proficient in algebra 2 to teach addition and subtraction to kindergarteners, but despite a tutor she’s not not able to pass the test. She’s now rethinking her career path.

[Anonymous]

Oh FFS, this is hardly the end of the world. Most people posting on this forum are average intelligence and are in their current position because of their parents. Their parents likely provided opportunities and stressed hard work and education. I know investment bankers, lawyers, pharma salesmen,and builders who are quite skilled, yet are average in intelligence. Guess what? They all do just fine! This idea that you have to take a certain route is just BS. Everyone has different priorities, which can vary drastically from their parents. I also know several people who are former military (SF, infantry, etc) and they make around 150k, which isn't too shabby. And oh yeah, my cardiologist is former Army and I think he is prob doing ok! And God forbid if your kid decides to be a cop and only makes 70k!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the poster who wrote:

Hi OP - I want to thank you for writing this. My 16yr old DS is similar to your DD. very average IQ, very slow processing. He also has a diagnosis of ADHD. I spend many sleepless nights wondering if he will ever be able to get a job, or even live on his own. I want to add though that I have the tendency to freak out about stuff, and have a very "glass half empty" attitude. DH thinks I'm being totally ridiculous. I am however resigned to the fact that he will likely go to community college first, and perhaps 4 yr after that. More than likely he will go to some type of trade school. He's very charming and handsome, but also socially awkward - which happens a lot with ADHD kids.

No, no, no!!! Please believe me that CC is not the answer. He will get no support as they are not set up that way given the size and open door admissions. You have to be really mature and motivated to make it in a CC. ( I was an adjunct)

A small college ( if ds wants to go.) They have an office of special services , all do, but they will get to know him and they know add issues.

He can get to know his professors in a small school and they will work with him.

You say he’s charming... he can study marketing, real estate is a Major now, business, etc so that he can work in sales, marketing.

Please don’t write him off or compare to all the high flying students around you - I know our neighborhoods of full of them!

He will be okay if he has your “ light “ help now, and then a good small liberal arts school to develop in to the young man he can be.

He was my son a few years ago. Sending good thoughts!!!

This is PP who you quoted. Thank you so much for writing this - it means more to me than you can ever imagine. I truly thought CC/trade school was his only option, which breaks my heart because he speaks almost daily about "when he goes to college", as in a 4-yr school. I haven't had the heart to tell him "sorry buddy, looks like you're headed to community college". It would literally smash he dreams. I'm going to research schools with an open admission policy right now - thank you!!

They won't say they are open admission but they are if you are a c high school student. Mt. Saint Mary and Marymount are two in the area. To the poster that said they are expensive - they really aren't that much more expensive than 1st teir public schools (if you get in as a freshment, there are big scolarships for most students). But I will also say that supporting a learning disabled child is more expensive. We go to public middle school but pay 8,000 a year for private tutors for reading since my daughter has dsylexia. And while it is not teh cheapest route, it is probably less expensive in the long run than flunking out of CC and not getting a degree. A caveat to that would be the trade school route or a trade focused AA degree from a community college - that would be cheaper, but it would also depends on the child's interest. But I think college is an social and cultural and intellectural experience worth having beyond vocational potentional.

As 4-year colleges go, I would consider a 4-year college in a more rural area with lots of supports rather than in a large city -- your child needs as little distractions as possible from his/her studies (St Mary's and Mary Washington are public colleges of this type in the region)

[Anonymous]

If being not very smart was a hindrance to success, you could’ve fooled me. I work with a lot of idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a very limited view of the world if this is your fear. There are lots of jobs and lots of ways to live a happy life that don't involve a top tier 4 year college.

If her teachers are always worried about her, take her for a full evaluation with a private psychologist. She may ADHD or a learning disability and interventions for those can be really helpful. Also, you need some support and education yourself. It will be unbelievable harmful to your daughter if she ever understands that you sit around thinking about her in this way. "a person like her." Seriously, get a grip.

This really isn't so much about grades or a top tier college. Or even necessarily college at all. My absolute biggest fear is that she will not be able to hold down a job. It's difficult to explain, but it's not just that she struggles in school. She is impacted in ways that make it really hard for me to imagine her being a good employee. I can see her being able to hold down a job such as a daycare worker, but that is not a livable income. She doesn't need to make a lot, but I would like to hope that she can hold down a job where she is at least capable of supporting herself.

If you believe that she would be good/enjoy working as a daycare worker or preschool teacher, maybe she would do well in early childhood education or as a kindergarten/first grade teacher or instructional aide - maybe encourage her to look at one of those careers in the long run?

If she gets her undergraduate in early childhood education but does not pass the Praxis, could she teach in a private school?

NP. My DD has average intelligence but LDs in math and language processing. She is phenomenal with kids, though, and had hoped to be a kindergarten or first grade teacher as they earn more than preschool teachers. She has done great in college early childhood education classes but to move on to the last two years you need to pass standardized tests, for which the passing score has been made higher in recent years, and she can’t pass them. It’s sad because she doesn’t need to be proficient in algebra 2 to teach addition and subtraction to kindergarteners, but despite a tutor she’s not not able to pass the test. She’s now rethinking her career path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a very limited view of the world if this is your fear. There are lots of jobs and lots of ways to live a happy life that don't involve a top tier 4 year college.

If her teachers are always worried about her, take her for a full evaluation with a private psychologist. She may ADHD or a learning disability and interventions for those can be really helpful. Also, you need some support and education yourself. It will be unbelievable harmful to your daughter if she ever understands that you sit around thinking about her in this way. "a person like her." Seriously, get a grip.

This really isn't so much about grades or a top tier college. Or even necessarily college at all. My absolute biggest fear is that she will not be able to hold down a job. It's difficult to explain, but it's not just that she struggles in school. She is impacted in ways that make it really hard for me to imagine her being a good employee. I can see her being able to hold down a job such as a daycare worker, but that is not a livable income. She doesn't need to make a lot, but I would like to hope that she can hold down a job where she is at least capable of supporting herself.

If you believe that she would be good/enjoy working as a daycare worker or preschool teacher, maybe she would do well in early childhood education or as a kindergarten/first grade teacher or instructional aide - maybe encourage her to look at one of those careers in the long run?

NP. My DD has average intelligence but LDs in math and language processing. She is phenomenal with kids, though, and had hoped to be a kindergarten or first grade teacher as they earn more than preschool teachers. She has done great in college early childhood education classes but to move on to the last two years you need to pass standardized tests, for which the passing score has been made higher in recent years, and she can’t pass them. It’s sad because she doesn’t need to be proficient in algebra 2 to teach addition and subtraction to kindergarteners, but despite a tutor she’s not not able to pass the test. She’s now rethinking her career path.

Nursing may also be a solid choice - all of the community colleges in the region have 2-year nursing programs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:can you give examples? As to why you think she's not bright? I have a PhD and my DH jokes that I do things which are retarded sometimes.

She has a hard time retaining information, needs lots of repetition, comes across as flighty, works very slowly, and has a very difficult time breaking tasks down into chunks (which in and of itself might not have to do with intelligence).

This description, along with the OP's concerns about her DD's driving, seems very close to Nonverbal Learning Disability (NVLD):

https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/nonverbal-learning-disabilities/understanding-nonverbal-learning-disabilities

[Anonymous]

Did OP say if her DD has an IEP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh FFS, this is hardly the end of the world. Most people posting on this forum are average intelligence and are in their current position because of their parents. Their parents likely provided opportunities and stressed hard work and education. I know investment bankers, lawyers, pharma salesmen,and builders who are quite skilled, yet are average in intelligence. Guess what? They all do just fine! This idea that you have to take a certain route is just BS. Everyone has different priorities, which can vary drastically from their parents. I also know several people who are former military (SF, infantry, etc) and they make around 150k, which isn't too shabby. And oh yeah, my cardiologist is former Army and I think he is prob doing ok! And God forbid if your kid decides to be a cop and only makes 70k!

So true!