I'm afraid that my daughter is not very smart and I'm worried about her future job prospects

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD has slow processing speed too, so I understand. I worry about other life skills too, like driving - especially in this area. You have to think quickly and manage multiple things at once; I worry that my DD won’t be able to manage that - at least, not safely.

OP checking back in. The idea of her driving actually terrifies me, I honestly don't think she can quickly process everything one needs to while driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

STOP IT.....JUST STOP IT.

Your daughter will be fine. At 12 years old, she has lots of maturing to do and decide what she wants in life. Just encourage her to do her best.

I haven’t read everything but OP, I have a totally brilliant 12 year old DS who is completely clueless in every non-academic area of his life. I worry about his ability to hold down a job, but I assume we’ll get there with a lot of work on organization, giving him responsibilities, executive function coaching perhaps,

I think you are mixing up your DD’s IQ with other issues that make her seem disorganized or absent minded. I would get her evaluated because if it’s a learning disability she can learn to compensate if she gets help.

There are a lot of jobs out there OP. Heck, hair stylists can do very well.



You know, I want more than anything to believe this, but when being honest with myself I have to assume that the mothers of most adults who aren't capable of holding down a job that pays a livable wage, probably had concerns about their kids at age 12 as well. How am I supposed to know whether this is something that maturing will solve or if she is indeed just not that bright?

Your B student can hold down a job. What kind of job? Who really knows at 12? You may want to consider letting her get a part-time job at 16 and see how she does with it. You might find that she can pull it together better than you expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My story: my husband and I are both PhDs from elite universities. My daughter--lower processing speed and lower IQ than yours, plus ADHD and depression and anxiety--completed her GED a few weeks ago. I could not be prouder. After years of failure in the classroom, she stepped away and took a different path. College is not in her future--at least not until she wants that for herself. And that's ok.

Here's what I've learned. My daughter's life and experience of the world of work and education will be vastly different than mine. Her timeline will be vastly different than mine. And that's ok.

OP, like many others, I urge you to get some therapy. While some worrying is normal, you do seem to have put a catastrophic spin on things, and that way of thinking can devolve in ways that will hurt both your daughter and you. Parenting from fear is never a good idea.

I wonder what it is about your daughter's way of being that is so triggering for you. Is the issue that you feel alone in this situation? As this thread has revealed, there are many of us who have kids who will not follow the standard DC path. We are out there. So are therapists who work with families whose kids will not follow the standard DC path.

Congratulations! I think most people have no idea how challenging the new GED is. No small accomplishment for someone who was a failure in the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has slow processing speed too, so I understand. I worry about other life skills too, like driving - especially in this area. You have to think quickly and manage multiple things at once; I worry that my DD won’t be able to manage that - at least, not safely.

OP checking back in. The idea of her driving actually terrifies me, I honestly don't think she can quickly process everything one needs to while driving.

Luckily if you live Ivy a metro station, driving isn’t really a necessity. I have a few friends who lived either in DC, SF, or NYC who never got their licenses because with the metro, subway, & BART, it just wasn’t necessary. This is even more true now with Lyft, Uber, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has slow processing speed too, so I understand. I worry about other life skills too, like driving - especially in this area. You have to think quickly and manage multiple things at once; I worry that my DD won’t be able to manage that - at least, not safely.

OP checking back in. The idea of her driving actually terrifies me, I honestly don't think she can quickly process everything one needs to while driving.

Luckily if you live Ivy a metro station, driving isn’t really a necessity. I have a few friends who lived either in DC, SF, or NYC who never got their licenses because with the metro, subway, & BART, it just wasn’t necessary. This is even more true now with Lyft, Uber, etc.

I’m 35 years old and I’ve always hated driving. I still hate it.

The difference is, now I can structure my life so I never have to drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

Op, my DS has ADHD and the one “trouble” spot on his neuropsych evaluation is his processing speed. Please have her tested if you haven’t already. Maybe the right combination of therapy and meds will help. She is probably feeling the same frustration as you and would be relieved to have assistance with this. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

How are her social skills? If she has good social graces, there are lots of jobs (e.g. service industry) in which she can do very well. You have to stretch your idea of what constitutes a good job and success in life. Most people have average IQs and most jobs don't require high IQs.

[Anonymous]

My DD is very similar. She doesn’t have attention issues but she has a slow processing speed and her speech and social interactions just aren’t as fluid as other kids. She seems very “young” for her age - behaviorally she’s just fine and can regulate herself very well, but her social interactions abd thought processes are still a bit babyish and very “innocent.”
She also has motor planning issues. So I have lots of the same worries about her future. All we can do is take one day at a time, and not jump ahead of ourselves. They still have a lot of growing up and maturation ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP here. Yes, she is and sad to say, this does seem to be her best hope. But obviously I can't hedge my bets on this.

NO. Now I think you're a troll.

OP here. Believe me I am not a troll, I'm just sad and at my witt's end and hoping someone can give me some advice.

My honest advice to you is to get therapy.

That, and consider whether she has a learning disorder. You seem so dramatically concerned for her in a way that doesn't make sense, unless perhaps her struggles are more than you've been able to describe here.

OP here. I think this might be the case.

OP, I don’t have time to read all the responses so I don’t know if it has been mentioned, but have you read Bright Kids Who Can't Catch Up. The psychologist Ellen Braaten suggests doing a lot of work around teaching your child to advocate for her slow processing skills. For example, in a work environment, “i’d like to think on this problem for a bit, is it okay if I take a look at the data and get back to you?” I have a child with a similar profile. For society’s sake, I would discourage her from being an emergency room physician, but an oncologist wouldn’t be out of the question if she could get through medical school. She’s a slow, but deeper thinker.

Make sure you understand her full profile. Is her FSIQ 110 or did they give you a GAI? If her FSIQ is 110, her Ability index is likely much higher. Kids and adults with this profile don’t get taken seriously so finding that niche and teaching her to advocate are super important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My story: my husband and I are both PhDs from elite universities. My daughter--lower processing speed and lower IQ than yours, plus ADHD and depression and anxiety--completed her GED a few weeks ago. I could not be prouder. After years of failure in the classroom, she stepped away and took a different path. College is not in her future--at least not until she wants that for herself. And that's ok.

Here's what I've learned. My daughter's life and experience of the world of work and education will be vastly different than mine. Her timeline will be vastly different than mine. And that's ok.

OP, like many others, I urge you to get some therapy. While some worrying is normal, you do seem to have put a catastrophic spin on things, and that way of thinking can devolve in ways that will hurt both your daughter and you. Parenting from fear is never a good idea.

I wonder what it is about your daughter's way of being that is so triggering for you. Is the issue that you feel alone in this situation? As this thread has revealed, there are many of us who have kids who will not follow the standard DC path. We are out there. So are therapists who work with families whose kids will not follow the standard DC path.

Do you live in MD? If so, please note that in MD, passing the GED is a high school diploma, not simply a GED certificate. Many people think of it as less than, eventhough statistically only half of people witha high school diploma can pass the exams. Many of the local community colleges that have adut education programs inMD offer a cap and gown graduation ceremony. You should be very proud. Well done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP here.
Why can people on this board engage in endless discussions about ivies etc but can’t entertain an honest question from a concerned parent of an average kid?? I think I can imagine what you are describing ... might she be a good librarian? Op there is every reason to believe your kid will be fine when you consider all the paths to success but I think it’s also normal to worry.

You need a master’s degree in library science and it’s actually quite competitive to get a job as a librarian. Demand greatly outstrips supply of jobs.

You’re probably thinking of a librarian aid which is a minimum wage job.

Librarianship today involves utilizing databases to perform complicated searches. It is very technical work. May also require knowledge of foreign languages and copyright law. It is not just. Standing behind a desk checking out your books. And now libraries actually have self checkouts like at the grocery store

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP here.
Why can people on this board engage in endless discussions about ivies etc but can’t entertain an honest question from a concerned parent of an average kid?? I think I can imagine what you are describing ... might she be a good librarian? Op there is every reason to believe your kid will be fine when you consider all the paths to success but I think it’s also normal to worry.

You need a master’s degree in library science and it’s actually quite competitive to get a job as a librarian. Demand greatly outstrips supply of jobs.

You’re probably thinking of a librarian aid which is a minimum wage job.

Librarianship today involves utilizing databases to perform complicated searches. It is very technical work. May also require knowledge of foreign languages and copyright law. It is not just. Standing behind a desk checking out your books. And now libraries actually have self checkouts like at the grocery store

I agree with this. Some of the smartest people I know are librarians. They generally have at least a master's degree in library science, and many of them went to grad school in library sciences after completing grad degrees in other fields.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious about her people skills.

If she loves kids she can go into daycare or become a preschool teacher. Another option if she loves animals: pet sitter. She can own her own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about her people skills.

If she loves kids she can go into daycare or become a preschool teacher. Another option if she loves animals: pet sitter. She can own her own business.

NP here and a few people have asked about her social skills. I don't understand how she can have decent people skills if her processing speed is so low that OP is worried about her driving. How is she going to process social cues during her interactions with others in order to form a timely reaction/response? How is she going to be able to engage people in conversations in a dynamic way?

I'm not suggesting she won't have any friends or be an outcast but I would be surprised if she could be a social rockstar with low processing skills.

[Anonymous]

To PP's question, my DD has incredibly low processing speed. She is also one of the most charming and engaging people you'll ever meet--provided you don't meet her in anything that looks like a classroom setting. The two things--processing speed and social skills--don't necessarily line up neatly.