Honestly interested in sending child away

[Anonymous]

The OP mentioned tutors for executive function but not for dyslexia.

On page 11, 21:08 OP says her DD also has dyscalculia.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I am one person. I am not a troll. I definitely have moments where I worry keeping her in our home will force our younger to grow up in a rageaholic home and the effects that can have.

I definitely wonder if having her leave will be better for all involved.

I have friends who have explosive kids but they do tend to excel in other arenas, our child does not.

We have gone to JSSA, enlisted help from Lab School, medicated her with ADHD meds, tried a private school with a rhythm targeted at explosive kids, talk therapy, and on and on.

I also have to keep up a job to pay for all of it and cannot be gone every other day for a new effort.

My husband (her father) is very much in the picture and involved.

Our child can be a total nightmare. And every single moment with her is a total challenge a lot of the time. We spend very little time actually enjoying her. She uses up all her decent behavior elsewhere and falls about with us, all the time.

I use the term “friends” loosely. She was with the same group of kids from kindergarten until fourth and they got to know her quirks and emotional outbursts. But she struggles and kids find her difficult and weird once they get to know her. She gets by by adopting the personalities of others. She tried to talk with a lisp, pidgeon toed, really into baking, horses, whatever that kid is into. Because she doesn’t have any interests of her own. And that runs it’s course pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

DP here. So now PP's big crime was she didn't describe her entire life's story in one post, and her abusive parents are so wise to send her away to stop their own abuse? What would have I done in her parents situation? Stop abusing my child, get myself some help, get her a correct diagnosis and give her appropriate treatment. Which is the same thing most parents would do. Apparently her parents had their own issues to deal with, but grown children have no obligation to fix or forgive their parents. PP still has her own problems to deal with in her present life, and that's hard enough.

If you don't see how PP's original post was misleading as a response to OP's, I cannot help you.

As for the bolded, why did you think PP's parents sent her to the institution? For fun and giggles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am one person. I am not a troll. I definitely have moments where I worry keeping her in our home will force our younger to grow up in a rageaholic home and the effects that can have.

I definitely wonder if having her leave will be better for all involved.

I have friends who have explosive kids but they do tend to excel in other arenas, our child does not.

We have gone to JSSA, enlisted help from Lab School, medicated her with ADHD meds, tried a private school with a rhythm targeted at explosive kids, talk therapy, and on and on.

I also have to keep up a job to pay for all of it and cannot be gone every other day for a new effort.

My husband (her father) is very much in the picture and involved.

Our child can be a total nightmare. And every single moment with her is a total challenge a lot of the time. We spend very little time actually enjoying her. She uses up all her decent behavior elsewhere and falls about with us, all the time.

I use the term “friends” loosely. She was with the same group of kids from kindergarten until fourth and they got to know her quirks and emotional outbursts. But she struggles and kids find her difficult and weird once they get to know her. She gets by by adopting the personalities of others. She tried to talk with a lisp, pidgeon toed, really into baking, horses, whatever that kid is into. Because she doesn’t have any interests of her own. And that runs it’s course pretty quickly.

Has she been tested for ASD?

[Anonymous]

ASD was my thought as well when I read OP's further post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DP here. So now PP's big crime was she didn't describe her entire life's story in one post, and her abusive parents are so wise to send her away to stop their own abuse? What would have I done in her parents situation? Stop abusing my child, get myself some help, get her a correct diagnosis and give her appropriate treatment. Which is the same thing most parents would do. Apparently her parents had their own issues to deal with, but grown children have no obligation to fix or forgive their parents. PP still has her own problems to deal with in her present life, and that's hard enough.

If you don't see how PP's original post was misleading as a response to OP's, I cannot help you.

As for the bolded, why did you think PP's parents sent her to the institution? For fun and giggles?



I didn't ask for your help. PP was just trying to point out that sending her away didn't help her and caused long term damage. I read between the lines and guessed that there was a lot more going on than that, which PP later confirmed. Since I don't know PP's parents, I don't know why they did it. It's clear they didn't know what to do. Hopefully OP will be able to make a better decision for her family, whether that's keeping her kid home or sending her to a therapeutic school.

[Anonymous]

The school did a screen and said there were zero signs of ASD. I asked both the neuropsych doctor that did the neuropsych evaluation and the school and how they could actually test for these things if she wasn’t flaring up or being challenged, they didn’t have a good answer.

I’m not sure what I can do if both private and public sources are telling us she doesn’t have any psych or spectrum challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ASD was my thought as well when I read OP's further post.

Mine as well. I know an ASD girl with similar traits, but an easier personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The school did a screen and said there were zero signs of ASD. I asked both the neuropsych doctor that did the neuropsych evaluation and the school and how they could actually test for these things if she wasn’t flaring up or being challenged, they didn’t have a good answer.

I’m not sure what I can do if both private and public sources are telling us she doesn’t have any psych or spectrum challenges.

Get an ADOS test with David Black. He's for very good with tweens and teens, not just for ASD.

[Anonymous]

OP, what progress has she made on her dyslexia and dyscalculia?

You seem to indicate that she holds it together with her friends but falls apart at home--is that correct?

The answer to both those questions would be important if you are considering sending her away to school.

Coming a bit out of left field, but would a pet be a possibility? For some kids they can be really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am one person. I am not a troll. I definitely have moments where I worry keeping her in our home will force our younger to grow up in a rageaholic home and the effects that can have.

I definitely wonder if having her leave will be better for all involved.

I have friends who have explosive kids but they do tend to excel in other arenas, our child does not.

We have gone to JSSA, enlisted help from Lab School, medicated her with ADHD meds, tried a private school with a rhythm targeted at explosive kids, talk therapy, and on and on.

I also have to keep up a job to pay for all of it and cannot be gone every other day for a new effort.

My husband (her father) is very much in the picture and involved.

Our child can be a total nightmare. And every single moment with her is a total challenge a lot of the time. We spend very little time actually enjoying her. She uses up all her decent behavior elsewhere and falls about with us, all the time.

I use the term “friends” loosely. She was with the same group of kids from kindergarten until fourth and they got to know her quirks and emotional outbursts. But she struggles and kids find her difficult and weird once they get to know her. She gets by by adopting the personalities of others. She tried to talk with a lisp, pidgeon toed, really into baking, horses, whatever that kid is into. Because she doesn’t have any interests of her own. And that runs it’s course pretty quickly.

Have you asked your daughter what she thinks about going.to a therapeutic school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I am one person. I am not a troll. I definitely have moments where I worry keeping her in our home will force our younger to grow up in a rageaholic home and the effects that can have.

I definitely wonder if having her leave will be better for all involved.

I have friends who have explosive kids but they do tend to excel in other arenas, our child does not.

We have gone to JSSA, enlisted help from Lab School, medicated her with ADHD meds, tried a private school with a rhythm targeted at explosive kids, talk therapy, and on and on.

I also have to keep up a job to pay for all of it and cannot be gone every other day for a new effort.

My husband (her father) is very much in the picture and involved.

Our child can be a total nightmare. And every single moment with her is a total challenge a lot of the time. We spend very little time actually enjoying her. She uses up all her decent behavior elsewhere and falls about with us, all the time.

I use the term “friends” loosely. She was with the same group of kids from kindergarten until fourth and they got to know her quirks and emotional outbursts. But she struggles and kids find her difficult and weird once they get to know her. She gets by by adopting the personalities of others. She tried to talk with a lisp, pidgeon toed, really into baking, horses, whatever that kid is into. Because she doesn’t have any interests of her own. And that runs it’s course pretty quickly.

What does her therapist say? She should be in regular weekly therapy and you should all be in regular family therapy.

What do your therapists say? Get advice from professionals, not trolls on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The school did a screen and said there were zero signs of ASD. I asked both the neuropsych doctor that did the neuropsych evaluation and the school and how they could actually test for these things if she wasn’t flaring up or being challenged, they didn’t have a good answer.

I’m not sure what I can do if both private and public sources are telling us she doesn’t have any psych or spectrum challenges.

What do they say about her lack of personal interests or "lack of personality" as you characterize it? You say she takes on the characteristics and interests of the child she is currently playing with, which eventually becomes a turn off for them.

The professionals you are working with must have some thoughts about this. It's very unusual for a NT child.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the mom of the 20-year-old DS in college who posted earlier. I just came back to say that I hear you, I'm dealing with just a fraction of this so I can only imagine what you are dealing with, and you have my support.

For us, the biggest regret in this situation is the impact it has had on our 3 younger kids. It changed their childhood, and not in a good way.

My DH is fantastic, but if you look through his family line you can see the characteristics of our DS in DH's brother and AND least two first cousins. In some small way, that knowledge has been comforting. At least in our case, there is something in-born that we simply cannot conquer, no matter how hard we try or what we do. The heartbreaking news is that all of these individuals are basically non-functioning in society as adults. They have been raised in different cities, by different parents, with various financial means. Outcomes are still the same. All are highly intelligent but living in their own worlds.

What I'm trying to say is that I ask you not to blame yourself, but rather spend your energy looking for the best solution for your family. I thought the no sugar idea was one last thing to try, just so you can check every box. It's a shame that people have to flame these ideas when they have no real sense of how difficult it can be.

Whatever you decide, I wish you peace. It is so hard. And I say this as a mom who is dealing with only some of the challenges that you have described. Unless people have walked in your shoes, they really should not be criticizing you so harshly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school did a screen and said there were zero signs of ASD. I asked both the neuropsych doctor that did the neuropsych evaluation and the school and how they could actually test for these things if she wasn’t flaring up or being challenged, they didn’t have a good answer.

I’m not sure what I can do if both private and public sources are telling us she doesn’t have any psych or spectrum challenges.

What do they say about her lack of personal interests or "lack of personality" as you characterize it? You say she takes on the characteristics and interests of the child she is currently playing with, which eventually becomes a turn off for them.

The professionals you are working with must have some thoughts about this. It's very unusual for a NT child.

What’s unusual for a NT child?